Prompt: Someone to You by BANNERS
Somebody to Someone
"It's just not the same, you know?" Momo Hinamori sighed, her dark bob fluttering around her jawline as she plopped a soft cheek into her palm not occupied by a cup of tea.
The blond across the table from her nodded into his own teacup, breathed steam away from his nose, and took a sip before raising his eyes to his companion. Izuru Kira nodded silently.
"I know you know," the woman's voice trailed off slightly. "I mean, Captain Hirako is so different, and that should be a good thing-and it is-but still, to this day, I can't get used to it."
"Maybe we're not supposed to get used to it," Izuru remarked after setting down his teacup. "Maybe that's the point. We were both betrayed. If we let our guards down completely it would only mean we haven't learned anything from it, wouldn't it?"
A nod from the shorter lieutenant. "You're right. You're right. Thanks, Kira."
He permitted a small smile. "What are old friends for?"
"Kira-kun…" the buxom blonde let the word stretch out into a whine. "C'mon, tell me what's bothering you?"
It should have come as no surprise that it was still so early and he was already so drunk. This always happened when he hung out with Rangiku Matsumoto. Every time this happened, he promised himself the following morning that it would be the last time.
It never was, and looking across the izakaya table at her now, he knew why. As irreverent and playful as she acted, she carried around the most baggage. She was still the most understanding and sympathetic of the bunch. "I just feel like a failure; I didn't know. I couldn't stop him… I wasn't enough to change his mind. My loyalty made no difference," he blurted out in an ashamed admission.
Rangiku's eyebrows raised over her sake cup and she nodded thoughtfully as she looked down into it. She swallowed slowly, and just as slowly her thick lashes rose and revealed pale storm-blue eyes to him. "I know," she said, letting the words hang there for a moment.
Izuru looked down into his lap and sighed as she refilled his cup, letting his eyes flicker up to hers once and back down.
The woman refilled her cup as well and took a sip before adding, "You're in good company, you know. Gin fooled me, too. He had a plan and there was nothing you or I could have done to deter him, and I think you know that. It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It just means…"
Izuru looked up to see light reflect off a teardrop on her cheek, and the forgiveness he sought for himself suddenly presented itself towards her. "It means you tried."
She nodded and reached over the table to cover his hand. "We tried. We cared. That he didn't listen is not a failure of our efforts or feelings. The hurt we feel now only proves that."
With that, both of them drained their cups, sighing at the burn in their throats after setting them down. Several contemplative moments of silence passed before Izuru spoke. "Thanks, Matsumoto."
"I'm always here."
She didn't need to clarify that she meant she was there for him ; he knew.
The feelings were always there. She felt them crest and roll back like waves. The shopping trips to the world of the living, the booze, and the physical comfort Shuhei offered helped to distract her, but those feelings of inadequacy were always there.
Still…
She gazed at his body, a blanket covering him from the waist down. Her eyes trailed up his chiseled torso to his face. He was so kind. He was so good. But even in sleep, he didn't seem to know peace. There was always that groove between his eyebrows. His thin eyes were always shut a bit too hard.
She resettled her body beside his, not worrying about how her bare skin brushed against his. It felt nice, anyway. She watched as one of her fingers made light contact with his brow, smoothing out the surface and trying to massage away the tension in his face.
Shuhei groaned quietly and rolled over towards her. "Can't sleep, Ran?" he whispered, laying a strong arm over her waist and pulling her closer, his eyes still tightly closed.
She hummed in affirmation.
"You can talk to me about it, you know. I promise I understand. It doesn't hurt my feelings."
Rangiku sighed. "I know, I just don't want you to feel like this is-"
"Shh," he shushed her and kissed her forehead. "I know. I get it. I'm still not over what Captain Tosen did."
"He only revealed his betrayal a few months ago, it's no surprise you're not over it," she countered.
He sighed with a small smile and brushed her hair away from her face. "I know. But Rangiku, no matter what happened to you, you're so, so good." His eyes cracked open then to find hers in the dim light. "You believe in the good in people. What he did is not something easy to come to terms with. It wasn't just black and white. Not for you, anyway."
She nodded and buried her face in his chest. He was right. She had spilled her guts to him and Kira about a month after Gin's death, going into more detail with Hisagi when they started this relationship of sorts that they carried on in secret. Not that it was a secret to keep, it was just one they wanted to keep for themselves; for each other.
"I don't know what I'd do without you, Shuhei," she whispered.
"You have no idea, Rangiku," he replied. "I'm nobody compared to you."
She pulled back and looked into his eyes with a troubled expression. "You take that back, Shuhei Hisagi. You're someone to me. Someone very important. Don't forget that."
"Ooh, watch out for that one!" Renji Abarai shouted, his scarlet hair whipping across his face as he dodged an errant hollow during a patrol. He had no idea why he and his fellow lieutenant were sent on this errand, but he suspected it was something frivolous between one or more of their superiors and the former captain of the twelfth division who resided here, in Karakura town.
"Oof, thanks," Shuhei called back, twisting around and slicing the oncoming hollow across the mask, then watching it disintegrate into reishi. As the particles cleared, he saw that there weren't any targets left. "I think we can start to make our way back now, don't you?"
Renji nodded once, his hair bobbing forward and back like a coxcomb, before heading back towards Urahara's Shoten, where the senkaimon waited to allow them passage back to Soul Society.
It wasn't until they were flash-stepping through the dangai that Shuhei brought up what had been on his mind. "How do you do it?"
"How do I do what?" Renji asked, scowling softly.
"How do you deal with being in love with her when she is so far out of your reach?" The question sounded melancholy despite the loud volume of Shuhei's voice.
Renji pursed his lips and huffed. "You just do." The redhead's dark eyes darted towards his companion's and back to their path. "You just do, because there's nothing else you can do."
Shuhei frowned. "The worst is when she acts like there is nothing I have to worry about; like I'm already worthy. I-"
Renji cut him off with a scoff. "Oh yeah, don't get me started on that. It's all, "We've been together forever, what are you worried about?" in one breath, and "As a Kuchiki, one must…" in another. I know she doesn't try to do it, but it emphasizes the gap between us. But you don't have that issue, Hisagi. You're not trying to win the favor of the nobles, are you?''
"No. Just the favor of one person," he replied as the gates of the senkaimon leading to Soul Society came into view.
As the two shinigami came to a halt, the taller of the two placed his hand on the ninth's lieutenant's shoulder and cracked a wide smile. "Don't worry, man, even if she doesn't give you the time of day, we've got each other. Shinigami Men's Association for life, right?"
Finally the line between his brows loosened, and Shuhei barked out a laugh. "For life."
"Aw, c'mon, you know what I mean, Hinamori. It's not that I think she thinks she's too good for me, it's that her family thinks it."
The petite shinigami rolled her eyes outside the division one headquarters, where they awaited their captains' dismissal from a meeting with the head captain. "You really think that matters anymore? You are Lieutenant Renji Abarai of the sixth division! Byakuya Kuchiki's right hand man. Other than taking over another division as captain, you can't get much higher than that, plus he knows you. He trusts you. I don't know what you're so insecure about."
Renji groaned and pulled a palm down one side of his face. "Because I…"
"You think she's too good for you, don't you?" she asked, smiling wickedly.
"What's that face for?"
"You're an idiot. A big, dumb, sweet idiot. She doesn't care about any of that. You're as in as anyone could ever get. Even the noble families don't have anyone of your caliber at present; no one who would pass her muster, anyway. Breathe. You just have to be honest with her."
"Easy for you to say," Renji began, only to be silenced with a harsh lowering of black eyebrows.
"It isn't easy for me to say. After what I did? After betraying everyone who cared about me for my captain?" she stopped midway through her speech, overcome with emotion.
"Hey, hey, hey; it's alright. You remember what happened when Rukia went to the World of the Living and broke the law? I knew I should have been loyal to her, but I couldn't disobey my captain. I couldn't," Renji paused, surprised by how vulnerable he felt at that moment. He had spent plenty of time apologizing and feeling bad about what had happened to Rukia, but he had never articulated this side of it before.
He took a deep breath and laid his large hands on each of Momo's shoulders. "We're lieutenants. It's part of the job. How about this? How about I forgive you and you forgive me, and then we're both halfway there?"
Momo raised glistening eyes to her former academy classmate and nodded. "It's a deal."
There were murmurs in that same corridor outside the first division meeting chambers weeks later. A group of intruders had appeared, announcing intentions to bring down all of Soul Society. Nervous hands wrung under nervous faces, and glances between lieutenants ranged from polite facades with brave smiles to grimaces that conveyed an intimate admission of terror.
But underneath it all, a ribbon of fellowship-born through mutual struggle and the sharing of fears and regrets-surrounded several of those present, cementing their bonds and bolstering their spirits.
In the days to come, the warmth in the eyes of one lieutenant to the other; the acknowledgement of the other as a comrade; as a friend; as someone worth fighting for; provided brief moments of light and hope during the darkness and brutality of battle.
The knowledge that, if only to each other, they had worth. That someone had understood them while they lived, and should they not survive the war, they would be remembered by someone who knew .
They were here. They were loved. They mattered.
If their captains didn't acknowledge them.
If their subordinates never remembered their names.
If it all ended tomorrow.
They had known each other. They were somebody to someone.
A/N: Thanks for reading. Please review!