Lauren: Thank you soooo much. That's extremely lovely of you to say and I'm pleased that you're enjoying the story. Thank you for your review.
RedBelle94: Thank you. She is, bless her, and sooner or later it's going to affect her as well. I feel so sorry for Alicia and if this is the route that the writers go down, I'm sure Chelsea will be amazing! Thank you for your review.
Guest: I've always liked the friendships between those pairings. That is a good idea and you will soon see what happens. Thank you for your review.
Guest: It does, and I've always thought that she does have a secret, caring side to her. This is a huge Lily and Iain chapter so I hope you enjoy it. That would be an interesting conversation so thank you for the suggestion. Thank you for your review.
Chapter Six
"You look beautiful tonight."
Lily couldn't remember the last time that she'd heard someone compliment her.
Iain reached out and gently removed a strand of Lily's hair away from her face. The red wine splashed over the side of his glass, but he didn't care. All he cared about was the beauty that was sitting directly opposite him. He loved how the sunlight caused a glint in her brown eyes, how her gorgeous smile made her dimples stand out, how her hair brushed against her cheeks.
He'd never felt that way about anyone before.
"Just tonight?" Lily teased, as she held her own glass.
"You look beautiful every night," he chuckled. "Especially tonight though."
Lily sighed and finished off the last tiny dribble of her wine. She set her empty glass down on the table in front of her and draped her arm across the back of the red, velvet sofa that the two of them had reserved.
"This is nice," she said. "Just like old times."
"It is nice," Iain agreed. "I've missed you. After you left, I thought about you every day."
Lily locked her brown eyes with his and took in his wonderful, capturing smile. Before she met Iain, she'd never known what true love was. She'd never experienced something so magical before and Iain had been the one to make her a better person. He tilted his head to the right a little, making him look like a puppy, and had a few more sips of his drink. Lily thought about his lips and the way that they'd made her feel when brushing along her skin. She thought about the first time that they'd made love to each other, about how awkward it had felt, but wonderful at the same time.
She thought about everything. Every part of him caused her chest to ache but her heart to melt.
"Is everything okay, Chuckles?"
His voice quickly caused her to snap out of her trance. Chuckles. How long had it been since he'd called her that? 194 days. Yes, she had been counting. She loved it when he called her that though. She didn't let anyone else call her by that nickname.
"Yes," she replied, running her finger around the inside of her wine glass. "Things are perfect actually."
"Can I get you another drink?" He asked.
"Why don't we just head back to your place for a bit?" Lily suggested.
"If that's what you want," Iain said. "Gem won't be home yet, so why not?"
"Can I ask you a question?" Iain asked.
The two of them were currently lying under the sheets of Iain's bed, with their arms wrapped around each other. Neither of them could remember how they'd got there exactly, and who'd idea it had been, but it was just like old times again.
"Of course," Lily said and placed a hand on his chest.
"What does this mean exactly?" He asked. "Does this mean that you want to give things another go?"
Lily let out a heavy sigh and anxiously shrugged her shoulders. "Do you?" She asked.
"I asked you first," Iain said.
"I'm not sure," she answered. "Maybe. I don't want to hurt you again though."
"I guess it depends if you're looking at going back to Hong Kong," Iain said. "I'd like to give us another go Lily, but if we do, I'd like us to try and talk about things a lot more."
"What do you mean?" Lily asked.
"We never did talk much as a couple," Iain said. "I want you to feel as if you can trust me and I want to know everything about you. I want to know about your childhood, your first boyfriend, your first pet, your dream job as a child."
"Doctor," Lily giggled. "You already knew that."
"Well, some little girls want to be princesses," Iain said. "I guess you were never one of those girls though, eh?"
Lily shook her head.
"I just want to know everything about my girlfriend," Iain said. "And I'd like you to know everything about me as well. Don't couples tell each other everything?"
"Not always," Lily sighed.
She knew what he was getting at and she didn't like it. It was his subtle way of asking her what was going on; why she'd come back to Holby, why she and Alicia were suddenly the best of friends, and why she'd had a panic attack earlier on in the ED. She wasn't going to tell him though. She couldn't.
"I'll go first," he offered and propped himself up on his elbows. "Right. When I came out of the army, I had years of counselling. I had to see someone at least twice a week, because I was suffering badly with PTSD."
"I never knew that you had counselling," Lily said.
"That's because we never talked," Iain said, winking at her. "I'm okay now anyway. I still have my counsellor's number and email address, if I do need to talk to someone again, but touchwood I haven't needed to. It's always been something I've been a bit embarrassed about, but I want to be able to share things with you."
"I've had counselling before too," Lily sighed. "I get what you're saying."
"Have you?" He frowned at her.
Uh-Oh! Had she said too much?
"What for if you don't mind me asking?" Iain asked. "Is it anything to do with what happened earlier?"
There was a pause.
"Panic attack," he elaborated, but Lily didn't say anything. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I thought that this would be good for us. If...If you don't want to share your experiences though, that's fine. I understand. I guess that some people are just better at talking than others, right? I never really liked talking about counselling either. I love you though."
"Iain," she breathed and shook her head. "Sort of."
"Sort of what?" Iain asked.
"It's sort of to do with the panic attack," she said. "Something happened to me when I was seventeen. I thought I was over it, but honestly, I guess I never will be. Sometimes, the slightest thing will set me off. Sometimes, I'll feel numb and low and not myself. Sometimes, something will just click and take me back to when I was a teen. Everything will come flooding back to me and...It's horrible."
Iain could sense Lily's body tensing up, and he could see the small tears that were slowing filling her eyes. He didn't know what had happened to her but he felt awful. To show how much he cared, he edged closer to her and gently wrapped an arm around her waist. As she sat there in silence, tears trickling down her cheeks, he brushed her hair away and gave her neck a loving kiss.
"Sorry," she coughed.
"Lily," he sighed. "What happened?"
Lily had no choice but to tell him now. If she did, it wouldn't necessarily be betraying Alicia's trust. She didn't have to tell him anything about Alicia, did she?
"I...I was raped," she whispered.
Iain didn't say anything for a long time. He didn't know what to say. He'd been expecting so many things, so many horrible things, but nothing like that. Nothing that extreme. He choked back a sob and glanced across at Lily, her tears beginning to fall even faster. Her hands had now started to tremble and he could see her chest rising up and down.
Not again.
"Breathe," he coached. "Lily. You did so well, telling me that. You didn't have to, but you did. Have you told anyone this?"
Alicia. She desperately wanted to tell him, but she'd already said so much.
"No," she lied instead. "No one."
"What about your parents?" Iain asked.
"They never found out," Lily said. "I'd practically cry myself to sleep every night and they never knew. If they ever did see me in tears, they just assumed that it was hormones or that I was anxious about my studies."
"Didn't they ever ask if you were okay?" He asked.
"Not usually," Lily sighed. "They just wanted me to do well in my studies."
"Did you ever report it?" He asked.
"I didn't want to," she whispered. "I guess I was too scared."
"It's not too late," he said.
"Iain. It was over ten years ago," she told him.
"But this sort of thing stays with a person for the rest of their life," Iain said. "Did you know him? I'm sorry about all the questions."
"No, I didn't know him," she said. "I'm sorry, I..."
"Now, what are you sorry for?" He asked and kissed her again. "I love you, Lily, and I'm glad that you told me. I want you to know that I'm here for you, I always will be. If anything was to happen to you, I would never be able to live with myself."
"In a weird way, I guess I'm lucky," Lily whispered.
"What makes you say that?" He asked her.
Lily sighed and rested her head against his shoulder, as he gently rubbed her arm.
"Not everyone is lucky enough to have someone to talk to," she said. "Not everyone is lucky enough to have such an understanding boyfriend."
"I guess you're right," Iain said. "Are you sure that you don't want to report it?"
"I'm sure," Lily said. "Thank you, for being so supportive."
"It's what I'm here for, isn't it?" Iain asked. "I won't force you to talk about anything again, not if you don't want to."
"No, it's fine," Lily said. "In a way, it felt nice. I feel better now that you know what happened. I...I feel as if I'm no longer living in a constant circle of lies and secrets."
"I love you," Iain whispered and leaned in to plant a very gentle kiss on her forehead.
There it was. Those lips again. Lily breathed in his beautiful scent and a small smile spread across her face. How long she'd waited to feel those lips on her skin again, and now the time had come.
Good things really did come to those who waited.
She just hoped that the same thing would happen to Alicia.
She deserved some happiness as well.
So, sorry for those who aren't huge Lily and Iain fans but I felt like I had to write that chapter. It was a hard one but probably one of my favourites to write. I hope you enjoyed it still and let me know what you think. I will try and update as soon as I can x