RedBelle94: Me too, it does make things a little bit easier for her. You will soon see what happens. I have quite a bit planned for this story. Thanks for reviewing.

Guest: It does, and Ethan is a big part of this story in a way. Thanks for reviewing.

ReadingxTherapy: I also thought that when I first saw the trailer, and would definitely be an interesting storyline to explore. I do feel sorry for her and I hope that Ethan finds out soon. Thanks for reviewing.

LillyMayFlower: That's alright, I'm really glad that you're enjoying it. More to come. Thanks for reviewing.

Guest: I'm glad you like it so far. Thanks for reviewing.

WARNING: This chapter could affect some readers.

Chapter Eight

"Glass of red wine, please."

"Rough day?" The bartender asked, as he carefully filled the glass to the top and pushed it towards her. "Seven fifty, please."

"You could say that," Lily whispered and handed the money over to him, before taking her glass. "Keep the change."

He gave her a grateful nod, and Lily carried her glass over to a corner table so that she could get some peace and quiet. She exhaled deeply and took a huge swig of the drink, emptying most of it within the first couple of minutes. As she sat and enjoyed her own company, she saw a flash of red enter the pub.

"What are you doing here?" She asked softly.

"I should be asking you that question," Robyn said and sat down opposite her. "Should you really be drinking?"

"I know I don't usually drink, but I do enjoy the occasional swig," Lily said. "How have you been anyway? We haven't really had much of a chance to catch up properly."

"Yeah, things are good," Robyn said. "Charlotte's growing up fast. She's amazing though, I love her to bits."

"I'm glad," Lily said. "And...Glen?"

Robyn shrugged her shoulders and her smile disappeared.

"I miss him so much," Robyn said. "But I always knew that he'd die someday. I mean, we all die someday, but...Well...He was sick, wasn't he? I just don't know what I'm going to tell Charlotte when she's older."

"You tell her what an amazing man her dad was," Lily said. "You'll never forget Glen. He'll always be with you."

"I know," Robyn whispered. "And things are getting easier, but it's still hard."

"It will be," Lily said. "I might get another drink. Do you want one?"

"No." Robyn shook her head and quickly grabbed Lily's hand to stop her from going anywhere. "And you shouldn't either."

"What do you mean?" Lily frowned at her, snatching her hand away and leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed.

"I...I know, Lily," Robyn stuttered, and she suddenly looked incredibly nervous. "And drinking isn't the answer."

"What?" Lily didn't know what to say.

Did Robyn seriously know about her and Alicia? She had walked into the bathroom earlier but Lily had stopped her before she saw anything. Had she seen something though?

"I don't know what you're talking about," Lily pretended to play dumb and hoped that Robyn would drop the subject.

"I...I found the pregnancy test in the bin of the bathroom," Robyn said. "I saw that it was negative, and...If you're upset, then it's okay to be."

Lily's eyes widened. Well, she had not been expecting Robyn to say that. Lily thought that she and Alicia had hidden the test as carefully as they possibly could, but clearly Robyn was already suspicious after being thrown out.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Robyn said, before Lily could even answer her. "I'm here for you though, okay?"

Lily had to go along with it. There was nothing else that she could do.

"Thank you," Lily whispered.

"That's fine," Robyn sighed. "Does anyone else know that you've taken a test?"

Lily shook her head.

"Who...Who was it?" Robyn asked. "If you don't mind me asking, that is. Was it...Iain, or someone in Hong Kong?"

Lily chewed on her lip, until she was sure that she could taste blood. Could Robyn not just leave her alone? Was it that hard?

"Well, are you okay?" Robyn then asked.

"I'm not sure," Lily said, as she nervously fiddled with her wine glass. "I'd like to be a mum someday, but I don't know if I'm ready now."

"I don't think anybody is really ready," Robyn said. "I certainly wasn't."

Lily just nodded faintly. How on earth was she going to get out of this one?

"Well," Robyn said and removed the glass from her hands. "Drinking certainly is not the answer."

"I was only going to have two drinks, Robyn," Lily said. "You have nothing to worry about. Why don't you head back to work, eh? I'm sure Doctor Hardy will be wondering where you are."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" Robyn giggled.

Lily wanted to desperately grab her and shove her out of the pub. It took every ounce of energy for her not to. Instead, she just squeezed her eyes shut and rubbed at her forehead in frustration.

"You're bound to be in shock and upset that the test was negative," Robyn said. "So I'm here for you, okay? You're not alone."

Lily didn't appear to be listening though.

She just wanted another drink.

"I think you need to go home."

Alicia lifted her head to try and match the voice with the face, and let out a sigh of relief when she saw that it was Elle. She'd looked up to Elle, and she'd always been like a second mum to her. Seeing her face seemed to make her feel a little better.

"I'm fine," she told her.

"You're not though, are you?" Elle walked over and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I don't know what's going on, but you're distracted and you've been sat in this staffroom for well over an hour now."

Alicia didn't say anything.

"I'm not being mean, Alicia," Elle reassured her. "In fact, I'm trying to stop you from getting into trouble. I don't want Ethan on your tail."

"It's too late for that," Alicia sighed. "He's already had one go at me."

"Come here," Elle whispered and sat down, as she began to rub comforting circles up and down her back. "I know that you miss Ethan, and I know that you've had a lot of hate over this blog. The thing is though, you need to understand that there are people going through a lot worse things than you."

Alicia flinched, as Elle's touch became too much for her. Subtly, she edged away from her, and Elle immediately dropped her hand.

"Think about Glen and Robyn for example," Elle told her. "Glen had this horrible illness and unfortunately, he didn't make it. He left Robyn and..."

"Please," Alicia whispered, as she felt the anxiety hit her. "Stop."

Elle paused and took a deep breath, as she watched Alicia closely. She tried to read her facial expressions, her body language, and she wondered if there was something more going on. Wouldn't Alicia have told her though?

"Just try and think of the positive things in life," Elle said.

What positives? Alicia couldn't think of any.

"Alicia," she whispered. "I know that I've spoken to you a few times now, but come on, is there anything that you want to talk to me about? Anything at all?"

Alicia whipped her head round and for some reason, she felt anger. Elle was so perfect. She had the perfect life, the perfect kids, and she hadn't been raped by a complete stranger. Then, she had the nerve to try and talk to her about positives. She hated it. She hated her.

"Who do you think you are?" Alicia spat and stood up. "Just leave me alone."

"Alicia?" Elle stood up with her, shocked.

"Just go away, Elle!" She yelled. "You should know not to ever piss off a geordie!"

And with that, Alicia pushed past and fled the staffroom in tears. She couldn't breathe. She could feel the sweat pouring down her face, she could feel her chest rising up and down heavily, she could hear her heartbeat in her ears. She felt sick and suddenly the ED looked a lot smaller than it was. She was so scared. Why couldn't she breathe? She wanted Lily, but Lily was nowhere to be seen. Where was she?

"Lily!" Managing to find her voice, she sobbed out her name.

Her knees gave way beneath her, and she collapsed to the floor in tears. She held her hands to her face, screaming out in pure agony and frustration, as a crowd began to form around her. She had no idea who was involved in the crowd at first, but she recognised one face.

Charlie.

Charlie always seemed to be there for his colleagues. He always seemed to be in the right place at the right time. He tried to hug her, he tried to help her up from the floor, but she just screamed even louder and punched the bodies to keep them away. The only person that she wanted was Lily, but she wasn't around, was she? She'd obviously given up on her as well, just like everyone else had done.

That was all they seemed to do, wasn't it? She was such a bitch to people. She always had been. No one liked her because she was such an awful person. Hadn't Ethan told her that to her face? Well, clearly he was right. She'd been raped as a punishment. She didn't deserve anyone's help. It was her fault. All her fault.

She clawed at the burning skin on her arms, gritting her teeth together as fat, salty tears escaped her closed eyes and rolled down her face. Someone grabbed her arm to try and stop them, but she clawed them as well. Why couldn't they just leave her to let her get on with her life? She opened her eyes and saw small drops of red trickling down her arm.

She didn't even care. She deserved everything bad that was being given to her.

She dug her nails deeper into her skin, allowing more and more blood to ooze out, but her grip soon loosened and she just allowed her arm to fall weakly at her side. Her sobs subsided and she glanced up into Charlie's kind eyes. She noticed that someone was hovering behind him, and although he looked concerned, he chose to leave and walk away.

Ethan.

Even at her lowest, he still didn't seem to care and that broke her. What had happened to the man that she'd fallen in love with? Why couldn't he help her up, bundle her in his arms, and tell her that everything would be okay.

Because she'd ruined everything, that was why.

"Alicia, darling." It was Duffy. "Can you hear me? Come on, hold my hand."

Duffy tried to take Alicia's hand in hers, but Alicia was having none of it. She screamed again, flinching and pushing her body up against the cold wall. She couldn't breathe again. There were way too many people.

Way too many.

"Come on," Charlie whispered in her ear, but Alicia just shook her head weakly. "Come on," he repeated. "Let's get you somewhere quieter. You're safe, I promise."

She didn't feel safe though.

She knew that she'd never feel safe again.

Lily had told her to keep going, but it was all too much.

She just wasn't strong enough.

That chapter was incredibly hard to write and I apologise if you all found it hard to read. I hope you enjoyed it though and it was quite nice to add a bit more description than usual. I do struggle with the descriptive side of things sometimes.