LillyMayFlower: That is so lovely of you to say. Thank you for your review.

Citylightsonthew: Haha, that's a coincidence! That's so lovely, I'm really glad that you enjoyed the chapter. Duffy and Charlie are such good parents to everyone in the ED and I did love them in last nights episode. You will see some of Ethan in this chapter and I hope that his reaction will then make sense. I love Elle and Alicia's friendship. Thank you for your review.

milali: Thank you, so do I. Let's hope so, she does need to tell someone else. More to come and thank you for your review.

ReadingxTherapy: Thank you. I'm glad you thought that the description was good as I honestly wasn't sure. Thank you for your review.

RedBelle94: She was but maybe it wasn't the best move. Aww, I really don't want to make you cry! Thank you for your review.

Guest: Aw, I will try and include everyone I possibly can. Thank you for your review.

Chapter Nine

"Alicia?"

Alicia moved her arm away from Elle and pulled her knees up to her chest. She didn't want to talk. She couldn't. Even if she tried, the words would just get lodged in her throat. She sniffed and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her scrubs. She buried her face in her knees and allowed her loose, messy hair to dangle in front of her eyes.

"Sweetheart, please look at me," Elle whispered and tried to lift her head.

Alicia wasn't having any of it though. Elle sighed deeply and stood upright with her arms crossed. She turned to see Charlie, Duffy and Robyn standing beside her, and they all had the exact same worried look on their faces.

"I don't know what to do," Elle said, desperately looking at her colleagues for help.

"She was asking for Lily earlier," Charlie said. "I don't know where she is though."

"I...I do," Robyn whispered and nervously raised a hand. "She...She's in the pub."

"Robyn! What's happened?" Iain yelled, as he ran towards the red-head. "Gem said that Alicia had a complete meltdown in the middle of the ED. What happened? Where are you going?"

Robyn turned to face him and she had to roll her eyes. News really did spread quickly in the ED. She'd always been known as the gossiper but thankfully this time, it was someone else.

"I don't know," Robyn sighed. "I'm just going to get Lily. She's the only one who Alicia will actually speak to."

"Where is she?" Iain asked her, suddenly concerned for his girlfriend. "Can't Alicia talk to someone else?"

After hearing about Lily's past, he didn't really want Alicia to throw all of her problems onto her, whatever the matter was. Things were already hard enough for Lily, and he was worried about Alicia making things even worse for her.

"Elle's tried," Robyn said. "She won't talk."

"Well, can I come?" Iain asked. "Please?"

Robyn nodded and continued walking towards The Hope and Anchor. Confused, Iain followed her. Lily was still sat at the table where Robyn had found her, six empty glasses in front of her. Iain gulped and shook his head in disbelief, as they cautiously made their way over.

"Lily, what are you doing here?" Iain asked.

"You need to come with us," Robyn didn't even give Lily the chance to answer Iain's question, and just sat down in front of her. "Alicia is really upset about something and she won't talk to anyone. She just wants to see you."

"What happened?" Lily coughed, her head weakly tilted to one side.

"I think she had a panic attack," Robyn whispered. "Are you able to come with us? She'll talk to you, Lily."

Lily sighed and reluctantly nodded, before staggering to her feet. Iain grabbed her arm to stop her from falling over, and Lily turned her head to catch sight of his worried face.

"What's going on?" He whispered. "It's not like you to drink."

"I'm fine," Lily lied, and pushed past him so that she could exit the pub.

Robyn and Iain exchanged glances, before quickly hurrying after her. The three of them made their way back to the ED as a trio, Robyn leading them to the staffroom where Alicia was sat. Iain kept his eyes on Lily the whole time, worried that talking about her past had opened up a can of worms for her.

He had no idea what was going on with Alicia, but he didn't want her to bring Lily down with her. At least, he hoped that she wouldn't, which was why he wanted to be there.

Just in case.

"Thank god you're here," Elle mumbled and placed a hand on Lily's shoulder, as they walked into the staffroom. "She won't talk to me."

"Alicia," Lily said and folded her arms across her chest, as she made her way over to her friend. "Hey. What's the matter?"

Iain hovered next to Elle, his eyes on the two women on the sofa.

Alicia lifted her head and just when Lily thought that she was going to talk to her, her eyes turned to anger and she stayed silent for a few seconds. Lily frowned in confusion, unsure as to why Alicia was giving her such a death stare.

"You stink of alcohol," she spat.

"What?" Lily looked down at herself and shifted uncomfortably on the sofa.

"Where the hell were you?" Alicia suddenly yelled. "What? I needed you and you decided to go to the pub? Lily!"

"Alicia, I..."

"Just don't even bother apologising," she cried and fled the room in tears.

"Alicia!" Elle shouted after her, but the young doctor didn't even look back. She turned to the others, who were all looking to each other for help. "I need to go and talk to Ethan," Elle whispered and left to go to the office.

It was the office that once belonged to Connie, and secretly Elle missed seeing her face every day. Connie was a great clinical lead, and although she was strict, everyone loved her. Ethan was a lovely guy and he'd been through a lot, but things had changed since he'd become clinical lead in Connie's absence.

She stopped outside the office and knocked lightly, stepping back to wait for an invitation.

"Come in," he soon said.

Elle stormed in and slammed the door behind her, causing Ethan to jump in the chair.

"What the hell happened earlier?" She blurted out. "Alicia was practically on the floor in tears, and you had the nerve to walk away? I'm telling you Ethan, that is not good clinical lead skills, let alone good friendship skills! Wasn't Alicia the most important person in your life once?"

"Yeah, once," he scoffed. "She shouldn't have written that blog, Doctor Gardner. I would have thought that you'd know that."

"Of course I do!" She yelled. "But have you not heard of forgiveness? Something is clearly going on with her at the moment." She paused, before continuing. "Why did you leave her like that? Why didn't you step in to help?"

Ethan hung his head and anxiously fiddled with the pen between his fingers. Elle took a few steps towards him and waited patiently for an answer. Nothing.

"Ethan?" She pushed him for an answer.

"I couldn't," he whispered eventually. "I'm sorry, but I just couldn't."

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"When...When I saw Alicia, on the floor, crying," Ethan began. "She looked as if she was in pain. She...She looked as if she was dying."

"It was a panic attack, Ethan," Elle said. "A severe one but she wasn't dying. She's fine."

"It just..." Ethan gulped and Elle noticed small tears rolling down his cheeks. "It made me think of Cal. It...It made me wonder if that was how Cal had looked, before he died. I wanted to help, but I was scared. I don't want to lose Alicia as well."

"You won't lose her," Elle comforted and sat down in the chair opposite him. "She misses you so much, Ethan. You need to talk to her."

Ethan shrugged his shoulders.

"I just got so angry," he said. "At her for writing that blog. It made me look like an idiot, it made me look as if I am doing a terrible job at running the place!"

"But you need to try and put that behind you," Elle said. "Alicia is really sorry for what she did, and right now she needs us. Something is going on with her, I don't know what, but something is. We need you to try and help us find her."

"Find her?" Ethan's eyes widened.

"We tried to talk to her, Lily tried to talk to her," Elle said. "But she's ran off and we have no idea where she's gone."

Ethan sighed and rubbed at the pain in his forehead. He didn't know what to do. He cared about Alicia so much, he really did, but how was he supposed to forgive her for what she'd done? He had no idea what to do.

He thought back to the first time that he'd kissed her, and the memory caused his heart to ache. What was that feeling? Did he still have feelings for her? He placed his pen down on the desk and looked up at Elle with tears in his eyes. Small tears had begun to form in her own eyes, and he felt awful. What had happened to Alicia? She'd been hurting, going through stuff on her own, and he hadn't even realised.

At least she had Lily. Lily had been great help since her return to Holby, but it did make him question a few things. Neither of them had exactly been the best of friends before, so why had she chosen to talk to Lily specifically? What made Lily so special?

Snapping out of his trance, Ethan realised that he needed to stop asking himself so many questions.

"You're in charge," he said to Elle, as he stood up and grabbed his coat.

Without another word, he left in search of Alicia.

Thank you to ReadingxTherapy for giving me a bit of help on this chapter. I wasn't overly sure on the way this chapter was written, I just felt that it was a bit messy and crammed in x