LillyMayFlower: Thank you so much. Me too, and I'm glad that you thought so as I did want it to be perfect. More to come. Thanks for your review.

Guest: That really means a lot to me. I've been writing for Lily for years but this is the first time writing about Alicia, and I'm really enjoying it. Thanks for your review.

HappilyCoralCasualty: Thank you. I'd love to be an author one day, so I'm glad that you think I'm good. Thanks for your review.

Citylightsonthew: Thank you and the majority of this chapter will be based around Connie and Lily's talk. I hope you like it. Thanks for your review.

Chapter Twelve

"When did it happen then?"

Lily listened closely to Connie's voice and realised that in a strange way, it was different than usual. It was quiet and gentle, not like her at all, but then Lily turned and noticed the silent tears that were slowly trickling down the woman's face. Lily smiled sympathetically at her and realised what she'd done. She'd brought Connie into her problems, when she had her own, difficult stuff to cope with.

She felt like the worse person in the world.

"I...I'm not too sure," Lily whispered back to her. "She didn't really tell me, but..."

"No, not Alicia," Connie said. "This talk is about you."

"What?" Lily suddenly felt quite sick, and she folded her arms across her chest protectively. "Um...I...I was seventeen."

"And you hid this from us, from everyone, for all these years?" Connie questioned.

"Mrs Beauchamp, I was seventeen," Lily repeated herself. "I had no need to tell anyone. It's not like I was working at the ED when it happened, right? There was no need to say anything."

"Well, obviously there was," Connie half yelled. "This sort of thing never leaves you, Lily." She sighed and there was a small pause, before she continued. "If it happened to Alicia, then surely it's brought back some traumatic memories for you."

Lily thought about that for a second. She'd be lying if she said no, as yes, it had reminded her of her own experience.

"I'm over it," she said. "Alicia is more important at the moment."

"Lily." She shook her head at her, and her voice quietened again. "Sweetheart, I have known you for a very long time. You're not over it and truthfully, you never will be over it, not unless you get help."

"What's the point in getting help for something that happened years ago?" Lily asked. "Don't people tell you to leave the past behind you?"

"Yes but when they say that, they mean stuff like ex boyfriends and regretful hangovers," Connie told her. "You can never forget this kind of thing, not fully. What happened exactly?"

"I can't remember, okay?" Lily said. "I...I think I was just on my way home. It was late and it was dark, and...I...I left my friends at the bus stop and we parted ways. I didn't need to get a bus, I lived close enough, but...It...It just happened, alright?"

Tears stung Lily's eyes and soon, she was crying uncontrollably, right there in the middle of Connie's office. Her hands were trembling, she felt sick, she could hardly talk through the tears, and she felt so stupid. Connie walked over and wrapped her arms around her gently. Connie had never hugged people, she wasn't exactly that type of person, but it felt nice to have someone looking after her for a change. She'd had to look after Alicia so much, she'd had to put up a wall, she'd had to stay strong.

Although she hadn't wanted to admit it, because Alicia desperately needed her, it had all been so hard to fake. Inside, she'd felt broken and she'd been hurting the entire time, but she just couldn't tell anyone.

Alicia had needed her at her best.

"That's part of the reason I went to Hong Kong," Lily sobbed, as she pulled away from Connie.

"What?" Connie asked gently, holding her at arms length. "What do you mean?"

"You're right," she admitted. "It never really leaves you. I thought that moving to Hong Kong would help me forget. I thought that it would give me a fresh start, but it didn't. It didn't matter where I lived; the nightmares and the memories were still there. Coming back to Holby was scary and I knew that I would struggle to help Alicia, but I did it because I thought that it would be the right thing to do. She was my friend, she was in trouble, and she needed me."

"You did a really brave thing," Connie said, cupping Lily's face in her hands. "I'm just sorry that I didn't notice things sooner."

"You couldn't have," Lily said. "You were suffering as well, you've only just come out of hospital, and how could anyone have noticed when I didn't even tell anyone?"

"You had your reasons," Connie said.

"I didn't though," Lily said. "Not really. I didn't even tell anyone when it happened, not even my parents. I tried to get Alicia to tell someone, the police, anyone, because my biggest regret was keeping it to myself. I've been there and I didn't want to have it hanging over her either."

"You've done extremely well," Connie reassured her. "Amazingly well. You're not alone anymore though, alright? We can help Alicia together and we can tell the police together and we can be there for her together."

Connie gently took Lily's hands in hers and ran her thumbs over her knuckles.

"I'm just so weak," Lily said, wiping away her tears.

"You're not weak," Connie said. "You know what crying is? It's a sign of someone who has been strong for too long. Do you understand?"

Lily faintly nodded at her, as she managed a small smile.

"I'm here," Connie said and hugged her again. "I promise. I'm here for you and Alicia."

"Here. Let me dry those eyes for you, huh?" Elle said kindly, and went to hold a tissue up to Alicia's face.

Alicia stepped back and just held a hand up to her, without making eye contact. Elle lowered the tissue and just stared at Alicia with a pair of sympathetic and sad eyes. She felt so helpless, like whatever she did just wasn't good enough for the young doctor.

"Alicia," she whispered. "I know that it's hard, but...I just want to help."

"Where's Lily?" She hissed, her head hung low.

"Connie is just having a chat with her," Elle said. "I'm sure they won't be long. Come on, eh?"

She held up the tissue again, but Alicia just took some more steps back.

"Alicia, talk to me," Elle encouraged.

"I don't want to talk to you!" She shouted, her yells soon turning to more hysterical sobs. "I just want to talk to Lily!"

The door to the bathroom opened and Ethan walked in, his concerned eyes falling straight onto Alicia.

"What are you doing here?" She spat. "This is the girls bathroom."

"I demand to know what is going on," he said. "You haven't been yourself for days, you run off into the pouring rain and turn up on Connie's doorstep! What the hell is going on, Alicia?"

"Demand?" Alicia scoffed. "Why the hell do you care, Ethan? I thought I was nothing to you, I thought that I was a terrible person to be around, I thought that I'd brought everything on myself."

Her tears began to fall faster but she just moved away when Elle tried to comfort her. She didn't want comforting, she didn't need comforting.

"Ethan, maybe you should leave," Elle said. "We'll talk about this another time, but Alicia is going through some stuff right now and it just isn't the right time."

"I'm clinical lead right now and her ex boyfriend," Ethan told Elle. "I have a right to know now."

"Ex," Alicia emphasised. "Not current, so you can go away."

"Alicia," Ethan said.

"Ethan," Elle warned him. "Maybe you should go. I will come and talk to you later."

Ethan didn't move from his spot though. Alicia sniffed and looked at him through her watery eyes. She shook her head at him, upset, scared, broken and hurt, before managing to say the words that she'd been dreading.

"I...I don't want to see you," she cried. "You don't understand, Ethan. You never will. What happened to me didn't happen to you. Maybe you're right, maybe I am a terrible person, and maybe that's why someone decided to rape me!"

Ethan's wide eyes slowly began to fill with tears.

"You were never there for me Ethan, when I needed you the most! It's too late now! I don't want to talk to you, not now, not ever," Alicia carried on. "So just go away and leave me alone!"

Ethan glanced towards Elle, who gave him a firm but gentle nod.

"Fine," Ethan whispered and turned his attention back to Alicia. "If that's how you feel, then I'll leave. I have never stopped caring for you though Alicia, so don't ever think that I don't understand or care. I said some thing out of anger, but doesn't everyone? That blog hurt me, it's not as if I wanted to fight with you! What happened was horrible, and I am so, so sorry, but you need to understand that your actions hurt me but I never stopped caring. I'll never stop caring."

And after that speech, Ethan left the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. Alicia folded her arms across her chest and allowed the tears to trickle down her cheeks. Elle gently reached out and removed her wet hair from her face, so that she could dry her eyes for her.

This time, Alicia let her.

A bit of an emotional chapter there but I hope you all liked it. I hope everyone was in character, as I wasn't too sure to be honest.

It's really nice writing for Alicia, as I've never really done it before. Thanks again for all of your lovely reviews.