"I stepped into the shower this morning and there was a spider, just waiting to kill me. I don't tolerate bugs in my house. Either get a job and pay a bill or get out." -David Bowie

This quote and a quick screenshot from the film during the goblin battle showed a spider inspired me to write this fic, thinking, what if Jareth was terrified of spiders? I hope you'll enjoy this story!

EDIT: apparently the quote isn't real, not sure, will have to check out the interview myself. I appreciate guest reviewer (Happycat) for informing me of this. I'll still leave it up though, it's still a fun headcanon for Jareth.

Reviews are much appreciated!

While all the other goblins were waiting for the girl to say the right words, Evie was mesmerized by a fuzzy, eight legged creature.

The spider was taken by her, not jumping or scurrying away. It walked over to her and was very friendly. She never had such a small creature be so interested in her before, and she was sure that they would be best friends.

"Evie!" Beetun smacked her arm to pay attention. "She gonna wish the baby away now!"

"Is that a spider?" Blaggerspout was just as fascinated. "Oooh, it's cute!"

"Shh!" Evie snapped his mouth shut with her hand. "Hush, or Kingy will hear!"

Every goblin was thoroughly aware of the consequences of having a Spider anywhere near the Castle Beyond the Goblin City:

Bogged for life.

Well, it was only for a few hours. And not even in the bog itself. Kingy would never truly allow that or else he would have to deal with smelly goblins tracking bog water in his castle.

But to the goblins, it definitely felt like it would be for life.

She didn't dare pick it up for fear of getting in trouble and just said hello. "Hello, Mr. Spider-"

"I wish the Goblins would come and take you away. Right now!"

Evie breathed a sigh of sadness she couldn't play with Mr. Spider for a while longer. She waved. "Bye bye!"

Kingy was acting a bit... odd.

To say the least.

He was glowering at his crystal obsessively at the lady who wished the baby away. It wasn't normal for him to be so obsessed with some girl. Or maybe he was glowering because the baby was crying.

Evie was drinking some ale, offering some to the chickens. Except for the baby crying, the goblins were having the time of their lives as they always did.

She did feel a bit sad though. She really missed Mr. Spider. She loved making new friends.

Seeing his friend's sad face, Blaggerspout tapped her on the head with a stick. "Hey! I gots a present for ya!"

Evie perked up, splashing a bit of ale on him on accident. "A present?"

"But it's a secret!" Blaggerspout looked around, making sure that all the other goblins were busy goblining and not paying attention to them. "Here."

He unwrapped his cloak.

And there he was! Mr. Spider!

"You brought him here?" Evie gently took him in her hands as gently as a goblin possibly could. "Hiya! He's so small."

Mr. Spider was a little hesitant at first, but then he seemed to recognize her from earlier. He excitedly crawled all over her arm and didn't shudder away.

She was so happy to have her little buddy back!

"You remind me of the babe!"

Evie and Blaggerspout looked up to see Kingy grabbing a goblin and throwing him into the air in preparation for Magic Dance.

Evie bounced up and down as the song progressed, loving this song as much as the next goblin. Any moment that Kingy wasn't being grumpy and bog obsessed was a good moment. "Come on, Mr. Spider!" She danced with him, narrowly avoiding Kingy's shiny, kicking boots as a fellow goblin was kicked into the air.

What Evie didn't understand was that this was, in fact, not a fun thing for Mr. Spider. Mr. Spider promptly thought it was an earthquake so he hopped off of her to go hide where it was safe and relatively quiet. Evie was so distracted, she didn't even realize that he was gone.

She, like every other goblin, had way too much ale and passed out on the floor the moment Magic Dance was over.

A while later, Evie woke up to screaming.

She didn't think much of it at first. Someone always seemed to be yelling in this kingdom.

Everyone, except for Kingy.

Who was the one screaming.

She looked up to see him, trying to put out the fire that was spreading from his cape to his shirt. He was standing on his throne, absolutely a mess.

His eyes were wide and haggard, his hair singed with fire. He threw a boot at something, still yelling more high pitch than the baby did.

The goblins, still drunk on ale, were a bit slow to react. Iglepus rubbed his eyes sleepily, a few feet from Evie, asking if Kingy was singing a new song.

"You buffoons!" He patted his hair and his cape. "Help me put this out!"

If he wasn't in such distress, it almost looked like he came up with a new and strange dance.

"I will help!" Little Oatie grabbed a chicken, throwing it on the king. "Get the fire, Chicky!"

Evie, being one of the more intelligent goblins, stared in horror as the chicken was caught on fire too. The poor creature clucked and pecked Kingy in her misery.

The fire was spreading at an alarming rate, and Kingy was quite distressed.

Seeing that there was some water, Evie threw it on both of them. The chicken bawked and ran away from him, still in shock.

Kingy looked a mess, his hair flat and dripping from the water. His clothes all tattered and torn. His make up smeared. Wiping the water off with the back of his hand, he revealed a few angry red marks on his body from being pecked by the chicken.

"I swear, I am going to grill that damned poultry and turn her into dinner." He murmured.

"NO!" Iglepus tried to hug the chicken but she just clucked at him and ran away. "Chickens are friends, not food!"

Other goblins chimed in, echoing the mantra.

"Chickens are friends, not food! Chickens are friends, not food!"

If there was ever a reason for them to actually stage a mutiny agains Kingy, it would be directly because of their love for chickens.

Kingy rubbed his forehead a few times, looking very tired. He stood up, still missing a boot as he threw one earlier.

His nostrils flared and his lips tightened, every goblin shrinking away at the hard look in his eyes. No one said one single word, which was quite rare for goblins.

"I want to know," His eyes swept over the crowed. "Who in the seven hells allowed a spider from the Aboveground into my home?" He said very, very quietly.

Much more terrifying than yelling.

No one answered.

"Well?" He demanded. "Someone had to let it in! It's giant, and I swear, if it's a female with baby spiders, I will bog each and every one of you for life!"

Still, no one said a word. Even the baby in striped pajamas was quiet.

Now calmer, Kingy let out a big sigh. "Well, wherever it is, it must be dead by now. Dastardly creature."

Evie started to tear up, but didn't let this show. Her new friend, dead?

It only made sense, it must've been why Kingy started the fire in the first place.

Kingy waved his hand around the throne room. "I am going to get cleaned up and changed. I expect this room to be spotless by the time I'm back. Understood?"

The goblins nodded. Satisfied, Kingy grabbed his boot and swept his cape on his way out.

Well, as best as he could anyway. Like the rest of his body, the cape was drenched and instead of a graceful motion, the cape schlopped across the face of a goblin and dragged on the floor.

As the goblins were using mops, their own clothes, uncooperative chickens, and other things to dry up the water, Evie rubbed her eyes sadly. How could she expect to go on cleaning when she was grieving for a lost friend?

"Evie sad?" Blaggerspout sat next to her, seeing her tears fall.

"I misses Mr. Spider." She sniffed. "I want him back. But he's dead."

Blaggerspout looked at his friend, feeling sorry that she was so upset over Mr. Spider. After all, he was the one who brought him there to the Underground. "Well, Mr. Spider needs a funeral."

"How?" Evie's vision was still blurry from her tears and her nose started to run.

"Dunno." He shrugged. "I never been. Let's ask."

They asked other goblins. Somehow, the consensus was that funerals were loud and full of parties. Parties with ale.

Evie wasn't so sure about joining in one, but she wanted nothing more than to honor her friend. If this was what friends do, then she would soldier up for him.

Kingy came back, dressed in all black, his waistcoat cinched in the middle and his medallion gleamed on his exposed chest. Looking somewhat content with the cleanliness in the room (as one could never really expect a room to be spotless with goblins involved), he proceeded to sit on his throne and look at the crystal again, the baby asleep next to him.

One by one, the goblins went to surround him as he peered into the crystal to see the girl. He always looked at runners, making sure of where they were but this was almost an obsession. His eyes furrowed as she chose down, falling into the oubliette.

"She's in the oubliette." He said with displeasure but also a hint of admiration.

The goblins laughed, thinking that's the reaction he wanted from them.

"Shut up!" He shook his head. "She should not have gotten as far as the oubliette, she should have given up by now."

"She'll never give up." Oatie said, clearly before she realized that she said them out loud.

"Won't she?" He looked around, silencing the rest of the goblins who would question him. "The dwarf's about to lead her back to the beginning, she'll soon give up when she realizes she has to start all over again!" He grinned, looking around.

The goblins were so unsure of what their king wanted that they just stayed quiet.

"Well, laugh!" He demanded.

The goblins did as told as he threw the crystal up in the air to catch it again, his laugh ringing through the throne room.

They watched on, Hoggle there to lead her back to the castle.

But then… Hoggle did the unspeakable. He was won over by her plastic bracelet, agreeing to take her to the castle.

"Cunning little twat." Kingy bit the inside of his cheek, his eyes aflame. "How dare she manipulate my own subject? And how dare he commit treason by betraying me? I must take care of this!"

He stood up, his hand midwave as he was about to perform some magic when his whole body froze and his eyes widened.

Evie looked to see where his eyes were gazing.

On the ledge, crawling as quickly as he could was Mr. Spider.

Evie gasped in happiness. It took all she could to not run to him and say hello. He was alive!

Kingy took a few deep breaths. Lifting his hand, he was shaking as he pointed at the spider. "I want that creature gone by the time I come back from taking care of the Girl and the Dwarf. And by gone, I mean dead."

He finished his hand wave, changing into yet another outfit, an asymmetrical brown jacket and grey pants as tight as ever. With a shower of glitter, he was gone.

"Okay, let me get the chicken to eat it!" Iglepus went to grab a chicken.

Evie panicked. The thought of Mr. Spider getting eaten was too much to bear. "No, don't!"

"Why not?" Iglepus scratched his head. "She can have food too! Some protein!"

"Yeah!" Oatie echoed.

Never mind that none of them had an inkling of what the hell protein even was. It was just words that they had heard Kingy say.

"Because… because…" Evie trailed off a bit. "Because poison!"

"Poison? What's that?" Another goblin asked.

Being nearly indestructible to the point that getting kicked by Kingy was ticklish, goblins hardly got hurt. Poison was nearly unheard of to them.

"It's when… it's like…" Evie kept an eye on Mr. Spider, making sure that no goblin was hurting him. She tried to think of the worst thing possible to her. "It's like bog water!"

All the goblins gasped. "Bog?"

"Bog!" Evie stood confidently. "Bog will kill chicken!"

"So spider is a bog? How?" One of them blinked, absolutely terrified.

"Dunno." Evie shrugged. "But it's okay! I will take care of spider. Chicken won't get bog."

"Is it because Kingy will bog chicken if chicken eats spider?" Beetun asked.

Evie nodded, wanting to get to Mr. Spider as quickly as she could. "Kingy bog chicken! Worse than making chicken food!"

"CHICKENS ARE FRIENDS!" Iglepus started.

"NOT FOOD!" The other goblins echoed after him.

Evie breathed a sigh of relief, going to retrieve the little guy in her hand, Mr. Spider relaxing once he was safe in her palm.

She ran out of the castle. Kingy wanted him gone, so she would make sure that he would be far away.

Going to her home in Goblin City, not too far from the castle, she set Mr. Spider in a drawer as he was sleeping. She made sure to put a small blanket inside so that he could rest.

Now, she had no idea what to feed spiders, but she was sure that Mr. Spider was hungry. She had some crickets in her cabinet that she could give him when he woke up.

Exhausted, she fell asleep.

When she woke, she made sure to give the crickets to Mr. Spider. He seemed very grateful and happy to be with her. She tried to play games with him, but he didn't really understand. She didn't mind though, he was a good listener and didn't mind when she sang songs and played games alone. He was good company.

She heard a knock on the door. Peeking out the window, she saw Blaggerspout so she let him in.

"Hi!" She closed the door.

"Hello." He sat on the floor, seeing that there was a game of marbles spread out. "How is Mr. Spider?"

"He is happy!" Evie whistled, or as best as she could. She was never very good at whistling. "He doesn't play games, but he likes to eat crickets."

"Neat!" Blaggerspout spotted the arachnid. He waved. "Hello!"

Mr. Spider recognized him too, crawling to him and sitting on his shoe.

"What happened to the Lady?" Evie had no idea how much time had passed.

"Sleepy." Blaggerspout scrunched his eyebrows. "Kingy gives her peach. Lady sleep."

"Lady dream?" Evie asked. They were familiar with runners who would dream, a way to distract them until time was up. "What she dream about?"

"Weird dream." Blaggerspout scratched his head. "She dream of Kingy."

Evie blinked. "Whaaaat?"

That was new. Most runners would dream of things like money or ruling the world. Or their own loved ones. A peach was meant for you to dream of what you desired most, after all. Or a nightmare, depending on the dreamer themselves if they allowed it to be that way. They never dreamed of Kingy, except this lady apparently.

"What did Kingy do?" Evie was intrigued.

"Kingy watch. I thinks Kingy likes Lady." Blaggerspout shrugged. "Lady very pretty. Lady had pretty dress and sparkles."

"Aww." Evie was disappointed. She loved pretty dresses and sparkles. "I wanna see!"

"Well, too bad." Blaggerspout shrugged. "Lady in junkyard now."

Evie frowned. She liked the things she found there, but the junk ladies tried to make her stay there forever.

"Kingy ask about Mr. Spider?" She didn't want him to knock down her door and find Mr. Spider and try to kill him again.

"Nah." Blaggerspout reassured her. "Kingy too googly-eyed for Lady."

Getting their minds off of that, she and Blaggerspout played another game of marbles for a while while Mr. Spider was spinning a web. When they realize what he was doing, they went to watch him, fascinated.

A few hours later, there was a bit of commotion. Looking out, they saw the goblin soldiers marching.

Evie's and Blaggerspout's mouth dropped open at the sight of the Lady in Goblin City. Canons were going off, soldiers running after her.

"Oh no!" Evie took Mr. Spider in her hand, afraid that one of the canon-goblins would come and destroy her home too.

Everything was chaotic. It went on for a while, Evie and Blaggerspout trying to find shelter. Chickens were running amok. Rocks were raining. Cats were meowing.

It was a mess.

They had lost Mr. Spider a few times, scaring the bejeebers out of Evie. Luckily, they found him on the side of a house and promptly retrieved him in a jar. It couldn't have been comfortable but it kept him safe at least.

By the time everything died down, the entire city was in ruins. Evie and Blaggerspout went to go and take care of their homes.

"Well, that was a close call, wasn't it, Mr. Spider?" She cradled him close to her, happy that he was okay.

She had heard that there was a party at Lady's place, which was new. No one ever won. However, she was not about to say no to a party!

She liked Lady, she was very friendly and very fun. She was gave them all hugs and offered them snacks.

They danced, sang silly songs, and played more games. Such was the life of a goblin.

It was a bit later that Evie realized that once again, Mr. Spider was not with her.

"Oh no!" She gasped.

She went to retrace her steps. Well, he wasn't in her home. He wasn't at the gate.

She thought that maybe Blaggerspout would know. She knew that he had gone to the castle to retrieve some helmet for a game.

She went into the throne room, seeing Kingy despondent, looking out into the Labyrinth. He looked… sad?

Like someone had taken the sparkles out of his heart. Or something. Evie had no idea what the saying actually was.

It then occurred to her that everyone was invited to Lady's home for the party except him.

That made her a bit sad. Especially when they were singing Magic Dance, his song that he created for them to sing to.

His head perked up at the sound of her shuffling in. Sighing, he turned around, greeting her. "Evie, what are you doing here?"

His voice was very quiet. Sometimes he did that when he was tired or when he wasn't in the mood to kick anyone. Looking into his eyes, Evie saw that they were shining with tears.

She had no idea how to respond to him being sad. She didn't want to be bogged, for he threatened to bog anyone who questioned his motives and his personal life. "Just looking for Blaggerspout." She settled.

Kingy nodded. He tilted his head toward the direction of the Goblin Armory, which was more like a playroom than a real armory. "He's there."

Evie wrung her hands a little, taking a chance. "Why you not dance in Lady's room?"

Kingy frowned, his eyes scrunching together. Evie shirked away, sure that she did something wrong.

But he didn't kick her, bog her, or even spoke harshly. He just sighed and sat on the ledge, twirling a crystal. "I don't think she would want me there."

Evie had never heard his voice break like that before.

"Kingy-"

"Just leave. Please." He looked away from her.

He never said "please" to the goblins. He must be really sad, Evie thought. She shuffled away to find Blaggerspout.

Blaggerspout was looking for a helmet, trying a few on. He waved to Evie. "Evie! Did you want one too?"

"Sure." She took one, examining it. "Have you seen Mr. Spider?"

Blaggerspout shook his head. "Oh no, did you lose him again?"

Just as Evie was about to answer, she heard some yelling from the throne room.

Both goblins ran in, Kingy standing on his throne, throwing things at a black spot on the ground. "Why won't you just die?!" He was horrible at aiming at the moment, his hands shaky.

Evie and Blaggerspout saw a spider on the ground, expertly missing the throws. At one point, it looked like it was giving up on being defensive and ran towards the throne.

"Stay the hell away from me, you freakish demon!" Kingy jumped off the throne as Mr. Spider climbed onto a leg of the throne.

Taking a deep breath, Kingy carefully got the courage to create a crystal. It glowed, flecks of orange and red swirls inside.

A fireball.

"Now, you will DIE!" He went to throw it.

"NOOOOOO!" Evie ran to stand in front of Kingy. "Not Mr. Spider!"

"Evie, I don't have time for this!" He raised the crystal again. "I had enough to deal with for today! I should've known better when I heard that you were the one who promised to take care of it!"

"Kingy no." She sat on his throne, putting her body between herself and Mr. Spider.

"Evie." He warned her, his patience thinning. "If you don't move-"

"I don't care!" She sobbed, curling her body over Mr. Spider, protecting him. She had done so much for him. She Magic Danced, saved him from the chicken, and gave him a home. She just wanted her new friend to be okay. He was a creature too. "Bog me! Please don't hurt him, he's my friend! Just a tiny baby!"

"He's a bloody spider!" Kingy waved the crystal away. "A baby? Practically the size of a dog! Look at how big he is and how-"

He stopped mid sentence as Evie sobbed.

She picked him up and held him near her heart. "Please, Kingy? I love him. He's my friend. He doesn't bite. He doesn't scream. He just wants a home. He's scared. He won't kill you, I promise."

Kingy didn't move, unsure of what the spider would do. "I'm not so sure about that. He's giant."

Mr. Spider fanned his legs out, proving Kingy's point.

"But he didn't hurt me at all today, even when we Magic Dance!" She pleaded.

Kingy closed his eyes. His voice was soft now, from giving up or from understanding, she didn't know. "Where did you find him, Evie? Why did you bring him here?"

"I did."

Both turned to see Blaggerspout come out of the shadows.

He bravely faced his sovereign. "I found him in Lady's room." He told Kingy. "When she wishes baby away, so Mr. Spider can be Evie's friend."

Kingy huffed so sudden and so loudly, both goblins and spider jumped. "Sarah, Sarah. Causing me so much grief today. Charming my subjects while infuriating me along the same vein."

Evie and Blaggerspout looked at each other. They knew exactly what he didn't say: that he was also charmed by her.

He turned around. "Against my better judgement, I will allow you to keep Mr. Spider. But on the condition that he does not come anywhere near me or this castle. He is to be kept in your home. And, you will update me on where he is. If he is lost, we will find him to help you."

Evie was so happy. Finally, she didn't have to hide Mr. Spider and could show him off to all her friends without fear that Kingy would murder him. "Thank you, Kingy!"

She went to hug his leg, putting the spider down. She looked at Kingy adoringly, thankful that he was letting her keep her new friend.

Kingy shook his head and patted her head affectionately. "You're welcome, Evie."

She let him go. "He's not so scary though." She picked Mr. Spider up. "You can hold him."

"Evie, this is where I draw the line." He held his hands up, ready to fight the spider if it attacked him. "I will not tolerate a freeloading arthropod in my home."

Evie sighed, a bit disappointed that Kingy wasn't loving her friend, but no matter. "Okie. I will go now. Bye Kingy!"

And she trotted off.

"Blaggerspout!" Kingy called after her friend. Evie stopped by the doorway as her fellow goblin nervously walked to Kingy's side.

"Yes, Kingy?" He bowed his head a little.

"I cannot believe that you knowingly took a spider here. In my castle." He snarled. "You know the rules. If you do it again, I will lock you in an oubliette near the bog for a month, you hear me?"

Blaggerspout nodded, happy that he wasn't getting bogged after all. "Yes, Kingy."

As the goblins trotted off with their friend, Evie took one last look at Kingy, seeing that he no longer looked as sad, but had a small smile on his face, chuckling about his subjects.

This is done for the Labyrinth Fan Fic Lovers facebook group writing challenge to write a story through the eyes of someone other than Jareth and Sarah, thank you for this prompt! I hope that you all enjoyed it. Thank you so much for reading, please leave a review! :) And, if you leave said review, I'm curious as to whether you're like Jareth or like Evie when it comes to spiders. I'm definitely Jareth! I wish I wasn't but I am!