This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Word Count: 1886

Title: Flirty Thirty

Note: Never one to back down, this is for herochick007 and Arcane Illusion, AU, no Voldemort

Warnings: Smut because I'm a dirty little slut for some smut, also I love torturing people with my mind powers.

Beta:

Hogwarts

Assignment 3: Calligraphy: The Dark Lady: Task #6 - Squibs: Write about someone who feels like an outcast

"Lily, come on," James said. He was looking at her with a puzzled expression. "Why won't Severus go with you?"

Lily paled a little. "Because he can't stand Petunia," she admitted honestly. "But I need a plus one."

"Why?" James asked earnestly. He could see nothing in it for him going to a Muggle outing, feeling like an outcast, and being looked at like he had come from another planet.

"I need a buffer," she added.

"A buffer?" James laughed. "Between you and your own sister?"

"I am shocked she is even trying to make amends! I need to at least show my face."

"Yeah, it is strange, she is turning like thirty, right?"

Lily laughed, and nodded.

"Fine, but just because you are my best friend, except for Sirius, of course."

"Well, Sirius has Remus," Lily suggested cheekily.

"I feel strictly platonic about them, you know that."

"Just teasing, Jamie."

"You better be, or else," James threatened hollowly.

"Or else what?" she asked.

"I will tickle you!"

"No!" Lily said furiously. "I can still hex your balls off."

James laughed. "Okay, I'll go with you."

"Thank Merlin."

Despite James promising to go with, he was still hesitant when the two of them arrived at the venue. It was a classy place, and lots of people were dressed up in suits. He and Lily exchanged looks.

"Oh no," Lily said. "What are we going to do?"

"Can't you fix our clothing?" James asked, Lily had always been quite adept at transfiguration.

"Of course," Lily smiled. "That's a great idea."

After Lily managed to fix their clothing, they finally walked into the room. Lily had her arm linked with James, and he would bet that it was to stop him bolting. She really was a feisty one. He had no idea how Severus managed to ever say no to Lily.

As they walked in, a waiter walked over with a tray holding champagne flutes. They each took one, and James took a large sip. He needed it to deal with the most obnoxious woman he had ever met, and that was saying something.

"Over there," Lily said, pointing out her sister. Petunia was wearing a long red dress, and her hair was done up in the usual bun. She looked quite pretty, actually, but she wasn't what drew James' attention. There was a big man in a suit beside her, and they were chatting amidly about something. James could have sworn he recognized the man. 'Was the man a wizard?' James thought to himself.

"Who is that handsome hunk of man?" James asked, not bothering to be discreet in his staring.

"A friend of Petunia, I think his name is Vermont or something."

"You mean Vernon? That is Vernon Dursley?" James asked, excitement creeping into his voice.

"Do you know him?" Lily asked puzzled. She wasn't aware that James knew any Muggles.

"Know him?" James said, giddy with excitement. "No, but I know of him."

Lily looked puzzled.

"He was on that big pride add on that television thing of yours!" James said, bouncing a bit. "He is famous!"

"A television ad hardly makes one famous these days," Lily was saying, but James was already making his way over to his idol, and had stopped listening. As he reached the two of them, he completely ignored Petunia, to her disgust.

"Hi, um, you're Vernon Dursley, aren't you?" James asked suddenly.

"Yes that's right," Vernon said, looking at him. "Do I know you?"

"Oh, no, I'm James Potter," James said, holding out an eager hand to shake Vernon's. "I saw your late night pride ad." He explained.

Vernon blushed scarlet. "I, um, would like it if you didn't mention that here."

"Why would you be ashamed of who you are?" James asked.

"Potter, do you mind?" Petunia said suddenly, making him realise they were in a room filled with people.

"Oh, of course." He grinned viciously at her. "You're best friend is a bigot."

Vernon went red, but did not reply. It was clear to James he hadn't told Petunia about the ad.

"Can we talk later?" James asked. He hoped the suggestion was clear that it would only be the two of them. He knew what it felt like to be an outcast. He would keep Vernon's ad a secret, if that was what he chose.

"Yeah," Vernon said, with a small smile playing on his lips.

James was sitting watching Vernon eagerly, and Lily sighed. "Who would have thought you would go and find someone you actually like in here?"

James laughed. "I would never have guessed it."

They were sitting at a side table, watching the people dancing on the ballroom floor.

"Have you spoken to her?" James asked, nodding towards Petunia.

"Actually, yeah," Lily said. "It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

"That's wonderful," James said with a smile. He knew how much it had hurt her when she had fallen out with her sister. His eyes flickered towards the current object of his obsession. Vernon was sitting at a table not too far away from them, chatting with someone.

"Go talk to him then," Lily suggested.

"If you insist," James said, and winked. He got to his feet, nervously walking over to the man.

"Alone at last," James said, grinning at Vernon. The two of them had gone back to Vernon's apartment. It wasn't hard to tell Vernon lived alone. His place was a one bedroom flat, and was sparsely decorated in modern tones. No pictures lined the walls, and the place felt a little cold. James reasoned to himself that if he was going to be coming here more often, he would definitely lend a helping hand in giving his place a makeover and making it look a bit more homey.

"You live here?" James asked. "This place feels so cold."

"Oh, come on," Vernon said, blushing slightly. "It's not that bad."

"I suppose," James said, looking around. "Perhaps with a bit more colour, it would feel warmer."

The two sat on the couch drinking and chatting way past midnight, and the conversation was becoming more and more amorous. James stood up, going into the kitchen to top up their drinks.

"So, really, working with drills isn't all that bad," Vernon was explaining. "I don't mind getting a little bit, dirty, you know?"

"Oh really?" James said, raising his eyebrows at Vernon. "You like getting dirty, do you?"

Vernon laughed, blushing slightly as he realised James was teasing him.

"So, what if I do?" Vernon replied, trying to save face. James had lent up against the bar counter, and was daring Vernon to come over and take him against it.

xxx

"Why don't you come here and put that mouth to better use?" James suggested, starting to undo his tie, and tossing it to the floor. Vernon didn't hesitate, but advanced on the black haired man with hunger in his eyes. Vernon was pressing James' back into the counter, but without time to complain, Vernon claimed James' mouth in a hot kiss. James moaned into the kiss, and Vernon took the chance to slip his tongue into the other man's mouth. James wasn't sure what was harder, Vernon pressing against him, or the counter behind his back. He soon lost himself as Vernon removed his shirt, leaving the man's stomach visible.

"You are so hot," James moaned as he watched Vernon toss his shirt to the floor, and then return to kissing him.

Vernon grinned, and started kissing James' neck, undoing James' buttons as he proceeded to kiss every inch of skin he could reach. As soon as he dropped the shirt, he moved his administrations lower, kissing his chest and moving downwards, following the trail of black hair heading towards his bellybutton. James took in a sharp breath as Vernon's large hand cupped him through his formal black pants.

Vernon was practically growling as he unzipped James' zipper, and James felt Vernon's cold, large hands on his growing member. Vernon's throaty chuckle turned James on even more. Vernon stepped back slightly, and looked James up and down, dropping his pants to the floor. Then Vernon made sure to divest himself of the rest of his clothing.

Vernon wasn't a typically handsome man, but the reaction from James made all the difference in his confidence. At first, despite them both being quite intoxicated, he felt a little shy, but James was just watching him hungrily, stroking his cock as Vernon undressed. As James saw Vernon sinking to his knees, James let out another groan, almost climaxing instantly at the sight of the overweight man lowering himself to the floor. Vernon didn't hesitate again, he took James all the way to the root, and James had to distract himself by counting backwards from ten just to not come instantly. He didn't want this to be over so soon.

Vernon was swirling his tongue around the tip teasingly, licking the precum before taking the full length again, and James started thrusting his hips to get more friction from that hot mouth.

"I want to fuck you," James said suddenly, and with a plop, Vernon's mouth released his dripping cock.

"On the couch," Vernon said, pulling him away from the counter, and James was sure when he was less horny, he would be sore from the ridges of the counter against his back.

"No, let's go to your bedroom," James said with a cheeky grin.

"Can we turn the lights off?" Vernon asked suddenly, as he led the way.

"No, you're hot as hell," James insisted. "I want to see you as I pound you into your mattress."

"You really think I'm sexy?" Vernon said, his voice still husky with lust.

"Extremely." James nodded. "I used to watch your commercial and wank off to it."

Vernon had clearly not been expecting this, because he made no other objections when he was pushed to the bed on his back, and James opened his legs. He teased Vernon's length with his tongue, before sticking a finger in his mouth and then moving towards Vernon's tight hole.

Vernon groaned, and moved to snap his legs together, but James held his legs, and then moved his tongue down even lower instead. Vernon's hands wrapped themselves in James' jet black locks, as he continued preparing his lover with his tongue. After making sure Vernon was stretched out, he removed his head from between his legs, smirking at the man lying open legged in front of him. James stoked himself a few times before pressing his cock towards Vernon's entrance, and Vernon gasped as James pushed into him slowly. Both men moaned as their bodies became one, and James started to thrust hard and fast into the man below him.

James was keeping his eyes on Vernon's face, watching his emotions flicker through his eyes. Once the two men reached their climax, James pulled out, and pulled the larger man into his arms.

xxx

The next morning James woke up in a bed he didn't recognize, and then the previous night started to return to him, he felt the body of a man pressed against him, and grinned in disbelief. He had really taken Vernon Dursley home. Wait until he told the rest of the Marauder's about this!