Warning: Depression, anxiety, suicide.
"You know...he likes you..." Momoi said hesitantly.
The redhead shrugged and said, "Doesn't really matter."
Momoi muttered, "Oh..." before leaving and meeting up with Kuroko.
The blue haired boy was standing by his locker when Momoi told him, "I told Sei-kun that you like him."
Kuroko slammed his locker door shut and exclaimed, "What?!"
At that moment, Akashi walked by them in the halls. The blue haired boy's face turned as red as Akashi's hair and he quickly looked away. The redhead just walked by with a blank expression, not even caring about what was happening around him. Once Akashi walked around the corner, Kuroko faced Momoi and said,
"You told him?! Why would you do that?! What on earth possessed you to do that?!"
"Well, you were getting nowhere and I wanted to help." The pink haired girl said innocently.
The blue haired boy sighed, easily forgiving Momoi and then said, "It's okay. I'm going to assume he doesn't like me."
The school day went on slowly and Kuroko kept on biting his nails. Though Akashi didn't express any emotions on the outside, the redhead was pretty talkative.
After school, the blue haired boy hopped onto the school bus and stared out the window. He began to worry about what would happen once he got home and what he would say. Kuroko ran up to his room the moment he stepped through the front door and dropped his bags to pick up his cellphone. The blue light on the top was blinking to notify Kuroko that he had a new message. The blue haired boy quickly unlocked his phone and saw that Akashi had messaged him,
Akashi : Hey, what's up?
Kuroko was quick to text back and he wrote,
Kuroko: Nothing much. Just got home.
Akashi: That's good. So...how was your day at school?
Kuroko: Eh. Uneventful as always. What about you?
Akashi: I'm the same too. Boring and uneventful.
Kuroko: You know...how Momoi-san told you something today?
Akashi: Yeah.
Kuroko: What are your thoughts on it because it's true that I like you.
The silence took over and the blue haired boy bit his bottom lip and shook his legs, feeling anxious about the redhead's answer. Kuroko turned away from his phone to start his homework so that he wouldn't be glued to the phone just to wait for Akashi to answer. But when his phone pinged to notify him that a new message had arrived, the blue haired boy dived to grab it and unlock it.
Akashi: I've never really thought of dating at all. I'm not really sociable with boys or girls so I don't know how to react exactly. I find it really awkward to talk with anyone in general, it's not just you.
Kuroko: Ah okay.
Rejected and friendzoned... The blue haired boy thought. Kuroko smiled slightly and told himself that everything would be fine. The blue haired boy and the redhead talked every day but only through text. It was very rare for them to ever talk in person or to even acknowledge each other's existence. It frustrated Kuroko, but for now he decided to wait.
Akashi: What are you doing now?
Kuroko: Math homework.
Akashi: That sucks.
Kuroko: I know. But at least I'm good at math.
There was more silence. It was always hard for them to continue conversations. They were both really antisocial people so they didn't really talk with anyone in person or through text. They talked to each other the most and it was like they only had each other. But Kuroko had hopelessly fallen in love while Akashi was monotone towards his feelings.
Later that night, the blue haired boy's phone vibrated and it said that Akashi had sent a photo.
Kuroko unlocked his phone and saw a picture of a white lily. The blue haired boy smiled.
Kuroko: It's really pretty.
Akashi: You like flowers so I figured I should send you this.
Kuroko: Thank you.
Akashi: I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight. Sleep tight. don't let the bed bugs bite.
Kuroko: Goodnight.
The next day was the same. They passed each other in the hallways. They had music class together but never talked. They didn't talk during lunch either. They were always off with their own friends and didn't even glance at each other. Well, Kuroko glanced at Akashi many times and swooned over him. But when they got home, the routine continued to stay the same. The blue haired boy's phone vibrated at five thirty.
Akashi: Hey.
Kuroko: Hi.
Akashi: What's up?
Kuroko: Nothing much, you?
Akashi: Same as always. Bored.
Kuroko: Haha, we need better conversations.
Akashi: I know right? I'll think of something. You can just sit back and relax.
Kuroko: Well, alrighty then.
Minutes passed and the blue haired boy waited to Akashi to say something. Kuroko knew that the redhead wouldn't just leave him. The blue haired boy trusted Akashi with everything and he didn't feel the need to have any secrets.
Akashi: Knock, knock
Kuroko: Who's there?
Akashi: Orange.
Kuroko: Orange who?
Akashi: Orange you going to let me in?
The blue haired boy stared at his phone and smiled.
Kuroko: That was a really bad joke, Akashi-kun.
Akashi: You smiled though. Admit it.
Kuroko: Haha, okay you caught me. I smiled a bit.
Akashi: How was your day?
Kuroko: It was...distasteful, I guess.
Akashi: Oh? What happened?
Kuroko: My parents are telling me that I have to do perfect in high school. They keep saying that I have to get an average over 95%.
Akashi: Or else what?
Kuroko: Or else I'm a nobody to them.
Akashi: ...Can I slap some sense into your parents?
Kuroko: I wish, but you're not here right now. It's fine, they do this all the time. They set an impossible goal for me and then they break me with it. Then they tell me that they love me and that it's for my own good. Then the cycle repeats.
Akashi: That's not good. How are your marks?
Kuroko: My average right now is 93%
Akashi: What the hell. That's crazy good. Like insanely good.
Kuroko: It's not good enough.
Akashi: Are you happy with your marks?
Kuroko: I'm not happy until my parents are happy. I want them to tell me that they're proud of me for once.
Akashi: This isn't good. You're under too much stress.
Kuroko: The worst that can happen is me collapsing from overworking, but that'll never happen.
Akashi: ...Okay, don't overwork yourself then. I have to go to sleep. Goodnight, sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.
Kuroko: Okay, goodnight.
The same thing continued for months. Their conversations were throughout the day after school and they would say goodnight before going to bed. Akashi became a part of Kuroko's routine and Kuroko became a part of Akashi's routine. They both found comfort in talking to each other and the blue haired boy wanted to get closer. The redhead wanted to stay by Kuroko's side as well, but he wasn't sure how to express his feelings.
Akashi: I'm allergic to some flowers.
Kuroko: I love flowers so much. They're really pretty.
Akashi: Give me a second.
Kuroko: Hm?
Akashi: sent a photo
The blue haired boy was confused at first since the redhead rarely sent photos. When Kuroko opened the photo, there was a beautiful bunch of roses of different colors. The blue haired boy smiled and messaged the redhead.
Kuroko: Thank you, they're really pretty.
Akashi: You're welcome.
Later that night, they said goodnight to each other and the redhead went to sleep. Kuroko, on the other hand, stayed up late to study. The blue haired boy was more terrified of what his parents would do to him if he didn't get good marks than ruining his health. He knew that he was overworking himself, but there was no other way to satisfy his parents.
The days continued to pass and Akashi and Kuroko talked every day. It was hard for the blue haired boy to hide his obvious feelings for Akashi and sometimes when Kuroko said something awkward in their conversation, the redhead would just push his feelings aside. It saddened the blue haired boy but at the same time, he was happy to be Akashi's...friend?
No, no... He's not my friend. How can he be my friend if I've barely even talked with him in person? Kuroko thought and then he decided to ask the redhead about it.
Kuroko: A definition of a friend is someone who you spend time with and care for.
Akashi: Yeah? What about it?
Kuroko: What are we? We're obviously more than acquaintances but we're not exactly friends.
Akashi: Hm, you're right. I guess...we're more like companions?
The blue haired boy stared blankly at his touch screen and laughed slightly.
Kuroko: How so?
Akashi: A companion is someone who compliments you and is kind of like a comfort. It's like how people call dogs and men companions.
Kuroko: Are you calling me a dog...?
Akashi: No! No, no. I meant the connection is strong.
Kuroko: Haha, yeah, I get it. So, I guess we're companions.
Akashi: I really like the sound of that. Anyway, what's up?
Kuroko: I'm studying.
Akashi: How long have you been studying?
Kuroko: A few hours.
Akashi: When did you sleep last night?
Kuroko: At 3 in the morning...
Akashi: Go sleep, now.
Kuroko: You don't understand, I have to study.
Akashi: Yeah? Study for what? Give me one good reason why you're studying right now. Give me one good reason why you're throwing away your own health.
The blue haired boy felt tears stream down his face and he finally broke under the pressure.
Kuroko: I don't know why. I don't know. Please Akashi-kun...help me.
Akashi: I'm right here. Don't worry. I'm not going to leave you. Try to sleep it off, okay?
Kuroko: Can I tell you something?
Akashi: Sure.
Kuroko: Do you remember how we went to Teiko elementary together?
Akashi: Yeah.
Kuroko: Do you remember how I left in grade 3 to go to a different school?
Akashi: Mhm, never saw you again. But now we go to the same high school. Where are you going with this?
Kuroko: In grade four when I transferred to the new school, I hated it. I was constantly bullied by this group of people who hated me for whatever reason. In that same year I tried to kill myself. I tried three times and they all failed because I kept thinking about my family while trying. I tried overdosing twice and cutting. Eventually, I pulled myself out of my grave and I tried to be happy. The group of "popular" girls and boys must have really hated me because they started to hurt my friends as well. My parents thought that money shouldn't be wasted on someone like me so I never got to see a psychiatrist, even when I needed one. By grade seven, I felt ok, but my grades slipped. My parents hit me a few times and they told me that I had no brain. When I left elementary school, I was so relieved that there would be no more people insulting me, ganging up on me, killing me. I was free to come to Rakuzan high school with no burdens and so...yeah.
Akashi: I don't know what to say... Are you alright now? Isn't the stress from your parents making you depressed?
Kuroko: Yes, I'm alright now. I think there's just specific things that just break me. The stress from my parents does make me feel upset, but it depends on how harshly they're pushing me. Thank you for listening to me.
Akashi: Thank you for telling me. I would have never known because you're always smiling all the time. Is there anything else I should know?
Kuroko: Uh, I'm terrified of thunder storms.
Akashi: Aha, okay. I'll keep that in mind. If you ever need to talk to me about something, then just talk.
Kuroko: Okay.
Akashi: I have to go to sleep now. You should too.
Kuroko: I will in a bit.
Akashi: Nope. You will, now. I'm serious, just this once for God's sake, listen to me and let your body rest.
Kuroko: Okay...
Akashi: Goodnight. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.
Kuroko: Goodnight.
As the months continued to fly by, the blue haired boy found it hard to deal with the stress his parents were putting on him. When the school year ended, Kuroko and Akashi stayed in touch during the summer.
Each day, they woke up to say good morning and every night they fell asleep after saying good night. Kuroko spent his days in the library most of the time; the blue haired boy studied for hours and hours. Studied the same thing over and over again. Studied subjects that were way above him. The blue haired boy studied everything his parents told him to study. But when he had free time, Kuroko would be glued to his phone or laptop. He would be glued to Akashi. When their second year of high school started, they realized they had English class together. Kuroko was pleased to see the redhead again and Akashi was always hard to read. The blue haired boy was never able to tell whether Akashi was bored with him or completely intrigued.
Eventually, Kagami and Kise kept telling the blue haired boy that Akashi liked him back.
"Do you have any proof?" Kuroko demanded.
"Well..." Kise started, "Not really."
"Then don't fill me with this false hope. Please, I'm begging you. It hurts enough already to know that I've been loving him for a year with nothing in return." The blue haired boy said.
Kagami sighed, "Kuroko, I understand how you feel but don't crush yourself by believing that he will never love you back. There's always a chance."
"A chance?" Kuroko smirked, tears filling his eyes, "There's no chance for someone as messed up as me. I was suicidal, I'm always under stress, I'm too much trouble for him. There's no chance. This love is just a flower that will never bloom."
The blue haired boy walked away from his friends and went to class. When he got back home from school, he tossed his phone onto his bed and studied.
Kuroko was well aware of the notifications on his phone, but he kept himself isolated and continued to study. The next day when the blue haired boy went to school, he was able to feel Akashi's eyes following him around the room. Kuroko ignored the redhead completely and focused on school work. The blue haired boy wasn't exactly angry; he felt frustrated with the fact that Akashi didn't notice him but talked with him every day. So, Kuroko decided to distance himself just a bit in order to organize his thoughts.
During lunch, Kagami and Kise approached the blue haired boy, "Kurokocchi, I'm sorry about the other day. But, I want you to look at some facts; Akashicchi turns his head to look for you every time your name is called, he glances at you from time to time when you're in the same room, he talks with you every day without fail and he's nice to you! Akashicchi is never nice." The blond explained.
Kagami smiled, "You need to ask him straight out whether he likes you or not."
Kuroko thought for a minute and then nodded, "I'll ask him."
When the blue haired boy got back home from school, he checked his messages from Akashi which were sent the day before.
Akashi: Hey, what's up?
Akashi: Where are you?
Akashi: Are you alright?
Akashi: I'm going to sleep soon.
Akashi: Goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.
Akashi: Message me if you're okay.
The blue haired boy smiled gently and typed a message back.
Kuroko: Everything's alright, I'm sorry, I just had a lot of stuff on my mind yesterday.
Akashi: You could've told me about it if you wanted to talk.
Kuroko: Well, it was kind of about you.
Akashi: Oh...I see. What happened, if you don't mind me asking.
Kuroko: Kagami-kun and Kise-kun were just saying...stuff. I have a question for you which you don't have to answer if you don't want to.
Akashi: Okay, ask away.
Kuroko: I was wondering if you even like me back because last year when I confessed, you didn't exactly say, "I don't like you", you said that you've never thought of dating anyone. I'm not asking you to date me, I think that we should be focused on studying and finding our future, but I kept wondering whether you like me back or not. I feel like I deserve an answer because I don't want to be given the sense of false hope and chase you around in circles
Akashi: Can you give me some time to think about my answer?
Kuroko: Oh yeah, for sure. You don't even have to answer me, I just needed to get that off of my plate.
Akashi: But now it's on my plate.
Kuroko: I'm sorry. Honestly, if this is too awkward you can just forget that I asked you the question in the first place.
Akashi: No, I want to give you an answer, I just need a bit of time.
Kuroko: Alright, take all the time you need.
They continued to talk throughout the evening and every day after that. But as the days passed, Kuroko became more and more anxious. He found himself biting his nails and shaking his leg more often during classes and the blue haired boy found it impossible to fall asleep. In order to relax, Kuroko decided to take a bath. The blue haired boy sat in the tub and sighed as the warm water surrounded him. Then, his phone lit up to notify him that someone had messaged him.
The blue haired boy leaned on the edge of the tub and picked up his phone.
Akashi: About your question...
Kuroko: Yes?
Akashi: I have an answer.
Kuroko: Okay.
Akashi: I still believe that dating is too early and I don't really get that interested in dating but I do like you and I want to get to know you better so that I can be more comfortable with talking with you.
Kuroko: Thank you for your answer. Also, we're too anti-social to date each other so I'm perfectly fine with this.
Akashi: You're right about that.
Kuroko: So, how's life?
Akashi: Pretty good. You?
Kuroko: Yeah, it's pretty good at the moment.
The blue haired boy smiled and then quickly got out of the bathtub. He continued to talk with Akashi for the rest of the night and then they both said goodnight and went to bed.
The months passed very quickly and on the last day of school before their winter break, Akashi approached the blue haired boy pulled him into a tight hug. Kuroko froze on the spot and hugged back gently. The blue haired boy's face grew warmer as he was pulled into Akashi's embrace.
There was no difference after that day. Akashi and Kuroko remained friends and they only expressed their love and care for each other when it was needed or wanted by the other. By the summer break, they played video games together every day non-stop and though Kuroko's parents got angry with how much time the blue haired boy was wasting, Kuroko felt as if video chatting and playing video games with Akashi was the closest they'll ever get.
When grade eleven started, some of Akashi's past memories returned and his love for Kuroko grew stronger. The blue haired boy felt so much stress from his parents that he wasn't able to love Akashi wholeheartedly.
Akashi: You there?
Kuroko: Kind of busy.
Akashi: With...?
Kuroko: Studying.
Akashi: Oh okay, I'll leave you to it.
Kuroko: That's a good idea.
Akashi: But will you be my boyfriend?
The blue haired boy stared at his phone in disbelief and smiled.
Kuroko: Yes.
Akashi: Okay :) I'll leave you to study now.
As the months passed, Kuroko fell deeper and deeper into a hole filled with anxiety and stress. The blue haired boy hid his feelings from Akashi when they were talking. The redhead convinced Kuroko to get a tattoo on his back right beside the other tally marks, even though Kuroko still didn't have his memories.
They were happily dating but the blue haired boy faced too many things at home. Eventually, Kuroko snapped under the pressure and he stormed into the bathroom and filled the tub with hot water.
The blue haired boy took deep breaths and he slowly picked up the kitchen knife. Kuroko didn't feel scared this time. He didn't feel anything. He just watched as his blood poured from his wrists and into the hot water.
Tears streamed down Kuroko's face but he felt happy at the same time. The blue haired boy's vision grew hazy and the last thing he saw was his phone making the same sound to notify him that someone had messaged him.
When Kuroko died, the redhead couldn't help but feel disgusted in himself for not being able to do anything. Akashi felt pathetic. The redhead lived the rest of his life very painfully. He didn't fall in love or get married. He stayed all by himself for twenty years before passing away in an accident.
Kuroko: Akashi-kun, I'm sorry.
Akashi: What do you mean? You didn't do anything wrong.
Kuroko: Goodbye.
Akashi: What's wrong? Talk to me.
Kuroko: I can't do this any more. It's so hard to wake up every day and just live life. I know this is selfish and I know you hate it when people commit suicide because it's an act of foolishness. But please understand, I can't take it any more. Please don't hate me. I'm begging you, please don't hate me.
Akashi: What are you doing? Talk with me. What's wrong? It's alright. I'm right here.
Akashi: Tetsuya?
Akashi: Tetsuya, talk with me!
Akashi: Please talk with me! Say something! I'm calling you.
Akashi: PICK UP YOUR CELLPHONE! I'm calling your house.
Akashi: Tetsuya, listen to me, don't take your own life. I'm right here and I'll never leave you. Never. Don't leave me...please. I could never hate you. I'm right here and I always will be.
Author's Note:
Committing suicide does not break the bond of fate as Kuroko did it on the basis of stress and depression. His love for Akashi was still there, it wasn't for Akashi.