Stottlemeyer released Adrian and Natalie and the two of them went back out to her car with Monk deep in thought. Natalie looked wistfully up at him, trying not to interrupt him while the wheels of his mind were spinning. She loved watching how his brain worked. It never ceased to amaze her and she was incredibly proud to be a part of what he did.
He got into the passenger's seat without a word and she slipped into the driver's seat and began driving towards his apartment. After fifteen minutes, she arrived and parked the car, an action which finally captured Monk's attention.
Adrian looked around at his surroundings, somewhat confused. "We're at my place?"
Natalie looked over at him. "Yeah. I figured with the case and all, you'd want to take a rain check on dinner."
He furrowed his brown. "Why would you figure that?" He said. "I'm starving!" Then, he softened his response. "We can go anywhere you want to go. You pick!"
Natalie laughed at the pleasant surprise and her eyes sparkled with mischief. Biting her lip, she smiled. "I know just the place."
Monk tilted his head in a friendly distrust, suddenly rethinking his words. "Natalieeeee…I'm not sure I like this. Where are you taking me to?"
"Ha, ha! You said I could pick any place I wanted. You'll just have to wait and find out!" she replied. "Don't worry, Mr. Monk. You'll love it."
"That's what you said about the outdoor symphony."
"Oh, come on now. How was I supposed to know there was going to be a mudslide?" she asked.
"It had been raining for days. You could have...I don't know...looked at a weather report...and a map...and realized that our seats were right next to a hill." he replied.
Natalie rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. You didn't even get dirty - much. Besides this is completely different. This is a dinner that you'll never forget. I promise. You'll like it."
"Oh, dear." He said, straightening up in his seat. "What have I done?"
Natalie's car pulled onto a busy city street in a rather hip section of town. College-aged kids huddled around each other and pressed past Monk as they conversed up and down the street. He froze for a moment when one particular character, who had piercings in places that Adrian didn't know people could get piercings, walked up to him and smiled, asking him if he wanted some company for the night. Monk rolled his neck and immediately spun around without answering, heading back towards the car.
Turning her head, Natalie spotted him walking the opposite direction. She quickly ran up to him, wrapping her arm around his and gently coaxed him to come follow her.
"We're almost there, Mr. Monk. You can't go back now." She said.
"Natalie…all these people…" he said, nervously.
"...Will all go away. Besides, they're just kids taking advantage of a beautiful evening. They won't be where we are because where we're going is pretty private."
He looked at her, unconvinced.
"Stick with me boss. I'll take care of you. I promise." She smiled.
Ducking into an alleyway, she took Monk to a dark and cozy little hole-in-the-wall place near the water. Asking for a table on the patio, Natalie grabbed Adrian by his wrist and led him to their secluded spot lit only by candles, a few hurricane lamps and the moonlight.
When he saw that the place was not as busy as it was out on the street and the clientele was not quite so 'artistic' in their appearance, he relaxed a little and made a conscious effort to try to be a good sport and try whatever Natalie had in store. She was so excited and again promised that he wouldn't be disappointed.
Within a few minutes, the waitress came out and offered to give them a menu but Natalie called her forward and whispered into her ear precisely what she wanted to order, requesting that Adrian be given several plates so that he could keep the food separated. The waitress looked oddly at her but then shook her head signifying that she would comply with the request.
After she walked away, Monk smiled cheerfully at his assistant, adjusting himself in his seat so he could be more comfortable. He was the new and improved Adrian Monk, and it was time that he acted like it, he coached himself internally.
"So, Ms. Teeger." He said. "Do you want to tell me where we are?"
She smiled. "We are at Font D'Joie. It's a fondue restaurant that Mitch and I used to go to before I had Julie."
"Fondue?" Monk asked.
"Yes. Melty stuff. "
"Melty stuff? I don't think I like melty stuff."
"Sure you do. You like cheese and chocolate, right?"
"Yeah..." he replied warily. "I guess so."
"This will be good. So flavorful and, you know, fun!"
"Fun? Food is fun?" he replied. He didn't understand but decided to play along. "Well, alright. I'll trust you. But, if I don't like it don't say you weren't warned."
When the first course arrived, the waitress brought out the fondue pot, cooking four types of cheese in the middle of a white wine mixture right there in front of them. Once the cheese had melted into a gooey liquid, she brought out bowls of crusty bread cubes, vegetables and even some fruit.
"What do I do?" Monk asked.
"Just follow my lead." She replied, picking up a long fondue fork and stabbing a piece of bread then stirring the bread in the cheese mixture, twirling her fork until the bread was fully saturated with cheese. Leaning forward she offered the first bite to Monk.
"What? What are you doing?" he asked.
"It's cheese." She said.
"Well…I see it's cheese. She made it right here in front of us, but is this how we're supposed to eat it?"
"Exactly!" Natalie responded.
"Uh…I don't think so."
"Come on Mr. Monk."
"But, it's all drippy. You're trying to feed me dripping cheese." Monk said.
"It's delicious. Just relax, and open your mouth."
"Natalie."
"Here comes the choo choo."
He threw her an irritated look.
"Please?" she pleaded, batting her eyes. He sighed. She knew exactly how to reach him but he had to resist a little.
"Is it going to be hot?" he asked.
"No. It should be okay by now." She replied, watching as he tentatively opened his mouth, twisting his head into a most unnatural position trying to avoid the fork.
"Awe, Mr. Monk. Come on. Try it. For me?" she begged.
That was enough.
Monk bowed his head for a moment then finally leaned forward, laughing to himself while eating the food off of her fork. A string of cheese dripped off of the bread cube and onto his chin below his lower lip.
"Mmmmmm!" he said, laughing and shaking his head. "This is fun!"
"See! I told you!" she replied, reaching forward her hand and placing her fingers on his jaw while she wiped the cheese from below his lower lip. At her touch, Monk's breath hitched.
"What...are you doing?" he asked, nervously.
"Oh..." she said, realizing that she had instinctively reached out to touch his face and that her eyes were focused on his lips. "You...You just had a little cheese...below your lip." she said, looking up from his mouth then locking eyes with him briefly before both of them quickly looked away with bashful smiles upon their faces.
Several uncomfortable seconds passed until finally Monk recovered and considered the thought that they were being ridiculous. After all, it's just Natalie. Natalie touches me all the time. So, he cleared his throat and grabbed his fork.
"Okay, my turn." He said, stabbing a piece of bread and then swirling it in the hot cheese and then reaching forth his hand to feed her with his fork in return. She took the bite then giggled.
"Oh, yeah!" she said. "This is even better than I remember. So good! Dig in!"
Monk and Natalie continued eating and talking for the better part of an hour, with her telling him about some of her world travels and him managing to come up with a few stories from his childhood that weren't entirely awful. He spoke of one of his favorite teachers, a Mrs. Bancroft, who had recognized his genius early on and had encouraged him to use his skills to help others. She was one of the few people at that time that he felt really believed in him, much like the mother he wished he'd had.
"Well, your Mom had issues." she said, reflecting on what she knew. "I'm sure she did the best that she could with you boys, but she just couldn't give you what you needed." She replied. "I can't imagine someone seeing that adorable face of yours when you were in grade school and not wanting to hug you to pieces."
"Adorable face? Yeah, right. But you're right. My mother never hugged. Closest we ever got to a hug was a very distant and stiff-armed hands on the shoulders. I think that's why I had some of the issues I had with Trudy." He said, pensively.
"Issues with Trudy?" Natalie asked. "What kind of issues? I've seen videos of you two together and all I see is a couple in love."
Monk swallowed and shook his head. "We were in love. Very much so. But, you know, I dated Trudy for nine years before we got married. Our friends thought we would never tie the knot."
"Well, you were just taking your time." She replied.
"No." Monk said. "It wasn't that. I…I was afraid. At first, I think, you know, due to how other people had treated me all my life, I had some trust issues. I loved her completely, but there was this nagging doubt at the back of my mind that maybe she was dating me out of pity. For the first year, I had a bit of an edge about me to where when we would go out with some of her college classmates, I would expect any minute that her friends would start laughing and pointing at me, telling me what a fool I was to think that a high-class girl like Trudy would ever care for me."
"That's awful." She replied.
"It was. It took a while before I began to trust, but then I feared something entirely different. I loved her so much that I was afraid that if I actually married her that she would see what a colossal loser that I really was and leave me."
"Oh, Mr. Monk! You're not a loser!" she interjected. "Really! You're…you're really the most amazing man."
Monk smiled solemnly. "Thank you for saying so, but I really don't see it." He replied, trailing off.
"Well, whether you do or don't, you are. But, tell me." Natalie said, cheerfully. "How did you finally get over your fear and become her husband?"
He smiled as he reminisced. "Oh, I would say that was a case of one huge fear overcoming the others. A wise old Captain on the force told me that I'd better marry that girl before I lose her…" he paused as his mind drifted away again for a moment. "Huh...I remember Leland saying something similar once, except about you."
"Me?!" she blushed.
Monk suddenly looked nervous realizing that even though the comment wasn't about marriage he might be saying too much. "Oh! Did I say you? I…I meant…um…weight. I um…I went through this period in my early thirties where I just packed on the pounds and Leland said I'd better get my act together or I'd not lose the…"
"Adrian." Natalie smiled.
"Yes?" he replied.
"You can stop now. You're the worst liar in the world and I don't believe you, but I'll let you off the hook." She answered with a disarming smile. "Tell me more about you and Trudy."
"Oh." He said, relieved by her mercy. "The captain, not Leland, another captain, he said if I didn't marry her, I'd lose her and I got to thinking about how horrible it would be to lose her and so I got up the nerve to finally ask her to be my wife."
"And was she excited?"
"Yeah. Yeah, she was. She cried. Or, maybe that was me. But one of us did, and of course you saw our wedding video. It was…and remains…the happiest day of my life." He said, drifting off in a daydream.
Natalie grinned. "Then, after the wedding, you two went to the winery for your honeymoon. That must have been fun."
Monk smiled. "Yes. It was one of Trudy's favorite places. And, of course, I still go there every year."
"Did you two stay in that honeymoon suite? You know, the one with the extra-large clawfoot tub?" she asked.
"Oh…oh, no. We stayed in the Solaré suite on the third floor." He responded.
"Is that the one with the sun room?" Natalie asked.
"Yes. Trudy enjoyed laying out in the sun and getting a tan. I enjoyed watching her do it." He replied, ducking his chin with a mischievous grin.
While he drifted into a world of remembrance, Natalie smiled and thought. It was so good to see him so relaxed and she loved it when he smiled. Adrian was in his happy place. But then, she squinted her eyes as something occurred to her. "Doesn't that room only have two twin beds in it?" she asked.
Monk answered without thought. "Yes, in the Italian Rococo style."
"Were the twin beds put there recently?" she asked.
Monk wasn't following. "Oh, no. They were there when we got married."
Natalie paused for a moment, considering how she would ask what was on her mind next, not wanting to scare him off by being too personal. "Well…what did you two do? Push them together?"
Monk furrowed his brow. "Huh?"
"For your honeymoon." She said. "Did you and Trudy share one of the twin beds or did you push them together?"
Still oblivious as to what she was wondering about he said plainly, "Oh, she slept in the one on the left and I took the one on the right. Why…why do you ask?"
Natalie looked quizzically at him. "Um…because it's your honeymoon and usually couples like to um…share a bed on their honeymoon."
Suddenly Monk made the connection and again grew very nervous, his facial expression reflecting a stilted smile with a hint of panic.
"Ohhhhh!" he said. "Y-you were asking if we sh-shared a bed."
Natalie raised her eyebrows and quickly nodded.
"Ah…I see…" he said to her, playing with the fondue fork and accidentally stabbing himself with it in nervousness. "Ouch!" he yelped. "I'm um...well, uh…sure…of course…ha…of course we um…" by now he was shaking his head both yes and no. "We uh shared a bed…of course. Why wouldn't we? We were on our honeymoon! Ha ha. Whuh what kind of honeymoon w-would it have been if we did-didn't share a bed."
Stabbing at a potato, he plopped it into the cheese fondue so quickly that it slipped off of the fork. He then concentrated on trying to capture the unrestrained potato rather than face his assistant. Natalie watched him for a good minute as he did this and finally reached her hand out and touched his. He gasped at the contact.
"Mr. Monk." She said quietly. "Just leave it."
But, Monk couldn't just leave it. If he just left it, it would mean confronting the fact that he had been so caught up with and enjoying conversation with Natalie that he had gotten a little too comfortable and nearly divulged a secret that, to date, he hadn't even been able to tell his therapist. Finally, she took the fork away. "You didn't, did you?"
"Um…what's the next course?" he asked trying to change the subject, but Natalie would not be dissuaded from her line of questioning, sensing that it was something he hadn't ever talked about but perhaps needed to express in order to be able to move forward and grow. Reaching her hand out once more, she clasped his hand to calm him.
"Mr. Monk. Don't be scared. I'm not going to laugh at you or think bad of you at all. I promise." She said softly. "But, I just gotta know. You didn't actually share a bed on your honeymoon with Trudy, did you? And by that, I mean, you didn't actually, you know, make love on your honeymoon. Did you?"
He looked at the table then looked at her. "What's your favorite Broadway tune? I'll sing it."
"Mr. Monk!"
"Natalie, that's highly private information." He replied.
"I know it is, Mr. Monk and I normally wouldn't dare to ask it. It truly isn't my business, but I get the feeling right now like it is something that maybe you feel bad about? Something you've maybe never dealt with and it needs to be out on the table so you can be free." She paused giving him a moment to consider. "So,tell me, was that what you were talking about when you said issues with Trudy? Was it that it took a while before you could actually be physical with her? Because, if that's what you meant, that's nothing to be ashamed of. Plenty of couples don't actually consummate their marriage on their wedding night. People are too tired after the day's festivities or nervous and it takes a while sometimes. And especially when you tell me about your growing up situation. It's a miracle you ever made love at all." She said.
Monk looked down at the table and began twiddling his fingers. He was quiet for a very long time to the point Natalie was afraid that he was angry with her for even bringing it up. The silence became so uncomfortable that she was just about to change the subject when she looked at him and saw he was looking up at her with glistening eyes. Her heart broke for him.
"Oh, Mr. Monk. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad or pry into your and Trudy's special time together, it's just when you said that you stayed in the Solaré room, I…"
"Natalie." He interrupted.
She stopped. "Yes, Mr. Monk."
He looked back down, his eyes searching the table for the words he found difficult to retrieve from his tongue. She was right, of course. This was something he had never discussed even though his psychiatrist Charles Kroger had urged him to and it was the one bit of information that he and Trudy shared with nobody else. But, this was Natalie. She was his safe spot. If there was anyone that he could talk to it would be her.
"It's okay, Adrian." She responded, using his first name for the second time that night. "You don't have to say another word, or if you want to talk you can. Your call. I won't press any further and I understand. It's okay."
Monk looked down at the table for a few seconds more, fiddling with his napkin then looked around the room. Looking back up into her eyes, he saw only the woman he trusted with his life and decided he would trust her with his most carefully guarded secret.
"I…I'm not even sure why I'm telling you this. I've never told anyone. Not Dr. Kroger, not Dr. Bell. Not even Leland. But I feel like I…I don't know…I trust you." He said, pausing for another minute while she remained silent, realizing the seriousness of the moment. He continued. "If…If I tell you something…you have to promise that it goes no place else."
"I promise." She replied.
"Not even Julie. No one can know."
Natalie nodded and sat up straighter, her eyes looking at his with sincerity. He had never made such an overture before and she wanted to be sure that she got it right.
"Of course, Mr. Monk. You can tell me anything." She said. "I won't tell a soul."
Monk took a deep breath and closed his eyes, then looked around a time or two more and leaned in to the table towards her.
"Okay. You were right." He said. "Trudy and I did not share the same bed on our honeymoon. And no, we didn't…you know…either."
Natalie nodded, trying to be supportive, knowing this was difficult for him to discuss.
"In fact," he took a deep breath, his heart pounding quickly in his chest. "It was six months before we shared the same bed. We did sorta push the beds together with a little gap in between them on the honeymoon and I held her hand as we slept. But, we never actually…um…."
"Well, Mr. Monk. That's okay. You were nervous. She was probably nervous. That's normal." She said.
"Yeah…we…we were both very nervous, and excited and happy to be together." He said with a saddened smiled. "But…here's the thing….we…we never actually, um…you know did anything like that afterward either." He paused to let the last statement sink in.
Natalie squinted again, trying to make sure she wasn't mis-hearing him. "You…you mean, you and Trudy didn't do that for a while? It just took a while. That's what you're saying, which if it is, I mean, that's normal. At least, it's not unheard of…I think."
Monk shook his head and looked at her sadly. "No. I mean we never actually did that at all. Not once in our seven years of marriage"
She blinked and shook her head, dumbfounded by his confession. "Are you…are you saying that you and Trudy NEVER…?" she replied, her voice raising in volume towards the end.
"Shhhhhhh!" he responded. "Shhhh…I told you it was a secret!"
"I'm sorry."
"Just lower your voice."
"Sorry. I was just...surprised. That's all." Natalie leaned in and whispered. "But, let me make sure I'm not misunderstanding. You are telling me that you and Trudy never ever...I mean you never, ever, ever, ever ever... made love… ever?"
Monk took a deep breath and closed his eyes with a single affirmative nod.
Natalie was flabbergasted. "But how is this possible? You two were like the most perfect…your marriage was …you loved each other so much!"
"Yes, we did and yes it was almost perfect." He said.
"But…" Natalie replied.
"My mother taught us, me and Ambrose, that physical touch was evil." He responded. "It wasn't just that Mom wouldn't hug us, it's that she couldn't hug us and we were told that if we hugged or kissed or…you know…made love with a woman that we were evil and that we would be punished."
"Mr. Monk! That's horrible!"
"Adrian." He responded.
"Huh?"
He looked up at her. "You've called me by my first name twice tonight and I think if we're getting this personal, you should call me Adrian. Particularly since you now know, what you know."
"Okay." she paused. "Adrian." She continued. "How did Trudy deal with it? I mean did she want to?"
"Trudy wanted whatever made me happy and really didn't seem too bothered by that aspect of our marriage. Although, she badly wanted children." He replied. "I was afraid of that too. But, our relationship, while affectionate, was never super physical. We kissed. That was my little act of defiance. It took a year for me to hold her hand, she was still in college and I had graduated. Then, it was three years before I kissed her cheek. The first time I kissed her lips was Christmas 1989."
"When you proposed." Natalie replied.
Monk smiled. "Yes. And, I enjoyed kissing. I just never got up the nerve to actually, you know, do that…and, it never seemed to bother her."
"But you shared a bed when you were married." Natalie noted.
"Yes. It took six months, but I relented and we shared a bed." He said.
"And?" she asked.
He smiled. "It was nice. I had no problem with that. Or hugging her. Sleeping in the same bed was nice, except she snored." He laughed, then sighed then looked at Natalie sadly. "In fact, whatever I did get the nerve to do with her was always nice - more than nice. I just never got up the nerve to...you know, and she never pressed me.
So, you see what a sub-human muss your boss is? Most people consider me and Trudy as having the greatest love story they ever heard; and, of course, you know how much I loved her and still love her. But, truth of the matter is, they probably wouldn't think that if they knew that I never made it past second base with her."
Natalie smiled sadly, stroking his hand. "Awe…that makes me sad. Love making, when in a loving committed relationship is so special…and you are so sweet! You deserve that. Awe. Mr. Monk, you have no idea what you've missed out on."
"Well, don't pity me. Everything else was perfect." He responded. "Poor Trudy. She was so patient with me. I'm sure I'd still have the same hang-ups and probably not be able to make love with her even today."
Natalie looked at him. "Well, I should hope not! She's been dead fifteen years."
Monk was shocked silent by her statement and Natalie held her own breath thinking maybe she had gone too far, but when he burst out laughing, it broke the tension and allowed them to switch to less serious subjects.
They talked for another half hour and even walked for a little while along the water arm in arm. Finally, a little before midnight, Natalie brought him back to his apartment and walked him to his front door, giving him a warm hug as she said goodbye. She began to release him as she knew the close contact would quickly cause his discomfort level to rise, but this time Monk still held her. It was a huge step he had taken that evening and he knew it, and she knew it. They didn't want the evening to end.