Part Two of "If I Could Be Enough, That Would Be Enough..."

"All right, Madison," Alexander said forcefully as he burst into James Madison's office. James glanced up in surprise. "Something is wrong with Jefferson and I have a feeling you know what it is."

"What makes you say that?"

"Thomas has been acting strange lately. He's been coming to work way too early and staying way too late; whenever I come in his office to wake him up, he says disturbing things in his sleep and he acts like he's trying to spend as many hours away from his house as he possibly can. You're his best friend, he would tell you his troubles, so what's going on?" Alexander pressed.

"Why do you care?"

"You're not his only friend. You're not the only one who cares."

James gave him a hard, scrutinizing stare before sighing. "Fine. It's his father."

"His father?" Alexander repeated.

"Yes, his father has come up to New York and is staying with Thomas indefinitely."

Alexander remembered the night Thomas' father had arrived. Thinking back, Thomas had seemed uneasy that night... but only after his father had arrived.

"This has happened once before," James continued. "Back when Thomas was a lawyer."

"What has happened?"

"This," James said and made a gesture in the direction of Jefferson's office.

"You're going to have to be a little more specific, Madison," Alexander said.

"This strange behavior: the extreme work hours, the mumbling in his sleep, it's all happening because of his father," James clarified. "You see—I'm not even sure if I should be telling you this without first getting Thomas' permission—anyway, his father... well, his father is waiting for him to do something great."

"Great? What, like writing the Declaration of Independence or something?" Alexander said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"You'd think so, but nothing Thomas does is ever enough for his father, hence the high tension he now has to deal with every day. If I were him, I wouldn't want to hang around that house while every move I make is scrutinized and rebuked."

"I had no idea..." Alexander's thoughts drifted back to his childhood. Thomas' father sounded an awful lot like his own father. No matter how hard Alexander tried, he never seemed to do anything right, and he had given up trying long before his father decided to leave him and his mother. Many times, he tried to convince himself that he did not care, that his father's affection was not something he wanted in life, however, deep down, he had always longed to hear James Hamilton say the words, "I'm so proud of you, son..." words Alexander never heard in his entire life.

"What is he going to do during his week off?" Alexander wondered aloud.

"I don't know, but a good portion of his time will be spent under the scrutinizing eye of his father."

"And I thought I had got it bad, not getting to come into work for a whole week," Alexander sighed. "Why don't you visit him tonight, Madison, just to make sure he'll be okay."

"I can't, I have an important meeting that I can't reschedule."

"But you're his best friend!"

"You're his friend, too."

"Good point, but I also have plans for the evening."

"Do these plans involve sitting for hours on end at your desk? Because, if they do, I think Thomas is more important than the work you aren't even supposed to be doing on your break."

Alexander gave James a disgusted look at having been called out. He sighed, acknowledging that James was right.

"All right. I'll ask him if I can have dinner with him at his house, and if he refuses... I'll invite myself," Alexander said with confidence.

Thomas finished packing up his briefcase at the end of the day and mentally prepared himself for the week ahead. As he opened the door, he nearly smacked into Alexander, who was standing at the door just waiting for Thomas to open it.

"Ready for your week off?" Alexander inquired brightly.

"As ready as I'll ever be, I suppose," Thomas responded as he stepped around the Treasury Secretary, who appeared to have way too much energy.

"So, dinner?"

"Dinner?"

"Yes. Dinner at your place, just like we did a couple weeks ago. Afterwards, we can chat in the library."

"I don't know about that..." The last thing Thomas wanted was Alexander to meet his father... then again, his father might not be so quick to judge Thomas if he had company...

"Come on, we never got to finish our conversation about Shakespeare," Alexander pressed on.

"Well..." It's worth a try, Thomas thought. What is the worst that could happen? Wait, don't even think about that!

"Sure," Thomas consented. "Why don't you stop over around seven o'clock?"

"Why don't I just walk home with you?" Alexander suggested.

"I—" I won't have time to prepare! Prepare what? Your father, of course! He argued with himself internally. You shouldn't have to prepare him. He should already be on good behavior when he sees that you have a guest.

"By the time we arrive at your house, it will be dinner time already," Alexander pointed out.

"That's assuming we are going to walk all the way there."

"Walking is good for the brain. I always walk home."

Knowing that he would never be able to win this argument, Thomas agreed and they began the long walk to Thomas' lodgings.

When they arrived, Alexander noticed how Thomas opened the door with extreme caution and reluctance. He peek his head inside the doorway to make sure the coast was clear before stepping in. Alexander, now knowing the source of Thomas' uneasiness, did not comment on his friend's behaviour.

One of the servants took their coats as Thomas beckoned Alexander to the library.

"I have something to show you while the dinner is getting prepared," Thomas said.

"What is it?"

"Well, what would you expect to find in a library?" Alexander smiled at the thought of books and continued to follow his friend.

When they came to the library, Thomas pulled Alexander over to one of his favorite book shelves and carefully pulled out a new, leather bound book, holding it out for Alexander to see.

"Is that...?" Alexander said breathlessly as he traced his fingers over the gold title.

"The Pleasures of Memory," the two friends said in unison.

"And other poems," Thomas added. "By Samuel Rogers."

"How did you get this? I have been waiting for this to come out. It's not supposed to be released to the public until next year! How did you ever get your hands on this?" Alexander exclaimed and reached longing out for the book, which Thomas graciously allowed him to hold.

"I have a friend in London who is friends with a good friend of Samuel Rogers. She sent it to me as an early Christmas present," Thomas explained.

"Christmas? It's only September!"

"Hey, I said early, didn't I?" Thomas replied with a chuckle. "Anyway, I have already read through it twice and I was wondering if you were interested in borrowing it?"

"Am I interested? I'd go absolutely mad knowing that this precious book was sitting in your library without me having read it yet! I already don't get enough sleep at night as it is, Thomas, do you want to make it worse?"

Thomas laughed, "Then it's yours for as long as you want. It's a magnificent work of literature, I know you'll enjoy it."

"Oh, I have no doubt about that. Rogers is an exceptional writer," Alexander said, prospectively tucking the precious volume under his arm.

"I agree. In The Pleasures of Memory, he—"

"No spoilers, please, Thomas. I would never spoil a book for you, so don't spoil this one for me."

"Does 'The Castles of Athlin and Dunbayne' sound familiar, Alexander?" Thomas inquired.

Alexander frowned at the memory. "Yes, but you were reading it way too late. I couldn't help but tell you some of the plot details."

"First of all, I only started reading it about a year after the publication date, which is not that late. Second of all, you didn't have to tell me that Alleyn was really the long lost Phillip. That was just cruel. I spent the whole story wondering when the characters were going to find out, only to find that it was revealed at the very end of the book!"

"I thought you knew!"

"Did I look like I knew that Alleyn was Phillip? I believe my facial expressions conveyed the exact opposite!"

"Well, that's over with now, so don't spoil this book for me."

"Fine," Thomas said and the two dropped the subject.

"Thomas," a voice said from the doorway, "you didn't tell me you were going to have company over for dinner."

"The invitation was very... impromptu," Thomas replied, turning to his father and acknowledging his presence. "Father, this is my colleague and friend, Alexander Hamilton. Alexander, my father, Peter Jefferson."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Peter said and extended a hand to Alexander. "I have heard much about you."

"And I have heard about you, as well," Alexander responded as he shook Peter's hand.

"Well, I'll leave you to your company, Thomas," Peter said before exiting the library.

"He seems nice," Alexander remarked after a few seconds of silence.

Thomas snorted and turned back to the book shelf, pretending to search for a specific title. "I suppose."

"I was talking with James this afternoon," Alexander began. "He told me about the kind of relationship you have with your father."

"He had no right to say anything without my consent," Thomas muttered and continued scanning the shelf, unable to look Hamilton in the eyes.

"I know, but you can't hold it against him. He didn't want to at first, but I kept nagging him until he got tired of it and told me."

"Why did you even want to know? It was none of your business, Alexander."

"Because I was worried about you." Thomas glanced over at Alexander and opened his mouth to speak, but Alexander beat him to it. "And I still am worried about you. That's why I invited myself over tonight; I wanted to talk with you and make sure you were all right."

"What makes you think I want to talk about this?" Thomas questioned dangerously.

"Look, I know exactly how you feel and what you're going through because my father was the same way," Alexander began. Usually, he was hesitant to talk about his past, but he felt as though Thomas would understand, considering his present situation, so he decided to take his chances. "I know from experience that it feels a whole lot better to talk about your feelings with a friend, instead of sequestering them inside of you."

Thomas eyed Alexander before letting out a heavy sigh. He collapsed into the nearest chair and Alexander followed suit. A few moments crawled by before Thomas got up the nerve to say anything, but Alexander waited patiently—and quietly—for once in his life.

"I don't even know where to start," Thomas began slowly. "I fear that if I start talking, I'll go off on a rant."

"I don't mind. Just start whenever you feel ready."

"He... my father... he expects too much... he never seems to be..." Thomas sighed. "I never seem to do anything right in his eyes. He's waiting for me to do something great, yet he chooses to ignore all the things I have already accomplished. I don't know what he's waiting for, but I'm getting tired of trying to guess. I wish..." Thomas lowered his voice, which had risen during his rant, "... I just wish that I could be enough for him... you know?"

"Yeah," Alexander sighed and cast his eyes down, "I know."

"I mean," Thomas' voice became thick and began rapidly blinking back the tears which threatened to fall, "is love really worth it if you have to earn it in such a way as this?"

"That's something I have wondered for a long time: is love worth earning."

"Have you come to a conclusion?" Thomas asked meekly.

Alexander thought for a second before replying. "I think love, especially a parent's love, shouldn't have to be earned. We earn trust, we earn respect, we earn loyalty, but we shouldn't have to earn love. Love isn't just a word, love is an action and it shouldn't have to be earned."

"I agree," Thomas said. "But some people don't see things your way. To some, love is a thing to be earned."

"My father always told me that he loved me, but his actions told me otherwise, however, I always loved him, even when it was difficult. Sometimes, love is one-sided... but it doesn't have to be like that forever. I think... I think if I had more time... never mind."

Thomas raised an inquisitive eyebrow, but he did not dig further into Alexander's story, knowing that now was not the time.

"So, you believe that if... if I show love to my father, even when it's hard, or he doesn't deserve it, he will show me love in return? Isn't that just earning love?"

"No, it's giving your father an example of unconditional love, something I did not have enough time to do," Alexander said, stopping himself before he accidentally revealed too much of his secret, tormented past.

"Hmm..." Thomas mused, taking Hamilton's words into consideration. He had always fought, pleaded, cajoled, and worked hard in order to try to earn his father's love, but he had never considered showing his father unconditional love, even if it was one-sided. "I suppose it's worth a try, since I've run out of options. It's not going to be easy, though."

"I never said love was easy, but it can be with time," Alexander said just as one of the servants entered and informed the two that dinner had been served.

"Thank you, Alexander," Thomas said as they rose from their chairs. "I really needed this talk."

"I know, and you're welcome," Alexander replied with a smile. "Now, let's eat so I can start reading this book!"

"All right," Thomas laughed. "I know you've been itching to open that book ever since you first laid eyes on it!"

"'Itching' is not the word for it. Craving, longing, or yearning would be a better fit."

"Well, after dinner we can sit down in the library and read," Thomas promised, "but only if you agree to read it aloud. I can't get enough of your dramatic reading skills. Where did you ever learn to read so dramatically?"

"It's a gift I bestowed upon myself when I was young," Alexander said with a smirk and Thomas gave him a playful nudge in the shoulder.

Dinner was uneventful and Peter Jefferson was remarkably cordial to both Thomas and Alexander for the duration of the meal. Thomas kept the conversation veered away from himself and his accomplishments, and Alexander helped to keep the topics on neutral ground, such as the weather, the quality of the food, the "price of things nowadays," and so on.

Afterwards, Thomas and Alexander retired to the library to read, while Peter retired to his room for the evening. Soon, Alexander's visit came to an end.

"Don't forget about our conversation, Thomas," Alexander reminded as he put on his coat by the door.

"I won't," Thomas replied. "Enjoy your week off, Alexander, and don't work too much. Spend some time with your wife and kids. I'm sure they would love a work free week."

"I'll try... maybe I'll save the writing for the evening..." Alexander said and his thoughts drifted to his beloved Eliza. "Don't worry about me, Thomas."

"That's easier said than done."

"Goodnight, and thank you for the wonderful evening."

"No, Alexander, thank you," Thomas said as Alexander strolled down the pathway and disappeared into the night.

Love is not just a word... it's an action... Thomas thought. He closed the door and shifted his gaze to the direction of his father's room and sighed. Well, it's worth a try... it's worth a try...

TBC...

As always, any prompts or suggestions for future stories are very welcome!