When she opened her eyes, her vision was blurry at first, but eventually, the figure seated at the foot of the bed came into focus. His height and shoulder-length wavy blond hair gave him away, and Naseema smiled as the features of his face sharpened, and he became clearer.
"Jagger," she said in a hoarse whisper.
His head popped up, and a wide grin spread across his face. "Hey there, sleeping beauty," he replied. Naseema tried to raise her hand but found she couldn't move it. She looked down and saw another hand holding hers, and as her vision continued to return, she saw the head full of thick, dark hair resting on the bed. It was attached to Elnor, who was seated in a chair next to the bed, slumped over and motionless.
"Don't try to talk out loud," Jagger silently told her. "That Romulan chick really fucked you up. She damn near took your head right off. It's going to be a while before you get your voice back."
"I feel like I have been hit by a train," she replied with a groan. She tried to sit up more but struggled to move without pain shooting through her. Jagger came over and propped her up with a couple of pillows.
"That might have been preferable," he said. "There would have been less of a mess. You really need to never do anything like this again. Picard died in Raffi's arms, and then I turned around to see you lying face down in a lake of blood with poor Arcana standing over you. It was like a horror movie and not one of the good ones. What were you thinking going out to that fucking cube with no backup?"
"Jean-Luc is dead?" Naseema asked with a devastated expression.
"He's actually not, but that's a long story, and he tells it a lot better than I do," he told her as he raised his eyebrows and shook his head gently. "I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it myself."
"Am I dreaming?" she asked, bewildered. "This is bizarre. Jean-Luc died...but is not...dead. What are you talking about? I cannot remember what happened. How long have I been out?"
"Well, you're not dreaming," Jagger told her. "What's the last thing you remember?"
"I was at the Artifact, and I found the woman who murdered Hugh. We fought and-and the rest is blank," she said.
"You lost that fight in spectacular fashion," he replied. "She managed to impale you three times, pinned you to a wall, and cut your throat wide open."
"How did I get here?"
Jagger's expression became gloomy. "Elnor found you and carried you across the desert. He told me what you said to him out at Rios' ship. Do you remember arguing with him?"
Her eyes filled up with tears, and she nodded. "I was so angry. I said vicious things, and I hurt him."
"Yeah, you did," Jagger said. "Things he didn't deserve, and he came after you anyway." He lowered his eyes for a second before continuing. "Look, Naseema, I know you have a hard time letting go of things, but this shit that's been going on for the last twenty years, it needs to stop. You're going to get yourself killed, and maybe that's what you've been trying to do, but I, for one, don't want to see that happen, and neither does he. You need to let someone in. I was hoping it would be me, but at this point, I'll take whatever help I can get, and if he's willing to put up with your special brand of crazy, he's good in my books. You're bonded to him now. How do you think it's going to affect him if you keep going down the path you're on? It's not just about you anymore."
With tears streaming down her face, she nodded and glanced down at Elnor. "Is he alright?"
"He's had a rough few days," Jagger replied, and a sympathetic expression crossed his face as he looked over at the young Romulan. "I can't remember the last time I saw someone cry so much. First, it was with me, then Raffi, and then Juliet. Between you and Picard...boy, you guys broke him down something fierce. He's hardly moved from that chair in almost seventy-two hours. He's barely eaten anything, and this is the first time I've seen him sleep at all. I've been here with him pretty much the whole time too, so, believe me, I know. We had to make him shower because he was covered in your blood. There was so much it soaked right through his clothes. Otherwise, even the Admiral couldn't convince him to move."
"He wasn't happy to see Jean-Luc alive?" she asked.
"Oh no, he was super happy to see Picard," Jagger said. "He almost fainted when he saw him. Honestly, if I didn't feel so bad for the kid, it would have been hilarious. He still wouldn't leave the room though I must have told him half a dozen times that you were going to be fine, but nope."
"I really fucked up."
"Yeah, you did, and you're so lucky he went after you," Jagger told her as his voice became serious. "It might have been days before we found you if he hadn't brought you home. We owe him a debt."
Naseema looked down at him again. "I owe him a debt."
"Well, I'll leave you to it then," Jagger said and smiled at her. "Try to get him to eat something and let me know if you need anything." She nodded at him and returned his smile. "By the way," he added as he moved towards the door. "Don't strain too much, or you'll pop your stitches."
After Jagger left the room, she eased herself onto her side and squeezed Elnor's hand. He stirred and lifted his head. He blinked a few times to wake himself up, but quickly realized she was conscious, and looking at him.
"You're awake," he said with a tearful smile. She shimmied over to make room for him as he crawled on the bed next to her and wrapped his arms around her.
"I am so sorry, Elnor," she whispered as he buried his face in her shoulder.
"Don't ever do that again," he told her. She held onto him as tightly as she could even though it hurt, one hand on his head and her other moving up and down his back until they both fell asleep again. When she awoke next, he was still there. His head against her shoulder, and her head against his. He still had one arm draped across her torso, but his other had gone slack, and she could feel his hand at the small of her back. The room was dark except for the bedside lamp and the weak fire barely burning in the fireplace. Elnor's breathing was rhythmical, and he snored softly, so she knew he was still asleep. She sighed gently, and as she turned her eyes to the foot of the bed, she saw Picard. He sat there as he quietly watched them. She smiled at him, and he got up to sit on the bed, opposite Elnor.
"Welcome back," he whispered.
"The rumours of your death have been greatly exaggerated," she replied wryly, her voice still weak and raspy. "What happened? I feel as though I've been asleep for a hundred years."
"Dr. Jurati and Alton Soong transferred my consciousness into the golem," he replied. "I'm a synth now."
She looked at him quizzically. "I cannot hear your thoughts," she said.
Picard nodded, "Yes, Jagger said the same thing. Soong couldn't explain it either." He glanced over at Elnor. "That does not look very comfortable for you," he observed.
"Let him sleep," Naseema said with a sad smile. "I have been told it has been a difficult several days for him."
"Nobody has been able to convince him to leave your side," Picard told her. "Apparently, the effect of your bond is stronger than you anticipated."
"I have not done right by that bond," she replied and looked away from him.
"It would appear it's not too late to fix that," he said.
"I am so ashamed of myself for having done this to him," she lamented. "He deserves better than what I have allowed myself to become, and if I could undo it, I would."
"And what is it you've become?"
"I do not even know anymore, but I am no longer the person you knew, Jean-Luc," she replied. "I only seem to feed the worst parts of myself now."
"I still recognize you," he told her.
She let out a quiet, sad laugh. "That is only because I am currently sober." Then her features took on an anguished expression. "You need to take him as far away from me as possible. I will only ruin his life."
Picard looked at her sympathetically and sighed. "I couldn't even get him to leave this room, so I'm not sure what makes you think I'd be able to convince him to leave the planet. He is the determined sort. It reminds me of a couple of other people I know who are both currently in this room as well."
"Jean-Luc, I am serious. I will only-" she tried to insist, but he cut her off.
"I'm not going to tell him what to do with his life, Naseema. I've never known you to back down from a challenge, so perhaps you should accept this as a reason to turn things around." She nodded and looked down at her lap.
"I do not even know where to begin."
"I think letting go of the past might be a good place for that," he said. "Maybe we can both have a fresh start together."
She looked at him, and her lip started to quiver. "You mean by letting go of him."
He nodded mournfully. "After I died," he began. "Before I awoke in my new body, I saw Data, and I spoke with him." Naseema pulled in a sharp breath and shakily exhaled. "He asked me to do something for him."
The Feeonix's eyes glistened now. "What did he ask?" she wondered as she rubbed her fingertips together nervously.
"He asked me to terminate his consciousness. He wants to die," Picard delicately told her.
She looked away from him and nodded, tears had already started to run down her cheeks. "I know," she said in a choked whisper.
"We can say goodbye together," he said and put his hand on hers. "When you're ready." She was too upset to answer him with words, and she didn't want to wake Elnor, so she just nodded again. Picard knew she wanted to be alone, so he kept his hand on hers for another minute before he got up and slipped out of the room. She tried to keep her grief quiet and covered her mouth with her hand, but her young companion was already awake and heard her conversation with Picard. He said nothing as he adjusted his position and lifted her legs to rest them over top of his as if she were sitting in his lap. Then he shifted himself closer, re-positioned his arms around her so she could sob into his chest, and rested his head on hers.
By the time the sun peeked over the horizon, they sat, in her bed and examined the rapidly healing wounds on her torso as Elnor's stomach demanded to be filled, and continued to make increasingly noisy gurgling sounds.
"You should go get something to eat," Naseema finally suggested, her voice still raspy. "I need to get myself cleaned up anyway."
"Don't you need help?" he asked.
"I think I will be alright," she replied as she looked at him sideways and arched an eyebrow.
"I meant getting out of bed," he clarified and with a cheeky grin added, "but if you're asking for more, I'm sure I won't say no."
"I am not asking," she laughed. "But I appreciate the gesture." He swung his legs off the bed and came around the other side to help her get up. He placed one hand on her back and took her hand with his other as he eased her forward so she could hang her feet over the side. Then she held onto his shoulder as he lifted her until her feet touched the floor. Once he was sure she was steady, he let go and took a step back still poised to catch her if her legs wouldn't cooperate. She took a couple of steps forward and gave him an affirming nod.
"I believe I am alright," she told him. "Thank you." A pleased smile appeared on his face, and then his stomach rumbled again. "Go on," she told him and shooed him out of the room. "By the time you return, I should be ready."
He did as he was told and made his way down to the cantina. As he approached the door, he heard several of the other Feeonix engaged in what sounded like a serious discussion. He slowed his gait and moved closer to the wall. Even though he knew it was rude, he wanted to hear what they were talking about.
"I just don't know what to do anymore," Jagger said. "It's like she has a death wish."
"There are no maybes about it, man," Simon replied. "I've been trying to tell you guys she's suicidal for a long fucking time now, this is just the latest episode."
"We're all aware she's been slipping further into her depression, Simon, but I'm not sure she's gone quite that far," Juliet interjected.
"I disagree," Simon argued. "Just look at the signs. She's been perfectly content to let the entire universe think she's already dead. She volunteers for every dangerous assignment that comes up and always insists on going alone. I almost had a stroke when Manny told me she took that Romulan kid with her when she went after the bastard who murdered Saga, and I thought maybe she was turning a corner, but then what did she do? She ditched him and went after a trained assassin in a Borg cube by herself."
"Simon," Juliet said gently. "I don't think-"
"No," he replied. "Can we bloody well just talk about this for a minute? Jagger, remember when she could take on an entire squadron by herself and come out without a scratch? She gets hurt every time she goes off-world now. She's been trying to get herself killed. She doesn't seem to care about anything anymore. When she's here, which is rare, she hardly talks to anyone. She just holds up in her room, which is empty, by the way, because she has no personal possessions anymore, and she drinks. The only reason she ever goes down to the Station is to sit and talk to that fucking machine with Data's consciousness in it, and now Picard wants to disconnect it. I'm telling you, she'll spiral hard, and I'll be surprised if she doesn't just disappear in the middle of the night never to be seen or heard from again."
"Well, when you put it like that," Jagger said as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. He let out a loud sigh and slumped his shoulders. "I guess maybe it really is that bad."
Juliet frowned with worry. "What should we do?" she asked. "Somehow, I doubt an intervention will have much effect, and it might even make things worse."
"You helped her when she first came here, didn't you?" Simon suggested. "Maybe you can try talking to her again?"
"I didn't do anything," Juliet admitted. "She didn't make any progress until Bruce showed up and asked for her help creating Dahj and Soji."
"Well, maybe we should involve Soji then," Simon said.
"Soji's got enough going on," Jagger told him. "We can't lay this on her doorstep. Besides, Naseema seems to avoid her. I know she helped Bruce create her, but now, I think there's too much Data there, and she can't handle it."
"Perhaps we should approach the Romulan boy?" Aronnox finally proposed. "She seems to be quite responsive to him, enough so that she unconsciously bonded herself to him."
"Huh," Javier snorted. "We should add that to Simon's list. I mean, what the hell is that about anyway? Of all the lifeforms in the galaxy, she could have chosen, and she picks a teenaged, Qowat Milat monk. The other Romulans don't even take him seriously, and what's with the sword? It looks like a toy. Where the fuck did Picard find that kid anyway?"
"Vashti," both Simon and Jagger replied.
"Jesus," Javier said and made a face. "What a place to grow up. That whole planet's like a giant refugee camp."
"That's because it is a giant refugee camp," Jagger clipped.
Javier shook his head. "I don't know that situation is weird. The kid seems a little touchy-feely for Picard...and Naseema. It's not natural."
"He's very cuddly," Juliet said. "It's adorable, and there's nothing wrong with being affectionate. I don't understand why you're so weirded out."
"He's just used to the regular Romulans who'll stick a gun in your face as soon as look at you," Simon replied with a smirk. "He can't handle one that expresses emotions other than arrogant superiority."
"It's because he's only known the Naseema that exists now," Jagger said and turned to look at Javier. "Before Data died, she was really affectionate too, and she and Picard always seemed to get along alright. I think Aronnox is right, Elnor's our best ally now. At least she seems to want to spend time with him, and she's bonded to him. Whether she meant to do it or not, she has to acknowledge it."
"Do you really want to put something like this in the kid's lap, I mean, he's just that, a kid," Simon said. "That doesn't quite seem fair."
"He might be young and a little naive, but he's got grit," Jagger replied. "He went into that cube all by his lonesome too, just to find Naseema even after she said some pretty terrible things to him, and he did find her and carried her all the way home. He can handle this. I know he can. Look, I know this sounds crazy, but you never met Nasir. She was this close to giving up on humanity until he came along, and now she's at a similar crossroad. Believe me, I was skeptical at first too, but the similarities between them are remarkable, and I think there's a chance Elnor can pull her out of this. We just need to have a little faith in him."
"I don't know," Simon argued. "What are we supposed to say to him? Hey, here's our dear friend, she's an alcoholic train wreck, please save her from herself."
"Maybe we shouldn't say anything to him," Aronnox said. "I bet the relationship will develop organically if we let it. Then, there's no pressure on the boy, and Naseema will be less likely to resist it if it's genuine. Her mental state is not something that will improve overnight, but if the bond she made is any indication, he has already begun to help her."
Outside in the hallway, Elnor was processing what he'd heard.
He wanted to help. He liked Naseema, and even though he hadn't known her before Data died, or been around to witness her decline, he knew how much she was hurting. He could feel it every time she touched him, but he could also feel how much she cared for him and enjoyed his company. Her grief always seemed to subside, at least a little, the longer he was around her. He wouldn't have to do anything other than spend time with her, and he wanted to do that anyway.
So lost in thought, he didn't hear Salome sneak up behind him.
"Good morning, lover boy," she cooed and squeezed his backside. He jumped but managed not to yelp and give himself away. He jerked away from her and pressed his back against the wall.
"Please don't touch me like that," he said as he uneasily eyed her.
"What are you doing out here in the hallway?" she asked with an eyebrow raised in suspicion.
"Nothing," he quickly replied.
"You're a terrible liar," she said and took a glance through the cantina's door. "Are they talking about you? Did you hear anything interesting?" she pressed, but he just looked at her stone-faced, and after a few seconds, she gave up waiting for him to answer her. "You know, someday you'll be begging me to touch you like that." He rolled his eyes, and she laughed as she started to walk away. "You'll see."
Salome went into the cantina and headed straight for the coffee machine. After pouring herself a cup, she turned around to face the room. "What are you all discussing in here?" she asked, her tone far too pleasant. "Everybody looks so serious."
"Nothing important enough for you to worry about," Simon told her. "And why are you in such a good mood this morning?"
"If it's nothing important, then why is the boy wonder hiding in the hallway eavesdropping?" she asked.
Jagger and Simon looked at each other and perked up their ears. "Goddammit, I can hear his stomach growling from here," Jagger muttered and then called out, "Elnor, get that skinny, sword-wielding ass in here!"
"And what a nice, firm ass it is too," Salome snickered and took a sip of her coffee.
Elnor slunk around the corner into the room and narrowed his eyes at Salome. She smirked back at him, but her satisfaction was short-lived as Jagger turned to her. "Salome beat it," She threw a disdainful look at him but did as she was told and walked out the rear door. Simon followed her and looked out to make sure she was gone before he joined Jagger in turning his attention to Elnor. "How much did you hear?" the Feeonix asked.
"Jagger," Juliet jumped in. "At least let him get something to eat before you interrogate him."
"Simon can get it for him," he replied. Simon nodded and went over to the replicator. "He likes oatmeal in the morning, right?" Jagger said and looked to Elnor for confirmation. The young Romulan nodded and sat down at the table. Jagger turned back to Simon to watch what he was doing. Simon called up the breakfast menu on the replicator and whizzed through the selections. "No, not that one, the maple," Jagger instructed. "Yeah, that one."
Simon waited for it to materialize while Jagger topped up his coffee and sat down across from Elnor. "I'm sorry for in-butting," the young monk apologized.
"Nobody cares about that," Jagger replied. "Everyone here eavesdrops like it's a competitive sport. If we were that concerned about it, we'd have more doors and better soundproofing." Aronnox sat down next to Jagger as Simon brought the cereal over and set it down in front of Elnor before taking a seat himself. "However," Jagger continued. "We do need to make sure you understand what you overheard."
"You're all worried about Naseema," Elnor replied. "You think she's letting herself get hurt on purpose, and you think I can help her."
"Sounds pretty accurate to me," Aronnox said.
"That's the gist of it, but there's a little more to it than that," Jagger insisted.
"She hasn't been the same since she lost Data, and you believe she wants to die too," Elnor elaborated.
"Yes, indirectly," Jagger told him. "If all she wanted was just to be done with everything, it wouldn't be that physically hard for her to do it. She could just propel herself directly into a star or something. She's not there yet, but I do believe she's given up on trying to let go of her grief, and we're all concerned that if we let her continue down this road, eventually, it will completely consume her. If that happens, then it's far more likely she will take her own life."
"If nobody else manages to beat her to it," Simon added. "A big part of our worry is how reckless she's become. What happened out at the Borg cube is just the latest example, and I believe that the only reason she wasn't more seriously injured when she rescued you, is because she rescued you. Somehow, you gave her a reason to pull her shit together, and we've all seen her mood improve since you showed up."
"We're not trying to scare you or put any pressure on you, and we know you'll be leaving soon," Juliet said. "All we're hoping is that if you continue to spend time with her while you're here, she'll see there's still good in the galaxy, and there are things worth living for."
"If I talk to Picard, I'm sure he'll be willing to stay as long as needed," Elnor offered with a hopeful expression.
"Look," Jagger replied. "I understand if you don't feel like you can keep this from him, but if you tell him why you want to stay, he'll want to help, and this kind of thing isn't really his forte. I love the old geezer, don't get me wrong, but he thinks he can fix everything with a speech and this is not the time for waxing philosophic, we've tried that. This is the time for cuddles and absolute candor, and that, my friend, is your forte, aside from cutting people's heads off."
Elnor gave Jagger a sympathetic smile. "I want to help her," he said. "I know how sad and alone she feels because I can feel it too."
"This is fucking ridiculous," Javier finally piped up from the corner. "She's one of ours, and she's our problem, not the kid's. You shouldn't be trying to put this on him, and cuddles aren't going to fix anything."
"You know what, dude," Jagger snapped and twisted around in his chair. "You've made it pretty fucking clear that Naseema's depression makes you uncomfortable, and so far you haven't offered any suggestions, just criticism. She's not a problem we have to deal with, she's our family, and she needs help. Seriously, just go. Nobody will think less of you."
"I thought the same thing a few days ago," Simon added. "And after I gave it some thought, I changed my mind. Naseema may have unconventional tastes when it comes to bonding but at the end of the day, I think her choices say a lot more about the people she chooses than it does about her and we're all accepting Elnor as part of the family now, so you might as well start adjusting to that."
Javier snorted dismissively. Elnor heard what had been said about him earlier, and he felt his ears growing hot with anger as he thought about it.
"Caring about the people in my life and wanting to express how I feel about them does not make me weak," he said with so much conviction that Simon and Jagger exchanged impressed looks. "I do like to cuddle, and I'm not ashamed of that," he continued as he got up out of his chair and put his hands on the table as he leaned towards Javier. "And I don't abandon someone who needs my help just because they might not be my problem, especially if that someone saved my life. If you don't want to help, then stay out of the way."
Javier was completely taken aback and didn't know what to say. "I-I'm sorry," he finally replied. Elnor nodded and sat back down. Still stunned, the Feeonix took his coffee and left the room.
"Good for you," Aronnox said with an impressed nod.
"He never apologizes," Juliet added. Simon and Jagger just continued to smile and nod their heads in approval until the latter finally spoke.
"Today isn't going to be a good day. Picard plans to terminate Data's consciousness, but we should be able to encourage her to move forward from here."
"What should I expect?" Elnor asked. "Do you have any advice?"
"If she even lets you in, she's probably going to get very drunk, and there will be a lot of crying," Jagger told him.
"So much crying," Juliet said.
"You're right," Elnor agreed as he looked at Jagger. "That is my forte."
Once he finished his breakfast and enjoyed a little camaraderie with his new adopted family, Elnor left them to return to Naseema's room. When he was gone, Simon placed his cup on the table and turned to the others.
"You know, there's the chance for some serious complications to arise from this. What are we going to do when the kid leaves?" he asked with a worried sigh. "They're bonded and if we encourage her to embrace that it's going to rip her in half all over again once he's gone."
Jagger matched Simon's sigh. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," he replied.
He knew he was going to have to convince Naseema to return to Earth with Picard and the others. She already loved Elnor, she just couldn't admit it to herself yet, and she needed a break. A break from skulking around in the dark and killing, and long periods with only herself for company. A break he knew she wouldn't take so long as she stayed here with the rest of them. She needed somebody to care for again, and by some miracle of fate, she found Elnor, who possessed every quality that pulled her in like the gravity of a collapsing star. He felt a twinge of guilt for pushing the kid toward her so hard, but if it saved her, how much harm was there in it, really?