"Three Course Meal Gum? What the heck is that?", Heather asked. Chris chuckled for a second before holding the thin gray strip up for all to see (it wasn't very impressive, just a gray blob, the group thought).
"Well, this is my newest invention, and possibly my most important one! You see, while it may look like an ordinary strip of gum, I believe this baby has the power to change the world!" Chris said.
"Why, does it taste really good? Is that what it does?", Cody scoffed. "Oh man, does it ever! But saying the only thing it does is taste good would be ridiculous!" Chris replied. "So could you please tell us what it does?", prompted Cameron.
"Certainly! This little piece of gum can quite possibly end world hunger!" With that, everyone started to laugh a little bit, save for Cameron and Grandpa Joe (although they also looked a bit confused). "How on earth can a tiny little piece of gum cure world hunger?" Ms. Lopez said after she stopped laughing.
"Go ahead and laugh now, but I can guarantee you won't be laughing when these things hit the shelves! Instead of laughing, you'll be wishing you listened to what I told you!" Chris said as he let that sink in. "Although I don't leave this factory, I still pay attention to what goes on here around the world, and I watch enough of the news to know that there are far too many people here who don't have enough to eat! Even in this city, I see poor people begging for money and going through trash cans looking for table scraps every day. It makes me sick to my stomach. As someone who makes food, I feel like it is my responsibility to do my part in making sure everyone can enjoy a hot meal, all at an affordable cost!" Chris paused for a little bit after he said this, possibly to let it sink in but also possibly to give himself enough time to think of what to say next.
Heather scoffed. "Please, there's already a solution to the hunger problem. If people can't afford to buy food, they just need to work harder!" Everyone glared at her, even Courtney and Cody. "What, I'm just saying what we're all thinking!", she said. Everyone rolled their eyes and turned back towards Chris.
"Okay, Heather, that's a whole nother discussion to have, but all I can say to you right now is this: you are wrong. And you should feel bad. Anyway, so I saw all this hunger around the world, and me, being the nice guy that I am, decided I should do something about it. So I spent years thinking through ideas. I tried a pill that turns into a baked chicken when you submerge it in water, but that didn't work; all it did was break the glass the water was in. So then I tried making my own line of cheap, nutritious foods. But I realized that if I did that, I could potentially throw off the fast food market, and I know a lot of those companies would not be able to recover from that. Plus, I also realized that I am not the best cook when it comes to non-sugary food items. My first attempt at spaghetti nearly burned this whole factory down! So I decided against that, and I was thoroughly stumped as to what to do for a really long time!" Chris monologued.
"So then how did you decide on gum?" Courtney asked.
"Well, I was going over some figures and calculations when I suddenly thought of my Gobstoppers! If they could change flavor, I thought, what if I could get other things to change flavor as well? Once I had settled on that idea, I devised a formula that makes it feel like you're eating a full three-course meal (complete with sides, of course), all in a stick of gum! You basically get the nourishment and flavor of a full meal, at a fraction of the cost and none of the hassle!"
Cody piped up skeptically. "Wait, so when someone chews that gum, they're eating a full meal? With all of the calories?" Chris nodded. "So how does that work?"
"Trust me, it's a secret. If I told you all of the complex details here, I doubt your brains would be able to handle it! But yes, if someone chews this piece of gum, they would be getting everything they would get from a full meal: all the flavor, all the calories, all the good times! Once I put these things out on the market, we could potentially eliminate world hunger! Everyone would be able to pick up a pack and eat for a week! If I'm not mistaken, this strip here contains an appetizer of tomato soup, an entree of roast beef, complete with mashed potatoes and gravy, and to finish off, we have a dessert course of blueberry pie a la mode! A classic combination that reminds us all of Sunday dinner with the family. Just think of it: everyone having a good time, some show on the TV droning on in the background, grandma drooling in the corner...makes me want my childhood back!, Chris said with a laugh.
"It sounds impossible!" Cody said.
"It sounds interesting!" Cameron said.
"It sounds weird!" Heather said.
"It sounds like my kind of gum!" Courtney said. "Okay Mclean, would you mind handing that over so I can try it?"
"Oh, I would really prefer it if you wouldn't... you see, it's almost there, but it's not quite ready for tasting yet. There's just one or two things that have to be worked out, but I can promise you that once I've got it just right, you'll be the first one I call!" Chris replied.
"Courtney, maybe you should listen to Mr. Mclean", Courtney's mother said. "I mean, he did say that-"
" I don't care what he said, I need to try that gum! It's right up my alley, and plus, I'd be the first one to try it! It's like it was made for me!" Courtney persisted. And with that, she reached into her mouth, took out the piece of gum she had been chewing nonstop for almost four months, and placed it behind her ear. She stuck out her hand expectantly. Chris just stared at her.
"I'm sorry, Courtney, but I can't allow you to try it. It wouldn't be right" he said.
"Alright, screw all of this, I'm going for it!" she said. And with lightning quick hands, she snatched the piece of gum from Chris' hands, popped it in her mouth, and began chewing. Chris immediately gasped and wrung his hands.
"Okay, please spit that gum out right now! It's not safe to be chewing it!" Courtney just smiled smugly. "Look at me, I'm the first person ever to try Mclean's Three-Course Meal gum! That's yet another record! I'm gonna be famous! I'm gonna be popular! I'm gonna win!", she gloated.
Ms. Lopez had come around to her daughter's decision. "That's right, keep on chewing, Courtney! This is a marvelous day for the Lopez family!" The rest of the group's reactions ranged from amused (Heather and her father) to bewildered (Cameron and Grandpa Joe) to apathetic yet still paying attention (Cody).
"I don't know, it tastes really bland, almost like I'm chewing cardboard. Kinda underwhelming to this point and- whoa, whoa, whoa, I think the first course is coming on! I'm gonna keep going!" Courtney described,
"Courtney, please, spit it out! You shouldn't be chewing it!" Chris pleaded. But Courtney was right: she had reached the first course. "Oh my god, it is tomato soup! It's amazing, it's like I'm really eating the most delicious tomato soup ever! It's thick and creamy, and it tastes just like the real thing!" Cameron was watching the whole display from the sidelines, and he turned to Grandpa Joe and said, "Grandpa, why isn't she listening to Mr. Mclean?" Grandpa Joe scoffed and replied, "Because she's not a smart girl, Cam. It's a good thing you're smart, because if you had taken that gum, I would've come up there and smacked ya!" They both chuckled at this.
"I don't know how you've done it, Chris, but this is the best soup I've ever tasted! Plus, it's hot, too! Man, this is amazing!" Courtney exclaimed as her mother cheered her on next to her. Chris was begging with her, pleading her to spit it out, but Courtney would not listen and just kept right on chewing.
"Hold on, I think it's moving to the next course! It is! It's roast beef, just as you said! It's cooked perfectly! It's tender and juicy and delicious! It feels just like the real thing too! And the mashed potatoes-they taste absolutely great! They're buttery and thick! If only the world could see me! I'm setting a world record!" she gloated. Chris was sweating bullets off to the side. "Spit it out! There's still time, but you've gotta stop chewing that gum! Please!" He even threw his hat down to the ground to emphasize the severity of the situation. Ms. Lopez did not help the situation as she continued cheering Courtney on: "Don't listen to him! Keep on going! Once we're done, we'll frame that gum and put it on the wall!", she exclaimed.
"Ok, I think that's it for the roast beef and potatoes...that must mean the third course is coming up!" No sooner had Courtney spoke those words that she gasped. "Here it is! Blueberry pie a la mode! It's the best one yet! It's like I'm eating a slice of the juiciest, sweetest, most amazing blueberry pie ever! And the ice cream is just as good! You've really outdone yourself, Mclean!" Courtney was over the moon with excitement at this point.
"You go, girl! You're almost there and- good lord, what is happening to your nose?", Ms. Lopez inquired. "Quiet, Mom, just a little bit more!" Courtney responded. "No, I'm serious, something's happening! Your nose is turning blue!" Ms. Lopez interjected. "What the heck do you mean?" Courtney asked.
But it was indeed true: Courtney's nose, once a mocha color, had turned a deep blue, almost purple color. "I mean, your nose is completely blue! And your lips! And your cheeks! God, your whole face is blue!" Courtney was chewing incredibly fast now, no doubt due to her increasing nervousness, Cameon thought. "Chris, what's going on here? Ms. Lopez asked as Chris weakly shrugged his shoulders. "I told her to stop chewing. Didn't I warn her to spit it out?" he replied, shaking his head.
Courtney's formerly dark brown hair had now turned the same shade of blue that her face was. The girl was starting to take notice of what was going on, as she raised her hand to look at it, only to recoil in horror as she saw it gradually turning blue. "Mom, what's happening to me? I feel kind of weird…", she said as her entire body was now blue. "Basically, there's an excess of fluid in the fructose sacs, I'm afraid, which means...ummm...excuse me" Chris said as he slowly stepped away from Courtney and joined the others.
Then something truly crazy happened: Courtney started to swell up. It started with her midsection, then moved to the rest of her body. Everyone gasped and took several steps back as the girl continued to blow up. "She's swelling up!", one of the adults said. "Like a balloon!", someone else said. "Like a blueberry", Cameron said. Courtney continued to expand upward and outward, growing larger and rounder with every second until she was nearly ten feet tall and perfectly round, and all anyone could see of her was a tiny pair of hands and feet and a head at the top. Courtney's expression was one of horror and shock, though she was still chomping away on the gum. Everyone was speechless for quite a long time before Chris cleared his throat and turned to Ms. Lopez.
"It happens every time. I've tried it on a bunch of interns, and I end up with blueberries. I don't know what it is, but it always goes wrong when we get to the dessert!" he said with a sigh.
"Listen, Mclean, I can't have a blueberry as a daughter! She's got school to go to, sports to play, and things to do! You need to get her back to normal!" Ms. Lopez yelled at Chris. "I've got an idea: you could prick her with a pin! Then she'll be back to normal!" Heather said with a chuckle. Everyone glared at her again.
"Not to worry, I've got a plan! Oh, interns!" Chris called out. Three interns came running out from a room and over to Chris. "As you can see, we have a Code B-164. You must roll Ms. Courtney down to the Juicing Room at once, and please hurry!" Ms. Lopez was shocked. "The Juicing Room? What are they gonna do to her?"
"Oh, we need to squeeze all the juice out of her right away, or else she's liable to explode!" Upon seeing the horrified looks on everyone's faces, he quickly added: "Don't worry, she'll be fine! She'll probably be a little...blue at the end of it, but she should be perfectly safe!"
The interns whistled to one another, and in an instant, there were about a dozen more of them standing by. In one fluid motion, they tipped Courtney over onto her side and started rolling her like a giant beach ball towards a large set of doors that closed once they were all through. "You should go after them, Ms. Lopez. Go be with your daughter!", Chris said, and the woman took off running after the interns. "Oh, look, I think the interns are gonna sing another song! This'll be fun!" The group turned to look, and some interns were indeed lining up to sing.
Intern, wintern, we're back here again
Telling you all of a terrible friend
Intern, wintern, sweet caramel
Listen to us, and heed this song well
Being the best is lots of fun
But don't be too cocky when you've won
If you're obsessed with silvers and gold
Eventually it all gets really old
And to the Juicing Room you're rolled
Intern, wintern, don't be like Courtney
That boastful girl that behaved so beastly
Listen to us and try to be good
And always act like the interns….wooooould!
Once again, confused applause. "Okay, let's move on! Please don't dilly or dally! We've got much more to see!" As the group started to head off, Chris laughed and said "It's kind of ironic: Courtney wanted to set a record, and she did: she's the first human blueberry!" Some laughed, but Heather laughed the most.
Well, there ya have it! Courtney is officially out of the tour! I hope I did a decent enough job with this chapter (it was harder to write than you might think), but please feel free to let me know what you thought! Thanks,
TUS