Up All Knight
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker bringing you another hilarious story. About three years ago, I posted The Mayhem Critic and it has 93 chapters. Man, that's a lot. And while I was working on Stallone Month for The Mayhem Critic, I've created a new character who's a parody of the Cinema Snob and that character is a real thorn in Sean's side. His name is Chad Knight. This is Up All Knight and host Chad Knight takes a look at some cult classics, late night movies and television shows. Today, Chad takes a look at the Dark Knight's first animated feature Batman: Mask of the Phantasm and gives his thoughts on it. So sit back, relax and enjoy the first chapter of Up All Knight with Chad Knight.
P.S. I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is owned by Warner Bros. and DC Comics.
Episode One
Batman: Mask of the Phantasm
The show opens with a young man in his twenties sitting on a chair in his office with movie posters on his wall. The young man has blonde hair and blue eyes and he's wearing a dark blue t-shirt with jeans and a pair of Nike sneakers. He looks at the camera and prepares to make his introduction.
"Hello and welcome to Up All Knight. I am your host Chad Knight. Welcome to the first episode of my show." Chad said. "For those of you who don't know what I do, I'm a critic that takes a look at some cult classics, late night movies and your favorite television shows. Once upon a time, there was a director named Joel Schumacher, who directed two Batman films back in the 90s and one of them sucked."
(The title screen for Batman Forever and Batman & Robin are shown while the theme plays along with clips from the two movies)
Chad: (Narrating) Of course, I'm not talking about Batman Forever, that one was pretty good and I find it to be enjoyable, mostly because of Jim Carrey's performance as The Riddler. We can all agree that Batman & Robin was the darkest point of the franchise. Sorry if I speak ill of the recently deceased Joel Schumacher but he should stay away from masked crime fighters because he gave them Bat-nipples, Bat-asses, Bat credit card and bad ice puns.
"Check out Sean's review of the movie on The Mayhem Critic. He loses his shit on that movie. Plus, I would love to see him suffer. It brings me joy." Chad said. "So why am I talking about these two movies? Well, not all Batman movies suck. I'm sure there's a movie that was released in the early nineties. It was released on the year after Tim Burton's Batman Returns was released. This movie was made by the same team that made the iconic Batman: The Animated Series back in 1992 and my favorite animated Batman movie of all time and Sean's too. I'm talking about the 1993 animated feature Batman: Mask of the Phantasm."
(Clips from the movie are shown)
Chad: (Narrating) Released in theaters on Christmas Day in 1993, Mask of the Phantasm was trying to cash in on the success of Batman: The Animated Series, this is in my opinion the best Batman movie ever.
"And what better way to start off the first episode is by tackling the Dark Knight first theatrical animated film." Chad said.
We cut to Chad's best friend and sidekick Dexter, who's sitting at a desk while sipping a cup of iced coffee.
"The viewer is in for a treat now. Because this review is going to be good. Oh, just to warn you guys, this movie will contain mysterious grim reaper-type figures, psychotic clowns, flashbacks and cops chasing a guy dressed as a bat." Dexter said.
"Thank you, Dex. Submitted for your approval, Up All Knight presents Batman: Mask of the Phantasm." Chad said.
(The movie opens with the Warner Bros. Family Entertainment logo)
Chad: (Narrating) The movie lets us know that it's a Warner Bros. family movie. Why is it a family movie? Because it shows Bugs Bunny standing by the Warner Bros. logo wearing a tuxedo and eating a carrot. After that, we get our opening credits and… (Sees the CGI Gotham City and listens to the theme music that is accompanied by a Latin choir) ...wow. We're off to an excellent start here. We get a spectacular CGI animated Gotham City skyline.
"Let's not forget the late Shirley Walker's orchestral rendition of the BTAS intro works brilliant. And fun fact: the theme music consists of the producer's names backwards." Dexter said.
(The intro to the movie is shown while the theme music plays)
"Also, I would like to confirm that the sky in Gotham City is red at night. Either that or they started the red sky seasons of Batman: The Animated Series way too early." Chad said.
"Maybe that or it immediately turned into the red sky seasons of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Or maybe it's just shot in Virtual Boy-vision." Dexter said.
(The Wario Land Virtual Boy commercial is shown)
Wario: Wait till they get a load of me. (Laughs maniacally)
"No, we just didn't notice that until season four. Why is it blood red for some reason? I mean, it's very cool but there's got to be an explanation. Maybe pollution?" Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) Anyway, we see a local mob boss by the name of Chuckie Sol, voiced by the legendary Dick Miller, who will go on to voice Boxy Bennett in two episodes of Batman: The Animated Series. We see that he's doing some shady business dealing at a casino, mostly laundering money through Gotham.
Palmer: (Examines the money) Jeez, Mr. Sol, I can't tell the difference.
Chuckie Sol (Voiced by Dick Miller) You'd need one of them neutron microscopes, Palmer. It's identical down to Ben Franklin's stubble. I want it laundered through the casino at half mil a week. Three quarter mil by March. Anybody got a problem with that?
(Batman crashes through the window to bust the illegal operation)
Thug #1: Hey!
Thug #2: Hey!
"Ah, the man who's here to bust up their little party by crashing through the window." Chad said.
"Now, that's one hell of an entrance." Dexter said.
(One of the thugs run towards Batman and gets ready to hit him. Batman dodges the shot and punches the thug and uppercuts him to a table, which he slides off)
"Really? You think charging at a man who's dressed as a bat was a smart idea? You got the word "Dumbass" stamped on your forehead." Chad said.
(Two of the thugs pull out their guns as Batman throws his batarang at them, knocking the gun out of the thug's hand and knocking Palmer out with it. Batman ducks underneath the table as another thug shoots at him. Batman picks up the table and slams it down on the thug)
"And pulling out their guns and shooting at him was a good idea too. Where's Red Forman when you need him?" Chad asked.
"Red Forman will probably say that they're a bunch of dumbasses." Dexter said.
"Yeah. Agreed." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) After seeing his hired goons getting the crap kicked out of them, he high tails his butt outta here to make his getaway on wheels from a high-rise parking garage. And there's no railing on that walkway. As Mr. Sol tries to make his great escape, he comes across…
Phantasm (Voiced by Stacy Keach Jr.): Chuckie Sol.
Chuckie Sol: Batman! How did you get here?
(Chuckie pulls out a gun and shoots at the mysterious shadowy figure that's approaching him)
Phantasm: Your angel of death awaits.
"Okay, can we take time and appreciate the power of the smoke used by the Phantasm and the design of the Phantasm? He's like the Grim Reaper and Darth Vader and The Shredder combined. He's got teleportation, super leaping and a degree of limited flight. Kinda reminds me of Darkwing Duck. Sure he's not related to Darkwing Duck?" Dexter asked.
Chad: (Narrating) So, shooting at the guy won't help, so Chuckie decides to get into his car and try to run over the Phantasm. Hmm, I wonder how this will end?
Chuckie Sol: This time I've got you, you lousy, stinkin'...
(The Phantasm disappears in a cloud of smoke. Then, Sol smashes through the wall of the parking structure. The scene freezes on the image of Chucky Sol's car flying toward the adjoining building)
Dexter: (In his Dukes of Hazzard narrator voice) Looks like that 'ol Sol boy has gotten himself in quite one heck of a pickle. Will he be able to make it out of this one?
(The scene plays as Sol crashes into the building, dead on impact)
"Damn! For a movie that's meant for kids, they tend to show somebody getting killed in a violent death." Chad said.
"Yeah, this movie was rated PG. This was when PG actually meant something." Dexter said.
"They can't kill people in the animated series. Well, there was Dick's parents in a flashback in Robin's Reckoning but that was offscreen. Then, there was The Joker who ends up getting killed and keeps coming back and finally dying. But that was in Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker, but we'll let Sean talk about that movie on his show." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) Just to point out, the Phantasm is not some random punk in a mask, he is one clever son of a bitch. The sound of Chuckie Sol's car crashing into a building forty floors up caught the attention of Batman and when he notices this, a few witnesses see Batman just standing there at the spot where Chuckie's car went off and they jump to conclusion that he's letting vigilante crime fighting go way too far.
"Okay, is it just me or the citizens of Gotham City a bunch of idiots? That's the most stupidest conclusion to come to." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) We cut to the next day, where we see a press conference being held as city councilman Arthur Reeves, played by Hart Bochner, leads an anti-Bat campaign against Batman and his war on crime.
Arthur Reeves (Voiced by Hart Bochner): How many times are we gonna let Batman cross the line?
Commissioner Gordon (Voiced by Bob Hastings): I'm sorry, councilman. But you can't blame Batman for what happened to Chuckie Sol.
Arthur Reeves: Why not?
"Why not?" Dexter said, stammering a bit. "Because he didn't do it! Plus, he wasn't there."
Chad: (Narrating) Arthur has ties with Bruce Wayne as a campaign supporter.
"Uh, why? Why would Bruce support somebody like this?" Dexter asked.
"Hey, it's Gotham City. Maybe that guy is mildly corrupt. Not Bruce Wayne, I'm talking about the guy who's doing all the Bat-bashing." Chad said.
Arthur Reeves: He's a loose cannon, Commissioner. It's not just my opinion. A lot of people, including the police I might add, think Batman's as unstable as the crooks he brings in.
"Well, sometimes. Have you ever seen his method of interrogation?" Chad asked.
(A clip from Batman: Arkham Knight is shown as we see Batman interrogating a Militia soldier by using his Batmobile)
Militia Soldier: (While Batman tries to crush his head with the wheel of his Batmobile and screams)
Batman: (Voiced by Kevin Conroy) Where is he?
Militia Soldier: He's gone to see the little man. The Penguin. He supplied the safe-houses for the attack. The Knight's gone to pay him for his services. That's it! That's all I know!
(Batman tries to crush the soldier's head with the wheel)
Militia Soldier: Please, God stop! I'll tell you, just stop!
Batman: Remember something else?
"Riiiight, sometimes." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) Anyway, Arthur has ties to Bruce, both as someone who needs his funding and an old flame from their past. And he finds a way to pour salt on the wound when he brings her up at the party later on at night.
Arthur Reeves: What was her name? Anne? Andi? Andrea? Yes. Andrea Beaumont. Now, there was a sweet number. How did you let her get loose?
Bruce Wayne (Voiced by Kevin Conroy): Thanks for the handkerchief, Arthur. You know where you can stick it.
"You know? That movie deserved that PG rating because Bruce Wayne got away with telling somebody to stick a handkerchief up their ass. They wouldn't get away with that on the animated series. Even though they got away with sexual innuendos in Animaniacs." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) And because of him mentioning his ex-girlfriend, this prompts the first flashback of the movie. We see a young Bruce Wayne visiting his parents' grave and he overhears this attractive redhead named Andrea Beaumont, voiced by Dana Delaney, and Andrea is no stranger to talking to their parent's grave.
Andrea Beaumont (Voiced by Dana Delaney): You know who that was? Bruce Wayne. You know, Wayne Enterprises. I've seen him on campus. Very moody. Cute, though.
"And I would just like to praise the voice talents of Dana Delaney, who would later go on to play the voice of Lois Lane in Superman: The Animated Series." Dexter said.
(A clip from Superman: The Animated Series is shown)
Lois Lane (Voiced by Dana Delaney): Chief, I've spent a week on the docks with rats and wrist hair exposing the biggest gun smuggling ring to hit this town in ten years and what makes the front page? Some sprouty, new age, granola-crunching fluff piece on angels. What's next? Interviews with bigfoot?
"Agreed. Although, I tend to think that Andrea Beaumont moved her Metropolis and dyed her hair black and gave herself a new identity and called herself "Lois Lane", but then I realized that it's two different people voiced by the same actress." Chad said.
"In Superman: The Animated Series, Lois is sharp, snarky and cynical, and she has a good heart underneath. In Mask of the Phantasm, Andrea is more quirky and eccentric and flirtatious as well." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) Bruce and Andrea hit it off, mostly because they both share something in common with each other. They've both lost a parent, or in Bruce's case both parents. But you want to know what I love about this flashback? Is that we see Bruce's first night in action as a vigilante when he sees a group of thieves hijacking a truck.
(Bruce arrives at the scene donning a ski mask)
Bruce Wayne: (Yells) Hyah! On your stomachs, arms spread!
Crook #1: Who's this clown?
Bruce Wayne: You heard me!
Crook #1: Yeah, you heard him, boys. You heard Mr. Kung Fu.
Crook #2: Yeah, I'm shaking.
Crook: #1: Say your prayers, sucker.
"They don't take him seriously." Chad said.
"Maybe going out dressed as Sean Bean from Patriot Games was a bad idea." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) The thieves attack Bruce, but because of Bruce's advanced martial arts training and his use of equipment make short work of them. One of the thugs get away with the truck as Bruce goes after him, which leads to a thrilling high-speed chase chase on the highway. And I just love this bit where we see Detective Bullock, voiced by Robert Costanzo, as a rookie police officer before he became a detective.
(A young Detective Harvey Bullock, who's a police officer, sees the truck driving past their car and Bruce hanging onto the back of the truck. He spits out his coffee in surprise)
Detective Bullock (Voiced by Robert Costanzo): Hey, Jonesy. There!
"We see Bullock as a police officer before becoming a detective who hates people who dresses up like a bat." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) The chase ends as Bruce drops some caltrops on the ground, causing the truck to crash, which ends up almost killing Bruce and the crook. Anyway, Bruce's "plan" comes off to a great start, but there's one problem…
Bruce Wayne: They weren't afraid of me. I've got to strike fear in them.
(A clip from Batman Begins is shown)
Bruce Wayne (Played by Christian Bale): As a man, I'm flesh and blood, I can be ignored, I can be destroyed; but as as symbol… as a symbol I can be incorruptible, I can be everlasting.
"And you had to bring up that clip from The Dark Knight Trilogy?" Dexter asked.
"Hey, I gotta compare this to Nolan's Dark Knight Trilogy. Don't judge me." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) But all that talk about "The Plan" needs to be put on hold because Andrea has come to visit and wondering why Bruce hasn't called in days.
Bruce Wayne: You expect every guy you meet to call you?
Andrea Beaumont: The ones that are smart enough to dial a phone. (Sees Bruce practicing Jujitsu) What is that?
Bruce Wayne: Jujitsu.
Andrea Beaumont: Gesundheit.
(Bruce glares at Andrea)
Andrea Beaumont: That was a joke.
"Uh, no. No it wasn't." Chad said.
"What's wrong with that joke? I thought it was pretty funny." Dexter said.
"No, not the joke. Bruce said that he's doing some Jujitsu. That's not Jujitsu. Jujitsu is a style that primarily uses throws and it's practiced with two people." Chad said.
"Kinda like what you and Hannah were doing last night?" Dexter asked.
"Not that type of Jujitsu! What Bruce is doing is more like karate." Chad said.
(Andrea grabs Bruce's arm and throws him)
Bruce Wayne: Hey! Whoa!
"Yeah, kinda like that." Chad said. "Also, we'll get back to this one. We'll talk about it later."
Andrea Beaumont: (After Bruce knocks her down on the ground and pins her) Nice footwork. Can you dance, too?
(Bruce smiles and stares deeply into Andrea's blue eyes as he leans down to kiss her. Alfred walks out of the house with a tray of lemonade and heads back inside after he sees Bruce and Andrea)
"That's right, Alfred. Head back inside because Bruce is about to do the Kama Sutra on Andrea." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) We cut back to the present as we see another mobster by the name of Buzz Bronski, voiced by John P. Ryan. Bronski is a member of the Gotham City Legitimate Businessman's Club. By the way, Simpsons reference for the win. He visits his associate Chuckie Sol's grave to pay his respects, in his own special way.
Buzz Bronski (Voiced by John P. Ryan): Chuckie, Chuckie… (Throws the wreath down on Chuckie's grave, tipping the vase over) You always were a loser.
"Question." Dexter said, raising his hand up.
"What's your question, Dex?" Chad asked.
"Who does this? Who the hell goes to the cemetery at night? You can only pay your respects during the day. Haven't these old guys watch any horror movies? I've seen enough horror movies to know that when you visit the cemetery at night." Dexter said.
Phantasm: Buzz Bronski, your angel of death awaits.
Buzz Bronski: Get away from me, you freak!
"Looks like Mr. Bronski haven't watched too many horror movies. Wandering through the cemetery at night while some masked killer who's a cross between The Shredder, Darth Vader and the Grim Reaper, you're just asking for it. Which will end pretty bloody for him." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) Looks like he found an open grave for him to hide from the killer. Looks like he's gonna make it out okay.
(The angel statue tips over)
Buzz Bronski: (Sees the statue tipping over) Aah, aah! NOOOOOOOOO!
(The statue crushes Bronski, killing him)
"See? Told ya." Chad said.
"And this right here is the best death ever. Not only it's the most brutal death in a kids movie, but this just goes to show that kids movies in the 80s and 90s had balls and that the PG rating had balls as well." Dexter said.
Jake: Oh, man!
Dougan: Hey!
(Sees the mysterious figure, thinking that it's Batman)
Jake: It's the Bat!
(Bronski's bodyguards shoot at the mysterious figure as it vanishes)
Jake: It's the stinkin' Bat!
"Again, how would you know if it was Batman that killed the guy? It's not like they both look alike. Although, the Phantasm looks like Batman from a distance and in the shadows and he has the same eyes as Batman." Chad said.
"I still say that he's still related to Darkwing Duck. They can both appear and disappear in a cloud of smoke. By the way, they made this movie make clouds of smoke look awesome." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) The next morning, we see an elderly mobster by the name of Salvatore Valestra, who has the most mob bossiest name I've ever heard in my life. He's voiced by the late Abe Vigoda. He's busy reading his morning paper and drinking his morning tea and he reads the headline.
(Valestra reads the morning paper and reads the headline about his associate Bronski. The headline reads "2nd Mob Boss Slain. Has Bats Gone Bats?")
Salvatore Valestra (Voiced by Abe Vigoda): Buzz. (Sees the picture of Batman) No!
(Valestra throws his paper and knocks over his tray. He ends up having breathing problems as he reaches for his oxygen tank to put on his mask to help him breathe)
"An elderly mob boss with respiratory problems. Don't worry, that won't be a problem for the Phantasm." Chad said.
"Either that or let nature take it's course." Dexter said. "Or let him get killed by a car bomb."
Chad: (Narrating) The news of Bronski's murder has Councilman Reeves demanding Commissioner Gordon to arrest Batman, but Gordon knows that his best buddy doesn't kill.
Commissioner Gordon: You want him, you get him. I'll have no part of it.
"In other words, we won't see him again for the rest of the movie." Chad said.
(We see Councilman Reeves, Detective Bullock and two other police officer standing on the roof with the Bat-Signal turned on as a trap)
Detective Bullock: Hmm. He's usually here by now.
(We see the Bat-Signal in the sky as the camera pans down to Batman driving in his Batmobile to another area)
"Boy, you think Batman would fall for that little trick? He's friggin' Batman. He's onto you guys. This just goes to show that these guys are complete idiots." Dexter said.
"If Batman arrived on the roof of the GCPD and Councilman Reeves was talking to him, this is what he would've said to him." Chad said.
(A clip from Ed, Edd 'n Eddy is shown)
Rolf: Confess to your crimes, stale end piece of white bread!
Chad: (Narrating) Batman investigates the area where Bronski was murdered, but then he takes a brief moment to visit his parents' grave to take a moment of silence, Arkham City-style, until he hears a familiar voice in the form of Andrea Beaumont. This mirrors the first time that they met and she puts two and two together.
(Andrea notices the grave that Batman was standing near and realizes who the man behind the cowl truly is)
Andrea Beaumont: Bruce?
"She immediately finds out who Batman is. Real smooth, Bruce. Real smooth." Chad said.
"Hey, she was bound to find out sooner or later. But then again, Dana Delaney did voice Lois Lane in Superman: The Animated Series and Lois found out that Bruce Wayne is Batman while he was fighting that spider robot." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) Later, Batman decides to spy on Andrea having dinner with Councilman Reeves. Just to mention to you guys that she returned to Gotham City to deal with some financial issues with Arthur's help. Hell, I think the Councilman has other things on his mind like wanting to tap that redhead's nice ass while Batman just watches with a pair of binoculars outside the rain.
"Typical ex-boyfriend behavior." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) This prompts Batman to have another flashback, which shows Bruce and Andrea having a date at the Gotham World Fair. This theme park depicts a perfect metropolis. Yeah, like Gotham's a perfect metropolis, it's a shithole. Anyway, Andrea takes Bruce to meet her father Carl Beaumont, voiced by Stacy Keach.
"He did it!" Dexter shouted.
"What?" Chad asked, giving Dexter a confused look.
"I'm telling you know, he did it." Dexter said.
"Just hold on, Dex." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) We see that Andrea's father is a high-powered businessman and he stresses the importance of family over material wealth to Bruce and we briefly see a young Arthur Reeves working for Beaumont. We also see a younger, healthier Salvatore Valestra interrupting to talk business with Mr. Beaumont.
"He did it! The son of a bitch did it!" Dexter yelled out.
"Dex, hold on..." Chad said before Dexter interrupts him.
"Andrea's father has ties to the Valestra Mob. Chuckie Sol and Buzz Bronski are associates of his. Those two have been murdered by the Phantasm. Stacy Keach voiced the Phantasm and Carl Beaumont. He murdered Sol and Bronski. Carl Beaumont is the Phantasm. Boom! Case closed, bitch!" Dexter yelled.
"Uh, Dexter. Just because two characters are played by the same person doesn't mean that the person they're playing is the killer. The mystery will unravel. Just be patient." Chad said.
"I still think it's him." Dexter muttered.
Chad: (Narrating) After that shady meeting, Bruce and Andrea stumble across a street vendor, who I swear looks like Mario.
Mario: (V/O) It's-a me, Mario!
Chad: (Narrating) Bruce leaps into action to fight off the thugs. Looks like he'll make it out just fine.
(One of the thugs on the bike hits Bruce in the chest with a wooden bat, knocking him to the ground as music from Super Mario Bros. plays)
"Game over, man. Game over." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) We see that crime in Gotham is extremely bad. Later, Bruce contemplates on being with Andrea or his vow to fight crime, which leads to this amazing scene.
Bruce Wayne: (Speaking to his parents' grave) It doesn't mean I don't care anymore. I don't want to let you down, honest. But it just doesn't hurt so bad anymore. You can understand, can't you? I can give money to the city to hire more cops. Let others take the risk. It's different now! Please. I need it to be different now. I know I made a promise. But I didn't see this coming! I didn't count on being happy. Please... ...tell me that it's okay.
Chad stays silent for a bit as he takes a deep breath to compose himself.
"Okay, let me just say that this scene and Bruce's speech is amazing." Chad said.
Dexter: (Narrating) I can say that Kevin Conroy's voice work as Batman is amazing. Plus, you have this incredible emotional scene. The lighting, the music, the acting, everything is top notch. I have no complaints. Back to you, Chad.
Chad: (Narrating) Thank you, Dexter. Andrea arrives at the cemetery and sees Bruce, giving him the answer that he needed. And then we cut back to the present as we see Councilman Reeves getting picked up by Valestra, who asks him if Batman is really killing people and Reeves just confirms it.
Salvatore Valestra: Why? He never leaned on us before. I'm too old for this.
"Isn't that what he said to Eric Radomski and Bruce Timm when they asked him to play that character?" Dexter asked.
Chad: (Narrating) Reeves wants to offer the elderly mob boss some police protection, but Sal Tessio fears for his life and ends up having another asthma attack, in which Artie leaves the car and shows some sympathy.
Arthur Reeves: Pull over.
(The limo driver pulls the vehicle over)
Arthur Reeves: It's not very healthy in here.
(A clip from Back to the Future Part III is shown)
Marty McFly (Played by Michael J. Fox): He's an asshole!
Chad: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Batman does some investigating in figuring out the connection between Chuckie Sol and Buzz Bronski. It turns out that they were partners in several joint ventures like Adam's Tool and Die, O'Neil Funding Corp. and Puckett and Peterson.
"Which are named after the comic book artists and writers Neal Adams, Dennis O'Neil, Kelley Puckett and Scott Peterson." Dexter said.
"Dude, I was getting to that." Chad glared at Dexter.
Chad: (Narrating) Batman learns that these joint ventures are all dummy corporations run by Valestra, so he heads down to Valestra's place to investigate and his past resurfaces when he finds an old photo of the three gangsters, and one of the photos include Andrea's father, which prompts another flashback.
"Boy, with so many flashbacks I was afraid that I was going to play the Mask of the Phantasm drinking game." Dexter said as he picks up a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label.
"Couldn't agree with you more." Chad said as he holds two Cincinnati shot glasses.
Chad: (Narrating) This prompts another flashback as we see Bruce and Andrea on a cliff overlooking the sea as Bruce proposes to Andrea since she wasn't in "The Plan" but he changes it since he's getting a second chance at life. But their romantic moment is interrupted by a swarm of bats coming out of a hole in the ground. Later, Bruce drops Andrea off at her father's house, where they notice some of her father's associates visiting him this late. Guess she'll have to tell her father the good news tomorrow.
(As Andrea enters the house, Valestra's "chauffeur" growls at her. Bruce and Valestra's "chauffeur" catch a quick glimpse of each other before he leaves)
"Don't worry. We'll get back to that guy later on. Trust me." Chad said.
"Hey, since Bruce and Andrea are engaged, I'm sure that there's nothing going to tear them apart, right?" Dexter asked.
(The song "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You" by Michael Bolton starts playing as Alfred hands Bruce the message from Andrea)
"Looks like that didn't end well." Chad said. "Well, if they end up getting married, they're gonna end up like Byron and Ella Montgomery in the first season of Pretty Little Liars." Chad said.
(A clip from Pretty Little Liars is shown)
Byron Montgomery (Played by Chad Lowe): (While trying to fix Ella's car) Try it again. Go ahead, jiggle it.
Ella Montgomery (Played by Holly Marie Combs): I did jiggle it.
Byron Montgomery: Okay, well try it again.
Ella Montgomery: You know I wouldn't have to master the finer art of jiggling if you'd just listen to me in the first place.
"Wait, how did you know about Pretty Little Liars?" Dexter asked.
"I was binging the show on Netflix with Sean a couple of years back." Chad said as Dexter stared at him. "Don't judge me."
Chad: (Narrating) And with that, Bruce's second chance at happiness is gone. Bruce Wayne is now dead, now we witness the birth of a vigilante. The birth of a hero that will strike fear into every criminal. The birth… of Batman.
(Bruce dons the mask for the first time. He turns around as Alfred looks on in fear)
Alfred (Voiced by Efrem Zimbalist Jr.): My God!
"And thus, Alfred approves. Also, he was the first victim of the dreaded Bat-Glare. That's how his hair went from black to white." Chad said.
"You know, I think he just pissed his pants a little." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) We cut back to the present as we see the elderly Valestra arriving at the decrepit Gotham World's Fair to hire someone to kill Batman before he kills him. Hmm, I wonder who's the clown that he hired.
(The robot statues start moving and singing as someone starts shooting their heads off. We see a man dressed in a purple suit stepping out of the shadows and throwing his gun down. The man is revealed to be The Joker)
The Joker (Voiced by Mark Hamill): I hate that song.
"And I mean that literally. Valestra hired a clown. The Clown Prince of Crime himself." Chad said.
"I would like to point out that Mark Hamill is the best Joker ever. I mean, he's just having a lot of fun with that character." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) He hires The Joker, voiced by Mark Hamill, because he has some history with the guy and he offers him to kill Batman, in which The Joker doesn't seem too interested.
The Joker: (Yawns) What do I look like? Pest control?
Salvatore Valestra: Think, you fool! Once he gets me, how long till he gets you? You know what I'm talking about. (Grabs the Joker) Your hands are just as dirty. Dirtier!
(Joker angrily growls and loses his temper)
The Joker: Don't touch me, old man! I don't know where you've been! (Laughs)
"Dear Diary, I now learned that if you put your hands on The Joker, he'll end up losing his temper." Dexter said as he writes down in his notebook.
"What the hell? You own a diary?" Chad asked.
"No. I borrowed it from Hannah." Dexter said.
"Wait, you stole my girlfriend's diary?!" Chad asked.
"Ooh, I'm outta here!" Dexter exclaimed as he runs out of the room.
Chad: (Narrating) Before I end up murdering Dexter for taking my girlfriend's diary. The Joker agrees to help, and you know making a deal with The Joker is like shaking hands with the devil. It comes at a price.
(Valestra smiles at Joker)
The Joker: That's it! That's what I want to see. A nice, big smile.
"Oh, yeah. Abe Vigoda's totally dead." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) Back with Batman, he arrives at Andrea's hotel room as he sees Andrea and Arthur, with the councilman trying to make the move on Andrea, while he's just standing there and watches.
(Andrea kisses Arthur while Batman is standing in the shadows)
"Again, typical ex-boyfriend behavior. I think Marky Mark Wahlberg was inspired to star in the movie Fear three years later." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) Time for Batman to do some questioning when he shows her the photo of her father with the three mobsters and his whereabouts that ties him to these murders, but she tells him to get out but before he leaves, she gives him the biggest Bat-Burn ever.
Batman: You still following your dad's orders?
Andrea Beaumont: The way I see it, the only one in this room controlled by his parents is you.
"Ooooh!" Chad said.
"Yikes! Better get the aloe vera, because Batman just got burned... Badly." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) Back with the Phantasm, he arrives at Valestra's mansion to continue his killing spree. Well, if God's not going to kill this guy, then the Phantasm will. And remember when I said that making a deal with The Joker is like shaking hands with the Devil and that it comes with a price? Well…
Phantasm: Sal Valestra, your angel of death awaits.
(The Phantasm rips the newspaper out of Valestra's hands, only to see that he's too late. We see that Valestra's fate is met at the hands of The Joker. A ghastly grin appears on Valestra's face)
"Aaaaaaah!" Chad screamed out.
"You know it's interesting that The Joker never killed anybody on the show because it's a kid's show. Well, this is a theatrical movie and they let him kill in this movie… and it's only one person." Dexter said. "Damn, he whacked Fish from Barney Miller!"
"Barney Miller? I was thinking of Abe Vigoda as Sal Tessio from The Godfather." Chad said.
"Well, I had to mention Detective Fish because I'm sure there are some Barney Miller fans out there." Dexter said.
The Joker: (V/O) Whoops! (Laughs) Guess the joke is on me! You're not Batman after all. Looks like there's a new face in Gotham and soon his name will be all over town. To say nothing but his legs, feet and spleen and head!
(Realizing the danger, the Phantasm immediately leaps out of the window as the package in Valestra's lap explodes)
Dexter starts chuckling a bit after seeing the Phantasm run faster in the speed of light and jumping out of the window.
"What's so funny?" Chad asked.
"The word "spleen". What is it that makes it sound so funny? Also, that animation of the Phantasm running like he's Sonic the Hedgehog looked hilarious. Guess that super smoke was able to give him super speed and super leaping abilities." Dexter said.
(The image of the Phantasm climbing the ladder is shown and paused)
Chad: (Narrating) Right now, the Phantasm is probably thinking, "Son of a bitch… he stole my kill.", and he probably figured he might go down to the Gotham City McDonalds to grab himself a Big Mac, a large Coke and fries, but he sees the Batwing in the sky, and it gets serious when Batman pursues the masked vigilante. And before we get an epic rooftop battle from the two of them, the GCPD arrive in a helicopter to spoil the fun.
"Goddamn spoilsports! And I was going to play the Mortal Kombat theme for this one." Chad said, pouting a bit.
"Don't worry, Chad. You'll get a chance." Dexter said.
Police Officer: Batman, this is the police. You are under arrest. Step away from the edge of the roof. Put your hands on top of your head and stay in the light.
(Batman flees as the police pursue him in the helicopter)
Police Officer: Stay on him! This is 6-30 in pursuit. Subject moving north along Denny Drive. All units approach with caution. Subject is considered armed and dangerous. Use of deadly force is authorized.
"Arthur, you said that the city doesn't need Batman. I can see why because you have the whole city trying to kill him." Chad said.
(The police officer shoots at Batman. Batman jumps away and flees as the officer continues to shoot at him)
"And using lethal force on him. And having bad aim. What do you expect? Everybody in Batman: The Animated Series has terrible marksmanship." Chad said. "Except for the Jazzman. He shot Commissioner Gordon in an episode."
Chad: (Narrating) The police catch up with Batman, only to corner him at a construction site as they proceed to open fire upon him with submachine guns, leading to some explosive consequences.
Detective Bullock: Hey, wait!
(The over-eager SWAT officer empties his submachine gun at the building, hitting a propane tank and igniting an explosion that knocks Batman senseless)
"Jesus Christ! There's always that one trigger-happy scumbag that would just love to try to kill that person. Lethal force, my ass. What were they thinking?!" Chad asked.
(Batman crawls on the floor and touches his head and sees blood)
Chad: (Narrating) Just to let people know that this is a PG-rated movie for kids, they made Batman bleed.
Chad: (V/O as Batman) What's this? They made me bleed my own blood.
"Hey Batman, do you bleed? Well, you are now." Dexter said, imitating Ben Affleck's Batman.
"Seriously? You had to imitate Batfleck?" Chad asked.
"Sorry, I had too." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) Batman manages to get away by using his cape and cowl to disguise a saw horse as distraction to get away. But what makes this an intense scene is that Batman is exposed without his mask on as the GCPD are on his tail. But he gets some help from an unexpected savior.
Batman: (Dazed) Andrea…
Andrea Beaumont: Hurry!
(Bruce jumps in Andrea's car as she speeds away, leaving the cops behind)
"Oh, man. I'm having some serious flashbacks to Masters of the Universe when Gwildor was driving in that pink Cadillac." Dexter said, then glares at Chad. "Don't you dare play that clip!"
"Don't worry, I'm not." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) Back at Wayne Manor, Andrea tells Bruce about the night that they last saw each other. The reason that Andrea and her father left town was because her father may have been doing some business with them and he ended up pissing them off by embezzling money from them.
Carl Beaumont (Voiced by Stacy Keach Jr.): Please, Sal, give me one more day. I swear I'll get the money.
Salvatore Valestra: Convince me.
Carl Beaumont: This time tomorrow. On my mother's grave. As soon as the European banks open, I'll have it wired to you.
(Valestra looks at Chuckie and Buzz as the both nod in approval)
"Embezzling money from the mob. Haven't this guy seen any gangster movies?" Chad asked.
Chad: (Narrating) Beaumont manages to plead off paying the Sopranos of Gotham until the next day and this gives the two of them a window of opportunity to leave town because the money will take weeks to acquire. But leaving town doesn't sit well with Andrea.
Andrea Beaumont: But I can't leave! Bruce proposed. We're getting married.
Carl Beaumont: Listen to me. I just used the last shred of pity Sal Valestra has. If I don't pay him within 24 hours, they'll find us and they'll kill us both!
Andrea Beaumont: Why did you do this? Why did you get involved with these people?
"Why? I can tell you why? But I'm not. I'm gonna let Red Forman here take over for me." Chad said.
(A clip from That 70s Show is shown)
Red Forman (Played by Kurtwood Smith): The reason that bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.
"You wanted to play that clip, did you?" Dexter asked.
"Yeah, and it was worth it." Chad said, smiling.
Chad: (Narrating) Well, I guess we can reach to the conclusion that Andrea's father is the Phantasm…
"Told you!" Dexter said.
"Shut the hell up! Let's move on." Chad said.
(The song "I'll Make Love to You" by Boyz II Men starts playing as Bruce and Andrea kiss)
"Oh, come on!" Dexter shouted.
"What? I had to." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) Bruce and Andrea agree to try to make their relationship work, even if it comes down to Bruce having a showdown with her father. Plus, the situation gets dire when Bruce recognizes Valestra's chauffeur standing in the background of the photo.
(Bruce recognizes Valestra's chauffeur and draws a smile on his face, realizing who he is)
Bruce Wayne: Oh no!
(The sound of The Joker laughing is heard)
"This version of The Joker worked for the mob? Nice!" Dexter exclaimed.
"Hey, remember in the episode Dreams in Darkness back in season one? They mentioned the name Jack Napier. I think that this is supposed to be his alias we don't know anything about the guy. We know that he's an enforcer for the Valestra Mob." Chad said.
"I wonder how Councilman Reeves is going to handle this." Dexter said.
"The same way that all politicians do, blame it on something else. Like so." Chad said.
Arthur Reeves: You're telling me there were four precincts on Batman's heels and he still got away?!
"Yeah. In a convertible with the top down and you idiots had helicopters." Chad said as he rolled his eyes.
(A clip from WWE is shown)
Vince McMahon: Screw you, you're fired!
(Reeves hangs up the phone)
Arthur Reeves: Unbelievable.
The Joker: Tsk, tsk. And to think our tax money goes to pay those jerks.
(Reeves turns around and gasps as he sees The Joker standing in the doorway)
Arthur Reeves: You!
"And the shit is about to hit the fan right about now." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) The Joker drops by to visit Councilman Reeves and does a little investigating on his own and Reeves just points the finger at Batman, but Joker knows different.
The Joker: (Imitates the buzzer) Wrong! It ain't the Bat. Nope, nope, nope. I've seen the guy. He looks more like the Ghost of Christmas Future. Nowhere near as cute as Batman.
"Well, this movie just confirmed that The Joker is bisexual. He likes Batman and Harley Quinn. Nah! That's crazy talk. I mean, I watched Harley Quinn and Harley and Ivy are lesbians." Chad said.
"Like we didn't know that by now when we watched the Harley and Ivy episode." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) Joker deduces that Reeves hired the Phantasm to eliminate the gang or is the one disguising himself as the killer in order to cover his tracks. And Joker does this by…
(The Joker laughs as he stabs Reeves with a needle, injecting him with a slow-acting version of his Joker toxin. The scene cuts to the hospital, where we see Reeves laughing hysterically)
"Making him laugh to death by injecting his Joker toxin into that guy." Chad said.
"Guess there wasn't any cocaine around to make him high." Dexter said, referencing the character Harry Ellis from Die Hard.
Chad: (Narrating) And because of the Joker toxin, Batman shows up to confront him and interrogate him. Aside from him being scared out of his mind, Reeves is still in a good mood to confess why The Joker thought he might be the Phantasm.
Arthur Reeves: Beaumont need me to help him and his kid get out of town. (Laughs) He kept in touch.
"Well, he did work for the guy." Dexter said.
Batman: When was the last time you spoke to him?
Arthur Reeves: Years ago. My first election campaign. I was running out of money and asked Beaumont for help. He said no!
"Which means?" Chad asked.
Batman: So you sold him to the Mob.
(Reeves continues to laugh)
Arthur Reeves: I was broke, desperate! They said all they wanted was their money back.
(Reeves starts laughing again)
"Wow, what a surprise. Hart Bochner is no stranger to selling people out. The last time he did that, he ended up getting shot in the head by Alan Rickman." Dexter said.
"Wait, that means that…" Chad said.
(The "Dun Dun Dun" sound effect is heard as we see the man who would become The Joker emerging from the house and silently walks past her)
Andrea Beaumont: (Enters the house) Dad? (Finds her father dead and screams)
"If her father is dead, then that means that Andrea is…" Chad said.
Phantasm: So, you figured it out?
(The Phantasm is revealed to be Andrea Beaumont)
"And The Joker knew all along that it wasn't Carl Beaumont. That means…" Chad said.
The Joker: (On the phone) Listen, boopsie. Even though you never called and never write. I've still got a soft spot for you. So, I'm giving you a fun gift… airmail.
"Does this clown think that he's talking to Andrea on the phone? It's not even her. It's just Batman on the other line, we all know that." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) And as we see, Batman pieces everything together and figures out that Andrea is the Phantasm after The Joker sends a toy plane carrying a bomb to kill her, but that doesn't stop Andrea to try to kill The Joker, which mean that we get an awesome fight scene.
"Play the song!" Chad announced.
(The Mortal Kombat theme plays as we see Andrea fighting The Joker)
"This gives enough time for Batman to arrive to the rescue." Dexter said.
(The Joker lures Andrea into the path of a giant aircraft engine, which sucks Andrea off of her feet. Batman arrives in the Batcycle and crashes it into the engine's rotors, destroying it. The Joker snaps his fingers in frustration as he runs away)
Chad: (Narrating) Batman convinces Andrea to leave and let him apprehend Joker his way, though Andrea says that they're not so different in their goals. As Andrea vanishes into the smoke, Batman faces off against his archenemy alone and hell, The Joker has prepared for this fight.
(Guile's Theme from Street Fighter II starts playing as we see Batman fighting The Joker and distracts him with a set of booby traps before starting a countdown to blow up the entire complex)
"Really? No Mortal Kombat theme?" Dexter asked.
"I can only play the theme one per review." Chad said.
Chad: (Narrating) The Joker has an escape plan, which involves him flying in a jetpack. Typical Joker fashion. And couldn't Batman just go after the guy with the Batglider instead of hitchhiking? Oh, I'm sure that's gonna end well.
(Batman and The Joker crash through the globe, leaving the two of them both injured and exhausted)
The Joker: For once, I'm stuck without a punchline.
"Don't worry, Joker. It happens to the best of us. Hell, it happens to Chad from time to time." Dexter said as Chad turns to him and growls at him.
"Well, with the theme park ready to blow, Batman and Joker are both down, which means…" Chad said.
(Joker sees Andrea standing right in front of him)
The Joker: Uh-oh.
"Oh shitake mushrooms." Chad said.
Batman: Andrea, you've got to get out of here. This place is wired to explode.
Andrea Beaumont: No. One way or another it ends tonight. Goodbye, my love.
(The bombs explode and the entire complex begins to burn. The Joker sees the inferno and laughs maniacally as Andrea vanishes with him in a cloud of smoke)
Batman: Andrea!
"I guess you could say that The Joker went out with a bang, but he gotta let out the last laugh." Chad said.
"Yeah, until we see him again in the series. You can kill him but he keeps coming back." Dexter said.
Chad: (Narrating) Batman escapes the park alone, afterwards Alfred consoles a distraught Bruce as he contemplates on recent events.
Alfred: Vengeance blackens the soul, Bruce. I always feared you would become that which you fought against. You walk the edge of that abyss every night, but you haven't fallen in. And I thank heaven for that. But Andrea fell into that pit years ago. No one, not even you, could have pulled her back.
"Well, she haven't even forgotten about him." Dexter said.
(Bruce finds the locket Andrea left to remember her by)
"And what about Andrea?" Chad asked.
(We see Andrea out on a cruise ship as one of the passengers talk to her)
Party Guest: Quite a sight.
Andrea Beaumont: Yes.
Party Guest: I'm sorry. Do-do you want to be alone?
Andrea Beaumont: I am.
"Well, that sums it up. Cue the scene where Batman swings into the night from the trailer." Chad said.
(Batman fires his grappling hook and swings into the night)
"And that was Batman: Mask of the Phantasm and it…." Chad said.
(The end credits are shown while the song "I've Never Even Told You" performed by Tia Carrera starts playing)
"Excuse me for one second." Chad said as he walks away.
"Okay, that song by Tia Carrera always gets to him. Since Chad is going to be busy crying in the bathroom for a couple of minutes. That was Batman: Mask of the Phantasm. What are our thoughts? It's still an amazing movie." Dexter said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Dexter: (Narrating) The film was released for a very brief theatrical run back in December of 1993. And despite being a box-office bomb, it gained high reviews from critics, especially from Siskel and Ebert, who reviewed the movie. Critics went so far as to suggest it as the most accurate depiction of Batman that had yet existed outside of the comics. When it was released on home video in 1994, it found a wider audience and gained a cult following. The animation is superb, the story is amazing and the music is awesome. I can say that Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill are awesome as always. Props to Dana Delaney for her portrayal of Andrea Beaumount, she's the best thing that they've added to the Batman mythos. If you think that the Phantasm is the main antagonist, The Joker is the true villain because of his actions that led to Andrea becoming the Phantasm. The movie is fun, bombastic, suspenseful and dramatic. Overall, this is the best Batman movie ever.
Chad sighs, wiping his face as he enters the room. "Okay, now where was I?"
"I believe that you were on the final thoughts on the movie. I think I got that covered for you." Dexter said.
"You did? Aw man." Chad said. "Since Dexter did the final thought for me, I believe that's all the time we have for today. I'm Chad Knight."
"And I'm Dexter." Dexter said.
"Thanks for tuning in." Chad said.
"And remember, don't accuse your local superhero of murder publicly and set a trap for him." Dexter said.
(A clip from Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is shown)
Batman: You think you know everything, don't you?
Alfred: I've diapered your bottom. I bloody well ought to, sir!
(Batman gets into his Batmobile)
Batman: Well, you're wrong!
(Batman drives away)
And that's all for the first chapter of Up All Knight with Chad Knight. What did you think of the spinoff and the first chapter? I hope that you all enjoyed it. Next time on Up All Knight, Chad takes a look at the 1990 Sci-Fi thriller Total Recall and sees how well the movie holds up in thirty years. Don't forget to review this story, add it to your favorites and follow it for future update. I'll see you guys next time. Later.