Notes: Thank you all for your continued support. I hope you are all well and wish you the very best as we navigate this mad world. Stay safe and stay well.
~*~ Sixteen ~*~
Aurelia was waiting for her when she finally dragged herself back to the dorms, long after curfew had passed. Her honey eyes were dark, filled with an emotion Hermione didn't dare identify as she closed the door quietly behind her. Aurelia shifted on her bed, but didn't rise, didn't cross the distance between them. Hermione looked anywhere else, eyes already raw, tear tracks coating her numb cheeks. Her friend cleared her throat and Hermione focused on her shoes.
"That was quite the declaration at dinner."
Her tone was impossible to interpret, each word lacking any inflection. Hermione swallowed, thick and coated with shame. "How much did you see?"
"Almost nothing. If it hadn't been for Dacian's expression, I never would have realized what had happened. But then Tom moved his hand and it was all too clear. I don't think anyone else noticed. Everyone was looking at Tom, not Dacian." The bed clothes rustled, but still Hermione would not look up. "Did you want that, Hermione?"
She wanted to say no. She wanted to say yes. She wanted to know what had happened. "I don't know."
"Tom takes what he wants, Hermione. He's never wanted a girl before, at least not here, but that doesn't mean he won't treat you like anything else he wants. You have to stand up to him if this isn't the path you want to walk. You have to stop him before you can't, before he's taken everything that matters." Aurelia's voice was soft, but her words were sharp now, barbed with truth.
Malfoy had told her to stop, and now Aurelia was, so why couldn't she? Why couldn't she imagine a world without Tom by her side? Why did he matter so very much to her? It made so little sense and yet it was deep inside of her, impossible to deny.
"I like how he makes me feel."
"Used?"
"Fulfilled, human."
"What happened to you?" The question was asked with kindness, her voice gentle in a way Hermione had forgotten existed. It wasn't a demand, had no expectation of a response. No, it merely crossed the distance between them, told her she was not so very alone.
"War happened. A war without end. A war which stole my soul and left me with nothing but a shadow for a heart." A truth perhaps only Malfoy truly understood. She refused to think of him, of the frostbitten anger in his eyes as he'd fled the library. "Tom is the only person who's made me feel even remotely human again."
"Oh, Hermione." Aurelia was at her side in an instant, small arms enfolding her in a hug that felt twice the size. "I didn't know."
"We thought it best not share."
The slighter girl's arms tightened, clasping Hermione more firmly against her warmth. "We? You mean Dacian. I thought you had spent time together in hiding, avoiding the war. But you weren't hiding, you were fighting." She pulled back slightly, enough for her warm eyes to fasten on Hermione's tear streaked face. "You both fought."
Hermione nodded, Aurelia's amber locks sticking to her chapped lips. She swallowed, once, then twice, before admitting, "for different sides."
The other girl went stiff, eyes blown wide. "Oh…. Oh, Merlin. No wonder you kept insisting there could be nothing between you."
"Please don't tell anyone. We're… not on such different sides now." Aurelia nodded fervently, closing the gap between them once more. Hermione's arms slowly came up to settle about her friend's shoulders. It had been so long since she'd simply been touched, without any intention beyond human comfort. It made her breath catch, the tears breaking free once more.
Within seconds she was clinging to Aurelia, her face buried her hair, her fingers trembling against her slight shoulders. "Please don't judge me… please," she hiccupped between sobbing breaths. "Please…"
The other girl's hands tangled in her hair in soothing sweeps that reminded Hermione painfully of her mother's slender hands after she'd woken from a nightmare, years before she knew magic existed, before she'd ever entered the world that would destroy her. "I forgive you, Hermione. Whatever it is, I forgive you. If you need Tom, then you need him. I promise I'll look out for you if you can't do it yourself." She pressed her lips against Hermione's cheek. "You don't have to be strong for me, not tonight."
Hermione shook, unable to contain the torrent of emotion that rushed out of her, Aurelia's words breaking every dam and levee she possessed. Years had passed since she'd been safe enough to let go, to do more than merely forget. It hurt more than she remembered, like a million knives slicing through every facet of her marrow, but it was also a relief. She'd been holding on so tightly, forcing herself forward despite the lead coating her soul, that to stop, if only for a moment, was a gift of incomparable value. So she let it all rip through, let the horror of Harry's death fully coalesce for the first time, let the terror of having only a Death Eater as a confidant rattle her bones, let the unhealthy and shameful truth of her relationship with Tom fall from her lips as unhinged sobs. Aurelia never wavered, holding Hermione with all the strength her petite frame could muster as the hours passed and the horrors came in waves. Near dawn they drifted off atop the coverlet of Aurelia's bed, their hands twined together and Hermione's breathing even, momentarily free from torment.