'Ahh look, there's daddy' the woman coo's, 'he's coming to take us home. Yes, yes, he is.' She grins, gently rubbing the baby's back, not that it understands what the woman is saying, but it's a comfort. She can't describe it, but it, vocalising her fears are better than bottling it all up. 'Back to reality.' She whispers as her partner appears at the side of her bed, carrier in tow.

'How are my favourite girls today?' He grins, going over to the pair. He's excited, this is such a big step, but he can't wait. A new chapter, so much hurt and anguish in the last few years, this is the light at the end of the rainbow.

'Nervous.' She admits, 'it's been five days, but everything has changed.' She reminds him, 'the moment we go home, it's official. We are parents.'

'We have been for the last five days.'

'You know what I mean' she replies, irritability evident in her tone of voice. 'Sorry, I'm nervous.'

'It's normal, I'm nervous and I've done this once.'

'She's just so small and I'm just not ready.'

'You are.' He promises, trying to encourage her. 'We'll have support, yes it's a change, but it will settle down.'

'You haven't told anyone I'm home today? I need some time to settle in.' She insisted she didn't want visitors for a few days, needing time to settle in and adjust to her new surroundings. She was aware that some people wouldn't understand, but this was her life they wanted to intrude in. She was her baby and she was doing it this way. They would get to see her, but not today, nor tomorrow.

She wasn't having the big party the nurse asked if she was having, a welcome home party. Truth be told, she just wanted to go to bed and sleep, she didn't have the energy for visitors and when Peter and Michelle had brought it up, they'd be shot down. Very quickly.

Obviously, Michelle and Simon weren't in that group, but they understood. Or they said they did.

'No' he promises, as she passes him the baby, starting to fiddle with the drawstring on the bottoms. Something she thought she'd never own, but here she was because it was more comfortable than the jeans, she was usually clad it. This image, it wasn't her, but it was becoming the new her. She was worried that this was the start of losing her identity, where she'd become Carla Connor, the mother. And just the mother.

Not that she'd give up her clothes, but it's the principle. This was such a far cry to who she was, she was now a mum. She loved the tiny person already, but there was something niggling at her, something telling her this wasn't what she wanted. A selfish streak, if you will. At least when she was pregnant, the first time, she had the decision to become a mum, taking time to think about who she was and if she could do it.

She wasn't entirely sure she could.

'Look at her.' Peter grins, pulling the woman out of her thoughts, responding with a haphazard smile. 'Aren't you a little Gem, yes you are.'

'Is that what you want to call her? Gemma. I don't like that.'
'I don't know, don't discount it.'

'Peter, I'm too tired to name her yet. I promise, she'll have a name by Christmas day.' She promises, hoping she will actually be able to keep that particular promise. She just doesn't know if she can.

'I'm not rushing you.' He promises, 'look there's the doctor.'

'Hiya Carla. How are you feeling?'

'Anxious to get home.' She admits, 'I just want to be at home. All of this, it's daunting.' She does want to be at home, she's just not sure she wants to go home with her baby. It's just such a big deal, a whole human dependant on her, with no one on hand to help her.

'You've been through a huge ordeal, having a baby is a shock to the system, let alone not knowing about the pregnancy, you're doing great.'

'You think so?' She asks, suddenly a bit brighter. 'I just worry that I'll be rubbish.'

'That's normal, have you scheduled your visit with the health visitor? You are doing a great job.'

'They're coming Monday and then I've got Scott coming in the evening, my mental health team.'

'That's good. All in one day.' The doctor muses, 'and renal?'

'The 17th.'

'Good. Now if you've got any questions, remember to phone your GP surgery, better to be on the safe side.' They shake their heads, 'then I'm happy to discharge you. I'll get Lucy to-do the discharge forms.'

'Thank you.'

'How are you feeling?' Peter whispers, as they disappear. 'I know you.'

'Nervous, it's such a big deal.'

'It will be fine when we're home.' He promises, trying not to belittle her fears because they are there, and she needs support rather than anything else. 'Do you want to put her in her seat?' She shakes her head, bending down a little bit to pick up the car seat so he can do it.

She watches as he tries to remember how to-do it, smiling when he gets the hang of it, as Lucy comes over.

'Would you like a photo?' She asks, as they finish off the discharge. 'You and the baby.'

'That would be nice.' Peter smiles, before Carla can answer. She'd have said no, but he just seems so excited and she didn't have the heart to deny him, as he passes his phone over. 'Say cheese.' She manages a smile, but it actually hurts her to smile, not that she'd tell anyone. It's their first family picture, the three of them. The only one missing is Simon.

'Let's go.' Peter whispers, picking up the baby case like a pro, as they stumble out of maternity. She has to slow him down; she's not walked very far, and it hurts. They told her that the blood transfusion would make her more tired, she just didn't expect to feel this tired, or daunted at the prospect at walking to the car.

'I'm going to sit in the back.' She tells him, wincing slightly as she experiences another cramp. Again, it's normal. 'I googled if it was okay and google told me it's a good thing.'

'I'll strap her in, then.' He tells her, as Carla goes around the other side, sitting down gently, pretending she's not dying inside. 'There you go, baby girl.'

They drive seems agonisingly slow, Peter making sure he stays well within the speed limit, making her question if she'll ever get there.

'Here we are.' He grins, as they enter the forecourt of the block of flats. 'Home.'

'Home.' She breathes, checking on the baby for the 100th time, make sure she's still breathing. 'C'mon love.' He whispers, as he gets out of the car, she tries, but she feels like she's paralyzed, paralyzed in fear of the unknown. She manages to get out of the car, as he undoes the baby seat, walking on unsteady feet to the lift, like a giraffe when they're first born and they're all wobbly. Except she's not the baby, she's the mum. The one solely responsible for the welfare of a child.

As she stands in the front room of the flat, it's like nothing's changed. Apart from the fact that Michelle had given it a tidy, it's the same as she'd left it.

Except it's not. Everything had changed. In the most momentous way possible, there was nothing bigger than having a baby. It changed everything. It was a different card game.

'Here you go, we're home.' He tells the infant, as if she understands, 'this is your home. Do you want a little tour?' He asks her, bending down to get her out of the case, watching her yawn. 'You coming?' Carla doesn't respond, but still follows. 'This, this is mummy and daddy's bedroom, but you're going to sleep here too, right by mummy.'

'Hmm, you better not snore, not like daddy.' She jokes, 'I can't take two of you.'

'Lies.' He contests, 'don't corrupt our baby with those sorts of lies. Don't listen to her precious, I don't snore.'

'It's true.'

'Now, shall we see your nursery. It's not finished, but Auntie Chelle, Uncle Daniel, your big brother Simon, Ryan and Adam all helped me.'

'Did they?'

'We painted it Tuesday morning and then they helped me set the furniture up. We don't have the crib, but everything else is there. Michelle helped me pick out her clothes.' He promises, opening the room of the spare room, which has become the nursery.

She stands there, unsure as to what it's going to look like, she trusts Michelle. It's the others she doesn't trust, and there were more of them.

As he opens the door, she holds her breath, gently opening the once white room, filled with all their crap, to a warm, light, grey paint on the wall, with picture on it, pictures of exotic animals. It's beautiful and she can feel herself about to cry. She exhales as she goes into the room, unsure of what to say, everything matches, she's surprised. She thought it would just be the essentials, a crib and a baby changing thing. This, this was something else. It wasn't a big room, but everything seemed to slot into place.

'Peter, this is beautiful.' She whispers, stumbling her way around it. 'It really is.'

'Michelle chose most of it' he admits, 'but it's lovely. The cribs being delivered next week, and the boys said they'll come around when it's here.'

'Peter, I love it. I wasn't sure if you'd be okay, but it's beautiful.' He turns to her, noticing the tears she's furiously trying to wipe away. 'Hormones.' She whispers, 'it's beautiful.'

'Have a look at the wardrobe.' She nods, opening the doors, as a fresh wave of tears hit her like a tidal wave. 'Oh, they're lovely.'

'We can dress her up as a lion.' She cries again, she wants to stop, but she can't. They just keep flowing, no matter how hard she tries they won't stop. 'Oh, they're beautiful.'

'I did okay?' He questions, attentively. 'Don't cry.'

'Sorry, I can't help it.'

'Do you want a cuddle? Now we're home, we can get her out and get her settled. We have a Moses basket in the front room, for her to kip in.' He offers, staring at the pink bundle. She pauses for a moment, before nodding.

'Let me sit down, I need a sit down.'

'Are you okay?'

'It's just normal after-birth thing.' She reassures him, wincing as she goes to sit on the chair, as she reaches over to the pillow near the chair. 'Pass her here then.' She grins, trying to psych herself up, as she is passed the baby over.

'It's amazing really.'

'What is?'

'We've known her five days and she's such a big part of our lives.'

'Mental, innit.'

'It really is. She's changed everything.'

'I'm still getting my head around her being real. Obviously, I know she is, she caused me enough pain, but it's real, we have a real-life baby.'

'Scary, huh?'

'Don't, I'm terrified.' She admits, 'it's all so new and I already feel like a failure.'

'You aren't.'

'No, I know it's not my fault etc, but I didn't know, and I should have.'

'There were no signs, you put it down to work.'

'Having a baby, it wasn't on the agenda. It's still sinking in, I have no clue what to-do, we never attended those baby classes, we had no scans, we couldn't do the things you do when you're expecting. I just feel cheated and I feel selfish for saying this.'

'I don't, but we have to come to terms with the fact it's just one of those things.'

'I know.' She sighs, the fear not disappearing, but she's too tired to talk about it now, 'we're lucky to have her. She's one of those rainbow babies, you know, the light after the storm. I'm so grateful she's happy and healthy, so far, but I feel terrible. What sort of mum am I, if I can't even look after her properly? I didn't know I was pregnant, so much could have gone wrong.'

'But it didn't.' Peter points out, 'it hasn't gone wrong. You need to start having some more self-belief.'

'Peter, I've never had a role model. I never wanted to be a mum, then I became pregnant and I decided I liked the idea. But this, I haven't had time to think about it. I'm not the same person as I was in 2014.' She tells him tearfully, wiping her eyes. 'See, I feel selfish for even thinking like this.'

'You're not, it's a huge adjustment.'

'I'm rubbish with Simon.'

'No, you weren't. You don't give yourself enough credit, anyway we're going to-do this right, you and me. We're going to get her right.'

'Are we?'

'Yes, now wipe those tears away, I'll make us a brew, considering you've given up coffee.'

'Temporarily.' She grins, 'don't think that's going to be a permanent thing.'

A/N thoughts? I just want to clarify that the baby won't be called Hayley, it's taken me days to figure out what I want to name her, but she does (finally) have one and it isn't Hayley. The last chapter was merely a speculation as to what they thought she was going to call her. Anyway, let me know what you think of this.