'Are you able to look after her today?' Carla queries, as the sleeping form next to her stretches, tickling the feet of the baby currently attached to her. 'Peter.'

'Uh, yeah, why?'

'I'm in hospital.' She blags, 'kidney check-up.'

'Do you want me to come?'

'I want you to look after her.' She tells him, 'please. I don't want to bring her around the general, not with all the cold, flu and Coronavirus going around. It's not safe.'

'On my own?' He questions, since she's been going to these sessions, she's let him in more, but this is a big step. Going into a hospital, on her own, was a huge deal. It was, almost, unbelievable.

'Are you going to make me regret asking you?'

'No, no. Sorry. Yes, I can look after Bea. We'll do something fun, maybe we'll see grandad Ken, or Simon will come over.' She nods, clearly not listening, so he decides to test her. 'Or we could go and get drunk.'

'Good plan.' She tells him, standing up, sorting out her pyjamas as she holds the baby close. 'I've expressed some milk; you remember how to heat it up. I should only be a few hours; I've got a couple of scans.'

'Are you sure you don't want me to come?'

'Positive.' She says, far too quickly. He knows she's lying but it's giving him the opportunity to spend the day with his daughter.

'Right, she's been fed, I'm going to shower.'

'Okay.'

-CS-

'Now, my little bumble bee, what are we going to-do today? I don't think having a drink together is a good idea, but we could go over and see grandad Ken? Yes, that sounds like a good idea.' He can hear the shower still running. 'What do we think mummy is doing today, because I don't think she's going to hospital.' The baby lets another laugh echo around the flat, something she's being doing more and more of. That, and smiling.

'Maybe she's buying daddy a birthday present, although, she has a while, so I think not. I could ask her, but I don't need another shouting match, you don't like that, do you? No, I don't either.' He tells her, as he starts to change her. 'I really can't wait till you're toilet trained.'

'I think we've got a while for that, considering she's twelve weeks.' Carla grins, 'I know she's smiling, but I don't think the toilet training will happen just yet. What are you going to-do with her?'

'Si and I were going to take her to the park, I won't let her get near anyone else.' He promises, she really was trying to let go. It's these little comments that reassure her, as she smiles gratefully.

'I'm not sure she's herself after those vaccinations. So, keep a look out, see if anything is wrong. Please.'

'I'm sure she'll be fine, Bertie is the prime example as to why she needs them, do you remember? You need to stop feeling bad about it. Temporary pain, long-term gain.' She rolls her eyes, kissing his cheek.

'Are you sure you don't want me to come?'

'Yes, I am. I need some time out of the house, my therapist told me it's a good idea.' She lies, the appointments had been useful, but she'd never said this. It's okay though, Peter would never know. He'd not be any the wiser and that's the way she wanted it to stay. 'Anyway, it will be nice for the three of you to spend some time with one another.'

-CS-

'No Carla?' Simon questions, as he joins his dad and sister. 'I thought she'd be coming.'

'No, she claims she's in hospital.'

'Claim's?' Simon asks, raising an eyebrow. 'I'm getting the impression you aren't buying that story.'

'No.' He mocks in horror, watching his breath in front of him. 'What gave you that impression?'

'Where'd you think she is?'

'Getting my birthday present and she doesn't want to take Bea around with her. Anyway, how are you? I feel like I haven't spent any time with you recently.'

'That's because we've both been busy. How is having a new baby? You know, a proper, baby. One that is yours.'

'You know what, it's great. I think I'm still at that honeymoon stage. And I'm so lucky she's so chill, at the moment at the least. Trust me, that is a good thing.'

'It makes a change, having a sibling that isn't taking over my parents' life.'

'What do you mean? Surely she does.'

'I mean I get to see you, mum she's preoccupied with Ollie all the time, which is fine, and I get it, but I rarely see her now. I spend all my time at Grandad's. With Beatrice, she's not taking over in the same way.' Peter muses at the comment, a baby is, arguably, the biggest change to the family dynamic.

'We've got room at ours, granted it will be a pull-out sofa, you are more than welcome to come over.'

'I don't mean that dad.' He promises, 'I just meant I don't see her.'

'Well you're always welcome at ours for tea.'

'Is Carla cooking?'

'Sometimes.'

'Then no.'

'You cheeky get.' He grins, punching his arm in jest. 'Now, let's find somewhere to get a drink, it's freezing.'

'Is she cold?'

'Hm?'

'Beatrice, you know, the baby that you're pushing around. Small thing, about this big.'

'Shouldn't be. She's got that pram suit on; did you know that was even a thing?'

'Considering I've not had a baby, no I didn't.'

'Well, apparently they do. It's pretty cute, if you ask me.'

'She does look pretty cute like that.'

-CS-

'Name?'

'Uh, Carla Connor.' She tells the guard, presenting him with some ID and the letter she'd been sent. A feeling deep inside her told her this was a bad idea, if Peter found out, it could be the end of their relationship. The moment she'd emailed them, she felt sick. It didn't stop her, though, calling the prison. She'd told herself that it would be fine, she wasn't doing anything wrong. She told herself that she wasn't lying to Peter, she was doing it to protect herself. This was a way she could get some sort of help, albeit some weird form of help, but it was the only thing she could think of.

But for herself she had to know. She had to-do something and this was all she could think of. The only person who knows somewhat of what she went through as a kid, the only person she had shared history with, Michelle didn't count because it wasn't the same. 'I'm here to visit Rob Donovan.'

'Do you have the visiting order?' She nods, getting it out. One of the benefits of being at home is that she is able to get the post, which made it easier to hide the visiting order from her partner. She'd taken every precaution, including disabling her location a few days prior, so he wouldn't suspect a thing. As she did that, she told herself it's not lying, it's just not telling the truth. If he'd asked, she wouldn't have lied, would she?

'Here you go.' She shivers involuntarily as she enters the room, waiting on her brother. She wondered what he looked like, had he gone grey? Had he gotten fat? She wondered if she would recognise him, it had been a very long time. The place was the same, airy and unwelcoming. A place she swore she'd never go again, after last time.

Maybe it was hormones, or fear, she didn't know. She knew this was a massive mistake, but he was the only one that shared a childhood with her. No one else, not even Michelle, knew what it was like for her growing up. The formative years, she read. The stage her baby was going through at the moment, which she was struggling. Such a pivotal part how she is, how she reacts to things is because of her mum and George. And she wants to make sure she's nothing like them, she believes that the key to that would be facing her brother. She might get some closure from her brother.

Her heartbeats fast as more people flood in, waiting to see their loved ones. Carla questions whether anyone else can hear her heart beating, it's so loud she can't hear herself think. Nerves.

Her eyes scan the room, full of people desperate to see their prisoner, the ones they love. She wonders if she could count Rob as a loved one and she certainly didn't want to be here, knowing he was going to gloat that she broke her promise to herself, that she wouldn't come and visit him. Yet, here she was, years later. Except, it doesn't feel like years. Being here, it feels like it was yesterday she was here last time.

Prison's scare her enough, but she was coming face to face with a murderer. Yet again. An actual convicted murderer. Not like when she visited Peter back in 2012 after he "confessed" to murdering Frank. This time, it was real. Her brother murdered someone. And in some twisted fashion, it was her fault. Yet again.

She doesn't dare to look up as the door opens, too scared as to what she might find. She doesn't trust herself not to make an idiot of herself, start crying or something. She isn't going to tell him about the baby, she tells herself. She's going to talk about their childhood, trying to make sense of it. Trying to make sense of why her parents, and George, didn't want her.

Johnny might want her now, but now is too late. At least Sharon loved her. That was more than could be said about daddy dearest.

'The last thing you told me was not to come looking for you.' A voice makes her jump, taking a deep breath.

'Yeah.' She sits in silence as he sits down.

'Well, are you going to say something?'

'You look old.'

'You don't look to great either, sis.'

'This was a mistake' she mutters, but not quite bringing herself to get back up and leave. There is something stopping her. She'd not seen him for long periods of time before, but she had felt the need to see him. Maybe it was having the baby and he was the only real family she had left. She didn't count Johnny and Kate because it wasn't the same. Her and Rob, they had the shared history that she hadn't had with them.

'Why are you here?'

'I don't know.'

'So, you got a visiting order just to sit here. I know you and I know you've got something to say. What's the agenda? C'mon sis, it's not like you to stay this quiet.'

'I don't. I don't have anything to say.' Both parties remain silent, unsure of who she was trying to convince.

'You were never going to see me again, remember that, big sis?' He gloats, 'you told me that you were done with me. Remember that, hmm?' She just shrugs and shakes her head, as she leans back into the chair.

'I don't know.'

'How is life treating you, I'm getting the five-star treatment over here.'

'Oh aye.'

'I love it in here, I do.'

'Good- you're going to be in here a long time.' She gibes back.

'So, what are you here for?'

'Nothing.'

'That's convincing.' She just yawns, suddenly apologising. 'Right tell me what's going on. How's your new family?' She suddenly panics, how did he know about her daughter?

'What?'

'Playing big sister to Kate and Aidan.' She lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Thank God. 'You must love being a Connor. How are little brother and sister?' She doesn't know whether to tell him or not, about Aidan. 'Carla, what is up? Cat got your tongue?'

'Um, Aidan. He died.' She watches as a look of shock passes his face. 'He died in 2018.'

'Of what?'

'Umm.' She starts, looking down, worrying she's about to cry, the one thing she seems to be doing all the time. 'He killed himself. Johnny found him.'

'What?'

'You 'eard.'

'You're lying.' He accuses, he wasn't friends with him, but he's spent some time with him as a kid and he seemed alright.

'I'm not.' She promises, 'I'm really not. He saved my life and then killed himself.' Rob just looks confused and she doesn't know what to say or how much to tell him. She realise it's not just the baby he's missed, it's everything. The fact she nearly died, how she fucked it up with Nick, her breakdown. She wasn't going to mention that, she didn't need him having more ammunition against her.

'Saved you?'

'I suffered from kidney disease; he gave me his kidney. He killed himself a few months after.' For once, Rob doesn't have any wise crack comments, nor any quick remarks. He seems genuinely speechless.

'Carla, I'm sorry.' She wonders if he means it, most of the stuff coming out of his mouth was bullshit these days. 'I really am.' She's unsure as to what he's apologising for, is he saying he's sorry for her brother dying or her nearly dying.

'Nothing you could do.' She tells him, very matter of fact. A pause falls upon them. 'Why'd you think mum hated us? You know, all we were good for was money and being able to see drugs from the pram. What do you think we did?'

'Mam?'

'Hmm, yeah. You know, Sharon. And George. The pair that supposedly raised us.'

'Some people just shouldn't have had kids.' He tells her, 'mum and George they were selfish. That's why.'

'You think?'

'I know, Carla. I must admit when you told me you were pregnant; I did wonder why you'd kept it. Obviously, I was heartbroken for you when she died, but having a baby with that loser. You were my big sister.' She bites her lip as his choice of words, 'But I did think it was stupid. Were you out of your tiny mind? You couldn't have had a baby; everything was stacked against you.' He stares at her, realisation dawning on him. He enjoyed winding her up and making her life unbearable, but something just clicked, as a smug grin played over his face. 'You're pregnant.'

'I'm not.'

'I know you Carla.'

'Not that well, Rob, I'm not pregnant. Read my lips. I. Am. Not. Pregnant.'

'Why are you asking all these questions about mum then? That sound incredibly defensive their sis.'

'I'm interested. It's something I'd been thinking about for a while, with Johnny and everything and I just felt the need to confront some old demons. If you must know, I'm having some sort of crisis, I think.' She lies, 'you were the only person who knew what it was like. I had to come here and see, see if you could give me some sort of closure considering both mum and George are dead, I know it's my fault with mum, but I just needed to know.'

'So, the baby, when's it due? I bet boring Nick is thrilled. That's who you're with, right? You have so many men, I've lost count.'

'I told you, I'm not pregnant. Do I look pregnant to you?'

'Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?' She knows she needs to leave, going here, it was a bad idea. It had achieved nothing, except setting her teeth on edge and making her more worried.

'I'm going now.' Rob just smirks, Carla resisting the urge to punch him. 'Bye Rob.'

'Carla.' He calls, grabbing her arm to get her attention, as she yanks it away from.

'What?' Carla shakes her head, glancing around the room with people having conversations, looking happy. She wish she'd listened to her head. As she turns around, about to tell him to get off her, she watches him grin. A grin resembling the cat that got the cream. A feeling that sends a shiver down the woman's spine, knowing something was about to happen, his eyes gave away something, like he knew something about her, as he goes to open his mouth, her breath hitches, heart beating fast.

'When was it born?'

A/N thoughts?