"There's one way. Just one way, to know for sure if I'm gonna like a job I'm on. It's not so much question as it is a statement that I go around and ask the locals."

"...What is it?"

"Tell me there's alcohol on this planet."

Last name: Lex. First name: Officer. Galactic Officer for the Realm and... well... the galaxy? Badge number 71421 and designation is L-EX0. Anyway, now that all the formal crap is outta the way, time to get you up to speed on what I'm up to. As in right now.

Dispatch told me and my partner, Andy, that a mini-dragon was causing a ruckus on sector 32C. Yeah, I laughed too.

Well, uh... It's actually a lot meaner than we thought it'd be. The thing has rockets for wings! We're actually in the middle of pursuing the ugly mug after Andy forgot to double lock the dang cuffs like I always tell him to. Long story short: we actually had him in custody but well, something something t-rexes and small arms...

...or something.

Anyway, he got out of his cuffs. And well, now you're caught up.

...

"Andy, just let me shoot out the window. I swear the collateral damage will be less severe than last time." I say, obviously jokingly to my partner. Who, by the way, is currently screwing up the new patrol car smell with his smoke.

"Still not switching places, pal." Andy says in reply to my joke, grinning.

The damn thing was zooming at light speed down the highway but luckily everyone was at work at this hour or something because the streets are emptier than a plate of mama's Chicken Pot Pie after a second with me. Noticed how I capitalized the name? Yeah, it's that important.

"Let's see... Suspect's name is Drogoz." Andy stopped. "Drogoz? The hell kind of a name is that? Anyway, since it's a dragon it could be 1 or 100 years old so there's no telling.

Suspect has a history of arson caused by his... spit? Ugh, should've bought the dirtier suit. He also is known to shoot missiles from a custom made missile launcher he uses as a weapon."

"A missile launcher? Auuugh, that'll ruin the suit AND the patrol car." I say in frustration. "Meh, I'll just get the wife to clean it I guess. As for the car, might need to hand it to Barik back at the precinct."

"Damn, man. This thing is easily going 200 in a speed limit highway of 125. My only question is why the streets are so empty. Is it normal for this sector?" Andy blows out one last puff of smoke before tossing the butt out the window. But it's when I see him doing this that I notice something strange, but only for a split second. It almost looked like... a glint from the woods behind us.

"H-Hey, heads up. We got cars behind us." Andy says, pulling the mirror down to get a feel for how many there were. "Looks like theres 3 motorcyc-"

BTHUMP! BTHUMP!

Andy and I just look at each other. Quietly asking one another where that sound came from. We look behind us and see that there are now only 2 motorcycles behind us.

bthump...

"It's above us! Shoot the roof!" I half-whisper to Andy who whips out his blaster and burns a few rounds through the roof. I alternate from looking at the road to the roof to see any signs of life.

KSHINK!

A green and very sharp rod stabbed through the roof between my face and Andy's after which the roof is sliced clean off and we've just been made into a convertable for free. No one ever thinks about who the hell is gonna pay for all this.

"Hey, spuds." I've seen this guy before. No way. "Wanna stop the car for us? Kinda safe to say we gotcha surrounded"

I look to Andy who nods in agreement. I pull off to the side of the road and the bikes behind us follow suit.

"Wanna tell me why the hell you just ripped off the roof of a Galactic Officer's vehicle?" I say in slight anger, trying not to piss them off because me and being outnumbered do not get along.

"Oh, I'm soooooo soooorry,officer. Ya see, I was just tryin' to get your attention. I wanted to report a crime!" The purple haired loser chortles to his approaching friends. I remember this freak, Koga. Leader of the Mud Vipers. I've had run-ins with this bum before. Mostly petty stuff but also for assault and all the stuff aspiring bad boys do nowadays.

"Is this some setup for a joke? Just shut up and get out with it, kid." I say, starting to break my own rule about not pissing them off.

"Well, you see. You're in Mud Viper country and you chasing one of us ain't gonna fly. Capiche?" The kid with the dead gorlock on his head says. Oh, I'm sorry I mean "Koga says"

"Sorry, kid but that's where I stop being nice. You're not gonna prevent me from doing my job and that's bringing this guy in, dead or alive. Now, the outcome is totally up to him." I say.

Suddenly. the biker chick behind Koga pipes up. "I say we just drag them behind our bikes for a bit. Maybe rattle them, you know?"

"Jeez, Viv. Always with the moodkillers. Still, I love ya." Koga says. "But you know she's got a point, coppers. Maybe I should convince you that chasing him is a bad idea."

I slowly creep my hand toward my blaster to get it ready just in case. "Try it, bub."

"Woah, okay. Hey. Lex? Let's calm down, yeah?" Andy says but this punk thinks he scares me so naturally I'll tell him otherwise. "Lex?"

Nah, screw weapon restrictions and the moral verbiage edict. I can take a suspension or three. I let loose a round that finds its mark directly on Kogas shooting arm. "Eat that, you little punk."

Koga writhes in pain on the floor, holding his wound as his friends open fire on my vehicle. I turn around and floor it, heading the original direction toward Drogoz. The roaring of motorcycles are heard almost instantly after bolting.

"Ok, Andy. You're gonna be on shooting duty. Sound good?" I ask him. "I'm gonna focus on tailing Drogoz. He's gotta run out of juice eventually.

"Sounds good." Andy jumps in the back seat and positions himself to shoot at the motorcycles but just as he jumps in the back, a red mist sprays all over whats left of my windshield. I lose control and drive down what feels like a very steep hill. Thankfully, I don't crash and total this vehicle any more than I have already but instead slow to a stop. I instantly remembered that I had a partner and look in the backseat but instead a grisly scene greets my eyes instead.

There he lay, Andy. Just 23 years old and in the force for maybe a year. Dead with a giant hole clean through his face. It's the grim reality of what I signed up for but it sucks more that it was my partner. He's not dead for good, I got a guy who'll rewind time and patch him up fine but I still hold his body and don't know how to even react besides hug him. It's at that moment that I realize "Oh crap, Lex. They're right behind you!" and grab Andy's blaster along with mine and jump out the car. TWO blasters. I swear two should be standard issue.

I hide behind a tree and seconds later I hear the crew of uglies talking their baboon speak.

"Woah-hoh! You nailed him right in the head, Bucky baby!" The dark haired chick with shades says.

"Eh, what can I say? Fuggedaboudit." An unfamiliar voice booms. "Glad I packed the slugs."

"You two, where's the other one?" Koga says.

"What?" Viv says.

"I said. Where. Is. The. Other. One." Koga says, obviously angry.

Now its time for a little of that good ol' policeman smarts to shine. I jump out from my cover and blast a barrage of rounds that each hit their target. "Whew, feeling good!" I yell out. Koga's back is peppered with rounds and the black haired chick takes one square in the dome and falls like a statue. The fat new guy takes a few rounds in the chest but doesn't go down.

"You sunnuva-" Tall, Dark, and Handsome then charges toward me with the rage of 1000 bulls.

Crap... Outta bullets, too. I run away to reload but hear a loud whistling follow me. All of a sudden, hundreds of pounds of man just collapses on top of me. As my blaster was done reloading I pull out my free hand and shoot a round point blank through baldy's stomach. He falls off from on top of me and its then that I have a clear shot and release one right through his chest.

'They're all down...' I say to myself before I notice Koga wimpily dragging his wounded corpse away from me. "Hey, buddy! Where ya goin'?"

I catch up to him and slap cuffs on him, I figure he's better alive than dead plus he's probably my ticket to a promotion. "You goddamn spud, I'll kill ya. I swear on my mother, I'll kill ya."

Cheap talk I've heard before, only this guys smaller than the other guys. Suddenly, I remember... Oh yeah I left Andy back there. I should get him to Atlas ASAP. He tells me the sooner I get there after an accident the better. Weird guy, though. He helps me out for free. Anyway, I arrive at the precinct and drop off Koga's sorry ass at the front door. While the other cops are taking care of him, I hightail it to Atlas' room with Andy in tow.

Crash!

Atlas looks up from his paperwork to a slammed open door.

"I told you, I don't care who it is I don't want the damn door sl-"

"It's Andy this time. His first death on the job. Happened about 15? 20 minutes ago? Can you fix him?" I ask him. This has to work.

Atlas strokes his chin in thought. "Hrmm... Well, lemme give it a shot."

He powers up his tech doohickey on his arm and a beam comes out from it and envelops Andy. Atlas then turns the middle knob on his arm and Andy's wound slowly closes until it's fully closed. "Whew." Atlas sighs.

"Hehah! Atlas, my man. You did it again!" I yell out.

"Heh. Yeah, yeah. But you owe me." He points at me menacingly. "Nah, I'll go easy on you. Get the wife to make me that gorlock steak you shared with me a few days ago and we'll call it even I guess."

"That's all? Deal." I agreed. "He's gonna be out of it for a little bit, right?"

"Yeah, that's one thing I can't help. He should wake up by tomorrow. Good luck hoisting him around." Atlas grinned slightly.

I throw Andy over my shoulder. "He's light enough. Anyway, thanks a lot but I should get going. I'm still on the clock and the paperwork tonight is gonna be nuts. What with a perp like Drogoz getting away and all. Hopefully this stupid little kid I picked up today makes up for it.

I wave goodbye to Atlas and throw Andy into my vehicle.

"Ahhhh..." I exhale, then look to Andy with his mouth wide open, snoring. "Whaddya say, wanna drop by McDredge's and get us a Broadside Supreme? My treat."

I squeeze his lips and move his mouth and say, "Yeah. That's a great idea Lex. You're so cool!"

"Heh, I know." I punch the face protector button of my suit and get ready to get back out and do my job. I got a date with a beeeeyootiful mini-dragon whose breath totally doesn't stink.

Whaaaaaaat? A PALADINS FANFIC? Anyway I'm thinking of making a sequel for this but hopefully this story is taken well before I even think of doing that. Anyway, thank you for reading!