'Hello.' A voice calls, awakening the woman from the fitful slumber she'd found herself falling into. She manages to stumble to the door, opening it without realising who she'd opened it too. 'Carla?'

'Hmm?'

'I brought some food round.'

'Food?' It takes her a few minutes to acclimatise to her surroundings, noticing who the person was. The sleepy haze was starting to disappear, when she meets the eye of the person who has come over, she finds herself flung into reality. 'Oh, what are you doing here?'

'I've come to say sorry. Peter said it was fine.'

'Of course, he did.' She mutters, sitting back down, bringing her legs to her knees. This was payback, she just knew he was going to make her life hell. 'Thanks Peter.'

'No, he did it because he was concerned. Has something gone on with you pair?'

'Trust me, Johnny, he didn't.'

'I'm your dad.' She snorts as a hurt look graces his face. 'Don't look at me like that.'

'Like what Johnny?'

'That look.' She shrugs, making her unease with him being their very obvious. 'Have I done something to upset you? I haven't seen you for months and I'm always warned off, that was why I was surprised when Peter gave me the go ahead.'

'Why are you here?'

'Too see you, my daughter, and baby Beatrice, my granddaughter.'

'When it suits you.' She mutters, grabbing the hairband that she'd left on the side, tying her air up into a low ponytail.

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'You know exactly what it means.'

'I don't.' She pauses, trying not to shout, trying to keep a calm composure, remembering she has a baby mere metres away from her.

'It's you.'

'Me?'

'You were supposed to be my dad.'

'I am your dad.' He points out, wondering where this is going.

'When it suits you. You denied me for forty years and then when my darling brother wants money, suddenly you're like hey Carla I'm ye' dad. You've never cared about me, not until then. Until you were forced too, hmm. It wasn't like it bothered you that I was neglected. As long as it was okay in Johnny Connors world, that's all that mattered.'

'You know it wasn't like that.'

'Could you tell me then, what it was like.' She shoots back, wondering why Peter subjected her to this level of annoyance. 'You knew I was being neglected, but you just didn't care.'

'I couldn't, Kate, Aidan and Lou.'

'That's the problem, Johnny. You had a family, which was fine, but then you come and ruin my life, it's not fair. I've had a baby, now. All these feelings, unadulterated love. That's the first thing I felt, never anything else like it. I know people don't think that I did, but I do. I love her more than life itself.'

'Where do I fit into this?'

'That's the point, Johnny. You don't. Just like I didn't fit into yours.'

'Carla, that's not right. Of course, you do.'

'So, you were there every time I was hiding from George or when we ran out of food and the benefits weren't in yet?'

'I tried.'

'Yeah right, okay. And I'm the virgin Mary. I don't know how you can have a baby and not feel like it. I want to protect her at all costs, everything I do is for her, now. Whatever you might think. You can give me the bull, but we both know it's the truth.'

'Carla.' He moves nearer as she edges back. The situation reminds him of her breakdown, so vulnerable. Except this is different, this time it's not because she's having breakdown, it's because she's had a baby. He tells her that it's because her head is messed up and that she will come around.

'No, Johnny, don't. You knew what Sharon, and George, were like and yet you still left me, let me go hungry. I was shown more love from that bloody dog next door. At least my mum knew what she was, you had nothing to-do with me. I had nothing and you knew that, but still I wasn't good enough to be loved.'

'I didn't know you were mine. I wasn't sure.'

'Yes, yes, you did. You gave my mum some money, you didn't just do that out of the good of your heart, don't lie to me. Give me some credit, please.'

'If it had come out, it would have ruined me. I had Kate and Aidan to think about. You had Sharon and she did love you, whatever you think.'

'I know, but don't hide behind her. Let's face it, you didn't want anyone you had sex with the lowest of the low and fathered her child. That child was me and look how I've turned out. Mum loved me because she had too, but don't use that excuse on me because it's not fair. Hmm, I wish I'd never known about you, that you'd just paid Rob the money and be done with it.' She hisses, she can feel her blood pressure rising, but she doesn't care. Vocalising her thoughts, it just makes her angry.

'Carla, it wasn't like that.'

'Hmm? No, it wasn't? I don't know how you didn't love me or want to protect me. You need to go, and you can take your food with you, I don't want anything to-do with you.'

'Where is this all coming from?'

'It's always been there, Johnny. And it always will. Now, please go. Don't think I won't call the police for you trespassing.'

'Okay, I'm going.' He whispers, knowing he wasn't going to win this argument. 'I'm going.' She watches the door close, before the flat is filled with sobs.

-CS-

The figure leans back on the plastic chair, looking down at the floor. He doesn't know what to say or do. He thought going to this meeting would help him clear his head, but it didn't. He felt guilty for telling Johnny to visit Carla. He knew that they had their issues and that it would just wind her up, but, at the time, he didn't care.

Except now, he feels like shit. It's not just about her seeing Rob. He wasn't happy with it, but he understood. Or he tried to understand. He had no right to tell her what she could or couldn't, as long as she wasn't putting their daughter in danger. It wasn't important.

That's not what was bothering him. To really.

It was her. The whole reason Rob was in prison because he was having an affair. It was because of her that their daughter had died. She'd have been six this year, born a month before her little sister. Almost like a gift from her, telling them that they needed to be a family.

Or that's what he told himself.

That didn't help him now, as he listened to these people talk, telling him their stories. The same place that him and Carla bonded all those years ago.

Eleven years ago.

A failed marriage, two murder charges from crimes he'd not committed he'd not committed, both to save the woman he loved, two deaths on his conscious, lies, a breakdown and a new baby. Or two new babies, but one wasn't his.

Beatrice meant happiness and he was happy. He really was. He was with the woman he loved, and he meant truly loved. He'd taken it over the last few years, the psychosis that drove him to the bottle and now a baby. Her going to see her convicted murderer of a brother, it wasn't important. If it gave her the closure or whatever it was, she needed, he'd have to be okay with it.

It was the conversation before that was torturing him. Tina. He thought they'd gotten over it, as much as she could, but clearly, she hadn't. He knew that she didn't believe it when he told her that having sex, or not having sex, didn't matter to him anymore.

It took him losing her to make him realise that.

It had always been her and it was always going to be her. It was him that had to prove it to her. Tina, it had been flattery. Having someone give him attention, it was an ego boost. Then the baby came along, and he couldn't stop it and Carla was, unwittingly, caught in the middle. Each drink he had was a sign he hadn't been okay. And it had all been his fault.

As the meeting finished, he rushed out of room, like a man on a mission. He supposes he was, doing the only thing he thought he might be able to-do. Not to make it right, but to make it, somewhat, better.

He suddenly wonders if this is a good idea, as he goes into the store, talking to the helpful employee. Not that he had any clue what he was doing. This was the first wrong he could make right. Her desire for a house for their first little girl, he'd been obstinate, telling her he did not want to move. And he didn't, or he hadn't. Now there was a baby in the picture, he suddenly thought it was a good idea. They needed a house with a garden with a swing set and a dog.

But the dog could come later.

He smiles at the employee, as he is passed a number of fliers, options of houses up for sale. Ones they can look at together, when he gets home.

A wave of nausea passes through him as he thinks about going home. He know Carla won't be in the best of moods, having just left her. And invited Johnny over. That really was a dick move. That was just spite, he had been angry that she'd gone to visit Rob, but he had cooled off. It became more obvious that she hadn't done it to spite him. She had gone for herself and trying to get herself together, something that was none of his business. The hurt, it was his problem and not hers.

He drives around, delaying going home by popping into every estate agents he could think of, proving to her that he was committed to this move. Except it wasn't the move he was committed to. It was her, and she needed to see that, she needed to understand that he was there for her as much as he was with his daughter.

He would pop the question, but it just wouldn't be today. It wasn't the right time, not yet. But it would come, that he was certain of.

-CS-

He knew he should have gone home; he knew Carla would be worried, but when Ken invited him in for a cup of coffee, he couldn't say no.

'So, how are things?'

'With Carla?'

'Yes, I've just seen Johnny and apparently she's kicked off at him.' His heart sinks, instantly regretting his decision to tell Johnny to visit Carla. He knew it wasn't a good idea, but he was angry and Johnny targeted him at just the wrong moment. Before he'd known it, he'd agreed to let him in to the block of flats they currently resided in.

'That was my fault, I was angry at her, so I thought I'd spite her.'

'Oh?'

'She went to visit Rob.'

'Rob?'

'As in her brother Rob.'

'What?'

'She told me it's because she wanted to get some sort of answers or something. I don't know, I got mad and went to a meeting.'

'Well that's good.'

'I'm not angry at her, but I think she might think that I am.'

'Oh?'

'I wish she'd told me, I do, but if it makes her feel better, that's okay.'

'That's very good of you.'

'I just want her to be happy and she wasn't, but after visiting him a few days ago, she's a changed woman. Whatever she went for, it worked. She seems so much better, enjoying her time with Bea. That's not what I was angry at. We'd been talking and we'd ended up on my affair.'

'Oh.'

'I thought we'd moved past it, but I don't think she has. Not properly.'

'I don't know what to say to you, Peter. I suppose her having a baby has probably changed her feelings a little bit, you have a beautiful little girl and that's the priority. I'm hardly mister commitment.' Peter lets off a snort that Ken ignores. 'But it will probably take time. Everyone knows how much you hurt her and that will never change. You can't change the sins of your past, but you have to work with it. Work through it. Words will never be enough, not anymore.'

'But she trusted me before.'

'Yes, but Peter, there is now another person involved and it's not just her on the line. It's the baby too and she's going to-do whatever needs be to protect her.'

'You think?'

'I know. She's struggling, that's evident, but she will be okay. You need to speak to her, really. I'm not Carla, I'm no saint, but you can't engage in what she's feeling without asking her. This is all assumptions.'

'I know this, I just don't know what to-do.'

'Maybe you should just go back to her and speak to her, tell her exactly what your feelings. Raking over the past, it is never pleasant, but if that's what she needs, it might help.' He nods, taking a last gulp of his coffee. 'Just tell her how you feel.'

'Thanks dad.' He whispers.

A/N thoughts?

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