'Have you just had a bath?'

'Stating the obvious.' She whispers, not bothering to look up. 'We've been swimming.'

'Oh, aye. How was that?'

'She's a right water baby.' She smirks, kissing the baby all over. 'She loves it. You'll have to come swimming with us one time.' She tells him, shrugging. The baby makes a noise, almost in agreement. 'I reckon she'll compete in the 2040 Olympics.'

'Aye, is that a thing?'

'Of course,' she grins, 'now daddy is going to entertain you until I'm ready.'

'Where are you going?'

'The three of us are going to lunch.'

'Are we?'

'We are.'

'Where?'

'Dunno yet.' She shrugs, disappearing off.

'What is mummy up too, hmm.' He just watches as the baby smiles at him, scanning his face. 'You look so much like mummy, yes you do.'

'She can't understand you.' He hears Carla call out, 'she's nine months old.'

'She can' he protests, blowing a raspberry on the baby's stomach. 'Aye, she's out the same amount as she was in you.'

'Except we've only known about her for the nine months.' She replies, coming back into the room. 'Nine amazing months, for the most part. I know I say it every time, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.'

'We're doing okay.' He nods, 'so, the wedding.'

'Ugh.'

'You could sound happier than that.'

'I don't know, I want to become Mrs Barlow, but I want it over. I don't know, it feels like we're already married. I'm still self-conscious over the pregnancy, I know I didn't put any weight on, not in the usual way, but it's everything else, the hair, the boobs. Don't snigger, it's true.'

'You could wear a bin bag and you'd still be the sexiest woman alive.'

'Not helping.' She shrugs, trying so hard not to let it get to her, 'it's okay. I'll be fine. Just pre-wedding nerves, I told myself I'd never get married again, but we're here.'

'Do you not want to get married?'

'I want to be a family.' She tells him, picking her words carefully. She does want to marry him, but the memories of her last wedding would, forever, be etched on her mind. Being cheated on wouldn't go, no matter how hard she tired, it was always going to be there.

So, she's taken to just smiling and playing along.

She'll marry him and it will be fine.

They'll be a family and they'll be happy.

Once she gets over her wedding day, it will be fine.

'Right, let's go. Her bag is in the car.' She smiles, as he picks up the baby from the changing table.

'You alright, love? You've gone quiet, which isn't like you.'

'Tired, after swimming.' She promises, praying he'll by her story, 'it's fine. I'll have a nap with her later, let's get some lunch first.'

-CS-

'So, how is the wedding prep coming along?' Maria questions, joining her friend at the booth. 'Liam's dead excited.' She smiles tiredly, taking a sip of the orange juice.

'Yeah, it's okay' she tells her, as Michelle joins the pair.

'For someone getting married next week, you have a face like thunder.'

'I'm just tired, Chelle. You've both been here, but I'm older. Being an older parent is hard, then juggle the wedding prep.'

'You look younger.'

'I feel about one hundred.' She shrugs, as the baby puts her hands in her mouth, making a noise.

'Oh, she's gotten so big.' Maria exclaims, 'I feel like she's grown since I saw her a few weeks ago.'

'She probably has.' Carla laughs a little, praying that the masquerade isn't slipping. Beatrice is a safe subject; her impending nuptials aren't. 'She's taken to swimming; we go to that class once a week and she loves it. I told Peter she'd be an Olympic swimmer. She's a proper water baby, loves swimming, loves being in the bath and loves the paddling pool. Oh, and she had a great time being dunked in the water at Blackpool.'

'Better than Ryan being a DJ.'

'I'm sure he's very good.' She just shrugs, 'it made him happy.'

'Liam wants to be a doctor, for now.'

'A doctor?'

'Hmm, I don't know if it will materialise.'

'Aye, our Liam would have been so proud of you.' Michelle reassures her friend, Carla agreeing. They'd had their differences, but she did care. Since having her baby, she's had a newfound respect for the woman, it was hard enough doing the whole parenting malarkey on her own, but Maria being a single parent, that must be hard.

And the guilt of Liam dying will always be scarred on her heart.

Liam has grown up without a dad.

Because of her.

'We'll see, last month he wanted to be a Youtuber.' She giggles, taking a sip of her drink. 'So who knows, we've got years yet.'

-CS-

'For someone getting married tomorrow, you don't look very happy.'

'What?'

'You don't look happy, does she Maria?' She questions, as the woman joins her friend and the baby on the bed. 'Your last night of freedom, and all of that.'

'Chelle, I've been here before.'

'But it's still exciting.' Her friend tries, willing Carla to smile. She wants to smile, she does. She just seems to have lost the ability too.

'I don't know.' She whispers, 'am I doing the right thing?'

'Do you love Peter?'

'Of course, I do. When he asked me, I couldn't think of anything better.'

'And now? I'm getting the impression you aren't feeling like this today.' She reluctantly shakes her head, biting on her lower lip, making it bleed a little. 'Carla, it's okay. You can tell us anything.'

'Then the doubt set in.' She confesses, not meeting either woman's eye. Tomorrow should be the happiest day of her life, marrying the love of her life.

Except she'd done it before.

And look how that went.

Every marriage of hers ended in tears, marriage wasn't a big deal to her. It was a piece of paper, that was it. It wasn't a big deal. They say the longest sentence is I do. Except for her, it isn't. She's had many a weddings and none of them lasted. What made a difference this time?

The only difference now is that there was a baby set to be caught up in the crossfire. One she loved more than life itself and that's what brought all the fear. She'd messed her life up, multiple times, but now there was something more riding on this.

'What is it?' Maria probes, trying to bring her friend out of her thoughts, 'Carla?'

'I'm scared.'

'Marriage is a bit commitment but having a baby-'

'It's not that.' She rasps, 'I've done the marriage thing to death. I'm not scared of being married. I love Peter and he loves me, I think, and we have a beautiful baby.' She can feel herself babbling, trying to keep calm.

'Is that why you don't want too? Because you've done it so many time?' She shakes her head.

'Last time, love wasn't enough.'

'Carla.' Michelle tries, tentatively putting her arm around her best friend.

'No. Last time. Last time, he got with Tina on our wedding night. Then everything that ensured, their affair, my baby, Tina dying, losing my baby.' She sighs, as Michelle takes note of the language her best friend used.

My instead of our.

As if it was just her baby, her little girl. She wonders if that's the way she sees the baby. It was hers not theirs. Whilst Peter was the baby's biological dad, she knows Carla would have let her grow up with minimal contact with the man because she didn't want her baby's heart to be broken.

He hadn't been there, turning to the bottle for the majority of the pregnancy, not enjoying all the usual stuff. It was Carla's baby, in every respect. He had very little to-do with it, because he'd chosen the bottle over them.

And that's what it would always come down too.

There was always going to be this doubt, this fear. The fear of him doing it again.

She'd not been strong enough before, everyone knowing if he got up to his old tricks it might actually kill her.

But not there was a baby in the mix, which made it all the harder. In a way, Beatrice was a reminder of the baby she lost. The one that she cried for hours over.

She knows more than anyone that losing a baby is hard, beyond hard. All the adults in this room have lost a baby, a pain she hoped the little girl on the bed never has to experience. She wants her life to be candyfloss and kittens. She knows it's naïve, but she doesn't want her daughter to experience a fraction of the hurt she's felt.

And that starts with Peter.

He's her dad and he might unwittingly hurt her. He's got form, every relationship he seems to have been in, it doesn't last. She was the thing that tore apart his life with Leanne. With so little regard to Simon and the way he felt.

She just didn't want that to happen to their little girl.

She doesn't want her to experience the pain she'd caused her big brother. Another thing she regrets, if only they'd waited a decent enough time, if the affair had come out their way. It would have been so different.

Maybe it would have stopped him straying. What is it they say? The whole thing with the way you gain a man is the way you lose him.

Well that was very much the case.

In both scenarios, a child was in the midst of all that hurt.

She didn't want Beatrice to go through that pain. And that's why she was reluctant to marry him, worried something would change.

Just like it had done on her wedding day a few years before.

'Last time, he nearly drunk the night before the wedding. What if he's doing it now?'

'Carla, he's not.'

'You don't know that.'

'I do. He loves you; I mean really loves you.'

'I told you Chelle, love wasn't enough last time. What's different?'

'This is just pre-wedding jitters. You'll be fine tomorrow. When you see little Bea in a cute dress, it will be lovely.'

'We'll see.' She sighs, getting up. 'We'll see tomorrow.'

-CS-

'So, how are you feeling?' A voice comes up, making her jump. 'Have you got over last nights jitters.' She nods, both knowing it's a lie. 'You have to trust him that it is different this time, you're different.'

'I know.' She whispers, looking at herself in the mirror. 'Maria's done a good job.'

'You look stunning.' She agrees, as the woman appears with the baby in tow. 'We were just saying what a good job you're done.'

'You think?'

'I love it.' She smiles, 'hello my little girl. Don't you look lovely.'

'It will be okay, you know.'

'Hmm?'

'The marriage, Peter's different, you're different. You've both been through so much, you have to trust one another.'

'I know.' She sighs, 'I know.' A knock on the door drags them away from the conversation.

'Expecting anyone?'

'Roy, but not for a while. I know he likes being on time, but this is early even for him.' She watches Michelle undo the door, all three being stunned into silence as they take in the face in front of them. 'What are you doing here?'

'I'm still invited, aren't I?'

'Of course, you are. But aren't you supposed to be on your travels?'

'My big sister is getting married, and I haven't seen my little niece. Did you really think I wouldn't come?' They watch as she edges nearer to Carla and the baby. 'Is this? Can I?' Carla thrusts the baby into her arms, smiling a little as the baby looks at her aunt, almost if she was giving her the once over. 'How are you feeling?'

'I'm good' she forces out, 'I'm good.'

-CS-

'You look beautiful.'

'Thanks Roy.' She smiles, taking a deep breath.

'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.' She breathes, looking at the man.

'I feel as though I should be saying something profound.'

'You don't need too.' She smiles, 'thank you for doing this. It wouldn't have been right if it were anyone else. I'm so thankful.' She smiles, kissing his cheek.

'The pleasures all mine.' He promises, as they link arms, ready to walk down the aisle.

-CS-

'You look stunning.' Peter whispers to her, as she goes to join him at the altar.

'Thank you.' She whispers, barely audible above the beating of her heart. 'You look great too.' She smiles, as the vicar starts to drone on.

She tries to pay attention, seemingly doing an alright job, nodding and smiling at all the right times.

She can't help it though, the worrying. It's been eating her up inside the whole night, worrying about this moment.

She's in a beautiful dress, with her loved ones surrounding her, marrying the love of her life. She should be happy.

But she's not, she's full of worry.

There's this void in the bottom of her stomach that makes her feel sick, she worries that she's going to throw up, or worse.

She can hear her heartbeat in her chest, a sped-up rhythm that she's trying to keep in check. She's trying to pretend she's excited, like she had done for the last couple of weeks.

Until last night, she was pretty certain the masquerade hasn't slipped. She's been able to maintain she wants to marry Peter.

And she wants too. She so wants to.

But she can't.

There's something inside her screaming at her. It's conflicted between telling her that she doesn't deserve to be happy and that Peter is going to start an affair again. It doesn't matter that she, rationally, knows its complete bull.

She wonders if she's going to faint, suddenly feeling very hot. She wonders how no one has noticed she's drowning, in all of this. She wants nothing more than to run away, realising she was happy when they weren't married. This, it was added pressure.

She loves him, that's not in doubt. She wouldn't do anything to hurt him, she knew that much. But marriage, it was the ultimate profession of trust. One she wasn't sure she had; she wasn't sure if she was able to trust him.

This time, nearly eight years ago, head started an affair. One that broke them apart and killed her baby.

One that had gently chipped away at her life. The thing is, when something starts to chip, it becomes a crack. And the problem with that is it makes the thing weaker, makes her weaker. Right until it smashes, shattering into tiny little shards. Her life, the cracks had been so great that it shattered. She smashed into 100s of little pieces. You can tape up cracks, but if something shatters, it's much harder, impossible some might say, to fix it. Even if you can, it's never the same. And it never would be the same. It had taken months for her to get back to herself, or more like herself. She's not back there, not yet.

She couldn't put it all down to Peter, but he kickstarted it off again. She wasn't sure if she could tell him she'll be with him through everything.

Better or worse.

Sickness or health.

Richer or Poorer.

Love and Cherish.

Till death do they part.

Till death do us part didn't last. They were gone long before that. She wasn't sure she could make all these promises to him.

She wanted to, she so did. But it all came down to one thing.

Trust.

Complete trust. If there wasn't trust, it couldn't work. Except, she didn't know if the trust was there. It had been worrying her for a number of months, maybe she should have told him, but she didn't want him back on the sauce.

Except she has mere moments to work out if there's enough trust there for her to marry him.

She's dragged back into reality as they start reading the vows.

'Do you, Carla Connor, take Peter Barlow to be your lawfully wedded husband?' She can feel her breath pick up, her hands becoming clammy, shaking a little. She hopes people think it's nerves, or excitement. She looks at him, smiling at him, before turning to look at the baby being held by her best friend, smiling away to herself.

It makes her feel even worse, because she's not sure she can do this. It's her wedding day, marrying the man she loves. The one who has been there for her, when she was sick. When she was really sick. Then she had a baby, but was that enough?

As everyone looks on expectedly, she can't seem to get the words out, she tries. She tries so hard, but they just aren't coming.

'Carla?'

'I'

A/N Thoughts? Do you think she'll say I do?

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