'So, are you drinking that?' He glances around the bar, it's dingy and dark. It's one of those places that he knew Carla would never look for him.

If she looked for him. That wasn't guaranteed.

She swore to him that she loved him but running out of their wedding and accusing him of killing their baby, that screamed something different. She'd never said that before, he blamed himself.

Himself and Rob.

She'd never told him it was his fault, never told her explicitly that she blamed him.

Maybe it was being in a wedding dress, walking down the aisle. Maybe he pushed her too much, misread the signal. That things were good, really good.

And he messed up, just like he was doing now.

This was the reason she didn't want to marry him, because of this. He was here, with a pretty girl. A pretty, young girl, in both respects.

Yet, she wasn't Carla.

And he wanted her.

'Pete?' She couldn't get his name right, even he wasn't that bad.

'Umm, no. I've got to go. Nice meeting you Sophie.' He shakes his head, almost running out the pub, knowing that this was a bad idea. That this wasn't ever going to work, he needs to go home. He needs to prove to her that they could work; proof that he's a changed man.

That's why he's got to go home.

As fast as he can.

Even if he has to run there.

He can't hide at his dads, as much as he wants to, he's got to go home.

Go to his house.

Or their house.

It was his temptation that got him in the mess before, he'd be damned if he was doing it again. He was weak and he was a coward. That's how he lost her in the first. He'd be damned if he was going to lose her again; he just needs to get his head around this.

He's angry.

He's so angry.

But that anger is being pacified by hurt.

Yet, he feels guilty for feeling like this. He did cause it, he hurt her and, until today, he didn't realise how she still felt.

Carla was right, he did exactly as he wanted, when he wanted.

He brought this on.

A new baby and an engagement wasn't going to change that.

And he needs to remember that, he tells himself as he trawls the street, he's currently stood in. Nowhere special. It's dusk and it's slightly chilly, he's feeling a bit silly in his wedding suit. He just wants to see Carla.

If she wanted to see him.

He needs to speak to her; he can't imagine she was planning on staying at the wedding, his first place he was going too was home. Even if she wasn't there, he could have a shower and get changed. Then he'd check the wedding venue. Where he should be celebrating his marriage, spending the rest of his life with Carla and his daughter.

That's if she wanted to see him. After the state she was in, she might not want to see him.

The opening of old wounds.

He needs to go to her, to them. To discuss what has just happened. Now he's calmed down, talk about what was said. Instead of running away, a sign of him maturing. Even if he 56.

Nearer retirement age than leaving school. He should have had better self-control.

Not succumbing to his vices.

Sex and booze.

Booze and sex.

The two things that cause him to lose the greatest thing to him, besides his son.

He needs her.

-CS-

'Chelle, what if he's done something stupid?'

'This is Peter, he's more sensible than that.'

'Chelle, I said some awful things to him. I blamed him for my baby dying.'

'Carla.'

'No, I shouldn't have said it. It wasn't his fault. The miscarriage, it was one of those things. It wasn't his fault, but in that moment, I was so het up. Being there, it made me think of Tina, making me think of my perfect little baby, it wasn't his fault.'

'He didn't help.'

'He didn't kill her though; I shouldn't have accused him of that. I am over it, it's just when I was walking down that aisle, all I felt was that hurt and pain. I know it would go away, once today was done.' She sighs, tears falling free. 'Why didn't I marry him?'

'Because you didn't want too. You were the one that matters, if your heart wasn't in it, then it wasn't fair. A cruel to be kind scenario. You couldn't keep stringing him along.'

'It's because of Tina.' She whispers, 'I couldn't marry him because of Tina. Our wedding night was when things started, I was stronger then. It took a while to bounce back, but I was stronger then, I can't go through it again. I'm not strong enough and we have a baby. Things are different.'

'And I'm sure he understands that. You both got carried away, but then you had time to think. He'll calm down and you'll be able talk to him, you do love him, right?'

'I love him with every fibre of my being, the only person I love more than him is my baby.'

'That's normal, he'll be fine. You love him and he loves you.'

'Oh, Chelle. What have I done? Where is he?'

'Licking his wounds.'

'Oh God, what if he's drunk?'

'He wouldn't.'

'Oh Chelle, he would.' She cries, 'he would. He'd do anything, I put him back on the sauce during the breakdown, what have I done? '

'He wouldn't, he knows what he's got to lose.'

'But what if he doesn't, what if he doesn't love me anymore? Oh God, what if he-'

'You need to stop thinking like this.'

'I can't help it.'

'Yes, yes, you can. Liam is playing with Bea in the garden, Maria is making a brew. Carla, you need to calm down. He'll be back, he might stay out all night, sulking, but he'll calm down.'

'God, what have I done? I still have to face his family, Si.' She sobs, 'we'd been doing so well recently, we won't be able to come back from this, if I've broken his dads' heart.'

'You have to talk to Peter first Car, you really do. He'll be back and you'll be able to work out where to go from this.'

'What have I done? If I had mar-'

'Stop, you haven't married him. Right, he's licking his wounds.'

'With alcohol or a girl.'

'Right, stop that. This paranoia, it's got to stop. Right, I'm your best friend, you need to stop this. You and Peter, you 'ad a falling out. You said some very nasty things to him, he's probably said similar things.'

'I humiliated him.'

'And he hasn't humiliated you in the past? Can you really tell me he hasn't?'

'Michelle, I know I've hurt him, and I didn't mean too. He's a changed man and I know that; I don't know what overcame me. I've called him and called him, I really have. I know he loves me, but what if he's done something stupid.'

'He hasn't.' A voice calls, making her jump. 'I haven't done anything stupid.'

-CS-

'I'm sorry.' She whispers, as the people leave the house. They're on their own, besides the baby. The important one in all of this. They needed to be there for the baby, and they needed to work out what the next steps are for them. They'd had fights, but the things she said were unforgivable and she'd humiliated him. She knew that much. 'I am so sorry.' As she apologised, she meant it. The words, they'd just slipped out, rolled off her tongue before she could engage her brain with her mouth.

'For what?'

'Not marrying you. And some of the stuff I said, about the baby.'

'Carla, it's fine.' He tries, hoping he's putting on a brave face. What she said, it was like a stab in the heart, but he felt guilty about the pain. Like he didn't have a right to say that sort of stuff.

'It's not. It wasn't your fault I miscarried. You need to know that, I thought the feeling of fear would go away, as I stood at the altar, but it didn't. All I could think of was 2014 and everything I went through, the baby. That's what hurt the most and it wasn't fair I told you it was your fault.' She tries, taking a deep breath. She knows she can't take it back, what she said, it's always going to be there. And that's the problem.

She can't unsay it.

'I didn't help.' She shakes her head furiously, trying not to cry. 'No Car, I didn't. I didn't help and you, and our baby, were the ones to suffer. I'll have to live with that guilt every day of my life.'

'Maybe not' she shrugs, trying not to make the situation worse. 'It could have happened anyway, it's just that in the moment I felt like I was back there, back in 2014. All the emotions hit me again, things I haven't felt in years. It took me by a, nasty, surprise.' She pauses, as he picks up the baby, who was picking up on tension from her parents, gently trying to calm her down.

'Carla, I'm sorry for forcing y-'

'Peter, you didn't. I wanted to marry you; I really did. But, then, being there. I just couldn't. It was like taking seven steps back, I want to look to the future, but whilst I'm Mrs Barlow, I can't. Our future, it's not us being married. It's us being in a relationship, being deeply committed to one another and being the best parents to Bea. That's what's important, not having the same name and a piece of paper. If we get married, I'm going to be thinking of that.' She admits, 'and I'm sorry.'

'Do you love me?' He whispers, not sure what the answer this is going to be okay.

'Of course, I love you, you need to know that. That's why I can't marry you.'

'Ever?'

'Ever' she confirms, not being able to look at him. 'We're so good together and I love you, but walking down that aisle, something changed. I can't become Mrs Barlow again, but we're great together, you and me. We do work.'

'I'm sorry.' He whispers, leaning in towards her, so that their foreheads are touching. 'I'm sorry for everything.'

'I'm sorry for everything too' she whispers, only the pair of them could hear, 'I didn't mean what I said.'

-CS-

'What you did was horrible.' Carla nods, looking down. She knew this was coming, she'd hoped she'd be able to put this off, but she knew she wasn't going to leave it. Peter had already had words with her, but like she'd have listened. 'Your lucky he didn't start drinking.' Tracy taunts, coming into the house.

'I know.' She whispers, as the baby grabs her hair, pulling it slightly as she tried to uncurl her hands from it. She knows she needs to start tying her hair up, before she pulls it out, but she's not quite got to that level yet.

'You were horrible.'

'Tracy, I know. I know what I did, and I feel awful about it.'

'Well it's not good enough.' She's right, it isn't.

'Tracy.' Peter barks, joining the pair in the living room, as the rest of the family joins them.

It's been a week.

Seven days.

One hundred and sixty-eight hours.

One hundred thousand and eight minutes.

She'd managed to avoid everyone, staying at home. But then Peter had invited the Barlow's over, to clear the air. She wasn't naïve enough to know they weren't gunning for her. She just hoped they didn't know the nasty things she said to Peter.

Things he didn't deserve.

She was just so caught up in the anger, the hurt. She wanted him to understand what she was feeling, somehow that transpired to him being abused verbally by her.

And he took it.

That's what's worse.

He. Took. It.

He just sat their and took what she had.

He was the bigger person, at the moment she felt mighty small.

'Look, I'm not here to assassinate Carla.' Ken tells the family, gaining a thankful smile from the woman. The idea that Ken wasn't here to hurl abuse at her, it made her a little relieved. 'We've all had our fair share of issues, whatever happened between them, it's not our place to throw the first stone.'

'It's my fault.' Peter starts, 'it's my fault. I got carried away, the idea of being a family, having the same last time.'

'Peter, don't.' She pleads quietly, 'it's my fault.'

'I thought our last marriage could be forgotten, but it can't.' He declares, as she shakes her head, 'things went very wrong last time and it was a shit idea if we thought we could forget it.'

'Why?'

'Because I had an affair and we lost a baby. Those things, they don't go. Getting married, it dredged up those memories.'

'Peter.' Carla begs, 'please.'

'No, they deserve to know, I know Tracy is ready to vilify you and that's not fair. This will be the end of it.' He tells them sharply, looking between the family, 'its as much of my responsibility as it was Carla's. I didn't think and it's hard, we can move past it, but we aren't getting married.'

'Is that what you want, dad?' Simon starts, cautiously looking between the pair, unsure of what is really happening. 'You and Carla, like nothing has changed.'

'Nothing has changed.' He tells them, although it had. She didn't want to marry him, it was a stark reminder that these things, they don't go.

He couldn't lie that it didn't hurt.

But he had to move on, for them.

She was the woman he loved, and she'd forgiven him for a lot worse.

He had to get over it, she apologised so many times, he suddenly realised some of the stuff he'd put her through.

They would work, but the family had to know that things were the same, they had to be the same. The wedding was supposed to be written off and they don't need to know what was said in that hotel room.

'Yes, son, that is exactly what I want.' He tells him, kissing Carla's cheek, taking the baby off her, before taking a deep breath. 'We are a family and we don't need a piece of paper to prove it. I'd appreciate you doing the same.'

A/N thoughts

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