Kiss the Day Goodbye

After hanging around his apartment for a while where they watched a couple of episodes of a show that they'd recently started watching together. She loved being wrapped up in his arms. She loved feeling his chest rise and fall and listening to his heart beat inside of his chest. During the show, Ben would look at her and when she turned to look at him, he turned away. Their silent game tickled her and made her laugh out loud. She was… happy. While a commercial played, Miranda mentioned that she should probably go by her house. Eventually, she would have to leave the blissful comfort of Ben's apartment. Ben licked his lips when she said that. They went by Miranda's house to check on things. She took a deep breath before stepping over the threshold. She sat down on her sofa. She moved into her kitchen; then, up towards the staircase. Ben watched from the front door. She sauntered up the stairs and walked in and out of the rooms up the stairs. In Tuck's room, she saw that his PlayStation was gone. Her ex-husband and son must have picked it up at some point. She still felt safe. Safe. Safe enough to be back in her home. She felt safe allowing her son and herself to fall back into their normal routine. It felt the same. It still felt like home. Miranda walked back downstairs. "I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier, at your sister's house, Ben Warren. But I had a good reason to. And I shouldn't have yelled, but you should have told me. You should have asked me. I don't like being ambushed. Please… don't do that again, okay?"

Ben smiled a lazy smile. "Okay. I apologize. I was just worried about you. I mean, you seemed fine, but I've been 'fine' before so I know how that goes. I won't do that again. I promise." Miranda's heart fluttered. She walked into his open arms and he held her, pulling her as close to him as he could. She could smell his body wash mixed with his cologne and it was turning her on. She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek, his beard scratched her gently. She grabbed his neck and pulled him into a kiss. "I love you," he whispered into her hair.

"Say it again," she asked softly.

He kissed her lips again. When her body caved a little, he deepened it. "Miranda Bailey, I love you." He looked directly into her eyes and she had no choice but to blush.

"Ben Warren, I feel the exact same way about you." He smiled and nodded. He threw his hands up in victory. "You make me happy." Her mind flashed back to Eli. He'd said those same words to her just before they'd broken up. She'd thought the same thing about him as well, but what she had with Ben, however undeveloped was more than what she'd had with her ex. Everything mattered more, she cared more and she felt like Ben loved her more.

"You make me happy, too, sweetheart." Ben kissed her on the head and squeezed her.

They went to Rogelio's for lunch. Walking in, Ben was greeted by several patrons and employees. They waved and smiled at Miranda as well. "I guess you're royalty around here, hunh?" They sat down in the same booth that they'd sat in weeks ago when they'd gone to lunch with Tuck and Jazmin.

"A little bit. I first came here with Steve years ago. There's his picture on the wall. That's Deanna with him in the picture underneath." Miranda looked up and saw two faces that she did recognize. Even with them not being covered by masks or having rushed by them so many times, she knew of Deanna and of Steve. They looked like they had a great love. "He was a staple here. Every Thursday and Sunday, he'd be sitting in this booth. Sometimes he'd sit in another booth, but this booth was his." They ordered food and drinks when the waitress came around. She decided on a Caesar salad and he got a cheese steak. "And then on Sunday mornings, I started to come here with him. People started to recognize me all over town. Then I started my own Rogelio's day, Wednesdays. After the shooting, I stopped coming for a bit. It didn't feel right. But one day I bought Jaz here and, of course, she loved it, so this is our sort of hangout." Miranda was speechless. "It felt like I was passing on the tradition of Rogelio's."

Ben talked about Steve with such passion. He'd hardly talked about his father at all. Or his mother. She hadn't even known that his father was deceased. She didn't even know how he'd died. Natural causes? Murder? Car accident? Disease or illness? Her mind was racing. She knew a lot about Ben, but it seemed she knew nothing at all. Did he know as much about her? She'd grown up with Tucker, he was her best friend. They knew everything about each other. She wondered: had Eli revealed as much about himself? Had she? "I'm sorry," Ben said his voice bringing her back to the conversation. "I'm hogging all of the conversation."

"No. I, uh, love listening to you speak. I like hearing about your past."

"Do you?"

"Of course. You're—" She was grateful that she was cut off by the arrival of their food.

"Baby, you want a piece of my sandwich because once I start, it's just like loving you…. I won't stop." Miranda laughed and waved him off. He offered it again silently. Reluctantly, she took a bite. Grease dribbled down her face. Ben used a napkin to wipe it off.

"Thanks."

"So, what were you going to say?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Miranda said putting some of her salad on his plate.

"Thanks. Were you staying something before?"

"Uh, I don't know, maybe I'll remember later."

Miranda picked up the check and Ben slipped out of his side of the booth and sat down beside her. He moved in to kiss her and put his hand on the check and pulled it out of her hand. He went up to the front and paid before Miranda even realized what had happened. He pulled out a couple of bills and pulled her from her seat. They chatted on the way to Jazmin's basketball game. The excitement ran through her body. She turned up the music and danced. "Your happiness is giving me life right now," Ben's deep voice said. Miranda touched his arm lightly. She softly sang the 60s song that was playing on the radio. Ben watched her out of the corner of his eye, smiling.

They pulled up to the game venue. The crowd flowed into the gym off of buses and out of cars and from the street. "This must be a big game."

"Yeah, I guess. I suppose I haven't been paying much attention lately," Ben grabbed Miranda's hand. She wasn't sure if he was happy to have the distraction or a little upset. "It's okay. She understands. We talk all of the time." Miranda breathed a sigh of relief.

Ben stopped at the concession stand and grabbed some snacks. He said it would be packed and unbearable at halftime. Miranda walked in the crowded gymnasium and searched for Angela. She expected for her to be behind the team's bench, but Angela actually on the other side waving frantically. Next to her was Curtis. She hugged them both and they were soon joined by Ben. The game started and it was thrilling. As good as the crowd's attendance predicted.

"Woahh, Jaz! You are good!" Miranda said to the sweaty teenager after the game. They were on their way back to Angela's house; she had ordered some food to celebrate the win.

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey," she answered. Jazmin paused at the bottom of the stairs and turned around. "When I got the ball at the top of the key and kicked it to the corner forcing the strong wing to cut through and I cut right after her, I got that from you. You did it in the park one day. I thought it was awesome."

Miranda was taken aback. "I thought it looked familiar." Miranda smiled at her as she ran up the stairs. "Tuck would have loved that game."

"Yeah, he would have. Especially since Jaz was running up and down the floor," Ben chuckled. The doorbell rang and Ben brought the food in.

"I haven't talked to him in a while, I should call him right now. Excuse me." Miranda grabbed her phone and stepped outside, closing the door behind her. As the phone rang, she inhaled the warm night air.

"Hello?" Tucker said answering the phone.

"Hey, Tucker. I need to talk to my baby."

"I'm doing alright, Mandy. How are you?" Tucker asked laughing. "Here he is."

"Love you, Dump Tuck," Miranda said through the phone smiling.

"Daddy, mommy said she loves you," Tuck said.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Miranda heard her ex-husband say away from the phone. "I love her, too."

Tuck started: "He said—"

"I heard him."

"Oh."

"How are you, William George?" She asked her son.

"Good. How are you, mommy? Are you okay?" He sounded really concerned.

"I'm fine, baby. Thank you for asking. Are you having fun at your dad's?"

"Yes. I am. We went by the house and I got my PlayStation."

"Oh. I noticed. What did you guys do today?"

"We… went to the park after school." Her heart raced. It felt a lot different from when Ben said something or did something sweet and her heart would flutter. Her heart jumping now was from fear. Her son being at that park unsettled her. "Mommy? Are you there?"

"Yeah? Yeah? I'm here. I'm here. Did you play games?"

"No, practice." They were quiet. Miranda was still quietly fuming. "Dad worked me out. What did you do today?"

"I didn't go to work, but, uh, Jazmin had a game. So we went to that. Ben and I had breakfast. We went by the house and checked on it. Now, I'm talking to you. Making sure you're okay."

"I'm okay. Did you know that Jaida and Daddy are having a baby?" Tuck was so excited. She could hear it oozing over the phone and into her ear.

"I did. I did. How about that?"

"I get a baby brother or sister!"

"Yes, you do. Maybe they'll let you help name the baby."

"Can they do that?"

"Sure they can."

"Wow." Tuck asked a few more questions and Miranda answered all of them. Then Tuck was quiet before he said: "Are you going to have a baby?"

It caught her off-guard a little. "I, uh… I already have a baby. You." She hoped her answer would suffice.

It didn't. "No, I mean a baby baby. Like are you and Ben going to have a baby?" Miranda didn't respond. Her eyes were wide with shock. She was glad that he couldn't see the bewilderment in her face. "Hello?"

"Yes?"

"Did you hear what I said?" Tuck sounded impatient. "Will you have another baby, mommy?"

"I—I don't know, Tuck. Ben and I have only been together for a short period of time, so it's never come up." She sighed. "And, if it were to happen, it won't happen soon though. And I don't even know if Ben wants kids." Miranda chuckled nervously. She was rambling to her seven year old about having a baby with her brand-new boyfriend.

"Well, you should," he said finalizing his thoughts. "Am I coming home tomorrow?"

"Yes. And if you want to come home right now, I will come and get you," Miranda told him.

He thought about it. "I can wait for tomorrow," he said. "Are you going to work tomorrow?"

"Probably not tomorrow. I still don't feel 100%. And The Chief told me to come in when I feel 100%."

"Okay."

It was starting to get chilly outside. "Alright, baby, I'm standing outside and it's getting cooler. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

"Alright. See you tomorrow. After school. After after school." His voice was definitive. She knew he would be expecting her when his program was finished. And she would be there.

When the call was over, Miranda turned to walk back into the house. She was startled by Ben standing at the top of the stairs. "Oh shit!" Her heart was pounding and she could hear it in her ears. She struggled for a second to catch her breath

"Ohh! Sorry?" Ben said with a smile.

"You scared the crap out of me. Why are you sneaking up on people?"

"My bad," Ben said walking towards her.

"How long were you standing there?"

"Long enough to hear something about us not having been together long and something about us having kids."

"Well… uhh, I… Tuck was asking. Curious. He was curious. He asked—How is the food?"

Ben laughed loudly and put his hands on her waist. "Ehh, the food is decent. I told Angela I should have cooked, but she's so stubborn." Miranda shivered. "Someone's cold."

"A little. That's why I was coming back inside."

Her boyfriend pulled her closer to him. "How's that?"

"That feels okay." Ben couldn't see her half-smile. He kissed her neck and put her hands around his neck. "Better."

He lifted her chin and she looked into his eyes. He put his hands back on her hips. Then, he kissed her. "I know this has to make you feel good."

"It does."

"So what's this about kids?" He made a face by bearing his bright white teeth and raising his eyebrows.

She wondered if she should tell him about her talk with Tuck. She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Tucker's having a baby. And Tuck was wondering if we were going to have a baby. I told him that we'd only been dating for a little while, so it hadn't come up. That was about the end of that conversation."

"Oh wow. What was the other part?"

"Hunh?"

"You said that that was about the end of the conversation. What was the rest?" His arm loosened around her waist.

She dodged the question and said: "I really should go and get some food." In the house, she grabbed a plate of food and talked with Jazmin and Angela. She really enjoyed their company, but she couldn't wait to be alone with Ben. And where was Ben? He hadn't come into the house at the same time that she did. He'd appear when he got ready. She focused on the conversation in front of her.

Jazmin had just spilled red juice on her white shooting shirt and her mother was laughing. "I told you to take it off, Jazmin." While they ate desert, Ben walked through the door.

"Benji… here!" Jazmin said handing him a plate with a piece of cake on it.

"Thanks, Jaz. Sweetheart, you're ready to go?" His voice was soft and he looked tired. Miranda wondered if she should be worried.

"Go? You guys are leaving?! Already? " Angela asked standing up.

"I guess," Miranda said standing up and joining Ben by the door. She grabbed her purse and headed to the door. Jazmin and Angela followed her. They hugged goodbye. In the car: "Ben Warren, what is wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did my son and I scare you?" She wanted to laugh at the whole situation. It was positively ridiculous. He shook his head. "You. Are. Lying."

Ben smiled. "I'm not lying. I'm not scared."

"Then why are you so quiet? And why did your hands damn near drop off of my waist earlier? And you didn't even eat your cake. You love cake."

"Okay, okay. I'm a little freaked out." He parked the car. They sat in the car for a while.

"Don't be freaked out. He's 7. He asks semi-awkward questions like that." Ben nodded.

"What did you tell him?"

She sighed deeply again. "I told him that I didn't even know if you wanted kids." He made a noise and she smiled nervously. "Do you want kids? I mean, I know it's a loaded question and definitely premature, but I'd like t-t-t-to know would like you like to have kids someday?"

She could only hold her breath. She didn't know what she wanted his answer to be. If he said no, then she didn't know how far they could really go. She did want another child… at some point. And she still had time to do that. So, there really wouldn't be any point in going too far with their relationship and staying with someone who didn't see the future the same way. What really shook her was the possibility that he would said yes. What if he said yes, then what? That would be okay, right?

It was his turn to exhale sharply. He turned to Miranda, grabbing her hands. He was smiling and it was weirding her out. "I would love to have kids some day, Miranda." The pure honesty of his statement warmed her. She asked him if he was saying that because that's what he thought she wanted to hear or if he really wanted kids in the future. "I've always wanted kids. If they turn out to be like Jaz or, or… or Tuck, I'd be so happy and so blessed." He kissed her forehead softly. "What else did Tuck say?"

"He said that we should have kids together," she said with no hesitation.

"Oh wow!" He laughed and kissed her hands. Then he got serious: "Miranda Bailey, I would feel like the luckiest man in the world if you had my child. Woah, I don't know what that sounds like, but I would." Miranda held her breath. Every hair on her body was standing up. "And I don't know about having kids right now, but I think we should go inside and practice… many, many times."

"Boy!" She hit him playfully. She went to hit him again and he grabbed her hands and pulled her in for a deep kiss. "Mmm… you can do that again." He said that it was his pleasure and they kissed again. She moved closer to him and her elbow hit the steering wheel, sounding off the horn. They laughed as they made their way up to his apartment, kissing often.

On the bed, Miranda crawled on top of Ben. His fingers roamed all over. Her body awakened when she remembered the pleasure that Ben could give her. "You're so beautiful," he said gently putting a hand on the back of her neck. He brought her down for a kiss. Miranda moaned softly. Ben kissed her neck and her body trembled. "Feels good?" She could only nod, she didn't trust her voice. He continued to put tiny kisses on her neck and chest, making her body heat up. She purred that she was ready in his ear. Ben helped her out of her shirt, His eyes locked on hers as he held her back and sat up, now she was sitting on his lap. Miranda closed her eyes as he planted a long, deep and hard kiss on her. When they came up for air, they smiled at each other. Ben held her tightly as he flipped them over. She gasped as her back settled on the bed. Every fiber in her being was alive and eager to connect with his.

While he was on top, Ben smiled at Miranda. The pressure from his body weight was starting to make her uncomfortable. She forced herself to smile at him. Ben kissed her neck again. Her mind flashed back to her being in the same position with Damon a few nights ago. White-hot rage filled her body. Miranda panicked and screamed: "Get off! Get off of me!" She flailed her arms, hitting his chest.

"Okay. Okay. I'm off. I'm off," he said. "Miranda? Baby, I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?"

Miranda struggled to catch her breath. "No… no, it's not you. It's… him." She took deep breaths and calmed down.

"Damon?" She nodded. "He can't hurt you anymore. He won't hurt you anymore." Ben kissed the top of her head.

"I know that, but I was starting to feel vulnerable and suffocated and overpowered like I was that night." Ben took her in his arms. He pushed her hair back and stroked her head, calming her down. "That feels nice."

"Good. That's what I used to do to my dog to get him to sleep." Miranda whipped around in shock. Seeing that Ben was smiling, she laughed, exhaling some or her troubles and sorrows. It felt good to be with someone who understood her and who could make her laugh. He kissed the side of her head. Then, he looked into her eyes and kissed her quickly on the lips. "So, how about we have a little snack? I'm kind of hungry." He scrambled out of the bed and held out his hand to help her. Miranda stared at his hand for a long time. He dropped it and looked at her. "Miranda? What's up?" She didn't answer. "You're not hungry or what?" He asked sitting back on the bed. She smiled at him. He started to speak again and she cut him off.

"You have been so wonderful. You have been so great… so helpful through all of this, but I need to get things back to my normal. And my normal isn't being cuddled up with you for days at a time. It's taking care of my son and going to work and surgery. I haven't talked about it, but I miss it… the cutting, even the smell of the OR. And Tuck, he's being strong for me, staying at his dad's house, but he shouldn't have to be strong for me, I'm his mother. He's my child. Like Angela said, I have to be strong for him. And I know it's only been a day or so, but I feel like it's been forever since I've seen him and I think we need to get through this together. So, I think I need to go. Yep," she said and she started to leave the bed. Instead Miranda leaned over and put her lips on Ben's. His lips didn't embrace hers at first, but she kept her connected to his. She moved closer and put her arms around his shoulders. "Kiss me."

"Fine," he said into her mouth. "I'm not going to like it, though." He gave into her and put his arms around her body, holding her tight. When they pulled away, he said: "That was a great kiss, baby."

"I know," she said smiling. "I thought you said you wouldn't enjoy it."

"Well, obviously, you changed my mind," he commented kissing her nose and then her lips. "But know that I was just trying to help, Miranda."

"And you did. You've helped me so much." She stroked his growing beard. It looked really good on him. "But I just want to get back into the swing of things." He nodded. "I know you don't want me panicking every time you… every time we… do the things that you and I—well, that we like to do."

"True."

"I just need a little time by myself even before Tuck gets home. I need to get mentally prepared to go back to work sometime this week, I hope. Definitely by next week, though." Miranda got off of the bed and started to gather and pack up her things.

They were quiet for a while. "Well, I'll take you home whenever you're ready."

"I'm ready now," she told him.

Pulling into her driveway, Miranda looked into her car's window to make sure everything was how she left it. Everything looked in order. She unlocked the door to her home and walked inside. She listened carefully for any noises out of the ordinary. Ben stood quietly right behind her. "You're sure you don't need me to stay with you? Just for one night. I'll sleep on the couch."

"Want you to? Yes. Need you to? No." Miranda took her bags upstairs. She plugged up her phone and placed it on her nightstand. When she came back down, Ben was sitting on the sofa. He patted the space next to him. She sat down and he kissed her cheek.

"Everything's alright?"

She nodded: "Thank you, sir."

"I'm sure you would do the same for me." Miranda shrugged then nodded. "So, when are you going back to work? I know you missed a couple of days. I don't think you should wait for me."

"I'm not. They did call me this morning and ask me to come up; that's what woke me up, but I told them I couldn't come in. Maybe tomorrow? I don't know."

"No, go. I think you should go in tomorrow." Ben looked at her. "Ben Warren, I'll be fine. I promise."

He took her hands in his and kissed them. "Alright, sweetheart, well, I'm going to leave you to it." They stood up and walked the short distance to the door. "I'll call you later."

"Yeah, yeah," she said chuckling.

"Well, I'll at least text you," he told her with his hand on the knob. He pointed to his cheek and when she went in to kiss him, he turned his head, locking his lips to hers. She slipped her arms around his neck. He put his arms around waist, lifting her off of the floor.

When she returned to the floor, Miranda smiled lazily. She licked her lips a little and put a hand to her chest. "If you keep kissing me like that, I might have to let you stay." Ben chuckled and gave her one last kiss and then he was gone.