Tell Her
Miranda's body jerked and her eyes popped open. Ben was on the other side of the bed lying on his back. Miranda could feel her that her entire body was sweaty. She went to sleep with a theory. Maybe she had been sweating so much because she had on too many clothes; this was the reason she went to bed without putting on any pajamas. The only other reason behind her night sweats that she could think of besides the one she wasn't mentioning, the one she was trying to push out of her mind, was that she was going through early menopause. Miranda peeled herself out of the bed and tried to move quietly to the bathroom. She opened the bedroom door. The hallway light shone into the bedroom and landed on Ben's face. He opened his eyes. "Morning, baby," she said whispering. "You can go back to sleep. I'll be back."
He turned on his stomach. "Whaa? Miranda?" He asked looking in her direction. "I'm wet," he said touching his t-shirt. She must have sweated on him before he rolled to the other side of the bed. His complete confusion showed on his face and Miranda wanted to laugh. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asked getting out of the bed.
"Nothing. Yes," Miranda said.
"Well, firstly, I know something is wrong because you went to bed with just that," he said gesturing to her underwear. "You always put on clothes, at least my t-shirt, even after we… make love. You always get cold." The hairs on her arms stood up. "Secondly, look," he said pointing to his shirt. Miranda ground her teeth. "Something's wrong."He waited for her answer.
She bit her bottom lip and walked towards him. "Something is wrong. I don't know what exactly, but I've been having these night sweats. And everything felt peculiar and I don't know what it is and I'm going to schedule a doctor's appointment for later on today."
"Why didn't you tell me, Miranda?" Ben asked. He walked past her and turned on the light. "How could you not tell me?" He asked crossing his arms and turning to look at her.
"Because I didn't know myself. I was scared. Well, not scared, but I was w-worried. And I didn't want to worry you," she responded reaching for his arms. He didn't budge. "I'm hoping it's nothing. Just the combination of what happened with Damon and my dad and Camille and this party."
Ben dropped his arms and touched her waist; he fingered the band of her panties. "You're sure?"
"Yes," Miranda said strongly hoping that he didn't ask her to promise because she wouldn't be able to lie to him if he asked her to promise.
"Okay," he said and kissed the top of her head. "Wanna help me change my sheets?" Miranda laughed and nodded.
After changing the sheets and the covers and throwing them into the washing machine, Miranda put on her pajamas and Ben took off his damp t-shirt and they sat on the sofa in the living room and shared a piece of pie and some ice cream while looking at the Seattle lights and talking as they watched the sun reappear. They cuddled up on his sofa, wrapped in a blanket. At some point, she felt chilly and clambered back to the bedroom and got into in the bed, sinking into its warmth. She woke up in it dry, thank God, and alone. Ben was still in the front of the apartment. She strolled to the living room to see him sprawled on the sofa, his hand grazing the floor. She watched his naked chest move as he snored. She went over to him and softly touched his cheek. His eyes fluttered open. "Good morning, handsome," she said brightly.
"Morning, sweetheart," he said scratching his head. He sat up and patted the space next to him. She sat down and he put an arm around her and she put her head in his chest. "You left me last night?"
"I was cold. It wouldn't hurt for you to set your thermostat properly."
"For your information, it is set properly," he said kissing her head. He didn't see her roll her eyes. "Feeling better?" She nodded. "Next time… just talk to me." Miranda nodded. And he kissed her cheek and then her lips quickly. "I'm going to shower. Then, we can hang out for a little bit before I have to go in. I'm on-call tonight."
"Aww, really?" She asked pouting. Ben kissed her again and nodded. "Alright. That sounds good. But we're going to have to swing by my place before we 'hang out'," she said using finger quotes.
Ben laughed. "Okay, but first let's…" His voice trailed off and he looked at her, squinting and biting his bottom lip.
He thought he was slick, trying to turn her on knowing that it would be difficult to resist. "Oh, no, Ben Warren."
"Just… join me in the shower, sweetheart."
Her heart jumped a little and she shook her head fiercely, a wide smile coming across her face. "No. No. And no." She looked at him seductively.
"Come on. It will be so much fun. Trust me." She started to protest, but he cut her off. "We'll be saving time, water and energy." He gave her a pitiful look and they laughed loudly. Miranda shook her head a second time. "You're sure?"
She pretended to think about his proposition. "Good argument, but, yes, I am very sure," she said kissing him between each syllable.
He gave up. "Fine, but I think you're going to regret it." Miranda saw him leaning in for a kiss. She did the same and at the last moment, she turned her head and his lips hit her cheek. He groaned: "You are such a tease." She giggled and jerked her head towards the bathroom. Ben squeezed her waist, shook his head and left the living room area.
"Ben, I'm gonna make us some eggs!" She called out to him.
"Sounds good, Miranda. Cheese, please," he yelled back.
Miranda smiled to herself and walked to the kitchen. She got the coffee going and started to make some eggs. She was feeling so good. Every time she looked at Ben, she was reminded that someone loved her and wanted to see her happy. She was completely satisfied and very comfortable in their bubble. As she cracked eggs into a small bowl and began to beat them, adding some cheese and black pepper, Miranda heard someone knock on Ben's apartment door. She looked through the peephole and saw Julia Warren. The surgeon took a deep breath and opened the door. "Good Morning, Julia." She said in a chipper voice.
"Hello," Julia said. The woman moved past Miranda and wandered into the apartment. She took off her jacket and placed it on the back of the nearest chair. "Is… my son here?"
"Yes, he's, uh… he's taking a shower," Miranda said walking back to the stove. "Would you like some eggs? Or have you eaten already?" She was trying to be polite. Kill them with kindness. That's what her mom used to tell her about the boys and girls in school who felt the need to be mean just because they could. Kill them with kindness.
"No. Thank you," Julia said trying to take the iciness out of her voice, but it wasn't working. "Curtis and my daughter, Angela, have you met her?" Miranda nodded, taking the eggs off the stove and placing them on lightly toasted bread. "And her daughter, Jazmin, will be joining us soon. We're having a family breakfast."
Miranda fought the urge to cut her eyes at the woman as she emphasized the word 'family'. Miranda was starting to see what this woman's problem was. She either didn't want another addition to the family or she didn't want Miranda to be a part of the family. Either way, she was just rude and pissing Miranda off. Miranda smiled and shook her head slightly. She picked up a knife and cut the sandwich in half. She'd eat the sandwich by herself since they were all going to breakfast. She wondered why Ben hadn't told her about the Warren family breakfast. She shrugged and pulled up a stool to the island. It was a little awkward being in the kitchen with her boyfriend's mother, in short-shorts and a tank top with no bra, but she soldiered on. She would have liked to take the sandwich and her coffee into the bedroom, but she didn't want to be seen a jerk. "So, where are you guys going for breakfast?" She asked trying to ease the tension. Miranda sunk her teeth into egg sandwich.
The woman's lips curled into short smile. "We're going to a place called "Handel's."
Miranda nodded and took a long sip of her coffee. "I've heard about it. Never been there." Silently, Julia moved around the kitchen cleaning up the mess that Miranda had made. "Oh. No need to clean that up. I'll do it when I'm finished. I owe Ben one anyway." The woman smiled quickly. She was the master of the fake smile, Miranda would give her that. "Did you, uh, sleep well?"
"Oh, yes. Angela has a lovely, lovely house, so I slept quite fine. Did you?" Julia asked as she continued to clean Miranda took another bite of her sandwich.
Miranda blushed. The woman couldn't know about her night sweats, but that didn't stop Miranda's mind from going into overdrive. "Y-yes, thanks for asking."
They were quiet again. Miranda could hear the rest of the coffee dripping into the pot. Damn, why was Ben taking so long? He was usually in and out of the shower, and while Miranda could no longer hear the water falling, she hadn't heard him come out of the bathroom. Suddenly, she wished that she'd taken him up on his offer and then maybe they'd be showering in a blissful, wet and soapy love bubble and she wouldn't be sitting in front of his judgmental mother. Damn it, Ben Warren, she thought.
"So, Miranda," Julia started. The way the woman said her name made Miranda pay attention. "Are you going with him?"
"Excuse me?" Miranda asked perplexed. She used a fork and picked up a piece of egg that had fallen from the sandwich. "Going with whom?" Miranda quickly bit into her sandwich.
"Benjamin. Are you going with him to California?" Miranda shook her head. "He's been accepted as a surgical intern at UCLA." Miranda tried to swallow the food in her mouth, but the lump in her throat wouldn't allow it to pass. "We're all so proud of him," she continued. "This has been a long time coming. His dream, to be a surgeon."
The food finally continued through her digestive system and Miranda was able to speak: "Oh, I … uh?" There seemed to be a ringing in her ear and she felt sick again. It was too early in the morning to deal with this shit. "I'm s-sorry. Califor—Wha...," Miranda's voice trailed off as she took a sip of coffee trying to cleanse her throat.
Ben's mother showed Miranda the smallest of smirks. "Oh, my goodness. You didn't know? He didn't tell you." Miranda stared at her and lowered her eyes and bit her bottom lip. "Did I spill the beans?" She asked putting a finger to her chin. "Are you alright, darling? You're looking a little discolored," Julia said feigning concern and staring right at her.
Miranda cleared her throat, regained her composure and smiled the smile that she saved for waitresses who messed up her order after she'd given them explicit instructions, jerky guys who she wouldn't give a second glance to, obnoxious family members of her patients and people who just boggled her brain with their nonsense. With semi-soft eyes and her lips curled the teeniest bit, she said: "Yes, Julia. I'm fine. Thank you. Excuse me, but I have to get ready for the day." The woman nodded and wiped the last of the mess off of the counter, into her hand and threw it into the garbage.
Miranda headed towards Ben's room. She was fuming. With every step she was getting madder and madder. She tried to take deep breaths, but that damn lump in her throat blocked them. She walked into the room and slammed the door shut. Ben was lying on the bed; he was shirtless with only a pair of boxers on. A pair of khakis lay next to him. He'd fallen asleep. He jumped at the noise. "Baby, what's wrong?" He asked sitting up quickly. "Is everything okay?"
She took a long, hard look at him. He was confused. Her arms were crossed over her chest. She was furious. Madder than she'd ever been at him. Madder than she'd ever been at Eli and she thought that he'd broken her heart. If what Julia had said was true, she'd be devastated. Devastated. Why did it seem like every time she decided to be happy, something ruined it? Or why her perfect relationship seemed to be slowly crumbling within the span of five minutes? Could she take another heartbreak? So soon? Ben meant so much to her and had become such a part of her life that if he wasn't there, she didn't know… This is what happened when you took a risk, everything could fall—like a house of cards. Miranda was finally able to control her breathing and said: "We don't lie to each other."
He chuckled nervously. "What?" He rubbed his eyes. "No, we don't. But, Miranda, I'm confused here."
"We don't lie to each other," she repeated. "We tell the truth. I always tell you the truth." Miranda's stomach jumped at the lie that she was telling. She hadn't told him the truth either. Internally accepting her shortcomings, she continued: "And, for some reason, I assumed that you'd do the same, always tell me the truth."
"Miranda, slow down," Ben said getting off of the bed. He was in front of her now, looking down at her, his face serious. "I'm lost. I don't know what's going on or what we're talking about. I am just confused."
Miranda took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes. "When… were you going to tell me that you were leaving?" She said, the anger building up inside of her.
"What? I'm not—wait!" She glared at him, watching his realization unfold. Something deep inside of her took pleasure in it and she smiled within herself. She rushed around the room grabbing her things. "Miranda! Okay, just stop. Stop!" He grabbed her arm lightly, stopping her in her tracks. He took the items out of her hand and put them on the bed. "Did my—did my mother talk to you? Did she say something to you?"
"Just because you have questions, doesn't mean my question has changed!" Miranda gritted her teeth and slipped on her shoes. She would go home just like she was; no bra and all.
"Don't leave, baby. I… I was going to tell you," he said looking at her. His bows were furrowed and he looked both angry and sad. "I—"
"Then that's exactly what you should have done."
"I haven't even—"
"It's fine. It's okay. We'll talk about it later," she said cutting him off and picking up her dress. "Have breakfast with your family. With your mom. Who hates me by the way."
"She doesn't hate you," he said reaching out for her. She pulled away. "And what breakfast? Aren't we having breakfast?"
"Oh, you don't know? You and your family are going to Handel's to have breakfast."
"I don't know anything about that, Miranda."
"Half an hour ago, I would have believed you. Now, I'm not so sure." She picked up her purse and headed to the door that she'd slammed an argument ago. She walked through it leaving Ben scrambling to put on his clothes. She zipped through the apartment and paused when she came to his mother and looked into her eyes, her own were starting to fill with tears. "It was nice seeing you again, Julia," she lied while not feeling bad about it at all.
The lady nodded and sipped her coffee without speaking. She walked briskly through the hall. She could hear Ben yelling: "WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?!" The passion in his voice almost made her turn around and run back to him.
As she walked past the elevator to the stairs, she came across the rest of the Warrens. "Hi, Dr. Bailey," Jazmin said cheerfully. She was dressed in her basketball warm-ups. Miranda smiled quickly and kept walking, the tears falling slowly.
She could hear Ben running behind her. "Miranda! Baby!" Miranda rushed down the stairs. "Nothing, y'all. Just move!" He yelled to his family."Sweetheart!" Miranda continued to her car, climbed in and pulled away before the shirtless and shoeless Ben could catch up with her.