Getting closer to some crucial moments! It's finally time for kind-of-a-date with Lisa struggling to contain what she realized she feels. Yukina is working on a deal with a record label, so she already has a couple of things on her plate, but does that mean she glances over what's happening close by?
XV
Although it wouldn't spell immediate disaster if she didn't find it, Lisa was upset she couldn't locate the one album she needed at that moment. She was supposed to get a good night's sleep, but she only managed to a degree, as she woke up a few minutes past seven, then started searching for the missing pictures.
Lisa already went through the album she carried over to her apartment after starting the university, and they weren't there, which wasn't that unexpected. Bassist was hoping she could find them somewhere on her computer, although the chances looked bleak.
Almost fifteen years have passed, so, while it was possible she had them archived somewhere on the hard drive, the search would be an arduous one. Two days before, on Thursday, she went with the flow and invited Yukina to a movie of her choice, and, to her amazement, vocalist agreed.
All five members of Roselia were supposed to meet and practice on that day, like they usually did, given they could arrange it properly. That Saturday around the problem was, however, that the drummer came down with a serious cold in the middle of the week and still didn't fully recover.
Yukina therefore decided to scrap the session and have one at Sunday. Singer wanted to turn the cancelled training into a shorter one at first, focusing on individual parts, and not having a synergic run-through. After Rinko declared she wants to help Ako with some chores, while older of Udagawa siblings is not around, Yukina gave in.
Lisa was concerned herself, but on a second thought, Rinko checking on Ako and helping her was plenty enough. These circumstances meant band's leader was more lenient, and having more free time on Saturday worked in Lisa's favor. Bassist stopped looking for a second, stretched her arms upwards and laid down on the bed, attempting to gather her thoughts.
Back then, Yukina's voice sounded like she didn't expect the invitation — at the same time, Lisa, despite the nervousness, made it seem like a normal suggestion to spend a day off together. Even though she was determined to go with the plan and confess to her childhood friend, she couldn't quite picture it happening.
It was already the day she was supposed to follow her idea through, and she was still figuring it out. On top of that, she didn't find the spot in the park for them to visit on their way back from the cinema. Lisa started having second thoughts. Still, bassist steadily looked around the room and spotted a pendrive which hasn't been used for a long while.
Kept to store some old music, arranges and pictures she didn't want to have on the computer. Lisa got up, grabbed it, and started skimming through all kinds of miscellaneous items. She found Roselia's tracks from three years back and some recordings she made during the practice sessions. The nostalgic mood got to her a lot earlier than planned.
Glad to have found these, Lisa was, however, shifting more towards turning the whole get-together into going to see a movie with a friend. No photos from their childhood she had hoped to uncover were stashed there and she convinced herself she should prepare more.
At that point she started pondering if she ever asked Yukina directly about romance and her cheeks started getting warmer and likely redder, with a sudden buzz snapping Lisa out of a daze. It was the phone's notification she set up and was glad to have done so.
There was still time to eat onigiri with the tasty pork filling she prepared, although not too much, to leave some room for visiting a restaurant with Yukina. After the meal, she wanted to get ready and put on a less unusual outfit this time, not going with a bit extravagant lilac shirt she wore to practice occasionally.
When she was trying the outfit in front of the mirror in the shop, it looked nice, although the conditions there are such that the clothes end up looking different in natural light. Despite that, as far as she could tell, dressing up in her own apartment, buying a simple black skirt recently to pair it with a long-sleeved top was a good call.
The high boots reaching almost to her knees were keeping her warm, while still leaving small gap up to the skirt hem. Lisa wore them over opaque indigo thighs and finished the outfit with her autumn dark grey coat. She didn't take a scarf as it wasn't that cold yet to completely cover the neck.
The film was starting at 15, so leaving just then was the way to go, either to get there before Yukina, or at least make her wait only shortly. They were supposed to meet up at the cinema and Lisa planned to go for a walk, maybe visit a family restaurant afterwards.
As for the more exciting plans, Lisa calmed herself down, concerned about spoiling her chances by hastily confessing when she didn't know Yukina's opinion on same-sex couples, or even about dating in general.
The vocalist seemed indifferent when others around her were talking about it, but Lisa never asked her directly. Forgetting about all this for the moment, gyaru tried to relax and was hoping to simply spend some time together with Yukina.
In spite of a slightly heavier commotion on trains than expected, she arrived around ten minutes early, and spotted a woman in a dark overcoat with a strand of hair dyed silver. What made her heart involuntarily speed up, was the neat side tail with the metal hairpin of her choosing.
"Lisa, you should come to practice sessions ahead of time like that." Yukina smiled faintly and Lisa needed a second to respond.
"Ah, coming on time is not good enough for you, is it, Yukina?" Bassist laughed, but realized her new carefree attitude might soon be gone.
"Let's go inside, shall we?" Yukina's body language communicated confidence.
"I was surprised when you told me you wanted to watch this film, to be honest. You chose it with inviting me in mind, right?" She continued in her usual tone.
"I was looking for a story that you'd like, yup. That doesn't mean I don't want to see it, though. I think it's kind of interesting, the trailer and all." Lisa was getting fidgety again, also because Yukina seemed relaxed to her, unlike in some situations before.
"I had a look and it was encouraging, agreed. You wanted us to go somewhere after the movie, so I assume we won't be buying much here. Maybe something to drink only?" Yukina asked, looking undecided.
"Uh-huh. I guess so, since I also ate before coming, so I'd be full after this. As for tickets, we still have decent enough seats, even though I reserved like a day before, don't you think?" Her tone stayed relatively normal for now. Lisa's eyes, however, were glued to Yukina.
"I don't go to the movies often, but probably? I wonder if some other more popular titles are sold quicker." Vocalist came up with an explanation.
"By the way, that's a really nice outfit, Lisa. I like it." Yukina's remark and smile both seemed natural. Lisa's eyes widened.
"Thanks."
They met ahead of time, having about twenty minutes before the commercials would start, so Lisa went to get the booked tickets and buy some juice. In her excitement she almost forgot that a green tea flavored one for Yukina is generally a bad idea, but managed to avoid the mishap.
The two of them got inside, and after taking her seat, Lisa noticed that the hall, though not full, was rather packed for the title which wasn't marketed so much. The story began with the protagonist playing virtuoso pieces on the violin and displays of her students' praise.
The heroine was a teacher in music conservatory and excelled in classical repertoire, not shying away from piano either. She'd rather spent time on passing her knowledge to others and not refining her own technique so much. Quickly into the film, though, her life was turned upside down, when a car accident resulted in an amputation of the right hand, among other injuries.
Thus, she had to abandon her beloved instrument, and also cease teaching for the time of convalescence. The months of fighting with rehabilitation were streamlined to fit the demands of a movie format. Struggle was made apparent, nonetheless. At that point, Lisa took a glance at Yukina's face.
She couldn't quite make out the expression in the darkness, but vocalist seemed taken with the story. Not wanting to interrupt her, or anyone else in the hall, she focused on the plot again. The tragedy part transitioned into more active development, when the protagonist met a researcher through a family friend.
Using latest technology, and backing of a high-tech company, he was able to construct a working robotic hand for the musician. His team used signals the brain sends to forearm muscles, to control micromotors in the artificial hand. The feedback made it possible to receive weak sensations through the miniaturized interface mounted on the device.
At first, the woman was skeptical, saying it will never allow her to play an instrument requiring intricate control like the violin again. The scientist wanted to prove her wrong, and motivated the musician to exercise with the device, while he himself improved the interface.
Slowly progressing romance between the two of them was somewhere in the background and served as a subplot. In spite of its secondary role, Lisa thought the coincidence might somehow be in her favor. Through continuous improvement, over a period of three years they refined the prototype into an artificial hand that noticeably improved musician's quality of life.
The climax of the film featured the protagonist playing one of her favorite pieces on the violin, experiencing the music she fought so hard to be able to create again. It was slower than the sheet demanded, and with extreme concentration needed every second — none of that mattered.
That conclusion was to Lisa's liking and she couldn't wait to hear what Yukina thought about the whole story. The two of them didn't buy snacks before the screening, so the natural destination after leaving the cinema was the restaurant. The mood was awkward for a short while, but then Lisa decided to ask Yukina about the movie.
"So, what did you think about this? For me, it was kind of a serious story, but with a good vibe at the end. I also liked how she changed her attitude throughout the film." Lisa genuinely appreciated it.
"It… was inspiring to me that she could overcome the realization that she is never going to play like she used to again." Vocalist spoke calmly, but her eyes told a different story.
"Of course, the artificial hand her future partner worked on enabled her to perform on the instrument, but it wasn't like before the accident." Yukina's tone was full of admiration.
"In spite of that, she embraced the sheer possibility to simply play again." The way vocalist spoke suggested the main character's portrayal in the story hit home with her.
"I'm really glad I picked it in the end. You know, I wasn't even sure if you'll like it." Lisa was also cheery about the fact both of them interpreted it similarly.
"I guess you found parts of the story a bit relatable?" Bassist tried to read the atmosphere and asked the otherwise tricky question.
"Well, the circumstances of her struggle are completely different, although… yes, I could compare the way she followed her goals with what I was doing." Vocalist's voice became quieter for a moment.
"I never had such obstacles to overcome, however." Yukina admitted, her intense gaze directed towards Lisa.
"What I took away from this, was the fact that one sometimes takes the possibility to create music for granted." Singer spoke convincingly again, appearing like a person trying to etch the words into memory.
"This was supposedly based on a real story, and if that is so, then there are people out there who would solve the toughest problems, just to create again." Yukina was passionate, making an impression on Lisa.
It didn't take them very long to get to the nearby restaurant, although bassist made the crucial mistake of not considering the tables are all going to be either reserved, or otherwise taken since it was Saturday afternoon. She asked if Yukina wanted to take a longer trip to another one, which was supposedly not so well known, therefore less likely to get crowded.
Vocalist promptly agreed and they arrived there after about a fifteen minutes' walk. When they sat at the table, Lisa spotted that Yukina was wearing a dimmed gray belted dress she hasn't seen before. Coupled with the hairstyle, her attire was stylish and elegant, if slightly aloof.
Lisa saw Yukina order tonkatsu, so she chose a similar dish with stir-fried vegetables. Spicy sauce made her wonder if she should've gone with a more tried and tested meal, though. Gyaru thought she could also ask the vocalist later if she wanted to order parfaits as a dessert, as they didn't have many opportunities to enjoy them together.
"Say, Yukina, how are talks with the man from the most recent show going? I heard from Sayo he's had some unreasonable conditions for us. At least that's what she said." Lisa wanted to bring this up before.
"Ah, Sugimoto is not an easy one to convince. He's worked in the industry for much longer than we've been a part of it." Yukina had a stern expression when she said that, although not an angry one.
"I have been trying to ensure we retain as much control over our music as it's realistically possible, but in response he went on to say he would decrease our royalties to an unacceptable level." Continuing, she spoke without much emotion.
"Music is still the most important, but I cannot just agree to the initial proposal." Vocalist explained firmly, confirming Lisa's suspicions.
"Ha, Yukina, you sounded a bit like a professional manager there." Lisa couldn't help but let out a giggle.
"I mean, I know you seriously care about the sound, but you sure have a more down-to-earth approach to it now."
"I'm also trying to think about what the others in Roselia would need." Yukina responded, albeit quite timidly this time.
"I realize now that what I can do instead of pushing thoughtlessly, is to find a balance." Yukina spoke slower, with her tone getting more solemn.
"Meek agreement to his demands is not an option, and neither is unreasonable stubbornness." She finished in a lighter tone, likely seeing Lisa getting tense.
"I said I'd want to have the old you back, but I wonder if… "
"Ah, but right now you've become the level-headed leader the band needs!" Lisa caught herself coming back to their high school days.
Bassist found a way to steer the conversation into safer territory by mentioning Ako's absence and planned short session on Sunday. Yukina looked like she noticed it's an attempt to change the subject, but went along with it, saying she hopes the drummer will get better soon, ideally even before the training.
If her cold and associated fatigue persisted, she still wanted for the remaining members to get together, for various reasons. As the vocalist began to explain what Sunday's training would look like, Lisa's mind started to float away while gyaru remembered how she felt when Yukina changed for the first time.
Back then, she had simply wanted to see her enjoy music and ultimately came to a point when she couldn't stay silent. Yukina acknowledged Lisa's help and both felt like the moment was an important one. Recently, on the contrary, she wished to see the vocalist stronger and more uncompromising.
Lisa felt like it was the right decision, considering the October's show performance, but what about the long run? She clearly admired the person Yukina has become.
It's enough prying for now. I feel like I had my share. She seeks her own ways now, and I'll be there to see it.
"Lisa, are you listening to me? You're looking elsewhere." Gyaru's reverie came to an end.
"Ah, I'm sorry. I just got lost in thought. Can you say it again, you were talking about how we'll be focusing on individual patterns?" Lisa tried to make an educated guess.
"I was. I don't know if Rinko will come, so we will keep it short in any case." It appeared the guess was correct.
"Since you were daydreaming, I ordered the parfaits you asked me about earlier on. I chose a small one for myself and a larger for you, the one with strawberries and cream." It was a bit amusing for Lisa to observe Yukina talking about trifles like that in a serious manner.
"That one?! It's really big, I don't know if I can eat it by myself. I have to take care not to get out of shape, too!" Lisa was delighted to see vocalist getting into the mood, but also worried about the huge calorie bomb.
"You never once have put on weight, so I figured you should be safe. I will be cheering on you after I finish mine." Yukina's tone has gotten more relaxed.
The uneven battle with the desserts began after the main dishes were beaten. Vocalist didn't need to hurry and appeared to enjoy what she ordered. Lisa experienced mixed feelings, as her grand parfait was delightful and a bliss to eat after the main course, but alas, its volume was a cause for concern.
The disparity became obvious the moment Yukina was done with her own, while Lisa still had almost a half left. As promised, vocalist was motivating her to not give up and win the battle. Said victory, when it came, was a pyrrhic one.
She liked the mixture of sweet cream and the gorgeous selection of fruits a lot, but at the same time, Lisa suspected it would take at least a few hours of exercise to burn the calories. No longer fretting over the initial failure, she was pleased to leave the second-choice restaurant in an excellent mood, convincing herself to pay less mind to how big of a dessert she just had.
It was the last weekend of November, so the two walked through the streets illuminated by the city lights and occasional Christmas decorations. They talked about matters outside of the band — Lisa's channel and her plans for it, the bass lessons, Yukina's training at Kunitachi and whether she wanted to continue the university.
Both of them had their own worries and both knew well enough that endeavors centered on Roselia could lose traction in the future. At some point Lisa noticed they should be near the park she originally wanted to visit. She ultimately decided in favor of going in there.
They still had to find the entrance, which fortunately took only about a minute or two. It started getting late, so per vocalist's suggestion, once they were inside, they decided to follow the paths going roughly in the direction they came from.
Lisa began to realize it might not have been the greatest idea, seeing couples everywhere. It was supposed to be a normal day spent with Yukina, since she changed her mind in the morning, but they ended up here anyhow, probably only entering in a completely different spot. It was her suggestion to get in, so it was too late.
"You said you've been here many times before, also when you were a child. I'm not absolutely certain, yet it seems familiar to me too." Vocalist was quiet for a short while, trying to recall the images of that place, apparently.
"Really? Maybe you've been here before, then. Memories can get vague if you haven't seen a certain spot for years." Lisa avoided concrete words, since she didn't find any photos, so she wasn't sure herself anymore.
"Wait, I'm starting to recognize this scenery. It has changed from what I remember, but I think I know why I had the feeling of visiting the park before." Yukina overtook Lisa and stopped after creating a distance of a few steps. She turned around.
"We have both been here when we were little. I couldn't recognize the place not because of faded memories, but because of the fact it was spring that day." Roselia's leader seemed happy.
"Look at these cherry trees, their branches are bare now. It will be winter soon, after all." Yukina started telling a story, one that Lisa already knew.
"During hanami, however, the sight was a complete opposite. A spectacular display of cherry blossoms. We had a celebration somewhere close; I believe." Her voice livened up as she continued.
"You're right. I was planning on going here, but I wasn't sure. I mean, I was pretty convinced I was here with you, but I didn't find any photos, so I started second-guessing myself." Lisa was speaking with a smile on her face, turning to the side for the moment.
"That's understandable. Many years have passed, I almost forgot about it. We were only starting school and enjoyed hanami with our parents." Yukina started slowly walking up to Lisa, with a delicate smile.
"I think my dad even played some melodies, if I recall correctly." Continuing, singer picked out some details, while Lisa struggled to control her emotions.
"He did. I'm sure he did, though I can't tell you what it was." Lisa giggled, then looked back at the vocalist. She was about two steps away.
"If my memory serves me right, I already pestered him to buy me a children's songbook, which I took with me." Yukina's serene expression was a rare sight.
"I was trying to sing along to his play on a shamisen." With the planned roles reversed, she was pulling Lisa into a time machine, leaving her unable to resist.
"I asked your dad to let me play it, but it was so big for me at that time that I could barely make a sound, and got upset."
"You were cheering me up, though recalling what you said is too much." Lisa was astonished she could remember more details after Yukina cued in.
"It was probably along the lines of 'You'll definitely sound better if you practice.'" The vocalist said in a slightly ironic tone, prompting bassist's laugh.
"Thank you for bringing these memories back, Lisa." Sincerity in her tone was unquestionable.
"I don't know what they mean for you, but I think we sometimes erase the important ones too early." Yukina's earnest line, followed by her turning around, just when she was a step away had Lisa's eyes open wide.
"Ah, it sure… was fun to talk about those times."
She had to conceal her excitement. Failing to do that would mean she'd run up to her and hug Yukina as tightly as she could. Other possibilities also ran through Lisa's mind briefly.
She matched Yukina's pace and walked beside her in an awkward silence. This was the first time that day the two have become completely silent for a longer period of time. The exit from the park drew nearer, and a few more minutes to get to the station were most of what remained.
The two were going to board the same train, since only later they'd split up and walk home in opposite directions. The ride to Ikejiri was a relatively short one, though. Lisa considered the invitation a great success and was glad she contained her emotions for now. Even the silence after a nostalgic conversation became completely bearable.
Yukina didn't appear angry, rather contemplating. Before they reached the platform, the singer unexpectedly made a remark in line with what they were talking about before. She mentioned the fact they lived next-door before the university, and how they used to talk to each other by simply opening the window and calling out.
Yukina admitted it wasn't solely because of how childish it appeared to her, that she ceased doing so. Waiting for the train to arrive, they continued to talk about the little details which helped to shape the band, for example Sayo's arrival at the live house, Lisa's bass performance and Yukina's stubbornness to let Ako in.
The two agreed that the bonds formed between all members seem too strong to simply break apart after Roselia. They won't if people care for them and that's what the two intended. Interrupting them, the wind became more impetuous simultaneously with the train's arrival, blowing strongly enough to sweep Yukina's hair.
The meticulous arrangement was now in disarray, with strands flying and hovering amid a sudden chilly gust. Lisa, standing more back to the wind, observed the scene, bewitched. It occurred to her again how stunning can the woman before her appear.
Yukina's hairdo became more like a ponytail after the breeze settled down. Fortunately, the hairpin stayed roughly where she attached it. Lisa was trying to regain composure, but looking at Yukina, whose cheeks got a little flushed from the colder wind, made it very difficult.
"The train is here, aren't you getting in?" Yukina reminded her quietly when the door was just about to open.
"You've heard similar lines before, I imagine, but when you're looking into the distance, your thoughts escaping somewhere, you strike me as exceptionally beautiful, Lisa." Gyaru wanted to reflexively exclaim "That's my line!" before a switch flipped in her mind.
"You overlook how alluring you are yourself… You know, in high school…" Lisa knew what she's about to say will mark the point of no return.
"You changed, but I still wanted to be the closest one to you. Then you formed Roselia and let me in." Yukina already got on the train and was looking at her with eyes as difficult to read as ever.
"I noticed I don't just want to play the bass. I wish to be the first one to hear you, to hear your voice, and new songs, before anyone else." The train was about to leave, but Yukina didn't say a word. Lisa, still outside, shifted her gaze elsewhere.
"Oh gosh, I should just say it... I realized I'm in love with you, Yukina. How… do you feel about me?" Bassist only looked her in the eyes after confessing in an erratic voice.
"The person you fell in love with is no longer there. I'm sorry, Lisa... I cannot lie to you." Vocalist looked distressed. Her voice wasn't shaking, however.
"No, it's not like I only care about–"
"I simply can't. I am sorry I lured you into this. My feelings... they are not the same as yours." Cutting into Lisa's plea, she was firm, but her expression was dejected.
The train was not going to wait for them and hence the door closed automatically, leaving gyaru on the platform. Lisa couldn't bring herself to jump in, not after such a rejection. It did not exactly go her way. She didn't use the set phrase for confessions, because she wanted to convey it's not just about dating for her.
What surprised her, was how Yukina seemed to need so little time to collect herself and come up with a clear-cut reply. It didn't look like she had it prepared either; the vocalist did have a short moment of hesitation, looking for words.
Her face was mournful when she sought ways to express her own emotions, so it must've been difficult for Yukina, knowing her rejection will cause turmoil. Lisa continued to go over what had happened, while strolling on the platform.
I messed it up big time.
I couldn't clearly tell Yukina I love her the way she is now when I actually went with it. Her refusal was clear, though. It threw me off my game. I guess that means she only loves me as a friend, doesn't it? She was sorry she tempted me, so she thinks she made me fall for her. Well, today, it was kind of true. So cruel…
I can't help but wonder, though, did I really misread all the recent stuff? Huh, I have no idea. Next train is going to be here in a few minutes, so I can rack my brain over this at some warmer place.
Lisa was never in such a situation before, so she didn't know if she should call Yukina, pester her and try to explain, or wait a day or two. Even though four of them were supposed to have a session the next day, Lisa had no idea how to face her closest friend after what had happened.
She hoped it's not going to cause any difficulties for the band, but if the mood persisted, it could prove tricky in the long run. Making an effort to steer thoughts away from the consequences of that evening, Lisa started to skim through social media updates on her phone, only to run into an over-the-top post by Naru about her plans with Satou. The timing couldn't have been better.
Putting the smartphone back, she got on the train and took a seat, then awaited her stop at Ikejiri, all the while having a numb expression. At that point, Lisa remembered what others in the band once said about her role, then slapped her cheeks with both hands.
Before coming back to her place, she bought some supplies at the convenience store, coming up with an idea to cook herself a tasty curry the following day. Lisa decided to prepare some of the ingredients right away to have less work on Sunday, as she intended turn up to the training, after all.
Planning to call Yukina the next day, bassist wanted to reassure her she still wished to play, willing to curb her feelings if the vocalist really didn't reciprocate them. She quickly changed into casual clothes after getting to her apartment, then proceeded to prepare the supplies she was going to use.
The rest of them were put in the fridge or neatly fitted in the cupboard. Lisa even took out her apron and started with the easy task of peeling and dicing the carrots. She's quickly gotten into a nice rhythm and was looking to finish it up rather soon.
To her surprise, though, she noticed some drops appearing on the cutting board. One by one, slowly coming down from her flustered cheeks. Lisa knew the reason and didn't try to hold it in for longer. She stopped moving, let go of the knife and burst into tears.
The whole day went by perfectly, it was ideal. And then, I confessed my love to her.