XVI

The shift that Monday was not an easy one. She was making small inaccuracies, forgetting some product prices or technical nuances of their operation. Under normal circumstances, Yukina would have no problems dealing with the questions from customers. She gained enough experience to talk to them freely, and the knowledge of the field was not an issue.

Memory of last Saturday's evening was still very much vivid, despite efforts to push it to the back of her mind. Sayo didn't appear to have noticed vocalist's uneasiness, owing likely to the fact that the two were working in different shop sections for the most part. She did ask Yukina about negotiations with the record label, however, to which the singer promptly replied with a snarky comment about Sugimoto's greed.

She was keen on opening up another front when the man brought up an event promotion company representative which he knew. That was a valuable inside information Yukina could use to try to arrange another concert of Roselia, this time a longer one.

Vocalist was able to talk about that calmly, and Sayo thought the sessions were cancelled due to Ako coming down with a cold, having Rinko stay over. In reality, Yukina used it as a comfortable excuse nobody will see through. Lisa called her the day before, arguing it still made some sense to have the three of them practice, but she dismissed the idea.

The vocalist was at a loss. She wasn't proud of herself, yet she needed time to sort out emotions caused by her friend's confession, amongst other matters. Yukina planned to go to a library after her part-time work. Fortunately, the shift at the music shop went by without any major incidents, so she could do that without additional worries.

The place, when she arrived, was somewhat crowded, but it was not unbearable. Sumire, the clerk she was friends with, was explaining basics to a newcomer, concentrated as always. The height difference was not in her favor, but Minoshima was still stealing glances as her black, shoulder-length hair, eyes of matching color and an overall posture made her stand out.

Yukina didn't want to interrupt, so she returned the book to another staff member. Having her usual spot at the second floor taken by someone, she had to find a place on the renovated first level. This part of the building was now shiny and well-organized, so she didn't mind that much. There was some space between the desks, so one could do their research or reading without disturbing others.

Yukina found one that was free and then went to search a book on voice projection. She had read quite a bit on that subject already, but was also interested in the online catalog just then. Library provided access to audio material, so the selected audiobooks were available in part, or even in whole, granted you paid for access in the application.

A certain gyaru musician has once helped her to do just that. The book Yukina was looking for had audio receipts available on the internet to match the instructions presented in classical form. Luckily, one of the two copies library had was still available, so she gladly carried it to her desk. Just when she was about to start searching for a chapter she was interested in, she heard a familiar voice.

"Yukina-chan! Just came to say hi, I know you're always dedicated to your research, so I won't be distracting you." It was Sumire, her relaxed expression was a soothing sight.

"Hello. You wouldn't be distracting me, no. Actually, I don't have much to review for university. I wanted to go over this again, for myself." She was happy to see Minoshima, but her face remained stone cold.

"Ah, alright. I guess it's none of my business, but you do look rather perplexed today. Would you mind if I listened?" Librarian had the talent of making people agree to her requests without ever sounding bossy, especially with her use of body language.

"I could say I'm fine, but you would be bothering me to tell you the story later, so I will take you up on that now." Yukina knew librarian was used to it.

"I wouldn't. Ok, maybe just a little," Sumire chuckled, admitting. "I'm all ears, then." She sat next to the vocalist, resting her chin on both hands.

"We took part in the concert at Hitomi Memorial in October, I told you about it once," she started with a neutral voice.

"We played two songs there, different from what we've done before, arguably stronger and arranged from the ground-up, using a new approach." Yukina started to skim through the book, talking to Sumire at the same time.

"Everyone from the band thought it was a huge success, while I was left wavering." Disappointment started to be apparent through Yukina's words.

"Today, the practice at university didn't go too well, my voice didn't carry the song as I wanted. That has been happening since the event." She found the chapter she wanted to and left a bookmark there, then continued the story.

"At that live show… I went with the emotional display, but that's just a nice way of saying I lost it." Singer was neither angry nor as stoic as usually.

"It was impulsive. I don't think I hurt my voice, though." Yukina was looking at Sumire with serious eyes, her tone reflecting agitation.

"I can now draw from my experience as Roselia's vocal lead, trying a different approach, and not the typical continuous practice."

"Perhaps the issue is not my technical ability. I'm not really certain what the cause is, to be honest." Vocalist admitted she was confused, her expression turning sour.

Yukina opened up to her, even though Sumire had next to zero experience with vocal training. There were a couple of reasons — one of them was that the librarian was a good confidant, as she listened without any interruption, paying attention, and then didn't gossip about what she just heard.

After Yukina finished, Sumire stretched her arms and sat more carefully.

"If you say there's not much point in fixing it the usual way, then the problem lies somewhere else. That's my take, at least." Vocalist appreciated her words.

"Yukina-chan, you're one of the most serious people I know when it comes to improvement," Sumire said convincingly.

"What about things beyond mere recording booths or practice rooms? Sometimes we're swayed by matters outside of what we're so hung up on." Minoshima's voice was easy to listen to.

"By matters outside of music, in your case." The librarian continued gently, although making sure she had vocalist's attention.

"I'm well aware music does not exist on its own, but I think I always had a tendency to act like the opposite is true, so realizing what's influencing me will be tough."

"I don't have a good grasp on where I should start searching." Yukina acknowledged Sumire's remark, but also expressed her own uncertainty.

"It might be simple, like a coming event scaring you. To me, you shouldn't overthink it now." Librarian's advice sounded a bit generic to her, but she didn't dismiss it.

"You said you went all out during the last live show, didn't you? I'm not saying you should ignore it, but give yourself some time, like a few days." Sumire's eyes were sympathetic, but she didn't sound like pitying Yukina.

"You should know by now that even if you would've asked me to ignore it, I wouldn't have listened." Librarian grinned in return.

"That being said, I appreciate your advice. I should definitely seek simplest solutions first." Yukina nodded, her expression clearing up a bit.

Librarian was then called over by a colleague to return to her usual duties, with both of them smiling as Sumire went back to work. Yukina opened the book at the chapter she marked earlier and started to read slowly.

Whenever she was facing difficulties related to music, back when she was on her own, as well as now, with Roselia, she was spending a lot of time on figuring out the reasons and then solutions. Sumire took note of that and apparently was of the opinion it sometimes results in coming up with superfluous conclusions.

Yukina checked if she still had access to audio material on her phone and, indeed, it was the case. She listened to the samples and instructions, recalling how she'd sung earlier that day. The problem with such an approach was, as Yukina was aware, that one perceives their own voice in a different way.

She didn't have a recording, since that was just a normal training session — nobody was saving it for future reference. She finished the chapter, then went to put the book back, not borrowing it for reviewing at home. Most of the people present when Yukina arrived left the library already and it got quiet on the first floor.

Sumire would probably find a way for her to stay longer than the usual customer would be allowed to, nonetheless she'd never liked this kind of treatment. Vocalist therefore decided to search for the material from the concert in October using the quick connection available and leave it at that.

Even though it was not allowed to record the event, some people did. Yukina, however, could not find the upload as it was already removed by that day. A possible remedy was that someone had scooped it up earlier, but she had no intention of pursuing it further and tidied up the desk she had used, then headed over to the exit.

Sumire wished her luck and assured her she cheers for the vocalist, as always. Yukina returned librarian's beaming expression with a faint smile of her own. Putting on her dark overcoat, she proceeded to walk in the station's direction. The sun has already set a while ago, unlike when she'd visited the place before she decided to write two completely new songs.

Next session was scheduled no earlier than on the next weekend, so Yukina could take it slow up until Saturday. If she wanted to, that is.

I was just told not to overthink it, but I'd like to at least find a direction before I do what Sumire said, and take a break from worrying about my voice. We have no event coming in the near future, since I'm still talking to Sugimoto about a possible single release. That's easily excluded.

Focusing on simple reasons next, what would affect me strongly enough to impact my singing? I was feeling slightly out of it after the October's live show, there is also what happened two days ago. Even though that's too sudden, I was avoiding that matter the whole Sunday. I really shouldn't skip it endlessly.

Lisa… She's always been following me around, but love? Maybe I was just oblivious. When it happened, I was convinced of the fact her love is misdirected. In addition, wasn't she hiding the fact she adores nonexistent version of me?

In hindsight, I can no longer be completely certain of what I feel either… I turned her down and likely caused her to suffer.

I was sad myself, but holding firm belief in my notions, I wanted to do it right, and not give her false hope. Surprisingly, words of the girl, which happened to witness the scene, were the hardest for me to respond to that evening.

"You can still chase after her! Um… get off at the next stop, it's not that far!" Resolute child seemed to have wanted for the vocalist to change her mind.

"No, that would just be deceiving her." Yukina saw girl's mom was calling her over, so she chose a seat herself, confident she made the right decision.

I tore her words apart like I know what love is…

This isn't good, I'm getting sidetracked rather badly; I was supposed to think of a solution to my vocal deficiencies. Ah, I should definitely follow Sumire's advice for now, I spend too much time thinking.

One upside of Yukina getting so absorbed in deliberations was that the train trip passed in the blink of an eye. After arriving at her place, she started getting ready for the next day, looking at exercises she was to perform for the university course.

Yukina also wanted to prepare a decent bento. Living alone, with her cooking skills somewhat lacking, she was enjoying basic and easy to prepare meals, like the tamagoyaki with fish and rice. That was exactly what the singer wanted to eat at lunch on Tuesday's afternoon. Ringing of her phone, however, tore Yukina away from finishing it up.

"Dad, hello. It's unusual for you to call these days, I guess this must be important?" Yukina was pleased to hear him, but also a bit baffled.

"Hi, Yukina. I can just call to check how you're doing, though?" His short laughter followed.

"You can, but it's late in the day, so that's a bit unexpected." Her intent was more to express surprise.

"Oh, that's right. I'll call you on Tuesday if you need to rest now." Yukina's dad likely assumed her last line meant she was tired or didn't want to be disturbed.

"No… I won't be up for much longer, but we can talk for a bit now." She made it clear.

"Alright. I'll try to call more often from now on. You were right, actually. I have some news for you." Yukina's dad sounded more serious this time.

"I… would've been glad regardless of the reason… I guess. One way or the other, what are the news?" Yukina was trying to hide embarrassment.

"I know the whole back-and-forth with Sugimoto, if I remember the name right, is dragging on and so I thought, why not try to get in touch with someone back from my days as a frontman?" The excitement in his voice was evident.

"You tried to make someone else interested in the release?" Yukina made a guess.

"Not exactly. I could tell you what this is all about if you'd like to come over for a quick visit. You haven't been at home for a while, so mom would be on cloud nine." He sneaked in an invitation quite smoothly.

"It's not only up to me, unfortunately. Besides Kunitachi, I obviously have a part-time job at the music shop." Yukina expressed some regret.

"The manager is already not that happy about the fact I and Sayo don't have as much time." She said that in a dry tone, planning to follow up differently.

"I know–"

"However, maybeI can just about make it. If not in the middle of the week, then on Friday evening. Is that alright?" Yukina knew what the answer is going to be.

"Since when did you become such a tease?" His chuckle was followed by Yukina's quiet giggle. "It's fine. Whenever you have time." The reply was as Roselia's vocalist predicted.

Yukina wished to stay at the family's home for longer over the winter holiday around the New Year's Eve, nonetheless, the sudden invitation was still a welcome one. Unexpected call caused her to completely forget the recent worries, and instead focus on guessing what her dad has been planning.

Picking up where she left off, the bento started to look pretty tasty after she made the finishing touches, even if it wasn't as good as what some of the other students were capable of preparing. Calling it a day earlier than usual, the vocalist settled on following the advice she was given.