a/n: lets try that again shall we? Don't know what happened there

—-

"So have you figured out where we are?" Rose asked as the Doctor entered their bedroom.

"Susan's," he told her, crossing to his wardrobe.

"Really? I thought she'd hide us somewhere remote, away from family."

"Apparently not." The Doctor sounded irritated.

"Sorry," Rose said, feeling like she'd been told off.

"No I'm sorry," he sighed.. "I'm not irritated with you." He crossed over to her and pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry for everything."

"We're gonna be ok," she told him. "We'll figure this out like we do everything else….what?" She pulled back when she felt him tense.

"It just, you thought you'd heard the worst of me and now you're likely to see it and I…" his voice trailed off.

"You're worried I'm gonna leave. Isn't this worry feeding him more?"

"I can't help it. When I lost you my hearts broke, both times. Only the second time I loved you so much more than the first and this despair just took over. Knowing I'd never hear you laugh again. You'd never smile at me or hug me. I'd never get to kiss you or tell you how much I love you. The bottom fell out of my world. You've seen my darker side but this is different. This time he might not care about you, he might hate how happy you make me."

"And it doesn't matter because YOU love me, YOU care about me. We have to stay positive, yeah? Because the happier you are the stronger you are against him. He's come along while you're still recovering from that Rassilon guy. He's got you at a disadvantage. But you've got me, and Jack and Susan. You're not alone. You are loved more than you could possibly imagine. So if I have to flood you with happiness every minute of the day then I will, even if it means never leaving this room." She offered him a cheeky grin that made him chuckle. "In fact, I think we should have a pre-emptive flooding before we go out there."

"Probably not the right time," the Doctor whispered as she buried her fingers into his hair.

"I think it's the perfect time." She pressed gentle kisses against his jaw, causing him to lose his breath. "You need to be sure of how I feel about you, we both do. And there's not gona be much time when we get out to see Susan," Rose reasoned.

"Rose," he groaned.

"Please Doctor. This last week has been… I just need to…". Her sentence was lost when he crushed his lips to hers. He needed her, he was never happier than when she was in his mind whilst making love. Maybe she was right, maybe this would "flood" him as she put it. Maybe a few moments of blissful happiness would help his fried brain keep his other self out.

Rose gave him a gentle shove backwards onto the bed and reached straight for his waistband. "You're too tense," she purred

"I wonder why?!"

"Let's see if I can help then."

"Cheesy line, Rose Tyler," he moaned as her hand slipped into his pyjamas.

Rose just giggled. "Well I didn't pay you back for the stairwell," she told him. Pulling on his trousers to free him she slipped her lips over him.

The Doctor gave a quiet cry as she sucked, her fingers stroking his base. His hands gripped at the sheets as he tried to keep his hips still. "Rose," he gasped, finally trying to reach for her.

"No," she told him. "It's your turn, you need the release."

"But it's stronger if you're there too. Remember how you felt the first time I followed our link back? How strong it was?" He was panting at the mere thought.

Rose groaned at the memory before sitting up. She saw how dark his eyes had become and felt a surge between her thighs, so strong she was sure the Doctor had known. Standing up on the bed she stripped herself of her freshly donned clothes, tossing them over the side of the before kneeling back down beside him. "Now what?" she asked, lazily stroking him.

"Well you keep doing that," he gulped "and I'll…" he grabbed her waist and yanked her bottom towards him, pushing his face between her thighs.

Rose gasped as he dragged his tongue along her folds, before she incased him in her mouth again.

His moan vibrated against her, causing her to buck against him. He could feel her in his mind, her excitement growing but he also sensed some frustration.

"Doctor," she panted. "Stop analysing me."

He replaced his tongue with his fingers."Something's wrong," the Time Lord told her, his fingers lazily keeping an infuriatingly slow pace, just enough to keep her aroused but not enough to send her over the edge.

Rose sighed. "I just…. I want this to be about you, but it's so hard when you're 69ing me. I can't believe I just said that."

The Doctor snorted. "Is that what you call it?"

"You don't know?!"

"Never done it before," he shrugged.

Rose stared at him for a moment. Their sex life had always been great, so she easily forgot how inexperienced he was.

"What is it you really want, Rose?" he purred. The intensity in his eyes took her breath away.

She looked at him, wondering how to word it, still squirming, trying to get more friction against his wicked fingers. Right now he was the personification of sin. She sighed, "I want you to shag me so hard I almost pass out."

The Doctor leapt at her. "Thank fuck for that," he growled, claiming her mouth as he dragged her underneath him. He felt a surge in her excitement. "You really do like to hear me swear," he gasped as he thrust into her. "Jesus fuck!" he cried out.

Rose stared into his eyes, the universe seems to swirl in them as he moved above her. She could feel every inch of him vibrating as he pounded as deep as he could, as hard as he could. She knew she was going to ache but she didn't care. The desperation between them was palpable.

The Doctor reached between them and found her little bundle of nerves. Rather than the gentle touch she was used to, he pressed on it.

She cried out, silently praying he'd do it again. "Jesus, Doctor."

Smirking slightly he repeated the act a few more times until she was squeezing round him so tightly he could barely move. As her orgasm flowed through them both, he pistoned harder than ever chasing his own. Moments later he gave a pained cry as he followed her. Eyesight and muscles failing, he managed to roll off her before collapsing completely.

Rose lay motionless for a few moments, panting before looking over at her Time Lord. His eyes were closed as his chest heaved, but a tear was sinking it's way down the side of his face. She struggled upright. "Doctor? What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

He gave a sardonic laugh and shook his head. "Guess I'm still not in control," he sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"I was…. I was just thinking about how much I love you. How scary it feels sometimes. How I'll never have enough of you. Everything I am is shaped by you, has been since we met. This body was literally created for you. Makes me sound like a lunatic," he snorted.

"In that case that makes two of us. I want to be with you every minute of the day. I'll look at you, covered in grease, shouting at Jack over something to do with the TARDIS, glasses planted firmly and I'll want you. I never thought love could be this intense but we have something stronger than that. We are literally connected in a way that means I feel empty when you're not there. You guys didn't do all this feelings and stuff so you'd never have known how it feels. And what you've brought is more intense than anything any humans could have."

He gulped and cleared his throat. "I actually lost my vision for a few seconds there," he changed the subject. Still not looking at her.

Rose moved into his eye line and studied him. "Hey, this was meant to fill you with happiness!"

"Oh it did, believe me," he winked and gave another chuckle. This one sounded sincere. "And next time maybe we can finish that 69ing thing."

Rose laughed at the twinkle that lit up his face. "There are so many positions you don't know about."

"I think I've got a book of them somewhere, unless Jack's commandeered it. I've just never had reason to read it."

"We'll dig it out next time we're in the library," She assured him, leaning down to kiss him thoroughly. "Come on Time Lord. Time to see your family."

XxXxX

They found Jack had already called on Susan and was sitting at her kitchen table drinking a coffee.

"At last!" Susan declared. "I've been so worried about you." She pulled the Doctor into a hug.

"Jack's filled you in then?" the Doctor asked.

"Only about Rassilon," Jack informed him.

"Why? What else is there?" she asked, pulling back, looking between the three visitors. She saw her grandfather pale and loosen his tie before Rose gave his hand a squeeze. "What more can there possibly be?! First the Master, then Rassilon I mean who's left?" It was a wonder the Doctor was still sane. But then he said the last things she'd been expecting, and her hearts froze.

"Valeyard."

Susan stared for a moment, her hand rising to her mouth as she sat heavily back into her chair.

"You know him?" Rose asked.

"Only what grandfather told me on his last visit. What are you going to do?"

"Wait what? You told her about him but never mentioned him to us?"Jack was incredulous.

"He's not someone I boast about. He only came up because I was filling Susan in on things that happened on Gallifrey after she left," the Doctor told him. Looking back at Susan he sighed. "So far the plan is to keep running and keep him out of my mind."

"That's not a long term solution," Susan admonished.

"I know, I know," the Time Lord cried, grabbing at his hair before collapsing into a chair.

"If he feeds off of the Doctor's despair then we have to keep him full of hope right?" Rose asked, looking for more support on her theory.

The Doctor sighed. As nice as it sounded, now he was thinking clearly he knew nothing was that simple. He picked up the hand that was resting on his shoulder and kissed her knuckles. "As much as I love this theory; it's impossible. What happens when I sleep? My nightmares must be prime feeding ground for him.

"So what do we do?" Jack asked.

"No," the Doctor suddenly said, glaring at Susan, her thoughts loudly invading his head..

"Have you got a better idea?!"

"What? What's going on?" Rose asked.

"I have an idea."

"No, absolutely not! There's no way on Gallifrey!"

"Then you'll be forever running and forever fighting him off!" Susan argued.

"That's the risk I'm willing to take," he growled.

"Really? You'd risk Rose's life?"

"Don't."

"Why not? That's what it amounts to. You're condemning these two to either keep running for the rest of their lives, or yours, waiting for that day he catches up and kills you , and possibly them. Or are you going to leave them at home and travel alone now? Is that it? Are you going to leave the love of your life on Earth while you run?!" She glared at him for a moment, seeing the ice in his eyes fade and despair replace it. "I know you're scared. But can you honestly tell me that, thinking this through with a logical mind, there is a better way to defeat him?"

"Ok, can some one fill me and the blond in?" Jack asked.

The Doctor stood abruptly. "I just can't. I can't do it. No. No." He stalked out of the room and back towards the TARDIS.

Susan sighed looking sadly at his companions. "I just don't see another way."

"What way?" Rose asked. Watching the Doctors retreating figure.

"Valeyard feeds on his darkness and despair, the corners of his mind. There's no other being like him. He's a punishment for breaking the rules. For allowing himself to feel the compassion, love and hope that make him who he is."

"You mean rather than the emotional detachment? Yeah. We got an unhealthy dose of that," Jack sneered.

"Exactly. Grandfather hasn't practiced that in probably 900 years, so stands to reason he'd be all over the place again now. the fool. You guys just can't catch a break!"

"Certainly feels that way," the time agent agreed.

"What was your idea?" Rose asked.

Susan sighed and rubbed her eyes.

"He needs to rob the Valeyard of the darkness."

"How would he do that?" Rose's stomach was already being to churn.

"By embracing it. If he embraces that side of himself, uses it, the Valeyard surely would be weakened and defeated. This isn't as simple as good verses evil, light verses dark. This is the Doctor versus Doctor. They are the same. If he carries on down a certain path he will become the Valeyard eventually."

"And he won't do it?"Jack said.

"He's scared," Rose said. "I'm not sure what it is that scares him so much but I can feel it."

"I doubt you've met his dark side," Susan stated gravely.

"Oh, we have," Jack informed her.

She gave a humourless smile. "No. You haven't. I know you haven't. Because you're still here."

XxXxX