Where We Belong

In the car, Miranda and Ben didn't speak. Ben tried to break the quiet first: "Your mom ordered Chinese and the broccoli is so good. Some of the best I've ever had from that place."

"I lost a patient."

"I'm sorry, baby."

She sighed. "So it was a difficult night for me." At a red light, Ben rubbed her back and pulled her in for a kiss on the cheek. "I keep wondering if I did everything that I could do or if—"

"You're a great surgeon, Miranda."

"I know." The radio started to annoy her and she turned it down. "Doesn't make it any easier though."

"Change the subject?" He asked.

"Please."

Ben turned into her driveway. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

"For what?" She asked, distracted.

"For how I acted or rather… how I reacted earlier. With Moore."

Miranda licked her lips and nodded slightly. "Forgiven."

"But that guy is a real douche bag."

"Moore?" Miranda asked.

"Yes, Moore. He's a douche." He put his arm around her seat.

"Is he?" She said inhaling. "He didn't seem to be the only one tonight."

"He was baiting me, Miranda."

"And you played right into his hand." Ben opened his mouth and snapped it shut. "Were you going to hit him?"

Ben got defensive. "I don't know, Miranda."

Miranda shook her head. The confusion was back. She really just wanted to get to the bottom of this drama between the two men. "So? Why does he make you so mad? Tell me. I'm tired of not knowing."

"Because I know him. I've known him for a long time. We worked together at Mercy West."

"Oh, yeah, that's right," she said forgetting that she had already made the connection.

"Well," he sighed and scratched the side of his face. "When the merger was happening and he was in placement limbo, he talked to the chief of surgery and the head of Anesthesiology at Mercy West, telling them to choose him over me, spreading rumors about me and my patients."

"He didn't!?"

"Yes, he did. They told me. Good thing Steve covered for me, not that there was anything to cover." He winked at his girlfriend. "But Moore almost cost me my career."

"Damn. Maybe you should have punched him." They laughed. "I'm sorry, baby." She touched his beard, raking it a little. His facial hair made him so attractive. She couldn't keep her hands off of him.

"I'm not."

"No?"

"As they say, everything happens for a reason." She nodded firmly. "Also," he scoffed. "I'm over the whole damn thing. It was such a long time ago." Miranda let go of her breath. "Plus, I guess… I understand where his insanity was coming from. He panicked. And I get that it was a rough time, but it was like that for everyone."

"I remember," Miranda told him. At that time, she'd never been directly worried about her job, she was the Chief's favorite after all, but she'd seen everyone from nurses to interns frantic about their jobs and positions in the hospital.

"But I don't like how he thinks because we're working together again that we're cool." Ben gave her a look that made her grin. "We're not cool." Miranda grabbed his face in her hands and pulled him in for a rushed kiss. He touched the small of her back, gelling their bodies together. When they stopped, Miranda licked her lips. "I just don't know if I'm prepared to have you and him being friends yet." She opened her mouth to speak and to reassure him that she and Joshua weren't friends, but colleagues only. "And I know I said I don't give a damn about him and I don't, but—I mean, that is kind of how we started."

"Yeah, but I actually liked you," she told him. Ben cracked a smile. "I thought we were over the jealousy thing."

"We were until I saw you two in the lounge laughing. I don't care if he comes after me, but if he… if he tries to use you to get to me, I will not hesitate to fuck him up." Miranda smiled. He cared so much about her, it was so sweet and such a turn on. She picked up his hand. "He just gets under my skin."

"Well, he won't get under mine."

"Thank you, sweetheart." He leaned over and kissed her again. "It's just…"

"Just what?" She asked, staring at him. She wanted to turn on the overhead light to see him better, but she didn't want to disrupt the mood.

"With Eunice, her assistant was 'just a friend;' a friend turned into a fu—"

"Benjamin!"

He laughed. "A friendlier buddy who ended up ruining our relationship." The two of them were quiet. "Sorry for opening this topic up again."

"Don't apologize," Miranda said. "And I'm sorry for all of that."

Ben blinked a few times. "You didn't do it." She didn't reply. "You wouldn't do that to me," he said softly. It almost sounded like a question and his eyes begged for her to agree.

Miranda looked at Ben and suddenly realized that he had insecurities, too; just like she did. And his also involved her leaving him for someone else. It never dawned on her before and it made her feel especially special when she thought about Ben being unconfident in their relationship. He always seemed so sure about them and their future—open and relaxed. Was he really afraid of losing her? "Of course I wouldn't!" She answered fiercely. He leaned over and kissed her a third time, quickly, shocking her. "I wouldn't do that. And definitely not to you. Because I know how it feels."

"Oh, yeah," he said grabbing her hand. "Tucker was an ass."

"Was?" She echoed, laughing. "He cheated on me. We were married for more than ten years and then one day we weren't."

"Now I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said into her neck. He kissed the warm spot making her body squirm.

"Mmm," she purred. She caressed his face. "You mean too much to me."

"I do?"

She nodded. "And please don't worry about him, baby."

"Fine."

"I'm serious. I don't even want to hear another word about him."

"Yeah, okay," he agreed. They kissed slowly. Her tongue battled his for space between their mouths. He tasted so good. Ben touched her hair, pulling it gently. She moaned a little and pulled away looking at him hungrily. After a few minutes of silence, he said: "Hey."

"What?" She whispered wishing that he'd kiss her again.

"Get in the backseat with me."

"What?" She screeched. Miranda put the back of her hand to his head and pretended to check his temperature.

"Stop!" He said smacking her hand away playfully. "It's a great idea."

"You know what else is a great idea?"

"Going inside," they said together.

"Yes. Going inside to my very warm, big, comfortable bed."

"Am I going to able to kiss you and make you scream in your bed?"

"Good Lord, man!" Miranda's body pounded as she thought about what Ben wanted to do to her. She had to admit, she wanted the same things. She always felt herself wanting him. Wanting. There were times when Ben would simply look at her and she would imagine a whole scenario about making love to him right where they were; no matter where they were or who was there. Or his hand would graze her leisurely, on accident, and she would just melt, totally in love with him. "My mother is—" She stopped talking and pointed to the second floor of her house.

"Which is why we should just stay out here."

"Are you really trying to…," her voice trailed off. "In the backseat of your car?"

He wiggled his eyebrows. "If you're game." She shrugged her shoulders and turned the radio on, putting the XM station on "R&B". A Babyface song was coming on. Her hands were getting sweaty as she watched Ben get out of the car. He held his hand out for her. To get his way with her, he'd wait as long as he needed to. Miranda rolled her eyes at him. "You know you want to."

"That's hardly the point."

"So what is the point?" He closed the door and leaned against his car. He put his hands on her waist and pulled her to him. She giggled as their bodies collided. His lips grazed her cheek. "What's the point?" He asked again.

"I don't remember."

"Good. Then, participate in some auto foreplay with me." He opened the door again and they climbed into the backseat. "You know what?"

"What?" Miranda said, not caring at all.

"I have never been back here." He looked around in awe.

"That's good to know," she said. Miranda moved to him and touched his chest.

"It's roomy."

"I guess."

"I feel like you're not—" She interrupted him with a deep kiss. Her tongue swirled around in his mouth. He groaned and grabbed her hips, feeling them move slowly. Ben lifted her leg and pulled it over his body. He caressed her back and arms. "You have goose bumps, baby."

"I'm…um, both nervous and turned on," she said with a small smile.

"Me too." He touched her head and brought her in for a kiss. "I want you so badly," he whispered. Miranda's heart jumped. She wanted the same thing. She'd settle for any part of his body on hers, his skin electrifying her own. She helped him out of his shirt and pulled hers off as well. Ben kissed her chest, circling her nipples making her wetter than she'd meant to get. Miranda pushed him back, kissed down his body and stopped at the front of his jeans. Neither one of them said anything. She couldn't see his eyes in the darkness as she unbuckled his pants and was glad for that fact. She closed her own eyes and felt his body stiffen. She lowered her mouth onto him. Ben moaned and laid back some more, their heads opposite each other. She stroked Ben smoothly and methodically and listened as her own pants were being unbuttoned. He lifted her body on top of his, smoothly.

"Woah!" She lifted her head. "W-w-what are you doing, Ben?" She asked, startled.

"Trust me, Miranda."

"We can't do this out here!" She shouted. She was suddenly aware of what was happening. She was a successful surgeon with her own house just a few feet away and she was giving oral sex in a car. Like some kind of sex-crazed teenager. The thought was truly amusing. Her face was red and her heart was trying to burst out of her chest. She was excited and scared and shy all at the same time.

"Baby, look around," he said laughing. "We're doing it already." He put his head between her legs, his hand on her thighs, squeezing them. Ben put his tongue on her gently. "How does that feel?" His question quieted her mind and soon she forgot her argument as her body popped at his touch. Rude Boys' Written All Over Your Face came on the radio and Miranda moved her hand and mouth to the music and slowed down as she started to reach her own climax. "Babypleasedontstop." She stroked him faster. He fingered her to the same rhythm. "Get… grab my shirt."

Somehow she managed to reach down and pick up his shirt as waves of pure relief hit her and crashed against Ben's lips. She screamed in a high-pitched voice: "Ahhhh! My God!" Ben grunted; the sound propelled her to the finish line.

Ben erupted and what wasn't caught in his shirt was caught on her hand and chest. She wiped it off with the shirt. "Fuck."

"I agree," she said, trying to catch her breath. Her hands went to her face.

"Miranda?" Ben asked. They were sitting side by side now, pulling on most of their clothes, trying to look decent. He took her hands and brought her into his arms, chuckling. "What's the matter?" He kissed the top of her head.

"I have too many feelings," she said laughing. Ben lifted her chin and put his lips against hers. The fact that she could taste herself turned her on again. His tongue felt familiar and strange in her mouth. A tear fell from her eyes.

He kissed her several times on the face. "Come on, let's go inside then," Ben offered.

She didn't move. "Oh, now you want to go in?"

"I'm just saying what I thought you'd say."

"Do you want to go inside?"

"Sure. I got what I wanted," he said sliding his hand down her leg.

"Stop!" She laughed softly. "That was… I'm still a little embarrassed."

"Why?" His voice held concern. He held onto her tighter, pushing her shirt up a little.

"Because I've never done that before and definitely not in a car!" He nodded as his hand walked up and down her bare stomach. She almost wanted to cringe. Almost. Sometimes he touched her so casually; he probably didn't even know he was doing it. He didn't mind her stretch marks—didn't care that she had them. He loved tracing them; moving his fingers along the ripples like a musician. "And I'm assuming that you probably have."

"Admittedly, I have, but not in this car which I'm going to have to get cleaned after…" She hit his chest. "But I haven't done it with you. And that's what makes it so special and even better."

"Thank you," she smiled, thinking about her new experience. "It did feel pretty good."

Ben whispered into her hair: "Yes, it did."

Miranda shivered. "Can we go inside now?" She asked. He nodded. She made no move to leave. Ben held onto her and kissed behind her ear. "I love you."

"I love you, too, baby."

They walked inside of the house, moving quietly, trying not to wake up her mother. "I feel like a teenager trying to sneak back into the house."

"And like a teen," Elena said flicking on a hallway light. "You got caught." Her mother looked at them and crossed her arms. "You both look disheveled. He doesn't even have a shirt on."

Miranda ran her fingers through her hair. "I lost it?" Ben said shrugging unconvincingly.

"Yeah, right. Let me guess...," Elena said touching her chin.

"No, don't. Goodnight." Miranda pushed Ben into her room, closing the door. She could hear her mother laughing outside of it. The sound getting smaller as she made her way to the guest bedroom. "I am now horrified."

"Yeah, I'm on that train, too."

"I'm going to take a shower."

"Wait for me."

"Oh, no!" She laughed taking off her pants and shirt and tossing them into her hamper.

"Please?" He wiggled his eyebrows and smirked.

"No, not this time?" She said hoping that he'd agree.

"Okay."

"Well, then I'll bring you up some Chinese food."

"Thank you, sir."

Miranda hopped in and out of the shower and they watched a movie while she ate. Afterward, Miranda felt herself fall asleep in her boyfriend's arms.

When she woke up, she searched her house for her mother. She threw her hands up in the hallway. "She's gone," Ben said strolling out of her bedroom.

"What?" Miranda headed back to her room to get her phone.

"Yeah, she asked me to take her to the airport," he said with a yawn.

"When?" She demanded.

"About an hour ago."

Miranda groaned. "Why didn't you wake me up, Ben?" She dialed her mother's number and listened to it ring once and go to voicemail.

"Because she asked me not to."

"And you listened?!"

"Baby, it's your mom. Wh-what did you want me to say?" He laughed. "Uh, 'No, Elena. I will not take you to the airport even though you asked me to two days ago and even though you asked me not to, I'm still going to wake up your daughter so that you two can fight about it'?"

"God, you're annoying," Miranda said. She called her mother again. "Mama, please call me when you land. And thanks for not waking me up. Of course I didn't want to see you off; maybe give you a hug and a kiss, but okay, I'll talk to you later. Love you."

"Great message."

"Shut up. You two need to stop being in cahoots behind my back." She walked into the bathroom with him on her heels. She turned on the shower, checking the temperature of the water. She took off her clothes and stepped into the shower.

"Wow."

"What?" She poked her head from behind the curtain. He was sitting on the sink.

"There was a time when you would have asked me to leave the damn house before you took off your clothes. Or at least turn around. Now you just strip whenever you want," Ben said gesturing to her body.

"Not a fan?" She raised an eyebrow. She'd been feeling very confident lately, was it turning him off?

"Um, I'm a huge fan! A total fan of stripping!" He said getting down. She blushed. "I want backstage passes to each and every one of your shows."

A wide smile eased across Miranda's face. She felt her body aching for him. "Hey, uh, do want to join me?"

"Are you being serious or are you teasing me? Please don't tease me. I'm so easy."

"I know. I found that out early this morning," Miranda said giggling. Ben bit his lip and looked at her. "But I'm not kidding. I took a shower already, so I'm clean." He nodded. "Now I just want to get dirty. So I'll only ask you once more: do you want to join me?"

"Hell yeah." He hurried to push down his shorts and Miranda watched, fascinated. Ben kicked his shorfts away and started to join her under the warm water when his phone rang. "I'm going to ignore it," he said.

"Don't do that."

"But I want to have fun, sexy time in the shower with my girlfriend," he whined. She pushed him out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and she listened to him mutter randomness as he searched for his phone.

By the time he got off the call, Miranda was finished and was wiping off the foggy bathroom mirror. He came back into the bathroom. "So," he started moving behind her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. "Are you still coming with me to LA?"

Miranda paused. Somehow she'd forgotten all about that. It had been such a spontaneous decision, they'd be leaving soon and she hadn't made any plans for Tuck or for work. Suddenly, she was trying to talk herself out of going. "Y-yes?" She stuttered.

"Are you asking me or telling me?" He asked with a smile.

She looked at him in the mirror and started to smile at his smile. She felt her body relax. Of course she was going. She needed to. A vacation was exactly what she needed; just what her doctor had prescribed. "Yes, I am. Let me go and call Tucker."

Ben kissed the side of her head. "Good. I'm going to take a shower and then I have to get going."

Miranda nodded. He bumped her with his body and disappeared behind the curtain. She walked into her room and picked up her phone, calling her ex-husband. "Hello?" His gruff voice said.

"Hey, Tucker, can you do me a favor?"

"Anything for you."

"I'm going out of town."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm going to California with Ben."

"And my son needs to stay with me for a few days?"

She smirked. "You're a mind reader now?"

"I can be from time to time."

"Okay, read my mind now," she said looking around for her bottle of lotion. She found it and sat on the edge of her bed.

"That's not nice, Mandy." They laughed.

"But, yes, that's what I need."

"So… are you moving to Cali with your fellow?"

"Absolutely not," she scoffed. "I don't even like him like that."

Tucker laughed. "Yes, you do."

"Yeah, well. Not enough to pick up my life and move."

"You did for me."

Miranda smiled. She was so young, that their cross-country move didn't even count. "That was different." She put lotion on her hands and worked it up and down her body. "I was child. I was using you for my future."

"Damn," Tucker said. "So cold."

"No, I'm not," she argued.

"No, you're not," he agreed.

"But I was sure that what we had would last."

"In a way, it has. You're still my best friend."

"Yeah, well, someone has to be," Miranda told him. Tucker chuckled. "So, you and Tuck?"

"Anytime."

"Thanks, Jonesy."

"Of course—"

"So tell me about Eunice," she said tightening her robe.

"Wow, and the non-sequitur award goes to—"

"I know; just humor me," she said as she walked out of the room and down to the living room

"Okay, um, she was Ben's ex." Miranda sat on the sofa and imagined him rubbing his head as he thought about how to describe Ben's ex-girlfriend. "They were serious. He wanted to propose, but then she cheated on him. Did you know that?"

"Yeah, I knew," Miranda told him, picking at a stray piece of thread on her robe.

"And, uh, he took it hard. Extremely hard as you can imagine."

"I don't have to imagine. I know that feeling, remember?"

He exhaled. "Oh yeah," he chuckled awkwardly. "Sorry about that."

"Don't be. It's over," she waved her hand. "Did you ever meet her?"

Tucker laughed. "He's one of my best friends."

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Tucker Jones!"

"Okay, okay. She was okay, she was... pretty, I guess. She wasn't terrible, but I always got a bad vibe."

Miranda made a noise. "Are you saying that because they're broken up now?"

"I'm mentioning it because I always felt it, I just couldn't name it."

"Oh."

"But to wrap up this very awkward topic, I do not miss her." They laughed again.

"Thanks, Tucker."

"We're good, right?"

Miranda smiled. Tucker was a great friend. And although it had taken her so long to forgive him and she was glad that had done that. The anger from what he had done to her and to their family was almost too much to bear. But now, she was glad to have gone through everything. "Yeah, we are." She ended the call and went back up the stairs and tossed her phone on the bed.

Ben exited the bathroom. "That water pressure is amazing, baby," he said.

"You lie. It sucks," she laughed while walking over to her dresser. She put on her bra and slipped her panties on underneath her robe. "I just never have time to look at it."

"Well, I can change it… if you want," he said looking at her over his shoulder.

"Yes! Please do."

Once he was dressed, Ben left, kissing her before he walked out of the door. She was going into the hospital in an hour or so, but first she took advantage of the rare free time that she got. She fixed some eggs and bacon with a couple slices of toast and sat in the living room. Elena sent her a text message as she dined. She'd gotten home, was safe and was telling her husband about the good news tonight. Miranda put off texting her mother until later. After she finished eating, Miranda got dressed and headed to Grey Sloan Memorial. She didn't often feel very nostalgic while walking under the hospital emblem. But today, she looked up and was overwhelmed by the memories of her deceased colleagues who'd died doing what they loved.

Miranda made her rounds. Diligence was such an important part of her job. Sometimes she found herself checking and rechecking the works of her residents and interns, making sure that everyone was being careful, including herself, they were dealing with the livelihoods of real people. It was positively exhausting, but it was all a part of her work. At the end of the day, she found herself milling around in front of her mentor's office. She took a deep breath and went inside. "Uh, yes, Bailey. How can I help you?"

He gestured for her to sit down. Miranda declined and spoke: "I need a few days off."

"Vacationing doesn't go through me, you know that."

"I know, but I wanted you to know that I'm taking a small vacation." He didn't answer. "And I want you to know that this doesn't mean anything except that a few days of being workless and childless will have me coming back fresh and as an even better surgeon. I deserve it." She stopped talking and waited, sure that he would demand that she not go anywhere. Sometimes it was as if he couldn't figure things out in the hospital without her. Somewhere deep inside, she liked that. And she kind of wanted him to make a fuss about it.

"Are you, um, waiting for me to object or…?"

"No," she said quickly. "Just letting you know." They both looked at each other and nodded simultaneously.

"Well, alright then, enjoy."

"Th-thank you, sir." Miranda backed out of his office and headed for the locker room. She sat on her stool and listened to the conversations around her. A glance at her watch told her that it was about time for her to pick up Tuck. She drove over to his school and walked through the hallways. She stopped in front of his class and looked at the work displayed on the bulletin board next to his classroom door. She found his name and looked at the picture he'd made about what his favorite thing to do was. He'd drawn himself at the park with her and Tucker, Ben and Jazmin. Miranda smiled and snapped a quick picture of it. She sent it off to her mother and father. She walked to the auditorium to get him. His after school class was watching a movie. She found Tuck sitting in the back. Miranda sat down behind him quietly and tapped his shoulder. "Mommy!" He whispered.

"Hey, baby," she said smiling widely. "Ready to go?" He nodded. "Let's go."

"Can we get pizza?" Tuck asked as they headed home.

"Of course."

Tuck got quiet as Miranda pulled into the parking lot of their favorite pizza spot. "Did you finish your homework?"

"We didn't have any."

"Aren't you guys lucky." Tuck smiled as they ordered. "How's Tami?"

"She's good. She left early today."

"Good." Miranda was genuinely glad that her son's friend was okay. What he'd seen the day she'd gotten injured was traumatizing enough without the girl having any long-lasting damages.

They went home and ate and talked. "Is Grandma really going to have a baby?" Miranda nearly choked on her food.

"W-well... yeah, I guess she is," Miranda laughed.

"Jaz said that the baby is my aunt or my uncle. Like Ben is her uncle. Is she right?"

"Yes," she answered biting into her pizza. "That would be correct."

He put his slice down and looked at her. "Do you want a brother or sister?"

"Sure. I guess. I don't know either way," she confessed putting down her pizza. She grabbed her water. "It's kind of like you getting a sibling with your dad and Jaida." Tuck laughed; his smile lit up his whole face. When they were finished eating, she asked: "Are you ready to go to bed?"

"No," Tuck said shaking his head while letting go of a yawn.

"I disagree." She grinned. "C'mon on."

Miranda watched him get ready for bed, straightening up his room as he put on his pajamas. Tuck climbed into the bed and under the covers. "So."

"So!" Tuck said pushing his pillows up.

"I am going out of town for a few days with Ben."

"Can I go with you?"

She laughed and touched his cheek. "No, you're going to spend that time with your dad and Jaida."

"Are you going to bring me something back?"

"Of course. Especially if getting you something makes you feel better about me leaving, then yes." A slow grin appeared on his face. He nodded. "Oh, good. Now go to sleep."

"Okay." Miranda kissed his cheek. He turned over and she sat on his bed, watching over him for a few minutes before retreating to her own bedroom. Miranda fell back onto the bed and dozed off. Her phone beeped. It was a text message from Scotty demanding a phone call. Miranda nodded to herself and vowed to call Scotty back in the morning. She moved up onto her bed and climbed under the covers, drifting off into a deep sleep.