Favorite State of Mind

Miranda rolled to her right and felt a small body next to hers. She sniffed and opened her eyes. "Hello, son," she said to Tuck who was pretending to be asleep. His eyelids flickered as he tried to keep them closed. "Oh, well, since you're still sleeping, I guess I'll just make pancakes for myself. Sigh."

With that, Tuck giggled loudly. Miranda's heart danced. "Okay! Okay!" He pleaded.

"Oh, you're awake?"

"Yes! Can I help?"

"Hmm, of course!" Miranda said hugging his head. "Good morning, baby."

"Good morning, mommy."

The boy scrambled out of the bed. His mother listened and heard his footsteps clamoring down the stairs. She shook her head and got out of bed and threw on her robe. Her phone rang on her nightstand as she made her way out of her bedroom door. She doubled back and picked it up. "Hello?" She said not looking at the caller.

"Miranda."

"Yes?"

"Baby, it's me," Ben said.

"I know that now," she answered, pulling her robe closed. She sauntered to the mirror and ran a hand through her hair. She wiped her face, prettying herself as if he could see her. "Good morning."

"Good morning, sweetheart."

"What's up?"

"Just wanted to know if you've finished packing. Our flight leaves—"

"Later on tonight. I know." She smiled and walked to the door. "Is there a game this weekend?"

"I don't know, maybe, but we won't be there."

They laughed. Miranda walked into the living room to see that Tuck was now really asleep on the sofa. She chuckled softly. "This child..."

"Huh?" Ben asked. Miranda told him and they laughed again. "Do you have to work today?"

She shook her head before she answered, "No."

"I see."

"I wasn't going to take off today, but then I thought why the hell not?"

"You deserve it," Ben reassured her.

"Exactly. Do you go in?"

"Yep, I do. I think I have two early surgeries," he said with a sigh.

"What's with the sigh?"

"Uhh, I'll tell you later."

In an un-Miranda-like fashion, she didn't pry. He'd tell her when he was ready. "My ears will be open."

"Noted." Miranda started on breakfast and wasn't surprised at all when her son came wandering into the kitchen. "Miranda, you're sure you want to go?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm asking if you still want to go with me to L.A."

"Do you still want me to?" Miranda asked, tossing the question back at him.

"Of course," he answered as she slid a pancake, bacon and grits onto her son's plate."

"I wanted to help," Tuck whined.

Miranda made a face and rubbed his head. "Next time don't take a nap."

"I didn't take a nap," Ben said.

"I'm not talking to you," she told him.

"My buddy is awake?"

"Yep and now we're about to enjoy breakfast, so I will have to talk to you later."

"Okay. Talk to you later."

"Bye." Miranda ended the call and turned to her child. "Are you ready for school?" He shook his head. "Why not?" Tuck shrugged. "You're not getting sick, are you?" She put her hand out and touched his head, praying that he didn't have a fever. It was almost the last thing that she needed. His face felt normal. "Then what's wrong?"

Tuck picked up a piece of pancake and stuffed it into his mouth: "Ken goat fin chew?"

"Unh-uh, you have to do better than that, William George," Miranda said raising an eyebrow at her son.

"Sorry. Can I go with you?" He asked ducking his head.

Miranda sighed. "Tuck… if I could take you with me, I would."

"Why can't you?" The eight year old asked. Miranda made the mistake of looking into his brown eyes and almost caved. Of course you can go with me. Tuck coughed and the temporary spell was broken.

"Because you have to go to school tomorrow," she reasoned. He opened his mouth to object. "And because mommy loves you so, so much. I love you more than anything or anyone, but I need a vacation."

The boy thought for a second. "Like when daddy took me to Disneyland?" She gritted her teeth. She'd been the one to plant the Disneyland bug in her son's ear. Tucker caught wind of it and decided to take Tuck for his spring break last year. Granted, she'd gotten a week alone to be "off" parental duties, but still she'd wanted to take him. And to see his face when he saw the magical castle for the first time and rode the teacups. That'd been a big fight between her and Tucker; one of the ones after their divorce where she seriously debated their friendship and whether or not they could be real friends. He'd thought that she was overreacting. She had thought that he was inconsiderate. They didn't speak for a week before Tucker apologized, profusely. "Mommy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Like that?"

"Yes, baby."

"Can I go next time? With you and Ben?" If there is a next time. She caught herself and retracted her negative thought.

"Yes, next time," Miranda promised.

The two of them got dressed and Miranda dropped Tuck off at school. Faced with a few hours of solitude, Miranda headed to the mall and decided to do some last minute shopping for the trip. Even though she'd done a little shopping with her mom, that had been just a distraction, this shopping trip was purposeful. She made a beeline to her favorite store. She picked up a couple of shirts and pants. "Can I help you, ma'am?" Miranda looked at the woman's nametag, "Sharon".

"No, thank you. I've pretty much found everything I need." Miranda gave the woman a smile.

"Okay, just let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you."

Miranda kept browsing. She seemed to have what she wanted, but something kept her in the store. She pushed around some clothes on a rack when something caught her eye. She grabbed the hanger and walked to the cash register. Sharon waved her over. "Did you find everything alright?"

"Sure did." She picked up Miranda's purchases. "Oh! These are so cute!"

Miranda blushed. "Thanks. I thought so, too."

After she paid, she grabbed a couple of pretzels and left the mall. Back at home, Miranda made a small lunch and sat in front of the TV and ate, watching several hours of her recorded shows. Afterward, she found herself getting tired, so she put on some music that motivated her to finally start packing. Her jam session was soon interrupted by knocking on her front door. "Who is it?" She called from the bottom of the stairs as she made her way to the door.

"Mandy, it's us," Tucker said. She looked through the peephole and opened the door.

Tuck rushed in, hugging her as he made his way up the stairs. "What are you…?"

"Little man forgot something," Tucker said coming through the door without closing it. He leaned down and kissed her cheek.

Miranda scoffed. "Something like what?" She asked, crossing her arms.

"He wouldn't tell me. Just insisted that it was important." Tucker shrugged.

"What are y'all gonna be up to this weekend?"

"I figured that me, Jaida and the boy could go see my brother and his family," Tucker said. His older brother, Titus, lived in Canada.

"Nice, tell Titus I said 'hey'."

Tucker said that he would. "So, uh, are you getting ready to leave?"

"Y-yeah. Nearly finished."

Her ex-husband laughed. "No, you're not."

"Nope, I'm not. I was until you two interrupted me." They laughed loudly. He knew her well—even still. Through the open door, she could see Ben pulling up. "What in the world?"

Ben walked into the house. "Hey, baby," he said kissing her cheek and then her lips quickly. He turned to Tucker. "Brother."

"Brother." They shook hands. "Did you see the game?"

"Oh, God! There's just really no concept of defense in pro sports anymore."

"I hear that. It's—"

Miranda cut them off: "I hate to interrupt this man-fest, but I'm going to see if my son needs help."

Miranda walked up the stairs leaving the two men talking next to the front door. She shook her head as the sounds of their conversation faded and the noise from Tuck rummaging around his room enhanced. "What are you looking for, son?"

"Nothing," Tuck answered.

"Okay, well, I know that's not true." She leaned against the threshold.

"Mommy, can you wait outside?" He asked with a fake grin on his face.

She looked at her son with his book bag on his back and smiled: "Of course." She closed the door after stepping out of the room. In the hallway, she could hear pieces of Ben and Tucker's conversation. "…missing out on my relationship, on Tuck growing up—"

"And the money," Tucker laughed.

Ben agreed. "Theoretically, it's at least five years. And Miranda's never going to move."

"Probably not. Do you think it can last?"

"Long distance, traveling back and forth, hmm. I don't know." Ben exhaled. "Shit, but if I don't go… I'm worried about staying. And resenting my career or Miranda or myself." The two men laughed again. Miranda was caught between her secretive son and two men chatting about her boyfriend's future. She didn't know where she should go. She stood frozen in the hallway not making a sound. Tuck was still moving stuff around in his room. "And you know I'm worried about leaving," Ben was saying.

"She put that hold on you, brother," Tuck said. His voice became softer.

"What?" Ben asked, his voice getting softer as well.

"That Miranda hold," Tuck said. Miranda heard them walking to the kitchen. She heard the refrigerator open and close. She sat down at the top of the stairs and listened, straining to hear the rest of the conversation.

"It's why I knew I had to go out with her, why I had to marry her, why she had to have to have my child."

"She's amazing," Ben said as their voices got louder again. Miranda stood up and walked into her bedroom, trying not to be caught eavesdropping. She knew how Ben felt about her, but for some reason, it never occurred to her that he talked about her to his friends. She slid in front of her mirror and smiled, doing a little dance.

"Tuck! Are you almost done?" Tucker's voice brought mother and son into the hall.

"Find it?" Miranda asked.

"Yes," Tuck said with a small giggle. What was he up to? She decided not to interfere. They walked down the stairs together.

"I thought you'd gone to sleep," Ben said taking her hand. He kissed it. She shook her head.

"Okay, we need to get going," Tucker said. He pulled Tuck in and put him in a headlock. "Get your free hits here!"

"Don't mind if I do," Ben laughed and he fake-punched the laughing Tuck.

"Alright, alright. You two get out of here." Miranda hugged and kissed her son. She and Ben watched as father and son hopped into the car. A minute later, they were pulling away. "So, what are you doing here?"

"Can't I just drop by to see my lady?" He asked.

"No," she said. Ben's hand went to her stomach and tickled her. She giggled loudly. He kept tickling her as joyous tears appeared in the corners of her eyes. "Okay! Okay! Yes!"

"That's what I thought."

Ben pulled her to the living room and they fell on the sofa. "What happened to your last surgery?"

"Cancelled. But I got pulled into a second one right after my first, so I am officially exhausted."

"Hmm. Are you finished packing?"

"I was finished yesterday. Are you finished?"

"Mmmhmm!" Ben gave her a look. "Fine. I started, but I'm not done yet." She picked up his arm and looked at the time. "And I have plenty of time left."

"Well, my stuff is in the car. So finish up and I'm going to take a nap and wake me up when you're done." She nodded and he trudged up the stairs to her bedroom. Miranda went to the kitchen and got a snack and followed him. "Maybe I should go downstairs," he said gesturing to the bed full of clothes and the floor scattered with shoes.

She put her bowl of fruit on her nightstand. "Maybe you should."

He cocked his head to the side and pushed her stuff to the side before rolling on the bed, theatrically fluffing a pillow. Miranda turned her music back on, turned down the volume and continued to pack. When she was finally finished, she climbed into bed next to Ben. She dozed off and woke up when she heard the alarm she'd set going off. He was snoring and she shook him a little. "Wake up."

"I'm up." He closed his eyes again. "Finished packing?"He cuddled up to her.

"Yeah." Miranda sighed, her chest rising and falling exaggeratedly.

"What's up, Miranda?"

"Huh?"

"Your dramatic sigh," he said shaking his head.

"I heard you talking to Tucker."

Ben inhaled and adjusted his body. She waited. "Okay, but why were you ear-hustling?"

Miranda squinted. "It's not called ear-hustling since this is my house."

Ben smirked. "What did you hear?"

"Are you really that worried about leaving?" He nodded.

"Yes," he answered honestly.

"Well, don't be."

"It's all I can think about."

"Why didn't you tell me, Ben?"

"Because I didn't want to freak you out anymore than I already have."

She gave him a genuine smile. "I can handle it." He nodded and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "What else are you thinking about?"

He rubbed the back of his head and exhaled. "Nothing."

"Survey says that that's a lie." The two of them cracked up, easing most of the tension. "Tell me." She slipped her fingers between his and pulled his hand, making him move closer to her.

"How about…" He kissed her hand again. "…I tell you when we get back?"

"That heavy?"

He shook his head. "No, it's just almost time to go and I want to leave Seattle stuff in Seattle for the weekend." She took a deep breath. "Is that okay, Miranda?"

"I'm thinking. I'm thinking," she said. He chuckled. "Fine. But as soon as and I mean the minute our toes touch the ground back here, we're discussing it."

"Yes, ma'am."

They scrambled out of the bed, making it quickly and sloppily, tossing the sheets on the bed and throwing the comforter on top of it.