Jack had stopped outside the bathroom door as he heard the Doctor throwing up. That could mean only one thing and now Jack was lost. How did he comfort his friend? How could he separate the two personalities after seeing that? How long would his friend be back for? Would he remain in control or would their nightmare return when he thought it was safe?
Whilst battling his own thoughts Jack suddenly heard the Doctor's cries through the door. Finding it locked Jack shouldered it open, the lock flinging across the room. He spotted the Doctor through the steam, curled in the corner of the shower, sobbing. He sounded heartbroken.
Jack rushed forward only to be met with such a ferocious heat it almost knocked him backward. "Jesus!" Grabbing a towel, Jack diverted the water enough so he could turn the shower off before crouching down to see to his friend. "Doc? Doctor! Come on. You need to get out of here." He stayed silent for a while, allowing the Doctor time to calm somewhat. "We can't fix things from in here," he told him, holding out a hand. The steam had started to clear, revealing just how pathetic a sight the Doctor was. One side of his face, neck and back bright red from the scalding water. "Jesus, what were you trying to do? Burn your skin off?"
"What have I done?" the Doctor said over and over.
"You haven't done anything," Jack replied hoping he sounded convincing. "It never happened."
The Doctor suddenly snapped his head up to look at Jack briefly before diverting his gaze. Shakily he got to his feet and took the bathrobe Jack offered.
Jack watched as he left the shower and moved to the bedroom.
"I've ruined everything."
"No you haven't. Like I said it didn't happen."
"But it did! I can see it…. I can…feel it." He retched but nothing came up.
"We'll sort it out." He rested his hand on the Doctor's shoulder and felt how much he was trembling, his unguarded misery flowing through Jack at the touch.
The Doctor shook his head in protest.
"Hey! Look at me! We will fix this."
"How can I go back to Rose now? What will I do without her?"
"Rose is smart. Sure, she'll be hurt and upset but she'll work through it. She knows it's not been you in charge and she loves you. You can get past this."
"At least I can make sure they're all safe," the Doctor said as if he hadn't heard a word Jack had said. He was suddenly all business as he ran to his wardrobe leaving Jack behind. When he re-emerged he was wearing a blue pinstriped suit.
"What are you doing?" Jack asked as they ran to the control room.
"We're going to see Rose."
"Now?!"
"Yes now."
"You don't even know where she is!"
"She'll be at your Torchwood. It's where I'd go."
"Doc, are you sure this is such a good idea? I mean we don't know when the lunatic is gona come back."
"He won't hurt her again. I'll make sure of it. Besides, he's having too much fun hurting me."
XxXxX
The door to the hub rolled open as Jack and the Doctor walked in. Rose ran to greet them but stopped dead when she saw the tension on her Time Lord's face.
"What is it? What's wrong?"
The Doctor swallowed and took a deep breath. "Can we talk somewhere?"
"My office," Jack said, guiding them into the side room, motioning for Mickey to stay away when he made to follow. "Wait here. She's gona need you," he muttered to the young man before following the couple inside and pulling the blinds.
"What's going on? Is it over?" Rose asked, suspecting she already knew the answer.
"No, not yet." The Doctor gave a heavy sigh. "I… I have to go away."
"What?"
"What?!" Jack echoed.
"I can't beat the Valeyard using my darkness. It's too strong, has too much control. If I've got any chance of returning as myself, I have to fight them both at the same time," the Time Lord told them.
"But we can help you do that can't we?" Rose asked, her voice wavering.
"No. Rose…". His bottom lip trembled slightly as he took a deep breath. "He's done…I'VE done things that I'll never forgive myself for."
"Doctor. Jimmy, the guys in Downing Street.; they're not dead. You can bring the MPs back. It's going to be ok."
"No, Rose you don't understand. That's not what I'm talking about," he snapped, causing Rose to sit back further in her chair.
"Doctor? You feeling alright?" Jack asked at his sudden outburst.
"Yes. No. I don't know!"he cried.
"What happened to your face?" Rose asked. "It's all red and blistering."
The Doctor looked at her. "Trying to serve some penance," he muttered.
She looked at him and saw the haunted look in his eyes. Reaching for his hand she couldn't help but notice when he shied away, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "Whatever you've done; well fix it yeah? Just like we always do," she told him.
"Not this time. We can't fix this. I can't fix this," the Doctor replied, his voice cracking.
"Doctor, you're worrying me now. Just tell me. What? What's so bad you can't bear to touch me?"
The silence was almost deafening and seemed to stretch forever.
"Oh for Rassilon's sake! We mouth fucked a Rahmeev!" he exploded.
Jack stepped forward, recognising their Doctor was not in charge anymore.
"What?" Rose whispered.
"That's right. Your precious Doctor got a blow job in a bar," the Time Lord grinned as Rose slapped him across the face.
"No."
"Oh yes. And we enjoyed it too," he chuckled.
"NO! Don't you DARE! " the Doctor yelled, arguing with himself.
"Oh come on. Why do you care what this human thinks of you? She's insignificant."
Rose and Jack could hear a slight difference in the pitch of his voice each time he spoke.
"That's enough! You and I might share the same body but you are not going to defile her mind with things that aren't true!"
"Oh please. Stop your whining. So many species and you've picked this one as your pet. You're almost as pathetic as she is. Look at you, dressed in blue to make you seem different. So they don't associate this 'broken' version of yourself with your usual boring brown. Face it Rose. I'm him and I enjoyed it plenty until Jack came and ruined our fun." He gulped as Jack pinned him to the wall by the throat and he went quiet.
"Jack stop!" Rose cried.
Looking at his friend he saw a change in his eyes and knew their Doctor was back in charge.
"Thanks," the Doctor gasped.
"Anytime," Jack nodded as he released his grip.
It was Rose's turn to gulp. "Is it true? What he said?"
"Some of it. Now you see why I have to go," he sighed, his hearts breaking all over again.
"Which bits? Which bits are true?"
"You are not insignificant or pathetic."
"Did you enjoy it?" Rose's voice cracked.
The Doctor shook his head and cleared his throat, his voice suddenly failing him. "I got control when Jack stopped us. I didn't know what was happening until then. He's got better at blocking me out."
Rose bit her lip and nodded. "And your face?"
There was silence.
"He tried to burn his skin off in a shower that would have made hellfire seem refreshing," Jack answered for him.
"I was trying to feel clean," the Doctor whimpered, before rubbing his face with his hands and schooling his features. "I'm sorry. I have to go. I have to get rid of this. Jack. Stay and look after them all. They'll need you." He looked at Rose longingly before turning for the door.
"Doctor, are you coming back?" she asked.
"I don't know," he replied quietly, reaching for the door knob.
"Do you still love me?"
He hesitated as he opened the door before turning to look at her one last time. "Rose, I will never love anyone as much as I love you." And with that he slipped out the door, rushing past Mickey back to his TARDIS, the sound of Rose's cries ringing in his ears.
XxXxX