Author's Note: Look at the cover art. Because, duh.
Kevin wanted to kill Nazz.
It would just be like someone without kids to tell a parent to, "just make her do it!"
Thing was, he hated being bad cop and today, he was gonna have to be the baddest cop in town.
Thankfully, Nazz wanted a spring wedding, so an Easter dress for Melissa would have to do. He just had to make sure it was pink and that she could play in it all day.
It all seemed simple enough, but Messy Melly as Eddward liked to call her, was such a complicated child.
Her first semester of kindergarten had her standing out like a sore thumb.
She was a biracial Black girl with two white dads.
Let the rumors begin!
Eddward was the one that typically dropped her off and picked her up from school, so the teachers and kids saw him more often and he had an RBF that could cut glass so no one really bothered asking him anything personal and if Melissa offered up any information, he was quick to keep his answers short and concise as he despised gossip and meddlesome people in general.
But Kevin was the opposite, ready to chat and make friends and it always brought in more trouble than it was worth. So as the spring semester kicked off, Kevin begged off school stuff unless it was parent-teacher conferences or a family night where Eddward could be their face and he wouldn't get them into any more trouble than they wanted to deal with, which was none!
That left him to the social duties.
Eddward was in charge of their family calendar, all Kevin had to do was check every day to see who was going where, for how long, and why.
Simple enough, but a wedding?
Eddward assured him that all he had to do was get a dress as she could wear her fancy light up tennis shoes his mother had gotten her for Christmas and Nazz was going to have her hair done that day with herself, Sarah, and she and Ed's mothers.
She was also getting her a purse to carry and costume jewelry to wear so she'd look fancy, too.
"We don't have to do anything but get her in a dress and show up, so go," Eddward told him before shooing him out the door so he could clean the house in peace.
As he looks around the Girls Department at Target, he sees her gravitating towards the jeans and t-shirts.
"Da!" She called to him and he turned to see her standing in front of a table full of leggings. "Leggings are on sale! Five dollars!" She squeals as she starts picking up several pairs.
He mentally notes to grab a pair or two that'll go with her dress but calls her over to the racks of Easter dresses.
"Which one do you like?"
She looked terrified as she stared at all the dresses in front of her.
"But I thought you said we didn't have to go to church with Grandma and 'em!"
"We're not going to church," he sighed. "We're trying to get you ready for Auntie Nazz's wedding."
"Noooooooo!" she cries and sinks into the floor. "But I don't wanna wear a dress!"
"You can't be a flower girl in pants," he groaned as he rolled his eyes. "Or leggings for that matter," as he saw her start to throw the pairs in her hands around, the tell-tale sign of a tantrum coming on.
"Why not?!" She pouted.
"Because flower girls wear dresses, Mel," he said flatly. "It's not gonna kill you to wear a dress for once," he went on as he started peeking through the offerings and checking the sizes of at least four he figured she'd like.
"No."
"Mel."
"But -"
"No buts, young lady," Kevin intoned and she whimpered. "Now get your butt off the floor and look at these so we can go."
"We're just looking?"
Kevin knew the look on her face before he even saw it and knew what was going to happen next as well as the back of his freckled hand.
"No, we're getting one -"
And she absolutely lost it.
"I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A STUPID DRESS!" She screamed as she threw the leggings in her hands on the floor. "DRESSES ARE STUPID AND THEY'RE GIRLY AND I HATE THEM!"
Like a trained pro, he plucked a dress off the rack and held it over her chubby frame as she laid on the floor.
"Well, this isn't about you, so you're getting the damn dress," he replied as he put the dress in his hand back and pulled another one off the rack. "And get up off the damn floor."
In a last ditch effort to get out of this conundrum, she screams the one thing the kids at school say is the only reason why her family can't hang out with them.
"I CAN'T! I'M GAY!"
He sighed again and said, "You're not gay. I'm gay. You're five."
And the dressing room clerk cackled much to Kevin's chagrin and Melissa's confusion.
"Daddy says kids can be gay!" she sobbed, shocked that he had dismissed her so.
"Do you like other little girls like I like Daddy?"
"No," she said softly, a quick vision of a blond haired little boy in her class popping in her head.
Girls were dumb. Mitchell Adams was CUTE.
"Then you're not gay. Now c'mere and look at these stupid dresses and we'll go get ice cream."
"We're just looking?"
"Good God, child, you have the attention span of a goldfish," Kevin said as he looked at her like she was crazy. "No, we're getting -"
She huffed, but a quick look shut her down.
"One more sound out of you and no ice cream and I'm telling your Daddy you were acting like a brat in Target."
"Fine," she sniffed. "Just pick something so we can go."
Eddward fawned over the dress and Nazz thought the yellow leggings were a cute touch.
Seeing Mitchell Adams at Baskin Robbins after the wedding was a highlight, but she wore that damn dress nearly everywhere til she grew out of it because Stacy Issacs thought it was cool.
Girls may be dumb, but game recognize game.