Something in the Force
Chapter One: Midichlorians Git Crunk
The being known as Darth Vader stood proudly at the helm of the Devastator, arms folded across his chest, eyes seemingly trained on the newly built Death star. But truly, his sight was turned inward.
Something was happening. Something outside of all his planning... something that refused to reveal itself to him yet, even while he felt the pull of the Force like an alarm ringing, alerting him to a new event on the horizon.
You can't hide from me... I am all powerful...
The strangely comforting sound of his heavy breaths was interrupted by the frenzied tap tap tap tap of boots coming his way.
The immediate flash of irritation in his chest intertwined itself effortlessly with the Force; potential ready to become action – action ready to take the life that disturbed him.
The incessant tapping stopped abruptly, and a weak, watery voice began to squeak, "Lord Vader, something is-!"
Vader reached out with the Force to silence the voice, not even shifting from his stoic position facing down the Death Star.
That's when it happened.
As he commanded the Force to wrap around the small being's neck, he realized it felt different than it had ever felt before. The Force was a part of him more than any limb he ever had, and he felt that he knew it just that well. But today, the Force felt...
tingly.
As he began to Force Choke the poor soul that interrupted his impromptu meditation, the tingliness became stronger and stronger, evolving into tickles. Darth Vader, completely against his own will, began to giggle; a sound that was much more disturbing than any sound he'd ever made through his mask. If the unnamed person wasn't completely sure his life was over, he was most certainly pissing himself now.
The tickling got more and more intense until Vader could no longer focus, and was doubled over in wheezing laughter. All around him, he felt the Force dancing wildly, vibrating, swirling! Lights of every color seemed to explode in Vader's vision. He didn't know what was happening, and he was helpless to stop it.
Unnoticed, the general fell to the ground, his neck released from the grip of the dark side of the Force. He scrabbled away from Vader, gasping for breath, and as soon as he could catch air in his chest he got up and ran as fast as he could away from the terrifying scene. If the most powerful being in the universe couldn't handle whatever was happening, he definitely could not.
The unnamed general ran through the hallways until he unceremoniously crashed into Commander Shaef Corssin, the very person who had sent him with a message to Darth Vader.
Corssin, who was clammy and shining with sweat, was caught by his entourage before falling, while the other man sprawled to the ground. The Commander quickly looked the man up and down and took note of his pee-soaked pants and missing hat.
"What the hell is wrong with you? What happened?!" he demanded; his eyes never resting in one place, betraying his deep anxiety.
From the ground, the man stuttered uselessly, unconnected thoughts bursting from his lips, "Vader...! I almost- could have- he was laughing- I don't-"
Corssin took a deep breath, straightened his jacket with shaking hands and went to face Vader himself, tuning out the other man's babbling. Something terrible was happening. He might die for delivering the message, but it had to be delivered, or risk the destruction of all.
The commander, flanked by a couple storm troopers, marched toward the bridge where Darth Vader had been. When he got to the room, he entered extremely cautiously, certain that he could lose his life if he made anything but the exact right move.
The great Sith Lord stood tall, his back to the entrance where Corssin stood as he stared down the distant Death Star. His breaths were slow and heavy, concentration unbroken by the new footsteps, breaths, and fear radiating off of the intruders in his space.
The moments that passed were so thick with tension, Corssin could hardly breathe. He stayed as silent as possible until the words came up like vomit, bursting forth into the empty space: "Lord Vader, there's a problem-"
"I will name it..." Vader's impossibly deep, commanding voice overwhelmed Corssin's stutters without any effort at all. Corssin fell instantly silent, his ears practically tingling with anticipation at the next words to exit the Sith Lord's mouthy parts.
"...the Urination Station."
Commander Corssin had to replay the words in his head several times, looking between Vader and the distant planet destroyer quickly, trying to piece it together.
Corssin felt another word vomit coming when Darth Vader turned abruptly to face him and burst into laughter. The Sith Lord reached out and effortlessly picked up the three men with the Force, his deep, maniacal laughter growing.
"Tell the galaxy," Lord Vader commanded, "...tell the universe... this is where they pee now."
With that, Vader sent the three men through the windows of the Devastator and flying through space toward the Death Star, setting off alarms throughout the great Star Destroyer. Air and anything not snugly bolted down flew toward the holes in the windows, but not Darth Vader. He stood firm, wind whipping his cape up violently.
And so it began.