Birthday Gang Nonsense (AKA internship got me like...)

AN: So, remember when I warned you guys a few weeks back that I'd be doing an internship? Well, I'm now in the thick of it and basically brain-dead. But I wanted to write something because that's how I release tension, but again, brain-dead. So I just wrote some funny conversation prompts between the Birthday Gang. Most of these were inspired by prompts I found on Pinterest and would most likely take place when the kids are in their teens.

So, yeah, no real story, just a bunch of funny nonsense, but I though I'd share it with you guys anyways. Enjoy. Or don't. I'll try to write an actual one-shot soon but I make no promises.

Roman: So, what's our strategy?

Nashi: Our what?

Cato: Oh my earthland, we're all gonna die!

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Storm: Look, it's great you saved everyone. Again. But it's time you took care of you.

Nashi: Storm. I'm fine. It wasn't a big deal.

Storm: No you're not! Look, if you won't take it easy for a little while for youself, then do it for all the people you won't be able to help in the future because you worked yourself to death.

Nashi: Wow. That was...really deep but a bit of an overreaction considering all I did was help Farrah, Koree, and Igneel off a carousel.

Storm: IT'S THE PRINCIPLE THAT COUNTS, OKAY!

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Cato: Which way did they go?

Persephone: Well, judging by the direction of the wind, the breaking of the sticks over there, and the marks in the dirt I'd say they went that way?

Cato: You can tell from all that?

Persephone: No, idiot! I've been tracking them with my archive.

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Cato: This is your fault. Now we're gonna die.

Nashi: Don't worry, I'll send flower to your funeral.

Cato: That's not what I'm worried about!

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Persephone: Did you see that?

Cato: Um…

Persephone: The correct answer is 'no.' No you did not. Now keep walking.

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Koree: Oh! Look at the all pretties!

Storm: Could you please stop talking about explosives like they were flowers?

Koree: But they are pretty.

Nashi: Stop being a pyromaniac, that's my job!

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Cato: We're all gonna die.

Persephone: Well, if that isn't the optimism to get a guy going in the morning I don't know what is!

Cato: Why are you always so mean.?

Persephone: I don't know. Just my natural state of being.

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Storm: We have, like, what? Five people trying to kill us!

Roman: Hm. More like 8.

Storm: Oh, excuse me for not being specific enough!

Cato: How do we keep getting into these situations?

Nashi: 14 years of living and I still don't know!

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Persephone: Oh, no.

Koree: Is this a "Oh-no, I forgot to make my bed after mom tol me to oh-no" or a "Oh-no, I got caught trying to hack into the Magic Council's grand archive again oh-no."

Persephone: An.

Koree: What?

Persephone: Oh-no starts with a vowel so it's "an" not "a."

Koree: Oh, because that's the biggest concern right now!

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Roman: If I'm dying, let me eat cake.

Nashi: You're not dying.

Roman: Can I have cake anyways.

Storm: You still have a broken arm we need to set, Roman.

Roman: Cake.

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Nashi: Hear that? Destiny's calling.

Roman: No, that's your mother telling you to go buy some milk.

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Persephone: So...are you clinically insane or just incredibly annoying.

Nashi: Eh, probably both.

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Persephone: You sound like you thought you were being stabbed in the back with a dagger, and then you realized it was just a plastic knife.

Cato: I was jumpy, we almost died five minutes ago!

Persephone: *turns to Koree* This is your fault.

Koree: I hope so.

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Nashi: Are you sure I can't punch him in the face?

Storm: Yes.

Nashi: Can I just break his nose a little?

Storm: *sigh*

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Koree: Ooh, what a charming little house!

Storm: It's probably haunted and we're all gonna die.

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Roman: So….would you like me to help you in acknowledging the difficulties in your life?

Nashi: You are the worst at this comforting thing!

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Persephone: If you don't mind, please, step into my office so I can tell you how big of an idiot you are!

Nashi: Do I have a choice?

Persephone: No.

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Cato: Why did you put fireworks next to the bomb?

Koree: To make the explosion pretty!

Cato: It was supposed to be subtle!

Koree: So why'd we use a bomb that's gonna make a big boom?

Cato: ….um….well because-

Roman: No, she has a point. This was a bad idea all around.

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Cato: You-You are-

Koree: Beautiful, talented, powerful, the best wizard you've ever seen?

Cato: INSANE!

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Persephone: Oh, no!

Cato: What? What happened? Did someone die? Who died?

Persephone: I think I felt an emotion.

Nashi: WWWHHHHHHAAAAATTTTT!?

Storm: You gotta be friggin' kidding me.

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Storm: WHY ARE THERE WEAPONS ALL OVER THE BATHROOM!?

Roman: Well, I have to clean them sometimes.

Nashi: *shrugs* Sounds legit.

Storm: NO IT DOES NOT!

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Nashi: Can I please burn this place to the ground?

Storm: It's a castle made of stone, which does not burn, so probably not.

Nashi: Can I at least try? It'll make me feel better.

Storm: Seeing as we're still inside said castle, no, you cannot.

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Persephone: I am bitter and and complicated. It's one of my many charms.

Koree: I don't think you know what that word means, sis...or how to count.

Persephone: You are the worst person on the face of earth-land.

Nashi: Aw, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to her!

Persephone: Screw you and you're sarcasm!

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Persephone: Well, now we're screwed, because someone thought it would be a good idea to throw our back-up plan off the bridge.

Cato: It was on fire!

Persephone: She's a fire wizard! Of course she was on fire!

Nashi *floating in a circle in a stream under a bridge*: CATO, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

Strom: Would you just fly up already? You've got wings for crying out loud!

Nashi: Shut up and let me pout!

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Cato: Um….what did I do wrong this time?

Persephone: Huh?

Cato: You look like you want to rip my head off...

Koree: No, that's just how her face works.

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Koree: This is how my life ends! I'll die while on an epic adventure that I shall, alas, not live long enough to see through.

Persephone: Stop being dramatic! The train just started moving 20 minutes ago!

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Roman: You have to listen to reason!

Koree: But reason is boring!

Roman: Honestly, what's wrong with you?

Persephone: Been asking that since the womb. You figure it out let me know!

Koree: You guys know you love me!

Roman: That's why we're concerned.

Koree: AW! Sephy, why aren't you nice to me like Ro-Ro.

Persephone: Since. The. Womb!

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Persephone: I don't want to look like a princess! I want to look like an evil queen that reluctantly redeemed herself to the good side.

Koree: You read too much!

Persephone: Darn right I do!

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Cato: What kind of noise was that?!

Nashi: I sneezed.

Cato: That was NOT a sneeze!

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Nashi: Did you just….agree with me?

Persephone: Aw, crap, I wish I could ta-

Nashi: NOPE! EVERYONE HEARD YOU! NO TAKE BACKS!

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Koree: So, to make sure we're on the same page-

Persephone: PAGE!? YOU'RE IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BOOK!

Koree: Oh, c'mon! My plan isn't that outlandish, is it Nashi?

Nashi: Forget book. I ain't even the same library as you.

Roman: It is an incredibly foolish, horribly thought out plan.

Persephone: See?

Roman: But it's the only one we've got right now so let's try it.

Persephone: WHAT!?
Nashi: And….this is how I die….

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Cato: I was going to say something mean about it, but I won't.

Nashi: Oh, no, please do! We're all jerks around here.

Persephone: 'We?' Why're you lumping me into this without my permission?

Nashi: Says the biggest jerk of the bunch!

Persephone: Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean you should out me like that!

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Cato: That's it! No more Mr. Nice Guy!

Persephone: Is this where I'm supposed to be scared?

Cato:...yes.

Persephone: Please, I've seen baby exceeds more intimidating than you!

Koree: Aw! Cato such a cutie when he's angry *pinches cheek*!

Cato: C'mon, guys! Can you at least lie a little to preserve my dignity?

Persephone: You have that?

Cato: …..

Cato: I hate both of you.

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Persephone: AUGH!? Why can I not figure this out?

Cato: Have you tried *insert solution to problem here*

Persephone: *tries Cato's solution. It works*

Persephone:...

Persephone: *slowly turns to Cato*

Persephone:...

Cato: What?

Persephone: Not sure if I want to kiss you or throw you off a bridge….

Cato: Can I pick?

Persephone: Bridge.

Cato: *Gulp*

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Roman: I'm still curious as to how you got a magical vehicle on to the Guild Hall's roof.

Koree: I can't reveal all my tricks!

Roman: You're a dragon slayer. You get motion sickness. How did you even-

Roman: *slowly turns and glares at Nashi*

Nashi:...

Nashi: You can't prove anything!

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Nashi: Whatever. I don't give a darn!

Storm: You give so many darns you can see them from the top of Mt. Hakobe!

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Nashi: On a scale of 1-10 how badly do you want to kill me?

Roman: I'm hovering somewhere in the high 30's.

Nashi: Annnnd, on a scale of 1-10 how good is your self-control?

Roman: Diminishing by the minute.

Nashi: So I should run?

Roman: Yes.

Storm: Welp. Been nice knowing ya, Nashi!

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Persephone: Is this just normal for you Dragneels?

Nashi: No, the assassains usually only try to kill us on Tuesday.

Koree: Was that sar-

Nashi: Yes that was sarcasm, now get in before they find us.

Koree: But...motion sickness…

Nashi: Would you rather be dead?

Koree: Well-

Nashi: Nope. *Grabs Koree by the scruff of her shirt and throws her in the magic vehicle next to Persephone and drives off*

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Nashi: Stop telling me how to live my life!

Storm: I'm your conscience, that's my job.

Nashi: No you're not, stop calling yourself that!

Storm: Look, it's not my fault you were born without one, so you'll have to make do with me!

Persephone: Aw, come on, Storm, that's not true.

Nashi: Thank y-

Persephone: It's common sense she was born without.

Nashi: I hate you…

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Koree: Excuse you, I am a dragon slayer!

Roman: Dragon slayer or not, I cannot take you seriously in that hat.

Koree: It's called a fedora!

Roman: I don't care, you look ridiulous. Take it off!

Persephone: *walks in just long enough to hear 'take it off.'*

Persephone: WHAT THE-

Persephone: *Sends 50+ archive saws at Roman's head*

Persephone: FERNANDEZ, IF YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING COZY WITH MY SISTER AGAIN I SWEAR!

Roman: *running for his life* IT'S NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL!

Koree: …..

Koree: Well...that escalated quickly…

Nashi: *pops up from seemingly nowhere*

Nashi: So when's the wedding?

Koree: CAN IT, DRAGNEEL!

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Nashi: Wanna see what can of trouble we can get into?

Storm: Oh, no!

Nashi: Relax. It's only Wednesday. I know how to restrain myself.

Storm: Nashi Lucy Dragneel, that is a bold face lie and you know it!

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Persephone: Just act natural.

Cato: A person's natrual instinct in this scenarios would be to panic, so I can panic, right?

Persephone: What-NO! I mean, act like it's a normal day.

Cato: My normal day has consisted of a lot of panicking recently.

Persephone: Would you just cooperate!

Cato: When a person is panicking they do not cooperate very well!

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Nashi: Hey, Sephy, come read this.

Persephone: Oh, yeah! Just because I'm an archive wizard that automatically means I can read ancient hieroglyphs!

Nashi:...Well, can't you?

Persephone: *sigh*

Persephone: Lemme see it!

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Nashi: I'm an idiot!

Nashi: *points to Koree*

Nashi: You're an idiot! We're the president and co-president of the idiot club!

Cato: What about the rest of us?

Nashi: The Keep the Idiots Alive Club.

Koree: Storm's the president. Cato's co-president. Roman's the enforcer. And Persephone's the secretary.

Persephone: Hold up, why am I the secretary?

Koree: Because you keep a record of all the stupid stuff we've ever done.

Everyone: *turns and looks at Persephone*

Persephone: What? I'm an archive wizard, what did you expect?

Cato: You're just holding that info so you can blackmail us with it one day, aren't you?

Persephone: Well, duh!

Roman: Well, at least some of us are reasonable enough not to get themselves into embarrassing situations.

Persephone: Oh, really?

Persephone: *opens an archive screen with Roman's name on it*

Roman: CLOSE THAT RIGHT NOW!

Storm: No, I want to see!

Cato: Me too!

Nashi: Oooohhhh! Scandalous!

Roman: THIS MEANS WAR, REDFOX!

Persephone: Bring it puff-butt.

Roman: IT WAS AN ALLERGIC REACTION, OKAY!