Strangely enough, it took Ana a few seconds too long to register the high-pitched sound piercing through the air. She stirred, waking mind slowly piecing together the details of the annoyance. It sounded like violin strings being clawed by a tone-deaf lion, producing the musical equivalent of a scream that was…muffled? The source was on the left side. Incidentally, her left arm was numb with a weight sitting squarely on her elbow. Then the weight moved and pressed harder down.
Cracking her eyes open, Ana stared up at a ceiling that was identical to hers. But somehow, she knew it was not. Bleary gaze falling to her left, she found a ruffled mop of hair resting on her arm. Oh. Even as she threw the free arm around her companion, the thought that she should probably find the alarm and switch it off formed in her head. Allowing herself a few moments of solace, she buried her face in the dark locks before her, catching the stale whiff of alcohol. The body she held finally moved, feet knocking into hers, then it curled up just a little tighter. With the head conveniently falling off her arm, Ana waited until she could at least twitch her fingers, and pushed herself up.
It was definitely Kamilah's alarm. Ana woke to the powerful chords of her Queen's blessed voice. Not this…unholy blasphemy that needed to stop. Now. She squinted through the darkness as Kamilah shifted with a throaty groan, spotting a dim light flashing incessantly through the discarded jeans' pocket. Her phone, no doubt.
Ana got on her knees and started to crawl over the medic's body, when Kamilah growled before yelling, "Shut the fuck up!"
Self-preservation instincts kicked in, and Ana froze in her bent position. She thought the outburst was aimed at her, but then realised the alarm had stopped.
"Your alarm's shutoff command is 'shut the fuck up'?" she asked, connecting the dots.
Kamilah mumbled into the bed sheets, "Is 'shut up'."
The sniper grinned, bending down to kiss the side of her head. "That's cute. But you have to get up now."
A short incoherent grumble. Then Kamilah turned onto her back, pain already written all across her features. She lifted her arms sluggishly and locked them behind Ana's neck.
"Pull me up."
Ana slid her hands underneath Kamilah's back and lifted her slowly, noting the twitches in her hung-over expression. Sucking a short breath through her teeth, Kamilah rested her head in her hands.
"Aspirin," she mumbled, pointing at her study table. "Top drawer."
Her companion hopped off the bed, pulling the drawer open. There were two notebooks next to each other, covered with pens, post-its, and loose paper clips. Sitting at the back of the drawer was a lone box of aspirin. Taking two pills as instructed on the package, she gave them to Kamilah, who was still hunched into her hands.
"Do you need some–," Ana started to ask, when Kamilah threw the pills into her mouth and swallowed. "Yeah that works too."
"I'm never going out again," Kamilah muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose as Ana sat by her side.
"Going out is not the problem for you, habibti," Ana said. "Drinking is. I think you cleaned out the bar's vodka supply."
"How much did I drink."
"20 glasses."
"Then I should be dead."
"Okay, more like 4. That's what I counted, anyway." She peered closer when the crease between her brows deepened. "Feeling alright?"
"I'll be fine." Her hand dropped into her lap. She glanced down at her undressed state, then at Ana, who was still fully clothed. "Did I…"
"Yup."
"But we didn't…"
"Nope."
Kamilah sighed, resting her forehead on her fingertips. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry for coming onto me, or not going all the way?"
The first smile appeared on pursed lips. Pressing a lazy kiss on Ana's cheek, Kamilah hugged around her middle and rested her head on the sniper's shoulder. "Whichever you want me to be sorry for," she mumbled.
"Neither, then." Ana squeezed the medic tightly, then gave a dramatic sniff. "Wait, I change my mind. You should be sorry for stinking up my clothes."
When Kamilah groaned into her shoulder, she patted her back. "Come on. We're going to be late. Go wash up."
A muffled whine.
"Look on the bright side. At least there's no PT today. Come on. Up!" Keeping a firm hold on the medic, Ana pulled her carefully away from the bed. Kamilah's feet dragged along the mattress before they dropped to the floor.
"There we go." Making sure she was standing properly, Ana peeled Kamilah off her body and patted her cheek. "Got it from here?"
Though her face was layered with reluctance, Kamilah nodded and closed her eyes at the peck on her forehead.
"See you in the mess hall," Ana said.
"I'm dying."
"Sure you are."
Ana arrived at her squad's table in the mess hall to a rousing greeting of 'good morning, asshole' from the men. That, of course, only made her grin in a fashion that she knew would irk them even more.
"Good morning, boys. Such a wonderful start to the day, isn't it?"
A smattering of groans rose as Ana winked at the ladies – who seemed to be holding up much better, spared from the need to rise much earlier to catch a ride back to base. She sat down in front of Khalid, who had his forehead in a hand while he scooped fava beans into his mouth cheerlessly. He grunted at the kick against his boot, lifting his head to fix her with a resentful stare.
"Had fun last night?"
"Could've been better," he muttered.
"Aw. I'm sorry." Ana ate her own scoop of mashed beans, watching Khalid gulp his coffee. He would be fine by the afternoon. The man always could recover that little bit faster than her.
"Morning, Amari." Deyab sat next to Ana. "How does it feel to not have a hangover today?" He raised his voice on purpose, so it would carry over to the rest of her squad mates.
"Go fuck a needle, Deyab," Ebo said.
"Manners, meathead. Or your next needle's going somewhere painful." The captain looked much more gleeful than Ana had ever seen him. He transferred the extra cup of coffee on his tray to Kamilah's when she sat down beside Khalid.
"You look much better than this sorry lot, Shadid," Ana said, admiring how well-put together she was. Barely an hour ago, she was clinging onto Ana and smelling of last night's liquor. Now she looked ready to cow any idiot who walked through the med bay doors. But then again, she always looked like that. And maybe she appeared scarier because she was quietly nursing a hangover as well.
"Thanks." Kamilah brought the cup to her lips, downing a mouthful of coffee.
Ana felt a kick on her own boot this time, and she looked back at Khalid.
"Woof," he said, twirling his spoon with a smirk. But his smugness faded when Ana, instead of becoming disgruntled, just mirrored his smile and returned to her food.
The amount of power their secret gave her was amazing. It became so much easier to withstand Khalid's teases, knowing she had a leg up on the man. Knowing that she could knock on a door at night and be greeted by a woman no one else on base had seen. It was a…stability that she had never experienced. An anchor.
Ana peeked at Kamilah out of the corner of her eye, watching her take small spoonfuls of soup. She was going at it much more slowly than Deyab, and shared the same 'eating-but-not-tasting' expression with Khalid. Hm. Her appetite must still be dancing out of her grasp. Kamilah emptied another spoonful, then glanced over at Ana. The planets must have aligned right then, because Ana managed to throw a smile back, instead of turning into a flustered mess. On the outside, anyway. Kamilah's calm expression gave way to fondness for a second, quickening her pulse and making her aware of her own breathing.
'Woof', indeed.
During training that day, Ana realised it was actually a blessing she had not imbibed alcohol the previous night. She was held back after her squad's round at the shooting range and put through a battery of tests in preparation for her cybernetic implant. The surgery had been approved the previous week, and they sprung a surprise evaluation to assess her pre-implant accuracy. It was nothing daunting – aside from the added pressure – and her range was pushed far beyond her limits before the eggheads were satisfied.
By the time it ended, her squad's morning training and lunch break were over. She left them in the armoury to clean their equipment and catch her own downtime. 'Downtime' meaning 'make a trip to the hospital'.
Woof.
She made her way past the few occupied beds to the back of the med bay, where Deyab greeted her with the same glee he carried in the morning. Ana frowned suspiciously at the captain, who ignored her narrowed eyes and directed her towards the private offices behind him.
"Someone's gone up the ladder," Ana commented, getting a shrug in reply. Kamilah's workspace used to be in the common office area, one half-height cubicle amid numerous others with barely any privacy.
"The war took a hell lot of medics, Amari. Left us a lot of empty offices." He pointed his thumb at the door on the left, looking more sombre now. "Might as well push some people up and warm the spaces."
"Maybe I should become a medic as well," Ana said, walking past the man. "Then I can have a room all to myself."
"If you became a medic, our death rates would double."
"Thanks."
"Welcome," Deyab called after her before the door swung shut.
Ana walked past four doors until she found the name 'Kamilah Shadid' engraved on a shiny new sign. She knocked on the door, and turned the knob at the prompt invitation. Kamilah had her head rested heavily on one hand, staring at the computer screen like she was watching paint dry. Her dull gaze lifted to see Ana bobbing the take-out bag in her grasp, and she straightened herself.
"Feeling better?"
"A little."
"Good. A little's better than nothing," Ana said, dragging over the visitor's chair to join Kamilah behind the desk. "One question: what's up with Deyab? He looks like he's been smoking joints all morning."
"That's because he's 400 pounds richer." Kamilah gave a partial eye roll and accepted the bag handed to her. She unfolded the top and brought out an oblong package wrapped neatly in foil. "What's this?"
"Shawarma. Er–" Ana turned the package over to look for the label written in marker. "This one's lamb. The other's veal, if you want that instead."
"How'd you know I haven't eaten?" The medic said with a smile, holding onto the lamb wrap. She took a cup of coffee from the tray sitting beside the food.
"Just a hunch."
"And if your hunch was wrong?"
"Then I'll shove the other up my ass, I guess." Ana shrugged, withdrawing the other package. Kamilah had already opened hers, filling the small office with an aroma that made Ana's stomach growl. "So why's Deyab 400 pounds richer?"
"Because of you," Kamilah said with barely a twitch on her face, taking a bite from the pita.
"I don't remember giving him any money."
"That's because I gave him the money." She chewed slowly, keeping Ana in suspense. "We…made a bet."
Ana almost groaned in pleasure when the grilled veal touched her tongue. She took her time before asking, "And I'm involved?"
"We bet on whether I'd submit to your advances."
Frankly, Ana was more surprised at how unsurprised she was with the information. Maybe a little that Kamilah even bothered to make the bet, but Deyab knowing… Somehow she knew the man had an inkling about what was going on.
"Let me guess: you bet you wouldn't, and you lost."
"Technically, I didn't lose. The bet was whether we'd sleep together.
"We didn't."
"We didn't," Kamilah confirmed, taking another bite. "But he refuses to believe it after…last night."
"He saw you groping me." The withering look only elicited a lop-sided grin. "You could've just refused to give him the money."
"I wanted to shut him up."
"Or," Ana drawled, rolling Kamilah's chair forward so their knees bumped together. "It was advance payment." The hard slap on her thigh did nothing to stop her snickers, though she made a personal effort by shoving the shawarma into her mouth.
It was easy to tell that Kamilah was smiling behind the disposable cup. But after taking a mouthful of coffee, she sighed, "I haven't thanked you yet. For not… For taking care of me. I know how I can get when I'm drunk."
"Trust me, it was no trouble." Her fingertips drummed on the armrest. "I'm just curious, though… How much do you remember?"
Kamilah held her gaze for a moment, before averting her eyes. She played with her cup on the table, tapping on its rim. "Of the club, not much. After we reached back…everything."
"So you remember pushing me into–"
"Yes."
"And what you said?"
A faint blush crept onto her cheeks. "Yes."
"Is it true?"
"I…" Kamilah began uncertainly, but soon regained her poise. "That's for me to know."
A corner of her mouth quirked, and Ana took a pointer from the medic's drunken persona, resting her hand on Kamilah's thigh. "Then it's up to me to find out." She dared to venture upwards, but not too far. Though no move was made to stop her, she did not wish to push her boundaries too much.
"Promise me something," Kamilah said, gaze lifting to meet Ana's eyes.
"Of course."
"Do it when I'm sober."
"That's the plan." Ana placed a not-quite-chaste peck on her lips. "I want you to remember everything I do to you."
"In that case," Kamilah murmured. "Make sure you're sober too."
The next two weeks went by in a blur of dull routine, much like the first. PT, training, maintenance, leadership courses, patrols, drills, yawn. Her squad spent the time recovering from their post-leave slump; that mostly meant either lounging in the break room after work and texting their families, or going out of base to look for trouble that came in a bottle. Ana followed them out as usual – only to get a few raised brows at her steadfast rejection of all advances, and have the pleasure of waking up in her room with just a hangover for company. The first time she volunteered to be designated driver, the entire squad stared at her as though she had stripped naked and declared herself a hellspawn. Then came the teasing inquiries after her health, which were easy enough to deal with. Khalid's suspicions and more probing questions, not so. Although Ana was rather surprised he had not connected the dots yet, considering that he held a piece of the puzzle in each hand.
It probably helped that Kamilah had a more solitary disposition. Despite the better rapport with her squad, she was still rather elusive while off duty. To those who were not Ana, anyway. Having her number was an advantage, and the sniper had been invited to Kamilah's quiet places around base. So far, that meant the library's fiction corner or café, and on top of the rooftop exit in their barracks wing. Ana had no doubt there were many more, but she would let Kamilah reveal them at her own pace. For now, she was satisfied just lazing around in their rooms after work; both women either getting absorbed in their own phones and books, or watching reruns on the TV together.
One of Ana's favourite activities turned out to be listening to Kamilah grouse about ridiculous patients in the hospital. The woman was positively sarcastic and entertaining when worked up over the infinite stupidity of others. And Ana, usually the more laid-back of the two, would draw Kamilah into an embrace, reassuring her with words and smooches that she was the smartest and most capable woman in the world.
This time though, the tables were turned.
"I fucking swear, Milah," Ana repeated for the hundredth time. "It's not in here."
"Then where would it be?" Kamilah asked in an infuriatingly calm tone as she looked through the bedside table's drawers.
"I don't know! That's why I'm looking for it!" She glared at the study table, its drawers already open from previous fruitless searches.
"Why don't you calm down and try to recall where you put the wallet?"
Ana gave a guttural cry of exasperation, flinging her hands into the air. She started pacing at the foot of the bed, where Kamilah sat watching her. "I don't fucking know. I...just remember paying the last time I went to the club. But I swear I brought it back." She gestured at the study table, where she had tossed her wallet in a drunken haze.
"Fuck, Milah. I could've flushed it down the fucking toilet after that, I can't remember."
"But you went to the club on Saturday, right?"
"Yeah?"
"And we went out yesterday. You had your wallet then."
Ana stopped in her tracks. How the hell did she forget their date on Sunday? "Yeah. Yeah, I had it. And I brought it back, then we… Oh! Oh, could you take a look in your room? Maybe I left it in there."
"What, did you pay for something in my room?" Kamilah deadpanned, crossing her arms.
"Oh come on, please? I'm this close to tearing my room apart."
"Fine," she sighed. "But you keep looking as well," Kamilah added as she walked out.
The advice was unnecessary, for Ana had already turned back to her wardrobe. She patted down all her clothes' pockets, fumbled around the bottom shelves, searched all the drawers and cabinets, dug through the clothes hamper, looked in the shower, stared uncertainly at the toilet bowl, opened the microwave and fridge, and peered down at the ground floor from her window. When her search ended at the last square inch of her room, Ana felt the frustration biting away at her sanity again. She gritted her teeth, running a hand roughly through her hair as she went back to the study table. Hope promptly burgeoned at the sound of footsteps entering her room.
"Milah, please tell me–" Ana froze when she spun around to find Khalid standing at the door, which Kamilah had left ajar. The man, who held a six-pack of beer in his hand, cocked his head curiously.
"Who?" he asked, making his way to the fridge to deposit the beer.
"No one," she said quickly. "Where'd that come from?"
"Went to the new supermarket with Ebo. They're having a sale, so the dumbass snapped up all the beer we could carry. We're giving away the extras he can't fit in his fridge." Khalid shrugged, closing the fridge door. "So, who were you talking–?"
"Ana, I found your wallet and your–" Kamilah had walked in without looking. But she paused when she glanced up to find Khalid standing by the fridge, words dying under the two stares. One was painted with mute horror. The other was utterly confused, before eyes bulged at the realisation.
"Kamilah. Ka…milah. Oh my fucki–" His exclamation was cut off when Ana jumped onto her bed and bounded into him, forearm crashing into his collarbones and pushing him back into the wall.
"Ana!" There was a sharp click when Kamilah shut the door.
Khalid did not share the medic's alarm. The force of Ana's push could not repress the triumphant grin on his face. "You two are–"
"If you blab to anyone, Issa, I'll break your back."
"Yeah, right." He patted on the arm which had him pinned. "How about we stop barking for a minute, hm?"
"Issa–"
A touch on her back diverted her attention. She looked back at Kamilah, who seemed mildly amused by the situation.
"Relax. Let him go."
"Yeah, Ana. Let me go. Doctor's orders."
Ana squinted at the man, before lowering her arm and stepping back. Khalid pushed himself off the wall and straightened his t-shirt, looking the two women over with a mischievous glint in his eye.
"So…you two are…" He tapped the tips of his index fingers together, wagging his brows.
"Are what, Khalid?" Ana crossed her arms, stealing a glance at Kamilah and…feeling the question hit home. Are 'what', exactly?
"Oh, oh. I get it," Khalid said, raising his hands. "Play dumb. Cool. I can do that. I can play dumb."
"You could get a gold medal for playing dumb."
Khalid chortled, following Kamilah as she went to take a seat on Ana's bed. He nudged the sniper in the side, only to receive a slap on his back that echoed through the room. It did nothing to deter him. The pained look on his face quickly fell away, and with hands on hips, he said, "Yeah. Since I can play dumb so well, then you might as well spill it." He waved between the two. "How long?"
Ana peeked at the medic again, searching for a giveaway in her calm expression. There was none. In Ana's silence, Kamilah caught her gaze and cocked her head in silent question.
"A month?" Ana tried, getting a minute nod in return. Her relief barely had time to take root.
"What!" Khalid burst out. He held up his fingers one by one in mental calculation. "That means you were…during leave?! You told me you spent the whole time pissing her off!"
"Technically she did," Kamilah said, wearing the ghost of a smile.
"I did not," Ana countered.
"How do you know?"
"I– I know."
"Of course you do," Kamilah indulged her. She held Ana's gaze one moment more, before turning to Khalid. The man was subjecting her to silent scrutiny. "Yes?"
The man kept quiet, pressing his hand against his mouth. Then he gestured at Ana. "What do you see in her?"
"What are you–"
"I don't know."
Between Khalid's cackle and Kamilah's steadfast composure, Ana could do nothing but rest her head in one hand and judge them both through narrowed eyes. Maybe it was time for Khalid to make another trip to med bay. That would give Kamilah an extra workload. Serve them both right.
"You know what, Shadid? You're pretty alright." He looked between the two women, then shrugged. "Well, guess I'd better go. Don't wanna overstay my welcome." He had one hand on the doorknob when he turned around.
"I suppose I should congratulate you, sis. And Kamilah…you have my sympathies."
"Out!" Ana stalked towards him, shoving him out into the corridor. He was laughing uncontrollably as his hand shot out, stopping the door from closing on him.
"You two have fun no–"
Ana threw her weight against the door, finally snapping it shut with a loud thud. She waited until the man's laughter had faded into the distance, before turning towards her companion.
"He will keep quiet, won't he?" Kamilah asked.
"Yeah. He was just trying to annoy me."
"I think he succeeded."
"He had help," Ana said, raising her brows to emphasise the accusation.
"Why?" A sly smile. "Are you jealous?"
Ana scoffed, moving towards the bed. "Jealous? I'm the one you're kissing, not him."
"How do you know I'm not kissing him behind your back?"
"Please. He's not your type. Wait–" Ana paused halfway through sitting down. "Is he?"
"No. My type leaves her wallet and phone–" Kamilah held up said items in her hand. "–under my bed and sends me on treasure hunts."
Settling beside the medic, Ana took her possessions gratefully. "You're beautiful."
"I know."
The sniper fiddled with the wallet and phone for a while, then tossed them onto the bed. "You're alright with Khalid knowing?"
Kamilah shrugged. "It's only a matter of time." She gave a small smile which faded under Ana's stare. "Something wrong?"
'Wrong'? Not exactly. She felt her breaths growing shorter, a…weight gathering to sit in her chest. Something rested just beneath her vocal chords, begging for a release that Ana could not grant.
"Ana?" Kamilah frowned, tapping under her chin. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah," Ana managed to say. The sudden pressure retreated without warning, and left her feeling oddly empty. At the sight of Kamilah's concern though, she put on a smile. "Just admiring the view."
The tilt of Kamilah's head conveyed a confusion Ana shared. But thankfully, the medic did not pursue. Even if she did, Ana had no answers to give.
Ana tossed the thin blue binder onto her study table as though it was scalding hot metal. A notebook with a pen and pencil clipped to its cover soon followed. Four days of skills training, and Ana was still amazed by how stifling a classroom could be. At times it was almost like a prison. An educational prison. How did she ever survive the academy, she wondered, and how could she survive until the next week, when proper field training would take place. Probably by taking comfort in the fact that the hours were slightly shorter, and her uniform was not uncomfortably sticky by the end of the day.
She was admiring the still-dry uniform in her hands, when two short knocks came from the door.
"It's not locked!" she called, casting the clothes blindly onto the bed and making her way to the wardrobe. She pulled on her shorts without hurry – she already knew who it was. Sure enough, she turned around to find Kamilah closing the door behind her.
"Hey." Ana pulled the t-shirt on, then paused. "Going somewhere?"
Kamilah wore her usual riding outfit – jacket, pants, and boots. She had her helmet in one hand, and a duffle bag was slung around her shoulder. Setting both items on the floor, she replied, "I'm going away for the weekend."
"Now?"
"Now."
"But it's Thursday."
"I know. The roster just got rearranged and I'm not on it until next week."
"Lucky you. So, where to?"
"Damietta."
"Oh. Going to catch the sea breeze? Want some company?"
"Don't you have a course to attend?"
Ana groaned, "Don't remind me." She scratched her forehead, trying to dispel the images of a classroom assaulting her brain. "You're going alone?"
"I can take care of myself, Ana," Kamilah said, raising a brow.
"And an entire company of soldiers. I know." She grinned at Kamilah's matter-of-fact nod. "When are you coming back?"
"Sunday." Kamilah seemed to hesitate for a moment. "Do me a favour?"
"Shoot."
"Don't contact me while I'm away. No calls, no messages. Nothing."
That gave Ana pause. "Is…everything alright?"
"Yes. Don't look so worried," Kamilah said, touching her cheek. "I just…want the quiet. Clear my head."
"Oh. Of course." Concern started growing despite the medic's reassurance. The vague sense of anxiety revisited her, but Ana pushed it down. Curling her fingers over Kamilah's, she placed a quick kiss on her palm.
"So…nothing at all."
Kamilah nodded again. "Nothing. Unless you're dying. And no," she added when Ana opened her mouth. "If it's self-inflicted, then you can die alone."
Ana grinned and pulled her in. She could feel the medic's smile against her lips. "You're so harsh," Ana murmured, running her fingers through dark hair.
"With you, I have to be." Kamilah returned another peck, then glanced at the clock on Ana's desk. "I'd better go. I want to reach there before sunset."
Ana let her step back, feeling the reluctance coil tighter in her stomach as Kamilah picked up her bag and helmet. Part of her was sorely tempted to just throw her responsibilities aside and convince the medic to take her along. That, of course, was but a thing of fantasy.
Something burst within her, and she grabbed onto Kamilah's arm when she reached for the doorknob. Kamilah blinked, looking back at her curiously.
"Kamilah, I–" There it was again. That damned obstruction in her windpipe. Ana swallowed, took a breath, then–
"I…miss you already."
A tender smile curved Kamilah's lips. "Don't be dramatic. I'll be back before you know it."
"But I'm a natural drama queen." Ana held the door open for her to walk through. She already had one foot in a slipper when Kamilah stopped her.
"No need to send me off, drama queen. I don't want you crying by the roadside."
"You're no fun," Ana said, unable to hold the pout under the kiss, followed by a pinch on her chin.
"Bye, Ana."
"Bye." She watched the medic stroll towards the stairs. "Buy me a present!"
Kamilah had already rounded the corner by then. But a fist was thrust back into the corridor just to flip her off.
God, I miss you already.
A/N: EGP 400 = USD 50 (approx.)