When?
She caught the hand before it smacked into her face, when Ana rolled onto her back. Her nose twitched as Kamilah set her hand down on the pillow, stroking the hardened skin of her palm.
When, she wanted to ask. When will you tire of me and move on?
Kamilah reached out to touch her temple, and ran trembling fingertips through her hair. She repeated the motion a few more times, soothing the agitation prickling through her body. Slowly, she brushed the back of her fingers down Ana's cheek, and along her jawline. She froze at the deeper inhale as Ana roused from her sleep. Her head turned, mouth skimming past Kamilah's fingers, to fix her partner with a drowsy, half-lidded gaze. Her lips curved gently. Then she rolled onto her side, throwing an arm and leg over Kamilah as though hugging a bolster. Ana dragged herself forward, bumping their foreheads lightly together. Eyelids already drooping, she settled into the new position and promptly fell back to sleep.
Unconsciously matching Ana's breathing pattern, Kamilah kept her gaze on her partner. The loose embrace allowed her to relax, to breathe, to feel secure. The warmth of her arms made it easy, so easy. Sometimes, she found herself wishing Ana would never let go.
Please don't let go.
Only under the heavy weight of sleep did she relent, eyelids falling shut. Ana would still be there, she knew. Ana never left before Kamilah opened her eyes. Never left before she could give a tender kiss and promise to see her later in the day.
I love you. I never meant to. But I do.
Kamilah blinked, gaze barely staying on Ana's face when she opened the door. She stared at the small cake in silence, while Ana waited for a reaction. Which she did not get.
Well, not the one she expected anyway.
"Did…I forget something?" Kamilah asked, to which Ana merely raised her brows, punting the question back. The medic glanced down at the cake again, where the first drop of wax was dripping down one of the two candles. "Don't tell me you're the type to celebrate months-long anniversaries."
"You really don't remember?" Ana said finally.
"What?"
"Today's your birthday, isn't it?"
Kamilah blinked again, as though surprised by the information. "I guess so. Wait, how'd you even know? I never told you."
"Er–, no. I…may or may not have taken a look at your ID."
"I never showed you my ID."
"I…may…have taken a peek when you dropped your wallet back in the museum a couple of weeks back," Ana rattled off the words rapidly, as if to stave off a potential ass-whooping. But just to be sure, she insisted, "It was already open on the floor! I swear!"
A sigh, then fondness softened Kamilah's expression. She looked at the cake again. "Please tell me you're not going to sing."
"I'm not tone deaf, you know."
"No, I just don't want to stare at you awkwardly while you sing." She took Ana by the elbow and pulled her into the room, closing the door behind them.
"Oh. Understandable." Ana held the cake up. "Here. Make your wish."
"You don't believe in wishes?"
"Do you?"
"No."
"Me neither. But there's no harm in making one. Will be a pleasant surprise if it comes true, no?" She shifted her fingers under the round aluminum tray, bobbing it a little. "So? Gonna make the wish before the top gets covered in wax?"
Kamilah stared at her again, and Ana resisted the urge to feel about her face for leftover food. Then the medic's lips curled faintly, before she blew out the candles in one puff.
"So…what did you wish for?"
"I don't want to jinx it."
"Thought you don't believe in it," Ana said with a smile, following Kamilah farther into the room. She set the cake on the table, plucking the candles out.
"Since I already made the wish, might as well go all the way," Kamilah sighed, handing her the knife. "Is this why you weren't at mess?"
"Yup." She dug out small globs of wax from white frosting. "But the bakery mixed up my order. I wanted chocolate ganache, but–" Ana cut the cake into quarters, then lifted a piece with the knife, revealing its rainbow-coloured layers. "They gave me this instead."
"At least it looks pretty."
She delivered the slice onto Kamilah's plate. "Yup. It's fitting too." Ana grinned at her partner's obvious refusal to roll her eyes. "Besides, the discount they gave me didn't hurt."
"Discount cake. Mm." She jerked the fork away from Ana's mouth when she swooped in for the kill, and took the first bite. "It's quite good, actually."
"Really? Gimme a taste."
Kamilah's eyelids fluttered rapidly again as she refrained from rolling her eyes. But she scooped another forkful, as was their little routine. Ana leaned in, but changed trajectory at the last moment, shooting away from the fork for a swift peck on Kamilah's lips.
"Hm. It does taste good."
"If you wanted a kiss, you could've just asked."
"Alright." Ana played along, gazing into dark eyes glinting with mirth. "May I have a kiss, darling?" She waited with a smile, only breaking eye contact when Kamilah's nose brushed against hers, feeling the puff of breath on her mouth, then…no kiss.
Ana blinked, leaning back to find Kamilah with the fork in her mouth. "I'll take that as a 'no'."
Still chewing, Kamilah took the knife from her hand and put a slice onto Ana's plate. "Trust me, the cake tastes better than my mouth."
"I find that hard to belie–" The challenge in her tone fell away when Kamilah shoved a small chunk into her open mouth. She clamped her lips over the fork as it was pulled out, determined to get every last bit of cream, so light and airy on her tongue she could cry. "Oh…fuck."
"Told you so." Kamilah smiled when Ana devoured a big rainbow chunk.
"Fuck. Should've bought it for my own birthday instead."
"You buy your own cakes?"
"No. But if it's this good, I'd buy 10 for myself." Ana paused, then laughed a second later. "Actually, I'm wrong. I did buy own my cake last year. My squad? They tried to bake one themselves. But something went wrong and the cake came out looking more like a cookie. A large, beer-soaked cookie."
"Of course they put beer in it," Kamilah deadpanned.
"Of course." Ana snorted. "So I drove out and bought one for myself. Made them pay for it. Nothing tastes better than free cake."
"Not even this?"
"Not even this. But there is one thing better than free cake." Her lewd smile and brow waggle finally coaxed an eye roll from Kamilah, who stuffed more cake into her mouth instead of rising to the bait.
"So, what do you usually do for your birthdays?" Ana asked, indulging more in the dessert. "Like, other than stuffing your face with sugar."
Kamilah shrugged, chewing slowly. "I don't celebrate it."
"Hm. So you're one of those 'it's just a number' type of people."
"I guess." She fiddled with the fork handle. "It's never really been all that important to me. Just another day. That's all."
"Then this…" Ana gestured at their food. "Was uninvited?"
"Just weird. Cake's pretty nice though."
"Then I'll have to buy you more cakes until it stops being weird. Oh! And…" Ana fished out a data stick from the back pocket of her shorts. "This is that mystery novel that came out last week and two other random books. You can trade them in if you've read them already."
Kamilah looked at the slim silver stick Ana dropped onto her palm. "Thank you."
"And, how about quad biking this weekend?"
"Ana, you–" Her voice trailed off for a second. "You don't have to, you know."
Ana cocked her head at the uncertain tone. "What, quad bike? You like it, don't you?" She watched Kamilah work her jaw, feeling more perplexed by the tension in her face. Then, a near-imperceptible sagging of her shoulders, making her look deflated.
"Yes, I like it."
"Great. Now I get to ride a bike without having to cling onto you."
"You make it sound like a bad thing." Kamilah smiled faintly.
"Quite the opposite, actually." Ana rested an elbow on the table, leaning close. "I'd hold onto you forever, if I could."
"Would you?"
"If you'd let me," she murmured, heart swelling with unanswered hope in the silence that followed. Pressing her lips to Kamilah's, Ana let herself be pulled in by the nape, simultaneously calmed and excited by the deepening of the kiss. Urgency bubbled beneath the slow veneer, Ana clasping onto Kamilah's wrist to steady herself.
"I love you," Ana whispered, quivering breath matching Kamilah's before she was claimed again, and again, and again, until the cake lay forgotten on the table, abandoned for another taste all together.
As days passed, Ana noticed little changes in Kamilah's behaviour. It was nothing worrying, really. Kamilah was more or less herself – going along with Ana's whims, reciprocating the regular showers of affection with equal fervour. But Ana noticed subtle differences emerging. Inscrutable stares when she approached, hardness falling away the longer she stayed. Keener grips on her hand, lingering with reluctance when they had to part. Tighter embraces with Kamilah's head nestled in her neck, arms tied around her waist as if to lock her in. Sharper bites on Ana's lips, bruised by feverish kisses.
Ana took it in stride – perhaps this was how Kamilah dealt with being involved, as opposed to being a gaping idiot like her. Not that it was all that difficult. It added a dash of thrill when the intensity carried over to the bedroom, Ana's breath stolen when Kamilah flipped her onto her back – figuratively and literally. She had her dominance ripped away more often, leaving her hands free to dig into Kamilah's back, Kamilah's hair, anything she found purchase on. Stings and aches usually accompanied such vigorous romps, though the fun was more than worth it. Ana welcomed this little indulgence, until–
"Milah," she said, breath hitching as teeth tugged on her earlobe.
Kamilah did not notice – or thought it was an instinctive utterance of her name – and pressed a knee hard between her legs. Her arms trembled slightly, making it more difficult to stay propped up on her elbows. Ana's groan was caught by an open mouth, drawn out by a tongue curling to catch her upper lip when they broke apart for air.
There.
Eyes more sober than lustful, bearing an almost studious focus as Kamilah bent down again, trapping her in a kiss before she could get another word out. Fighting against the insane urge to give in as always, Ana placed a hand on her chest and pushed. Not too strongly – just enough to part their lips.
"Milah – wait."
Kamilah's gaze flickered up to meet hers and, noticing the set in Ana's expression, dimmed a little. She obeyed the pressure on her chest, and was guided to sit on Ana's thighs.
"Is something wrong?" Kamilah asked tentatively.
"I was going to ask you the same." Ana sat upright, holding onto Kamilah's hips as she settled the woman more comfortably in her lap. "You seem a little far away."
"Just…tired, that's all."
Ana nodded slowly. She had heard it many times before. It was now a standard answer from Kamilah, repeated each time Ana asked after her well-being, whenever she fell into this…thing. A gaze – sometimes placid, sometimes accompanied by a frown – fixed upon Ana, as though expecting something to happen.
She smiled, readjusting the bra strap that had fallen off Kamilah's shoulder. "Didn't seem all that tired when you jumped me earlier," Ana prodded gently.
There it was. That stare again. Ana held it steadily, hand stroking the small of Kamilah's back.
"Do you want me to stop?"
"No." She grew a little antsy at the obvious hesitance in the question. "You just look kind of preoccupied. Wanna talk about it?"
Kamilah's mouth quirked in a half-hearted smile. "Are you sure 'talking' is what you want to do now?"
"Pretty sure." Ana echoed Kamilah's humour, albeit a little stronger. "Sex is good only when your heart's in it, you know."
Kamilah took a short breath, but closed her mouth the moment it opened, as if in sudden change of heart. "I'll leave if you want me to."
"What? No, Milah." Ana kept her in place when she tried to rise. "I just want to know if you're alright. You've been…well–" She shrugged. "I don't know, but you've been 'tired' pretty often lately. And – not that I'm complaining – but you've also been more…active. In bed. You know, like me?" She grinned, giving Kamilah a short squeeze about the waist. The medic's lips twitched, but other than that, her face remained blank. Her nervousness grew when Kamilah drew her hands back and averted her gaze.
Ana loosened her hold, giving her some space to breathe. "Milah?"
Kamilah kept her eyes on the wall behind Ana, gaze distant. Then a clench of her jaw, and she turned back to Ana. "What is this to you?" At Ana's glance down at their underwear-clad bodies, she quickly added, "And no jokes, for once."
The corner of Ana's mouth quirked, but she held it in as requested. "This?"
"Us."
She blinked, thrown by the uncertainty in Kamilah's tone. "What do you mean?" Ana grasped her chin when she looked away again.
"Milah. Tell me."
Her heart still beat quickly, but for another reason altogether as she looked Kamilah over – brows lowered, mouth thin, shoulders straight and rigid. Her anxiety grew with each second that Kamilah kept quiet, each second with which the medic's composure slowly crumbled away, frown growing deeper.
"I'm sorry," Kamilah said quietly, the tiny tremors in her voice resonating in Ana's chest. "I know it's just me. It's my problem I can't… But I just need to know." A hesitant pause. "Is this…a fling to you?"
"A fling?" Ana repeated emptily, staring back at Kamilah.
"Just tell me, Ana."
God. Oh god. What is this? Dread crept into her chest as the past two months flashed before her eyes. Were her feelings one-sided? Did she imagine more from Kamilah than there really was? Did Kamilah want something casual, and she was being suffocated by Ana's eagerness?
Ana looked deep into dark brown eyes, trying to fathom if the fear in her gaze was for Kamilah, or for her. Fear for the potential breaking of her heart. She recoiled from the prospect, feeling the instinctive urge to make light of the situation so maybe, maybe it would not hurt as much when the blow came.
"I–" The block in her throat returned. But this time, it was easier to overcome. "I love you," she said, voice growing thicker with each word tumbling out despite her effort to slow down. "Milah, I can't stand being away from you for even one fucking day anymore. I can't–, fuck." A breathy laugh burst through her lips. "I'm being that clingy bitch I never wanted–"
She halted abruptly at a similar laugh from Kamilah, albeit more subdued. Her pounding heart clenched as Kamilah closed her eyes and lowered her head, shoulders shaking, back of a hand pressed against her mouth. When she looked back up, her eyes glistened in the soft warmth of the bedside lamp. Ana cupped her cheek, taking comfort in the curve of her lips.
"I'm sorry." Kamilah turned slightly into her palm. "You're–, I…I just keep expecting to wake up one day and find you gone. I'm sorry." She laughed again. Now with tears cutting down her cheeks; face scrunched up, torn between wanting to hold it in and let it out. "I'm being so stupid."
"But you can't be. That's my specialty." Ana grinned at the crude snort, then drew her into a tight embrace. Kamilah's chest rose against Ana's in hitched breaths, as she clutched onto broad shoulders. Moisture pooled at the joint of Ana's neck, and slowly trailed down bare skin. Ana rocked the woman in her arms gently while murmuring words of comfort, alternating between smoothing a hand down her hair, and patting her back.
Only a short while had passed when Kamilah calmed down – or rather, forced herself to calm down. Taking a few slow breaths to subdue the sobs, her hands left Ana's shoulders to wipe at her face.
"I'm sorry," she muttered, pulling away.
"Don't be."
"No, you don't understand. I–" She swallowed thickly, brows furrowing into a frown. "I slept with you because I thought it'd make you leave faster. That time, when I went to the club with you?" Her lips stretched into a crooked curve. "I'd planned to get it over with then."
"You mean, you thought I was just after sex?" Ana asked, hating that she understood what Kamilah meant. Of course. Of course her reputation would come back to bite her in the ass.
Kamilah tilted her head in affirmation. "And if I got it out of your system sooner, you'd leave before I…" Her gaze dropped before she finished.
"Sweetheart," Ana said with a chuckle, shifting her legs under the weight. "If 'getting it out of my system' is what you want, then you've got a long road ahead of you. This system–" She tapped a finger on her chest. "–never stops."
"I know." She smiled softly. "I just…don't want to lose you. I thought I could bear it, but I…" Her bottom lip quivered, soon hidden from view by a hand. "I can't, Ana. I thought I could, but I can't."
"Good, because I can't either. That weekend when you left? I think I almost died without you. Actually, I'm not really sure I didn't." She grabbed Kamilah's hand, and rested it over her heart. "What's my prognosis, Doctor Shadid. Give it to me straight, I can take–" Ana burst out in laughter at the hard slap on her arm, then surged forward to ensnare her partner in a kiss.
"You're incorrigible, Amari."
"And you're crazy if you think I'd leave you, Shadid." She wiped at the drying tracks on Kamilah's cheeks, catching a new drop with her thumb. Leaning her head back, she looked at her partner appraisingly. "You have to tell me where you got that eyeliner. It's not even a little smudged."
Kamilah laughed quietly. She dabbed at the corners of her eyes and looked at her fingertips. "I'll get them for you next time." A much lighter smile sat on her lips, as she regarded Ana in silent contemplation. Then she leant in, giving a soft kiss.
"I love you, Ana," she whispered, a hushed confession that made Ana want to cry and scream her fortune from the rooftops. But she settled for a wry grin over her more dramatic impulses.
"Love you too." Ana closed her eyes when Kamilah rested their foreheads together.
They sat in silence for a moment, absorbing in full what had just happened while they were still clad in their underwear. Damp underwear, in Ana's case.
Then Kamilah spoke, "Do you still want to…"
"I don't know. You did kind of ruin the mood. If you want, we can wait…" Ana's grin grew to shit-eating proportions. "For Ana-ther time."
Kamilah stared at her, head slowly moving away as disgust narrowed her wide eyes. "You know what? I take it back. I don't love you. Get out."
"You can't throw me out of my own room."
"Yes, I can."
"Can't."
"Watch me."
Ana surged forward when Kamilah pushed her backwards, clinging onto the woman's back as they rocked dangerously close to the edge of the bed. They tussled playfully, unbridled laughter filling the room, before Ana finally lost and was flung onto her back. Kamilah crawled over her, straddling her hip, and ran a hand up her neck to rest at the jaw. She bent down with excruciating slowness, eye contact breaking only when she captured Ana in a deep kiss.
"I love you," Kamilah whispered against her lips, stronger this time. Certain.
"I love you too," Ana managed to say before another kiss descended upon her. Three words became a mantra, repeated with rising fervour between kisses.
I love you. I love you. I– I love you. I love– Ah.
"I'm so bored," Ana groaned, dragging her finger up the tablet's holo-screen, pausing at random intervals to read whatever she had stopped at.
"I asked if you wanted to go out. You said no."
"I don't feel like it." She deftly caught the can flying towards her head, popping it open to take a gulp of coffee.
"Then stop whining." Kamilah walked over to join her on the floor, sitting with her back leaning against the bed. She opened the box in her hands and fished out a cookie.
"But there's nothing on TV either." Ana opened her mouth, and had a cookie shoved in at the silent cue.
"Nothing you want to watch." Kamilah flipped the channels, then raised a finger when Ana turned her head. "One more word, and I'll sedate you."
Ana grumbled to herself, words muffled by the last chunk of cookie in her mouth. She rubbed her feet together while scrolling down the news on the tablet. World politics, trade and environment agreements, lifestyle articles, comics, celebrity news, blahblahblah. Ana read them at lightspeed, only pausing to give fleeting judgments and stare at the army recruitment ad. Huh. Seemed the new batch intake would be a month late this year.
She nudged Kamilah and showed her the ad. "Pretty or not?"
Kamilah cocked a brow, studying the soldier on the foreground. "I guess. Think I've seen her around the Suez base before."
"Huh. Never spoken to her?"
"I've better things to do than speak to strangers."
"Not even pretty strangers?"
"I'm not a walking pile of hormones like you."
"Wow." Ana twirled the tablet between her fingers. "I don't walk around horny all the time, you know."
"I find that hard to believe," Kamilah deadpanned, finishing her first cookie.
Ana clicked her tongue, but returned to her tablet in peace. A discreet smile crept onto her face though, as she took in the moment. Their relationship had gone back to normal – much better than normal, actually. Kamilah's reservations had fallen away little by little, and the urgency had disappeared. Her affection returned without inhibitions, not to mention her sharp retorts which Ana just loved bickering with. Ana didn't know how far one could fall for another, and it seemed she would not get an answer any time soon.
After stealing a peek at Kamilah, she went back to reading the ad's typical spew about 'protecting the country' and 'serving its people', then sent it flying up and out of the screen.
"Why'd you join the army?" she asked idly, skimming through an article about a celebrity scandal.
"Money," Kamilah replied after a short pause.
"Money?" Ana laughed, looking up from the tablet. "Darling, I think you're in the wrong place. Everyone knows you come to the army to serve and slog and put in extra hours for no overtime pay."
"Then why are you still here?"
"Please. My entire family's served for their whole lives, and I'm the one who drops out? Don't think I could bear the shame." She chuckled at the attentive look on Kamilah's face, and flicked her cheek. "Just kidding. It's just my life now, you know? Don't think I'd want to do anything else. And if it keeps our people safe, then it's worth it."
Kamilah pinched her chin. "Such a model soldier."
"I know. Unlike someone who's in it for the money." She stole a cookie from the packet. "Is that really why you joined?"
"Technically…yes."
"But there are easier ways to get money. Like, I don't know, robbing a bank?"
"Prison has free food and bunk too."
Ana snapped her fingers. "That's right! And we don't have to put our lives on the line. Babe, let's go rob a bank."
Rolling her eyes, Kamilah gave a fond huff and turned back to the TV. Her eyes slowly drifted back to her partner, who leant in conspiratorially.
"So…why?"
"Long story."
"We have time." Ana waited, but all Kamilah did was eat another cookie. "How about a short version?"
"I needed money."
"Why?"
"For a place to live."
"You didn't have a house?"
"I was living in a hostel."
"Why?"
"Couldn't live in my last apartment."
"Why?"
"Ana," she sighed in exasperation.
"So it's really a long story, huh." Ana saw the flex in Kamilah's jaw as she turned her gaze towards the front, face void of emotion – usually a sign to back off.
"Sorry," she muttered. Unsure what to do, she crossed her legs and was about bring up her tablet again, when Kamilah's flat voice stopped her.
"I'll only tell it once. And you won't bring it up again." It was not a request.
"Promise."
Kamilah fixed her with a prolonged stare, during which Ana was extremely aware of her own blinking. The medic took a breath, and let it out in a loud exhale.
"I told you I'm not speaking to my family."
"Yup."
"It's because I ran away. Why?" she added with a faint quirk of her lips, when Ana opened her mouth. "My parents had no business raising a child." She paused. "You will keep your mouth shut."
"Swear."
"They were hashish dealers. Couldn't get far because the gang lording over our neighbourhood was leaning on them. They made enough to pay the rent, my school fees, fill their own stomachs, then blew the rest on hashish. I had to take odd jobs to earn my allowance and buy my own food, clothes, and everything else." She snorted disdainfully. "I barely made enough for myself, and my parents still took my money whenever they wanted. Forced me to go hungry so they could get high in their rooms."
"Couldn't get financial assistance?" Ana asked, getting a frown in return. "I mean, from the school?"
"And what do I tell them? I need the money because my parents are dealers?"
"An excellent point. So, is that why you left?"
Kamilah sighed. "No. It was a little difficult, but I got by. Then," she dragged out the word. "The turf's gang raided my parents' supply without paying. We almost went broke, there was stress all around, and after a while my mother started hitting me. Always for petty little things. Leaving the counter wet after washing the dishes. Closing the door too loud when I came home at night. Stupid excuses like that."
"And…so you left?"
"No," Kamilah snorted. "That house was the only place I could stay. No landlord would accept a child."
"Child?" Ana asked, a little lost.
"I was…13? 14? Too young–"
"What?"
An amused huff at Ana's surprise, then a pat on her arm. "I was a child once, you know."
"I know that! I just thought you were what, 17, 18? From the way you…"
"Let's go with 14, alright?" She waited until Ana had slumped back against the bed, before she continued. "So I got used to that bitch's beatings, and fought back a little. Even knocked a tooth out of her mouth once. You should've seen her face." Kamilah shot her a smirk that she could not share in. "She was so ugly and angry. Gave me shit for a long time after that, but it was worth it."
"I lived with them a little more, until I was 15. Got that?" She glanced pointedly at Ana, carrying a hint of humour that came from nowhere. The sniper nodded, and she plunged on, "One day, a huge gang fight breaks out in the neighbourhood, and the turf gets taken over by a new gang. My parents managed to get on their good side, and started making more money from their business. Not that I ever saw any of it, but…" She shrugged.
"So the new gang takes a shine to them, and some of them started hanging out in the house more often. They could get more free hits that way," she explained. "Then I noticed them looking at me funny. I didn't like it, got scared, so I ran."
"What did they want with you?"
"Plaything? Another body to sell as a hooker? I don't want to think about it."
"But your parents could've stopped them, or–"
"They won't. Trust me," she interrupted before Ana could say any more. "They wouldn't have stopped them. I knew, so I ran to a friend's house. Stayed there for a few weeks, then I convinced her parents to let me stay on as a tenant, and help pay my school fees which I'll return after graduating."
"Your parents never looked for you?"
"Why would they? I was a burden, and I just took myself off their hands. Ana," Kamilah said when she opened her mouth again, and set a hand on her knee, fixing her with a steady gaze. "My parents are scum, alright?"
Ana bit on her bottom lip, and nodded.
"So I stayed at the house, paid a discounted rent, worked my ass off after school hours so I wouldn't live hand-to-mouth."
"Is that why you needed money?"
"Patience, Ana. I'm only halfway done." Kamilah gave a close-lipped smile, nudging her cheek. "I stayed with them for a few years. Then, when I was…18? I met this girl. She started offering to walk me home after work. I was a bartender at the time, and going home alone in the early morning wasn't all that safe. So I accepted after she asked me a few times."
"Let me guess: you got together."
Kamilah nodded. "She had that whole 'tough girl' act going on. Head shaved on one side, leather jacket and boots, rode a motorcycle, knew how to fight. And she was nice to me, so I got to…kind of like her. After she started a bar fight with a customer who wouldn't stop hitting on me, I was sold."
"So you like bad girls."
"Tell me a punch line, and I will punch you."
Ana grinned, then motioned for her to go on with the story.
"We started dating, and when she found out about my situation, she offered her place to me. Said I didn't have to worry about the rent. So I moved in, and loved it. I could finally start saving more money, and I had someone to watch over me."
"Then something happened."
"A few months in, I found out she ran with a gang. Smaller than the one in charge, but hers dealt in arms. By the time I knew, she'd already used me in a few supply runs as a cover."
"The hell. So you left her?"
"No. Ana, I liked her. She cared about me, gave me a place to stay. She could've killed a person in front of me, and I wouldn't have left her."
"That's…kind of–"
"Stupid."
"Not really the word I was looking for."
"But accurate," Kamilah sighed, scratching her head. "Besides, some of her gang already knew me. So I just went along with her, figured it was a way to repay everything she did for me."
"Did you join the gang?"
"No. She kept me away from them, and things were fine for a while. Then one night, I came back from work alone, and found her dead in the living room." She glanced at Ana, tapping at the centre of her forehead. "She was still bleeding from the bullet wound when I found her."
"I'm sorry."
Kamilah kept quiet for a moment, gaze lowered. "I cried, then called the police. Got dragged to the station for an interrogation. They let me go eventually, then a few days later they arrested two rival gang members for forcing their way into the house and shooting her. And I was left with a house and a bloodstained floor I couldn't clean properly. Not to mention a rent that I was now responsible for."
"But you still had a house."
"Yes," Kamilah said. "But the landlord didn't want any more to do with the gangs, and started squeezing me out. He raised the rent until I couldn't afford it anymore. So I packed my things, took the cash my girl– ex left in the house, and found a cheap hostel to stay in. No landlord would give me the time of day, so that was the best I could manage."
"Why didn't you go back to your friend's?"
"I had pride, Ana. Something I got from her. Besides, they were kind of glad to see me leave. I didn't want to go crawling back to them."
"So…that's when you joined the army?"
"Yup. I was in the last year of school, and the army set up a booth before graduation. I spoke to the recruiter, sat on it for a while, then enlisted. And now, here I am." Kamilah's shoulders relaxed at the end.
"It couldn't have been easy," Ana said.
Kamilah quirked a brow. "Nothing's been easy."
"I meant the army. Even some who've volunteered and trained for it dropped out halfway."
"Didn't have much of a choice, did I?" She watched Ana shrug half-heartedly, wearing an amused smile. "I know what you mean. I did hate training. Hated it to the core. But it put a roof over my head, I fell asleep with a full stomach every night, I didn't have to worry about most of my expenses, and I got paid. All I had to do was train and get yelled at by sergeants. It's the best deal I've ever had."
The curve of Kamilah's lips slowly fell away, and she fidgeted with the box in her hands. Then she blinked when two arms slid under her knees and lower back.
"Ana–" She laughed when Ana lifted her from the ground, and settled the woman across her thighs. Spreading her legs, she let Kamilah's behind rest on the floor. "What are you doing?"
"Dunno. Just want to hold you." She wrapped her arms around Kamilah to demonstrate her intent, holding still as the medic's hand moved down her bicep to rest at her elbow.
"I'm actually glad you enlisted," Ana said, drawing Kamilah's attention. "I know you had to go through a lot of shit to get here, but I'm glad you're here."
Kamilah gazed at her silently, then hugged around her shoulders. "You know, Ana," she said softly in Ana's ear. "You're the last thing I expected to find here."
"Hope I was a pleasant surprise."
A chuckle, then Kamilah pulled back to look her in the eyes. She traced the edge of Ana's bottom lip with a thumb. "I think my birthday wish came true."
"I knew it!" Ana exclaimed, taking Kamilah aback. "I knew I was in your wish." Her victorious cackle was cut short, in favour of returning the kiss gifted upon her lips. She tightened her arms around Kamilah, a protective urge growing at the medic's tender expression. Nothing would steal that away from her. Nothing.
"You're everything I ever wished for, Ana."
Kamilah: [Ana please.]
[Attached: XO-mp3]
Kamilah: [Stop. I'm at work.]
[No]
[Attached: Drunk In Love-mp3]
Kamilah: [I know you love me.]
Kamilah: [You don't have to send me the entire Beyoncé discography.]
[Just wanna make extra sure you know]
[Attached: Smash Into You-mp3]
Kamilah: [Ana stop. This is your last warning.]
[Why do you always punctuate the end of your messages]
[What are you, a computer]
[Attached: Love On Top-mp3]
Kamilah: [I'm serious. Last warning.]
[Relax. I'm not gonna send the ENTIRE discography]
[Obviously not gonna send you lemonade]
Kamilah: [You'd better not.]
Kamilah: [And stop. Last warning.]
[You said that already.]
[Attached: 1+ 1-mp3]
Kamilah: [That's it.]
Kamilah: [You're sleeping in your room tonight. Alone.]
[:( ]
[Attached: Why Don't You Love Me-mp3]
Kamilah: [And I hate Beyoncé.]
[NO]
[NO BABE PLS I'M SORRY]
[I'M SORRY TALK TO ME]
[DON'T TAKE YOUR ANGER OUT ON THE QUEEN]
[BABE]
[Babe]
[:( ]
[Attached: Broken-Hearted Girl-mp3]
Kamilah: [OH MY FUCKING GOD ANA]
[:D]
A/N: Someone please take Kamilah away from me. And, Halcyon updates may get a little infrequent, gotta work on a bird wives piece. We'll see, as always.