"Here she comes, Salma," the first server called, when Ana reached his tray counter.
Ana raised a brow and glanced at his colleague farther down the line, blowing a kiss when the server looked over. A cheeky smile already sat on her lips as she edged forward, waiting for the vegetables to be ladled onto her tray. The moment Layla moved on from her most favourite counter in the mess hall, Ana stepped in to take her place.
"So tell me, Ana," the middle-aged woman drawled, already dipping her ladle into her tray of food. "How beautiful am I today?"
"You are devastatingly gorgeous, dearest Salma, sunshine of my life," Ana crooned.
"Haven't you used that line before?" Layla deadpanned, as she took a bowl of soup.
"That cannot be. All of my lines are fresh and original."
"Yeah right."
"Well, I don't remember her saying it before." Salma scooped some kofta onto Ana's tray, and a little extra as per their little routine. "But then again, I am getting old. My memory isn't as good as it used to be."
"I would never cheat your feelings, Salma. By the way, new hijab?" Ana nudged her tray further down to the next counter.
"No, I've worn this a few times already. You just haven't seen it because you've been coming here less lately."
"Aw. I missed you too." She placed the bowl of soup on her tray and moved farther away from her 'sunshine'. "I'll come back more often to see you. Promise!"
"Make sure you do, dearie," Salma said with a smile, as Ana winked and stepped away from the line.
She caught up with Layla, walking over to their squad's usual tables. Ana was about to set her tray opposite Deyab, when Layla's butt slammed into her hip. She stumbled to the side, balancing her tray in panic so her bowl of soup would not spill over.
"The fuck, Layla?" she asked as the woman sat down, wearing an impish grin that Ana only understood when she realised who sat in front of her.
Kamilah wore her trademark stare which spoke of negative levels of amusement. Although it stopped having an effect on Ana a while ago, she felt just a tinge of embarrassment from how bloody unsubtle Layla was. Damn woman was doing it on purpose too, she knew.
Reining in the urge introduce Layla's face to her rice, Ana sat down at her 'assigned' seat.
"Good evening, Shadid."
"Is it, Amari?"
Layla snorted. Ana kicked her foot. Kamilah remained unfazed as she had been warned of upcoming shenanigans.
"So grouchy. Bad day at work?"
"Why don't you take a look at the med bay and tell me?"
"My, are you trying to lure me back?"
"A waste of energy. You'll be there after tomorrow's field training."
Ana wore a lop-sided grin, not caring that Layla just shoved an extra-large spoonful of rice and meat into her mouth. "Your confidence is very inspiring, Shadid."
Kamilah just raised a brow. "Wish I could say the same for your situational awareness."
The sniper rolled her eyes when Layla started hacking, slapping on the woman's back as she paid for literally biting off more than she could chew. Khalid was less embarrassing than her.
Ana forced a cup of water into Layla's hands, watching her gulp it down between coughing fits while the medics looked on. Stealing a glance at Kamilah, Ana found her wearing the same tired expression as Deyab – probably hoping they wouldn't have to pull overtime in the mess hall. It took a few seconds before Layla straightened herself, taking in a lungful of air and giving one last cough. Then she chased Ana's hand away.
"You're utterly embarrassing, Layla."
"Birds of a feather, Ana."
Kamilah cocked her head, wearing a faint smirk. I agree, it said, prompting another eye roll from Ana. But the sniper chose to leave it alone, finally wolfing down her dinner to satisfy her empty stomach.
Shadid's prediction turned out to be true, not that Ana made it remotely difficult.
"Sorry, sweetie," Ana said when the door swung open. "No vigorous exercise for tonight."
"That would be my recommendation." Kamilah pressed her lips together in an obvious effort to hide a smile, watching Ana walk in with hands on hips and shoulders stooped. "It'd be more comfortable in your own bed, you know."
"Without my favourite bolster? No, it won't." She slung both arms around Kamilah's neck, hissing a little at the strain in her back as the door closed behind her.
"Are you alright?" Kamilah asked, holding onto her sides as Ana straightened herself. "Do you want a heating pad?"
"Yes please." She released her grip on Kamilah's shoulders, letting the woman walk away to her cabinet. "Mind if I get some aspirin?"
"Study table," Kamilah said needlessly; Ana was already familiar with said table's drawer. She could reach it with her eyes closed even during her hangovers. Probably because her eyes usually were half-closed while she fumbled around for the painkillers.
"I told you to get some at the hospital."
"It felt better then, alright?" Ana retorted, dragging her feet over to the table.
"Because we gave you a shot."
Ana settled for giving a drawn-out groan, knowing full well she had lost the battle. She bent down carefully to pull the first drawer open, but found only stationery. Two notebooks, pens, a pencil, scissors… She patted towards the back of the drawer, and a throb in her back muscles was her only reward.
"It's not here."
"It should be."
Feeling more like an old woman, Ana leaned on the edge of the table for support and opened the second drawer – her little pharmacy away from the hospital, as it were. Assorted over-the-counter medication, a couple of boxes of band-aids, an open box of tampons, and…
Where the hell…
She reached for two boxes sitting at the back, pulling them out to finally find the damned aspirin. One box, anyway. She was about to toss the second one back into the drawer, when she read the print on its front: Prozac – Fluoxetine.
Oh.
"Have you found it?"
Ana's back jerked straight when Kamilah's voice came from right behind her, and she gritted her teeth against another groan.
"Ana." Kamilah touched her elbow, moving over to her side. "Did you find–" Her voice trailed off at the box in Ana's hand.
"Antidepressants?" Ana asked gently, watching her expression grow hard.
Kamilah remained quiet, giving a minute shake of the head, which she caught immediately. Her hand fell away from Ana's arm, and she shifted just a little farther back.
"These are, aren't they?" Ana continued, breaking the silence. "I had an old squad mate who used to take these."
Her lips twitched. Then Kamilah's hand jerked upward, grabbing the box and tugging it from her fingers. She threw it back into the drawer and slammed it shut.
"Milah–" Ana reached out with a hand, but stopped midway when Kamilah stepped back – almost reflexively. She stood in place, unsure what to do as the medic kept her gaze down, hands fiddling with the heating pad.
Kamilah nodded curtly at the bed. She took a breath and said, "Lie down." There was a tremble in her bottom lip, promptly covered up when she pressed her lips back together.
"Milah," Ana tried again, catching hold of her wrist this time. It stilled in her grasp, then tried to break free half-heartedly. "It's alright. You don't have to–"
"Ana." She spoke quietly, still avoiding eye contact. "Go lie down."
Deciding that deference was the better option for now, Ana did. She snuck a peck on Kamilah's cheek – which was accepted wordlessly – and went to plop herself down on the mattress. The bed dipped at the side where Kamilah sat next to her.
She lay her head on the pillow, hearing short clicks as Kamilah adjusted the pad's settings. Taking a shot, she asked, "How long? Since you've been diagnosed, I mean."
No answer for a while. Then, "Since the war. After we returned from Kharga."
Ana took a moment to sift through her memories. "When you had to go to the counsellor?"
A flat, affirmative hum.
That meant six months. Six months where Kamilah said nothing, and Ana was blissfully unaware.
"It…couldn't have been easy," she said, as the warm pad was laid over her back.
"Nothing's been easy."
The words struck her much deeper this time. Ana reached back to catch Kamilah's hand before she could rise. Ignoring the twinge of pain at the movement, she tugged gently until Kamilah relented, sitting close enough so Ana could look up at her properly.
Lacing their fingers together, she said, "You could've told me."
"I didn't want you to know," Kamilah muttered. Her gaze was still turned away, face carefully blank. Fingers limp between Ana's, as though expecting her to let go.
Ana pushed herself up, the heating pad falling off onto the bed. She bit down the groan as she turned around to face Kamilah proper, the medic keeping a hand on her arm for support. Settling in place with a sigh, she smiled when Kamilah's eyes flickered up to meet hers.
"Nothing is going to change between us, Milah. Well – maybe now I can help. You know, whenever you need me."
Kamilah took her time before replying, "You don't have to treat me like I'm…fragile."
"Oh trust me, I know you're the opposite of that." Ana took her hand again. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you, whenever you need me. 24/7. I'm your bitch. Actually, you know what? Maybe I should get you a dog whistle so you can call me whenever you want." Ana started laughing before she reached at the end of the sentence, when an involuntary smile made its way onto Kamilah's lips. Then a cry of pain cut her off when Kamilah pushed at her shoulder.
"Ow, ow…" She hissed as Kamilah grabbed onto her, tugging her forward with just a tad too much force. Ana waved away her hurried apologies, riding out the pain as she grabbed back onto Kamilah's biceps. "I'm fine. Really." She flicked Kamilah's cheek lightly when the worried expression stayed in place.
"Now, where were we?" Ana rested her arms around the medic's neck, leaning on her. "Oh right. The dog whistle. We could get a leash too, if you want."
"Ana, please."
"Oh fine." She pouted. "No leash then."
"Ana."
"Milah," Ana said, leaving the humour behind in an instant. "I'm serious. You don't have to do this alone. You have me."
Kamilah's gaze dropped briefly. "I'm…not easy to be with."
"So you said. And I understand. Milah." Ana cupped her cheek. "I love you. I love you more than anyone, anything in this world. Nothing will ever change that. I'm here for you. Always."
Face scrunching up a little, Kamilah slapped at her shoulder. "You're such a sap," she said, voice thick.
"You love it."
A breathy laugh finally made it past her lips, Kamilah swiping at her eyes and pressing forward in a kiss. Ana met her patiently, surrendering every piece of affirmation she searched for, coaxing that familiar softness back to the surface. Her hands rested lightly on Ana's back when she pulled away, meeting Ana's tender gaze.
"I do."
"Yay. Ow!" Ana flinched away from the pinch on her back, setting off another ache in her pulled muscles.
"You'd better lie down."
"Yeah. Great idea," Ana groaned as she let go of Kamilah reluctantly, lowering herself face-down on the bed. Kamilah straightened her top, then placed the heating pad on her back again. Ana flung her hand back blindly, searching for a hand that slipped into her own in a gentle hold. She turned her head to look at the woman who sat next to her. "I love you, Milah."
The corners of Kamilah's mouth curled up in a smile, as she ran her fingertips along Ana's cheek, and tucked the stray strands of hair behind her ear. Then she bent down, pressing her lips gently on Ana's temple.
"I love you too."
Ana did her recommended back exercises a little too enthusiastically.
Kamilah advised her to extend medical leave to make sure she was fully healed before jumping back into training.
Ana did not listen.
Kamilah told her she would regret it.
Ana did not.
She shifted Mesi's arm over her shoulder, groaning under her breath. Then a pained grunt escaped when Mesi adjusted herself, putting too much weight that made her back ache more than it should.
"You alright, Ana?" Mesi asked as she limped slowly along, supported by Layla and Ana.
"Yeah." She slumped her shoulders a little, hoping to ease the pain. But it only got worse. She kept her mouth shut, though.
"Is your back acting up?" Layla asked.
"No." Yes.
"Did you get hurt during training?" Mesi probed as they entered the aid station.
"No." Ana dragged the vowel as though it would make her claim sound more convincing. She bent down carefully to lower Mesi onto the cot, watching a medic come over to examine Mesi's injured leg.
As they waited, the rest of their squad settled on the cots nearby, along with the rest of the injured among their company. All kinds of shit had hit the fan during training, and the newly-promoted Major Jaida seemed about ready to stick every last one of them on pikes. Only a few could lift their heads after the brief but ruthless tongue-lashing the major had given them, not to mention the threat of more punishing exercises on the horizon. Suffice to say, it had been a bad day.
The last of their company trickled through the entrance, Kamilah being one of them; though she was not one of the injured, as usual. The medic had an unconscious squad mate slung over her shoulders in a fireman's carry, and set the soldier down onto the cot easily. She looked over the patient, then turned to stop Mesi's medic – who had gone away to fetch some supplies. They traded a few words, and Kamilah nodded her head back at the unconscious soldier, then had the supplies handed over to her. Mesi's medic now tended to Kamilah's squad mate, and Kamilah was walking over to where Mesi sat.
Act normal, Ana reminded herself, and her back twinged in response.
Kamilah asked Mesi questions, falling into superficial banter to keep her patient's attention occupied while she cleaned the wound. Other than the occasional clenched jaw, Mesi gave no indication she was in pain. Kamilah finished up in no time, and soon she was securing the bandage around Mesi's calf.
"Anything else?" Kamilah asked, rising to her feet.
"Nope. Thanks."
The medic looked her over, then turned her attention to the two women standing by the cot. Layla passed without trouble, but the scrutiny rested on Ana far too long for comfort. Then Ana realised her shoulders were stooped again, and tried to straighten them subtly. It did not work.
"Amari. Are you in pain?"
"No," Ana said uncertainly.
"Stretch out your arm."
Feeling much like a student caught red-handed by a teacher, Ana did as she was told. Kamilah grasped onto her forearm and tugged, causing the pain to flare up along with a healthy dose of regret. Ana stumbled a few steps forward, free hand reaching out to grab onto Kamilah's other arm for support while she remained bent over.
"Your back." No question. She already knew the answer.
"Yes," Ana groaned. She followed the gentle pull on her arms, Kamilah turning her towards an empty cot farther inside the station.
"Go lie down, if you have any sense left."
Okay… She's angry.
Because she did have some sense left, Ana did as she was told. She shuffled after Kamilah in a walk of shame, glancing back at Mesi and Layla, who wore sympathetic gazes as they watched her trudge away.
Kamilah's displeasure was as hard to bear as ever, although she still did check on Ana later that night.
"Ana."
Ana jumped, eyelids snapping up to half-mast and both feet kicking in reflex. She looked up groggily at the woman touching her cheek, and muttered something incoherent as she straightened from her slumped posture in the chair. Rubbing her eyes, Ana took in a breath of cool air, waking even further.
"You done already?" Ana asked, sluggish tongue trying to follow the words zipping across her mind.
"Yup. And I've paid, so we can go."
"That's fast." She raised both arms past her head and stretched in the chair, getting a few satisfying pops from her now-healed back. Under Kamilah's personal attention, Ana had performed her daily exercises without going overboard, rested appropriately, and received a few back massages from the medic herself. Needless to say, she recovered in record time, and was now able to safely go out and hurt herself again. Not that she would be doing so any time soon.
Taking a deep breath, Ana pushed herself up from the chair and arched her back one last time, before walking through the psychiatrist's waiting room with Kamilah by her side.
"You could've stayed home if you're this tired," Kamilah said, holding onto her elbow as they stepped out into the corridor.
"I'm fine. Feel a little better, even." Ana had actually passed out in her room for an hour before she ferried Kamilah to her therapy session. The day's training had been thoroughly stressful – physically and mentally. But she had promised to give her partner a lift, and she would be damned before going back on it.
She pressed the button for the elevator. "So, how was it?"
"Much better than the last one."
"That's good. What'd the doctor say?"
"That I'm making progress," Kamilah replied, stepping into the empty elevator and pressing for the basement car park.
"Well, that's very good." Ana kissed the side of her head. "I'm proud of you."
Kamilah hugged her arm, waiting until the doors slid open again. "You came up quite a lot today."
"Oh?"
"I told her you found out."
"And…how'd she react?" Ana pulled out the car key as they neared their ride.
"She asked how you reacted. And how I felt."
"She should've asked me instead." Ana clicked a button, and her car beeped loudly in response. "I know exactly how you feel." She snorted a laugh when Kamilah shoved her aside, and Ana stumbled into the middle of the road. Thankfully, the car park was nearly empty.
Ana regained her footing, then sprinted forward without warning. Kamilah's eyes widened as she raised her hands, a short shriek escaping her throat when Ana slammed into her, raising her high into the air.
"Ana, stop–!" She yelped when Ana squeezed her bottom.
"Here's the firm butt, and here's the comfy cleavage–" Laughter bubbled up from Ana's chest when Kamilah held her head fast, to stop Ana from face planting into her chest.
"You perverted little–"
The sound of another car being unlocked caught their attention. Both women turned their heads to look at a civilian worker walking toward his car. The man jerked his gaze away and scurried over to his ride.
"Let me down," Kamilah reminded her.
"I would never."
Kamilah sighed when Ana refused to let her go, walking awkwardly to her car with the medic still in her arms. "He's looking at us like we're crazy," she said, glancing over Ana's head.
"That's because we are, sweetie."
"'We'?"
"Am I wrong?" Ana set her down, pausing when Kamilah fixed her with a thoughtful look.
"No." Kamilah pinched her chin. "But you are crazier than me."
"Guilty as charged."
Layla: [Hey guess what]
[No]
Layla: [We got you a date]
[I'll get my rifle]
Layla: [With Shadid ;) ]
[…]
[What]
Layla: [We just asked her]
[And…she said yes?]
Layla: [Yep. We gave her the movie tickets. So just bring yourself. Or maybe a better version of yourself idk]
[Are you serious]
Layla: [Yeah if you just brought yourself she'd probably leave in 4 secs]
Layla: [Maybe less]
[Why do I even bother]
Layla: [Sat night. 7pm at barrack's car park. Go get em, babe]
Layla: [Oh and remember to trim your nails ;)) ]
Ana was torn between laughing and reaching through the phone to give Layla two slaps. But she settled for some fact-checking instead.
[Babe]
Kamilah: [Yes.]
[You're still in med bay right]
Kamilah: [Yes. Your friends just left.]
[They set us up]
Kamilah: [I know.]
[On Saturday]
Kamilah: [To watch a movie.]
[That…we were planning to watch. On the same day]
Kamilah: [Yes.]
[Why'd you even tell them yes?]
Kamilah: [For the free tickets.]
[Wow. Not for me?]
Kamilah: [I see you every day.]
[:( ]
Kamilah: [We'll take my bike.]
[:D ]
Ana finished buttoning her jeans when the insistent knocks on her door came again. Clicking her tongue, she went over and flung it open, revealing Layla and Mesi standing in the corridor. Layla's eyes roved from Ana's head to her feet. Then she waved a hand at her clothes.
"That's it?" Layla asked, flinging out a hand to stop the door from being slammed in her face.
"First you set up my dates. Now you inspect my clothes. Next, you'll be checking my underwear."
"Are you even wearing any?" Layla hooked her fingers into her waistband and pulled, peeking down as she walked in. Naturally, her hand was slapped away.
"Fuck off."
"We just want your date to go well," Mesi said in a placating tone.
"Yeah. So." Layla plucked at the grey tank top she wore. "What, are you going to charm her with your casual getup?"
Ana made sure to roll her eyes in plain sight. "We're just going to a movie."
"Nothing after?"
"No."
"Really."
"Leave her alone, Layla."
"Look, I just want things to go smoothly," Layla said, as Ana put on her belt. "I didn't almost shit my pants setting up this date just for Ana to mess it up."
"'Shit your pants'?"
"You know how Shadid is," Mesi explained. "She stared at us like we peed on her floor." She cocked her head, glancing over at Layla. "Honestly, I'm still surprised she accepted it."
"Me too. I was getting ready to date Ana myself."
"Please. Like I'd ever let my standards fall that low," Ana deadpanned, pulling on her jacket. She patted at the small bulge in her pocket, just to make sure the box was indeed there.
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."
"And I'll pretend I never saw you here." Ana shooed the two women through the door first, then followed them out after slipping into her shoes. Her friends fussed over her appearance non-stop as they climbed down the stairs – smoothing over her combed hair, straightening her jacket, checking her nails, and sniffing at her perfume. They only stopped when the car park came into view along with Shadid, who was waiting beside her motorcycle.
"You're taking her bike?" Mesi asked while Layla gave a low whistle.
"Nice. Now, go make us proud."
Ana hopped forward reflexively when Layla gave her a sound smack on the bottom. She cast a withering glance over her shoulder before making her way to Kamilah, whose eyes were already on her.
"Hi," Ana said, reminding herself not to kiss the woman just yet. Instead, she reached into her jacket's pocket for the box.
"What's that?" Kamilah asked. Her brows rose when Ana lifted the lid to reveal the watch – analog, as she preferred them.
"Yours is getting kind of worn. Thought you'd like a new one."
"It stopped working, actually. A few days ago." Kamilah raised her wrist, pulling down the jacket sleeve to show that it was unadorned.
"Talk about excellent timing." Ana took the watch and pocketed the box again. Taking Kamilah's hand, she slipped the metal strap through and clasped it on. It fit nicely.
Kamilah smiled, admiring the gift. "You didn't have to."
"I want to." She paused again, repressing another instinctive urge to kiss the woman. Ana was spared the effort though, when Kamilah pecked her on cheek.
"Thank you." Her smile widened when Ana bounced on her feet. She turned towards the motorcycle, opening the underseat compartment to retrieve the helmets, and handed one to Ana. "Now say bye to your cheerleaders."
Surprised, Ana spun around to find Layla and Mesi still standing by the barracks block. They had huge grins plastered on their faces and gave her four thumbs-up, looking more excited than a cat at a catnip feast. Ana sighed and, still playing her role as a disgruntled friend, flipped them off.
Putting her helmet on, Ana climbed onto the bike behind Kamilah. "Wait," she said suddenly, staring at Kamilah in disbelief when the woman turned to look at her. "You just kissed me in front of them."
All she got was a quirk of the brow, before her visor was snapped down by Kamilah. Ana grinned, shoulders shaking in a short chuckle before hugging about her waist as usual. Kamilah had taken the lead, and Ana was more than happy to follow.