Rated T

So, I was inspired.

Now, I'm writing a story I hope you enjoy that is nothing but silly.

Warning: contains the effects of weed consumption. This story is a funny story where Emma and Regina eat some brownies Henry brought home… with ingredients, they were unaware of… special ingredients.

A.K.A.

Emma and Regina get high.

Snow White knew something was wrong when she walked into the house and heard Emma and Regina giggling.

She very rarely heard Emma giggle and not once in her life had she heard Regina giggle.

The two women were sitting on the couch, huddled beside each other with a big plate of brownies in front of them and crumbs around both of their mouths.

Regina looked like she found something quite amusing and Emma looked ready to burst out laughing as they whispered back and forth to each other.

David stared at Snow and back to his daughter while Snow White tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Mom!"

Emma shouted the word as though she was scared she wouldn't be heard… from the other side of the country.

"No need to yell, I'm right here," Snow told her daughter, eyeing David as though he had answers… he shrugged.

"Your voice sounds weird," Regina informed her in her usual blunt manner, making Snow White's hand jump to her throat. "You should sing, Snow! Snow White sings. Sing."

Snow's jaw dropped for a second and she turned back to Regina who was looking at her with a pointed grin as though making it clear she was serious… yet her grin made it hard to take seriously.

"Regina?"

Snow White didn't even know what she wanted to ask Regina, her mind was reeling too much and so far, despite only having been in the house for a few moments, she felt as though she had walked into a parallel universe.

Emma stood up and plunked herself onto Regina's lap and kissed the side of her face as though this was the most natural thing in the world for her to do.

As though she did it all the time.

Regina wrapped an arm around the blonde and they both giggled.

Giggling, again like when they were… the two of them did not giggle. Heck, Snow didn't know that Regina's throat was even capable of such a sound.

"Mom, Regina and I are going to have sex!" Emma shouted, causing David to choke on air while Snow was started to figure out if she was also lacking oxygen to her brain because what Emma said was completely crazy and she had to have misheard her. "Right here, mom, isn't that cool."

Cool? Cool? Sex in my living room with my ex-stepmother sounds cool? Snow's mind was now resembling that of a dial-up machine, trying to process the very simple words but instead only coming up with various forms of the word 'huh' and 'what'.

"I like that," Regina muttered.

"You're going to do what?" Snow muttered back stupidly… but still more intelligently than her husband who had yet to close his mouth since his jaw dropped. He was staring between his daughter and Regina in horror.

"Have sex, mom. Are you deaf?" Emma muttered shaking her head.

"I'm pretty sure she has hearing problems," Regina offered with a shrug as she began kissing Emma's neck.

"David!"

David jumped when his wife called his name before he turned to his daughter who was currently having her neck sucked by a Regina who seemed to have completely forgotten the concept of PDA and appropriate behaviour and general decency.

"Are you both… okay?"

"David, do they look okay to you?"

"I'm hungry," Regina announced, standing up, while Emma stumbled at the movement, grabbing for Regina's sweater. "I want to eat nachos… oh, you brought food!"

Regina pointed to the basket in Snow's hand. The basket she and David had just put together for their date later that evening with their favourite foods. They were going to go to their spot by the river and have a romantic, starlit meal.

However, Regina and Emma grabbed the basket and tore into it, eating the chocolates, the pasta, the little custom sandwiches and the chocolate covered strawberries.

"What's wrong with Emma?" David asked.

"What's wrong with Regina?" Snow countered. This behaviour was extremely odd from Emma but from Regina… It was terrifying.

"Hey, mom," Emma asked with her mouth full of chicken, mayo and cranberry sandwich, "can Regina and I have sex in your bed? Mine is lumpy and I don't think she'll like it."

"You're right, I won't," Regina giggled again. "But, I thought we were going to do it here."

"David!"

Snow's tone was pleading for her husband to do something but he had no clue what to do about this.

"Chicken wings come to mama," Regina called out, now pulling out the chicken wings with the special pineapple and cherry sauce Snow had had Ruby make just for that night.

"How long have you two been… intimate?"

David choked out the last word as though it had been stuck in his through for a while and his tone told Snow how much he wanted to disappear.

"I've been having dream sex with Regina since I met her," Emma giggled as though she was a child telling them something sneaky she had done and not revealing a long pattern of sex dreams.

Regina beamed as though this was the best thing she had ever heard.

"Oh, I've been dream fucking you too… can you really shove your tongue that far into my…"

"Stop! Stop! Just stop talking, both of you! What the hell has gotten into you?" Snow demanded looking between Emma and Regina who both looked offended for half a second before they seemed to have forgotten to care.

"Mom, can you order pizza?"

They have the attention span of toddlers!

"Pepperoni!" Regina added.

"And bacon!" Emma's voice was dazed and dreamy as she stared at Emma with glazed eyes.

"Are you two high?" Snow White asked, her tone shrill as she tried to piece together this whole evening and conversation that was slowly making her regret several choices that lead to this moment.

"Really, you're just figuring it out now?"

"Mom, we are not high! We've been here all night planning to have sex, eating Henry's brownies and watching the funny show."

Emma pointed to the TV and burst out laughing as the weather lady pointed to Iowa, declaring it would be raining for the next three days. Apparently this was hilarious to Emma. And Regina because now they were both laughing uncontrollably while Snow White picked up one of the brownies and sniffed it.

When the door opened, Henry walked in and at the sight of his grandmother holding one of the brownies, he gulped and turned for the door. David, however, grabbed his jacket and pulled him in.

"So, brownies, Henry?"

Regina and Emma both stopped laughing at the weather woman who was now giving the evening forecast for Maine and turned to their son.

"Henry!" Emma explained. "Your mother and I are going to have sex here. Why don't you go to sleep in my bed? We'll be in grandma's bed."

"You will not!" Snow declared to Emma, "they will not."

"Something you want to share, Henry," David said through gritted teeth.

"Um… I think mom and ma just went to your room."

Both of the Charmings turned around and sure enough, the women were gone and they heard the closing of Snow and David's bedroom.

"Are you going to stop them, David?"

"Snow, there is nothing in the world that will make me go into that room," David muttered, hearing her daughter demand Regina hurry up and 'take her' already, "just think. Today is the day Henry uses his allowance to buy us a new mattress."

"Oh, I like that already."

"But…"

"And I'm sure Emma and Regina will be very excited to hear your reason for your baked goods," Snow continued, dragging Henry out of the house.

"They're going to kill me!"

"Maybe," David muttered, also wanting to go as far away as possible.

"Where are we going?" Henry asked his grandparents.

"To get a room at Granny's… I have no intention of hearing those two… do that all night long."

Henry nodded in agreement.

"Don't worry," Snow began in a drained tone. "You won't have to face the music till tomorrow when your mothers are less… indisposed."

And just like that, Henry knew he was in big trouble.

Emma woke up with a pair of arms wrapped around her, warm skin against warm skin and it took several seconds for her to regain focus to figure out what was going on.

The first thing she realised was that she was in her parent's bed... And their bed was so much softer than hers.

The next thing she realised was that she was naked as the person holding her.

The very next thing she realised was the person holding her was Regina Mills. Regina Mills and her sex hair. Sex hair she had given her... Oh, god, she had sex with Regina Mills in her parents' bed!

That was wrong. Sure, she had dreamt about having sex with her but not in her parents' bed.

Horror became more prominent as she remembered announcing the sex they 'planned' to her parents and their son... Oh, shit, they told Henry they were going to have sex... What the hell had possessed them?

Emma was impulsive but not that impulsive. And Regina certainly was not so impulsive.

Regina woke up and stared at Emma with a blank expression before she put it together. They both realised at once what had happened.

"So, Miss Swan... After we're finished grounding our son for his weed brownies, I say we go on a date to discuss what occurred," Regina said softly with a smile, "he can wash our cars while we're eating."

"Sounds good, Regina."

Like I said, pure silliness, nothing important. Just Regina and Emma high as kites, ruining Snow and David's night.