Author's Notes: Thanks so much for the suggestions. Not really sure how to apply them humorously at the moment, though. And without it being a discussion like the second chapter. This next cliche is the deconstruction of "Batman adopts the Team". Hope you guys enjoy. I know I did when I wrote this just now.

"No." Batman said.

"But can't you-"

"No." Batman repeated.

"If you could just-"

"No."

"But-"

"What part of no are you not getting here?"

Rocket crossed her arms. "Explain it to me, then."

Batman held back a sigh. "Do you know how long an adoption process takes? A long time."

"So what?" Artemis frowned. "It should be worth it overall. If the end is right…you know where I'm going with this."

"Except the end isn't right and it'll compromise your identities as well as Robin's and my own."

Kid Flash grinned. "But you're Batman. It shouldn't matter, right?"

Batman actually stared at him. "I don't even know why you're asking. I know for a fact both of your parents are alive and caring people, your godparents and honorary grandparents are also still kicking. So why are you asking me?"

"Cause."

Batman furrowed his eyes into a glare that made Kid Flash take a few steps back. "As your commanding officer, I expect a more refined and definite answer aside from a 'cause'. Is the information I just described to you false? Are your relatives' dead or not as caring as I suspected?"

"Well…no."

"Then kindly end this matter." Kid Flash dashed out of the room.

"Come on." Rocket insisted. "Just a trial run. See how it goes in the end. We'll all be one big happy family…I think."

"Would you say yes if I did…this?" And Artemis began quivering her lip while her eyes shined with potential tears.

"No." Batman said bluntly.

Artemis' eyes grew wider and waterier, the pouty lip more pronounced.

Batman didn't know if he should chuckle with pity or simply ignore the look until she gave up. So he decided on a third option.

"That expression is pathetic and unexpected and whoever told you I would fall for the lower lip trick is clearly messing with you."

Now Artemis' pout turned into a glare. "ROBIN, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Robin chuckled somewhere in the Cave. Batman almost smiled.

"I will talk to your guardians about this. A trial run would be efficient. Do not expect this to be easy."

And then he walked off.

Two months and five signed documents examined by a team of lawyers sworn to secrecy later – Paula and the Wests put their foot down on the idea – and Batman was now leading most of the Team into the Batcave. Superboy was looking at Miss Martian nervously, possibly realizing that he couldn't date someone he would be calling his adoptive sister now. Rocket and Aqualad made it clear that they weren't dating, much to the disbelief of the Team, so they were okay with becoming siblings. But that didn't mean they were happy with the situation.

"This is where you'll be staying." Batman responded plainly.

He pointed to the left. "Bathrooms are on your left. Down the hall where the bat guano smells worse."

He pointed to the right. "Bedrooms are on your right. Expect more bat guano over there. Especially on the sheets."

Miss Martian blinked. "I thought we were going to be a family."

"We are." Batman agreed. "But you are the wards of Batman, not his secret identity. That means that you cannot know my secret identity. Nor can you be allowed to be seen with me in public without exposing my identity. Training starts five o'clock sharp tomorrow morning. Robin will come down with dinner for everyone in half an hour. Be washed up by then. And be careful, there's guano in the shower stalls too."

And so he walked off.

There was silence. And darkness. And guano. Lots and lots of guano.

Superboy was the first to break the silence. "This idea sucks! I can't even kiss M'gann anymore now."

"Wait a minute!" Zatanna's eyes widened with horror. "That means Robin and I can't be a couple either! We'd be siblings."

"You just realized this?" Rocket raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

"As least Wally and Artemis didn't agree." Superboy sighed. "Sure they'd commit murder if they couldn't make out anymore."

"Well, it helps that their parents had more common sense than we did." Rocket sighed.

Miss Martian was on the verge of tears. "No more Supey snuggles!"

"And no more clean Cave to relax in." Rocket added nonchalantly. "Let's blow this pop stand."

"Wait, my friends." Aqualad stood in front of everyone present. "I understand your anger and confusion and possibly disgust over the situation. But we have faced worse dangers than an unsanitary location-"

"Which is now our new home." Zatanna piped in nonchalantly.

"Nonetheless." Aqualad smiled. "I am honored to call Batman my father now. And I am certain you all will too in due time."

Bat guano landed on his head.

Aqualad looked at everyone in the Batcave. "All in favor of returning to a more sanitary Cave, say aye."

"Aye!" It was unanimous.

"And all in favor of rejecting the adoption altogether say we were on crack and owe Robin two hundred dollars each now." Miss Martian added cheerfully before attempting to plant a kiss on Superboy's lips, who turned away, saying something about incest.

"We were on crack and…what you said!"

XXXXXX

"Hey guys, who wants to try some crab-stuffed mushrooms!" Robin and an elderly man wearing Groucho glasses came out of the elevator wheeling out a large tray with a protective lid over it. "Kal, I know fish are your friends, so Agent A made an alternative meal out of seaweed-"

But as he walked towards the area Batman said they would be, all he saw was bat guano and a note on the Bat-Computer. When he walked over to the Bat-Computer, he peered at the note and grinned.

Robin,

You were right. We couldn't even last five minutes as a family. We will have the payment in by tomorrow's training session.

Signed,

The Team

"Bruce!" He called upstairs. "I won the bet. You can burn those documents now."

"No one will be able to appreciate my cooking now." Alfred sighed sadly.

"Don't worry, Alf, I'll still eat it. Crab-stuffed mushrooms are my favorite." Robin pushed the tray back into the elevator and held a plate out to Alfred. "Want one?"

Author's Notes: I hope you don't mind the bat guano. Bats and all that jazz, it tends to happen. Why haven't DC writers ever brought up this health concern? Artemis and Wally were the only ones who wouldn't be adopted due to their obviously loving parents (or parent), and I would like to point out that Adoption Does Not Mean Secret Identity Reveal. Hope Bruce was okay with the bet.