Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews last time. Now for a chapter that doesn't require Batman in it. Also, Smile, when I said I wasn't going to focus on the plotline of Superman and Superboy bonding Post Season 1, it wasn't a request, but I knew of it thanks to TV Tropes.
But I appreciate the reminder that Superman was also a victim in this, but the way he handled it wasn't mature. He treated Superboy with hostility even though it wasn't his fault and I really hated how they handled the sub plot in Season One, the Time Skip was a turn off and a bad idea (roll credits). Some of the suggestions leave little room for humor and I do not want to make light of some of these serious issues (like another berserk button of mine worse than BullyFics), so I changed this series into a Drama/Humor story now.
Before I forget, does anyone know a good cover artist? I really want to make some cover art for some of my stories, but my talent lies in writing and not art, digital or hand-drawn.
The timing of this update seems appropriate since it is April First, I was thinking of updating yesterday, but April Fool's felt better. Enjoy!
The bell rang, signaling freedom. Wally couldn't get out of the building faster without using his super speed – Batman gave him a pretty stern lecture about using powers in public after the last time he did this, the security cameras drove the guards nuts – making sure that his backpack was strapped tightly to his back.
Running home would be fun, but again, Bat-Lecture…so he decided to walk. And it allowed him to take in the sights around him; the green grass starting to sprout from the ground after a long winter, the first smells of flowers blooming – and agitated his nose – in an array of different colors, and the scraping of roller-blades on concrete – his English grade was getting better, but God help him should anyone ask him to be extremely descriptive – all of which were surrounding his senses with a unanimous sensation.
This was why he preferred running over walking…
He heard an engine running behind him, but Wally ignored it. Must have been one of those people who loved driving slowly and pissed everyone off in the process.
So why did he hear familiar voices that brought back memories of frostbites in places he refused to let anyone know about…?
"Hey kid, want some ice cream?" Wally looked in the direction the voice came from, exactly where the engine noise was coming from.
Wally shook his head. "No thanks, I don't have my wallet on me."
His wallet hugged close inside of his left pocket.
Wally blinked. The ice cream guy was dressed in the uniform seen in old TV shows, but he looked familiar…
"Captain Cold…?"
There was silence.
"NOW!"
Fuck! They were giving themselves away that loudly?!
Wally didn't realize that he was the target, only that he was tangled up in a gooey mass pinning his arms to his side and gluing his legs together, thrown into a burlap sack – seriously, could the Rogues be any more cliché than that? And to think that he stopped them from robbing banks three times a week – and then there was darkness. He was carried bridal-style into the van before unceremoniously thrown onto the metal floor. He felt a strap being wrapped around him before he heard a click.
"Safety first." The voice of the Trickster spoke up in a cheerful tone.
This wasn't happening. This was NOT happening. Hands and feet tied together hog style like he was cattle on a ranch with what Wally was praying to God was gum and wouldn't get in his hair. He leaned back for a moment and felt his hair being pulled by something.
It was too much to ask...
A moment later, he saw light before something covering his eyes tightly in what was most likely a sock that hadn't been washed in a few months.
His eyes were blindfolded, hair was ruined, and running low on fuel. Even if he did have a full stomach, there wasn't any certainty whether or not he could vibrate through the ropes without cutting his wrists. Then again, it would have been empty again from the foul aroma alone.
Then he felt the vehicle moving, his body sliding across the floor for a moment before the strap around him stopped this. The engine was roaring underneath. He could hear the tires screech. This was happening, this was actually happening to him.
Wally didn't want to admit it, but he was scared. A kidnapping attempt. He was the target. And he wasn't even rich! He did NOT envy this part of being wealthy, not one bit. Dick could keep that part of his world to himself. At least he was insured to have some superhero coming within an hour of the kidnapping and preventing something of a torture porn from happening.
Seriously, why are people entertained by someone else's extreme misery?! Were they on crack or did they watch too much NCIS, Criminal Minds, or any other crime show that had a sadist villain almost every week?
"How's he holding up?" He hears a gruff voice. Captain Cold! Did they know who they had just abducted?
Captain Boomerang's voice was heard next. He said. "Long as he isn't cactus, I'm game for phase 2. Still think we're gonna cark it by the end of this. Flash's is gonna cut snake when he finds us."
"Okay, first off, no idea what you're saying." Trickster said. When he got out of this, Wally was gonna give that asshole a black eye for ruining his hair, clothes, and backpack with that sticky mass that he was still hoping was a lot of pre-chewed gum and nothing else. "Second off, get an Aussie to English translation book. Third-"
"Does it have to do with my bloody speak?" Boomerang snarled.
"No, I was going to tell you to get a breath mint, cause I can smell nicotine from here!"
There was a thud and sharp cry of pain.
"Cold!" Trickster said like a child tattling a sibling on their parent. "Digger's hitting me again."
"Both of you zip it!" Cold snapped.
"Jerk!"
Wally couldn't take it anymore. "LET ME OUT OF HERE! MY UNCLE'S A COP!"
He hoped that they would buy the white lie and at least take him seriously…unless they assumed they could use Wally as leverage instead and threaten the CCPD with it, which in that case, fuck.
"We know." Trickster said cheerfully. "Hmmm, but I don't think he's that type of cop…Digger, isn't he a forensic officer?"
"Yeah." Wally could hear the sneer creeping onto Captain Boomerang's face. "That means that if anything happens, he might be looking at a crime scene where the only victim was a fifteen-year-old pubescent pup, survived by his mother and father. So, if you just keep your mouth shut, she'll be apples."
What?
"…are you threatening to turn my mom into fruit?" Wally asked.
Boomerang suddenly screamed. "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS A TRUE AUSSIE ANYMORE! I BLAME TELEVISION!"
"Everyone zip it! Don't make me turn this thing around!"
"Yes, Mom." Trickster said in a mocking tone.
"Watch it!" Cold snapped. "We're not making any death threats on children, that's our rule. So, Trickster, don't get any ideas and Harkness, stop teasing Baby Flash."
"IT'S KID FLASH, YOU IDIOTS!" How could his own enemies get his name wrong?! "NOT BABY FLASH! I AM NOT FLASH BOY, I AM NOT FLASH JUNIOR, AND I AM CERTAINLY NOT CALLED SPEEDY, SO WHY DON'T YOU ALL LET ME GO AND – I just told you my secret identity, didn't I?"
Wally banged his head against the floor, feeling his hair getting tugged by the sack even more. Please God, take him out of his misery.
"Watch it, or I'll spank you with my boomerang." Boomerang sounded a bit too cheerful…
"…"
"What." Cold said.
"Are you at least going to wear protection…?" Wally couldn't help but ask. If he was going to lose his virginity, he would at least hope there wouldn't be the chance of getting an STD.
Boomerang sputtered. "What?! N-no! I was going to spank you with my weapon, not my wallaby, you nut!"
"The nerve of some people, these days." Trickster agreed. "Always thinking crazy things."
"I actually thought you were referring to down under, too." Cold admitted in the front of the van.
"You all suck." Boomerang muttered.
A police siren was heard in the distance. He was saved!
"Heatwave, we need cover." He wasn't saved!
Footsteps pounded against the floor for a few moments. He heard something being picked up from the floor near him. His backpack pressed into his back tightly, there was no way Wally would be able to do a training session or two once this was all over.
Explosions were heard outside, and Wally prayed that there were no deaths.
XXX
He felt the van stop.
"Okay, we're here." Captain Cold said. "Open the sack and let him out."
Wally shuddered. This wasn't going to end well, he was certain of it. He felt the burlap sack open and the blindfold being removed from his face. He squinted, trying to adjust to the light and keep the sweat from the sock from going into his eyeballs.
Trickster grinned at him as he helped the boy up, pulling something from out of his cape and spraying it on the sticky mass encasing him. Wally felt his arms being pulled away from his chest, sighing with relief over the return of movement.
Captain Cold, having removed the paper-thin disguise he was wearing, now donned a beanie with a blue sweatshirt, his ice-blue eyes standing out. He smiled. "Alright, kid. Ready to have some fun?"
They were standing in front of an amusement park.
Wally stared at him. "What."
"Surprise!" Trickster had swapped his fashion-law-breaking outfit for an equally fashion-law-breaking disguise. Seriously, who wore a plaid kilt with a plaid shirt?
Heatwave just put on pair of glasses as if that would be the perfect disguise to hide in when the police would be looking for them.
"What is going on?" Wally dared to ask.
Trickster placed an arm around Wally's shoulder, who proceeded to shrug it off. "See Baby Flash-"
"Don't call me that!"
Trickster continued. "We wanted to do something nice for you and I suggested we try hanging out outside of our costumes."
Wally stared at them as if they had worms crawling out of their heads like apples. The Rogues, men who were capable of doing mass destruction and have served as an adversary to Uncle Barry and himself – even nearly killing him a few times – thought it would be a great idea to do something nice?!
"I am not following your logic." He confessed.
"Kidnapping you in an ice cream van was my idea." Heatwave said, as if Wally had never said anything at all.
"And leaving you all behind is mine." Wally quickly fell face-down to the ground, his feet now encased in a block of ice.
"MY NOSE!"
"We're spending the day with you, end of discussion." Captain Cold said briskly.
"Quick question." Wally said stuffily as his broken nose started bleeding. "Even though you all have taken a stance against domestic abusers against women and children – and even refuse to hurt either kinds of people – what makes you think my uncle is going to be okay with letting you hang out with me after so many near-death experiences by your hands?"
No one spoke.
Captain Cold groaned. "Aw crap."
Wally couldn't see anything from his position on the ground, but he knew that familiar vrrrrrroooom! sound anywhere. Several blasts of wind blowing through his hair later, Wally felt himself being picked off the ground and pulled into an embrace.
"Wally!" The Flash sighed with relief. "Thank God, I got here in time."
He quickly looked at the Rogues on the ground, Trickster's kilt blown out of position – Thank God, he was wearing underwear underneath – and coughed a few times. "I mean, are you Wallace Rudolph West, young man?"
"It's okay, Uncle Barry, they know who we are." Wally sighed.
Flash's eyes widened behind his cowl. "H-how?!"
"Dunno, don't care, just call Doctor Fate and erase their memories of that and this kidnapping and take me home before I see Trickster in anymore horrible color clashes and kilts."
Author's Notes: This common cliche I hear is a part of Flash fanfiction thanks to TV Tropes. I didn't know much about the Rogues until I read Muddling through Grey, where Superboy is taken in by the Rogues. I was afraid it was a torture fic until I read it. While they do call Wally "Baby Flash" (just as bad as calling Robin "Baby Bird" or "Little Bird" all the time, in my opinion), it's more like friendly teasing and not doting. Plus, the writer made sure to handle personalities in the Rogues similar to canon, I actually learned more about those guys thanks to that fic and even checked Wikipedia for clarification.
In that story, Wally mentioned that he was more like frenemies with the Rogues along with the Allens and Garricks as well. Captain Cold still gave the poor kid third-degree frostbites, making them friends outside of costumes. The writer did unfortunately use the fanfic cliche of having the Team for public battles. I still enjoyed it, you should all read it if you like seeing a baby!Owen Mercer bonding with Conner.
Sorry for the rant, the Rogues are more like Villains With Humanity in them, making some of them like frenemies with the Speedsters at times. Trickster and Pied Piper are great examples of this. Thanks for reading and Happy April Fool's Day! :)