Author's Note: Yay! Managed to get an update earlier than 9 pm on a Sunday. If any of you have suggestions for cliches that I can work with that don't involve Robin, that would be great. The rest of the Team needs love too. Also, glad to know that other people on here don't appreciate double-standards for cooking, easiest way to lost friends is by assuming cooking itself is girly without considering that men have to live by themselves and sustain themselves through things that do not involve Chinese takeout. Enjoy!

It was late in the evening, Artemis had trekked her way back to the apartment that she and Wally shared, her backpack bulging with books and binders. She made a mental list of assignments that needed top priority: the English paper on Atlas Shrugged – at least two pages done by the time she was ready for bed – with time to work on that chemistry worksheet dealing with chemical reaction formulas and hopefully spare a moment for that damn reading for Philosophy. If she ever wanted to write theories about what's what, the least she could do was make it so that the language was eligible and had translations for future generations to go by.

CRASH!

Artemis spun at the sound, carefully pulling out her heaviest and most useless book from her bag to use as a weapon. She walked through the kitchen and swapped the book with the rolling pin on the counter, still covered with flour from last night's attempt at making pizza.

She crept carefully, years of training ingrained into her mind like second instinct. Artemis felt someone behind her and swung the rolling pin in that direction. The rolling pin was blocked and Artemis felt a foot shoved into her chest, sending her into flying into the wall.

"Well, looks like you're getting sloppy, little sister." Artemis' older sister, Jade, pulled off her Cheshire mask and tossed the rolling pin into the sink.

"What are you doing here, Jade?" Artemis snarled. "Did dear ol' Dad put a hit on me?"

Jade giggled. "No, silly. I'm here to do something much worse."

Dear God, I never thought Jade was one of those fate-worse-than-death kind of villains. Artemis thought.

"See…I have a problem and you're a part of it. Well, the red-head you're dating is part of it." Jade continued. "And there's this fear in the back of my mind 'What if he tries to take advantage of you through malicious means?' That just won't do it for me."

Artemis stared. "What."

"Your boyfriend. He's a problem." Jade went on. "I'm afraid he'll become abusive and you'll have no way of figuring out how to escape from the relationship and –"

"And you're forgetting that I know how to kill a guy seven different ways with a spoon." Artemis glared. "I can take care of myself and I would appreciate it if you leave."

"No." Jade shook her head sadly. "I'm not going until we have a chat girl-to-girl."

Artemis sighed. "Alright, hold on. Let me just get my bag in my room. It might take a few minutes, there're so many books inside."

Jade huffed. "Fine, but don't take long."

As Artemis pulled up bag off the floor, Jade cleared her throat. "I'll also need to hold onto your phone, just to make sure you don't call the police."

Artemis rolled her eyes. "Paranoid and prepared as usual, sis."

She reached into her back pocket, twisting away from Jade before suddenly throwing her heavy bag at Jade. Jade instinctively ducked and somersaulted over to Artemis before getting a face full of Atlas Shrugged, collapsing on the ground. Artemis sighed and went over to examine her fallen foe, dialing 911 as she did. As she pulled the book off Jade's face, Artemis winced when she saw the blood dripping from her nose.

"Sorry, but you really should have called me." Artemis sighed. She turned her attention to the voice in her ear, the ringing finally ceasing.

"911, what's your emergency?"

"Yeah, I'd like to report breaking and entering. Someone got into my apartment building, my location is 25 Streamer Street, Palo Alto. The intruder is unconscious and I'm worried that they might have a concussion."

"Hold on, miss, we'll be there shortly."

Wally gently tugged on the leash of his dog, Brucely – a homage to Bruce Lee, Artemis' favorite Kung Fu master – and walked back towards his apartment. On days like today, he was lucky to just sit back and enjoy the little things, even if it meant having to clean up after Brucely. At least he had some time to work on that paper in Renaissance 101 before turning in.

Brucely suddenly started growling. Wally took note of this and tightened his posture, ready for any attack that might come. Drunken muggers were a rarity, but still tried to make the jump on him a few times in the past. He heard something whizzing past him and lifted up Brucely before dodging. Wally had to place the startled dog down after making it a few yards, poor Brucely was heavy!

Wally pulled his phone from his pocket, dialing 911 before he felt it being shot out of his hand. He sighed. Of course it had to be him.

"You there. West. I want words with you about my daughter."

"Which one? The daughter more obsessed with Alice in Wonderland than the Mad Hatter or the daughter whom I am dating and treating respectfully?"

"Don't talk back to me like that, boy!" Sportsmaster snarled.

"Oh sure, use that cliché line that signifies you're a bad parent and therefore have no grounds to say anything about your children. I'll be sure to listen." Wally crossed his arms and gave a smirk in amusement.

Sportsmaster came into view under a street light, wearing his hockey mask and regular outfit like it was casual clothing.

"Oh, and by the way, you're going to have the police here any second now." Wally added. "Just saying."

Sportsmaster chuckled. "So cocky, huh? There's no one here to help you. No friends, nobody."

"Except you're in a neighborhood and there are plenty of college students who watched Friday the 13th and know a guy in a hockey mask is a bad idea."

Just as he was saying this, Wally heard sirens in the distance. He smirked, letting Sportsmaster become startled.

"Really a dumb move, by the way." Wally noted.

"If you hurt my daughter, I'll make sure you never have children!" Sportsmaster declared.

"What part of 'bad parent with no right to tell me how to treat his daughter' did you not hear in this conversation?" Wally pinched his nose.

Sportstmaster ran off, using a smoke-bomb to cover his escape…before getting hit by a police car that couldn't see in the smoke.

"Jade broke in." Artemis gestured to the mess as Wally came in. "On the bright side, I found a use for Atlas Shrugged outside of college. That's more than you can say about Algebra."

"Yeah, your dad tried pulling one on me, too." Wally rubbed the back of his neck as Brucely rushed up to his other owner in delight. "No offense, Arty, but sixty-six percent of your family is messed up and has weird ways of showing they care."

"If you ever last a third meeting with them over the do's and don'ts about dating me, it means you can marry me." Artemis smiled.

Wally responded dryly. "Again, your family's messed up."

Author's Note: Why Artemis and Wally would allow Cheshire and Sportsmaster to break in or sneak up on them and attack with the justification that they need to discuss their Spitfire relationship, I'll never know. Shame that the police car had just started speeding up, since Sportsmaster got away and managed to avoid meeting the Gimp a la Pulp Fiction.

I figured the name, Brucely, had to be reference to Bruce Lee and not a homage to Gotham City's playboy bunny XD

0.0 Dear Lord, now I can't get the image of Bruce Wayne in a playboy bunny suit out of my head...AHHHH!

Next update is Friday, please review and suggest. Also check out my other stories, they need love! :)