"Mama's home," Ana sang when she heard the jangle of keys and the clicks that followed. She swayed Fareeha in her arms, getting the baby's attention for a few seconds before she yawned. Ana heard Kamilah's footsteps move towards the kitchen, then some clinking and paper bags rustling as she unpacked the groceries. Fareeha had just caught Ana's fingertip that had been tickling her, when Kamilah kissed the top of her head.
Ana looked up eagerly. "My ice cream–?" Her voice died off slowly when she saw what Kamilah held in her hands.
Her wife smiled at her look of disbelief. In one hand, she was holding the chocolate and caramel ice cream cone that Ana had kicked her out of the house to buy. In the other hand was a glass jar – or rather, 'Swear Jar', as was written on the label stuck to the side of it.
"Seriously?"
"I got it, didn't I?"
"The shit."
"I'll let that one go this time," Kamilah said, exchanging her goods for Fareeha. She cooed a hello and kissed the baby's stomach, sitting down beside Ana, who was still staring at the jar incredulously. It's one of a cheaper make, with a thin metal lid where Kamilah had cut a slot for the 'donations'.
"Even my mom didn't get a swear jar."
"I'm not your mom."
"Obviously not. You're my re-educator," Ana said wryly, setting the jar on the coffee table. She peeled the paper packaging from her ice cream and bit into it, groaning at the intoxicating hit of sweet-on-sweet. Her two-day craving for this specific flavour was finally sated. "I love you, babe. But you're not seriously going to make me do this."
"I am seriously making you do this. No, Ana–," Kamilah added when she whined. "If either one of us swears, in goes a pound. No questions."
"But–!"
"No 'buts'. If Fareeha's first word is a swear, I will strangle you with my own two hands."
"Right. Because I totally thought you'd do it with your feet." Ana smirked into her next bite of ice cream, watching Kamilah's jaw work in silence – no doubt stopping a curse before she lost the first pound to their swear jar.
Instead, she pinched Ana's nose and pulled her head forward. "No swears."
"…No swears."
Kamilah held her in place a little while more, before letting her go. Plucking a piece of tissue from the end table, she wiped at the chocolate smear on the corner of Ana's mouth. "Your aim still sucks."
"Your face sucks," Ana muttered.
"Sounds like mommy wants the couch again. Doesn't she, Fareeha?" Kamilah cooed, having picked up Ana's penchant for talking to her through Fareeha.
"You know that never works."
"Oh, looks like mommy's brain is working today." She laughed when Ana knocked their heads together, and gave her wife a kiss to chase her scowl away. "What's mommy watching anyway?" Kamilah looked at the TV when Ana seemed appeased. A cartoon was playing onscreen, featuring a gummy bear and a toy horse.
"Before you say anything," Ana spoke quickly. "I'm looking for good cartoons. For Fareeha."
"Yeah?" They watched the bear and horse place a large log over a river. "Is this one good?"
"No, it's boring."
"Fareeha might find it entertaining."
"I guess."
"You're just bored, aren't you?"
Ana heaved a dramatic sigh. "I'm not made to be a housewife, my dear. Leave me at home for a few more days, and I might repaint the whole house."
"We're not allowed."
"I know. Besides, Fareeha keeps me busy enough." She tickled the baby's stomach, and Fareeha's eyelids fluttered open blearily. "Think I should start exercising again."
"Only light exercises," Kamilah reminded her. "The doctor said–"
"I shouldn't strain myself yet. Yeah, I remember." Ana slumped in her seat, staring guiltily at her ice cream cone before taking another large bite. She rubbed a hand over her stomach, which was still soft and suffered from a case of loose, wrinkly skin. She didn't like looking at it, truth be told. That's why she avoided spending too much time in front of the mirror nowadays. It wasn't much of a morale booster.
Ana worried at her stomach until Kamilah grasped her hand, fingers curling around hers.
"Take it easy for now, amar," she said, a sympathetic smile on her lips. "Rest first, then you can work out however much you like. Maybe I'll join you too." Kamilah patted at her own stomach. "I've been letting myself go a little."
"You're still the prettiest girl I know, albi," Ana crooned, hugging her about the shoulders. "But yes, you have let yourself go–!" Her cackle turned into a high-pitched squeal when Kamilah pinched her hard in the side, but squelched her noise quickly when Fareeha was woken by outburst, wriggling in Kamilah's arms.
"Shush," Kamilah hissed, rocking the baby before she broke into a cry.
"You're the one who–!"
"Shush."
Ana slid off the side of the bed, legs flopping to the floor as she knelt with her face pressed into mattress. Her head was still heavy from a lack of proper sleep, and she groaned into the bed before pushing herself up. Sniffing loudly, Ana shuffled over to the crib and found Fareeha already awake, fidgeting as she looked around curiously at whatever her infant eyes could see.
"Good morning, my cute little spawn," Ana rasped, clearing her throat as she bent down and kissed Fareeha's forehead. The girl wriggled, and her fist knocked into Ana's nose. "Ow. Nice punch, habibti. Good aim too." Ana smiled when Fareeha looked at her blankly, then nuzzled into her stomach. "Let mommy wash up first, okay?"
She held Fareeha's hand, waving it up and down. "Okay, mommy."
"Such a good girl!"
The good girl remained so even after Ana was done – unusually so, if she thought about it. But not unwelcome. Ana scooped the baby up in her arms, walking down the stairs as she cooed, "It's just you and me now, Fareeha. Mama will be back at night. She told you, didn't she?"
While drifting back to sleep after feeding Fareeha, Ana had vaguely heard Kamilah saying goodbye to her baby before leaving for work. She knew Fareeha was asleep by then – having put the child to bed herself – but that didn't seem to deter Kamilah from crooning by the crib.
Fareeha burbled in reply, and Ana said, "I know. And I bet she'll miss you soon enough." She let Fareeha grasp at her finger again as she entered the kitchen, and noticed the post-it stuck to the microwave door.
Breakfast inside microwave
Kiss Fareeha for me
- K
"Look, she misses you already," Ana chuckled, kissing Fareeha's stomach as ordered. "Now let's see what mama left me…" She tugged at the microwave's door to find two wraps inside. Poking a finger at the lukewarm flatbread, Ana asked Fareeha, "Warm enough, don't you think?"
Though Fareeha's eyes were fixed at some point past her head, she assumed her baby had agreed, and pulled the plate out. Ana hummed as she went about putting her meal together, adjusting Fareeha in her arm whenever the baby fidgeted. "We really should get a sling for you. Remind me to tell mama later, yeah?" Ana tossed the utensils onto the counter.
"Are you hungry, Fareeha?" Ana asked, plucking a carton of apple juice from the fridge. She held Fareeha closer to her chest, but the baby showed no interest at all. "Alright, but I've got my eye on you," she said, pouring the juice into her glass. "I swear, you love to cry during mealtimes. It's almost as if you know…"
Ana smiled down at Fareeha as she screwed the carton's cap back on. "It's like you're a little troll," she sang, picking up the carton again. But so absorbed in the one-sided conversation was she, that she had forgotten about the glass she had just filled. The carton hit the glass, tipping it over with a heavy clink and spilling translucent liquid over the countertop.
"Oh, motherfuck–!"
She righted the glass and threw a towel onto the counter, then froze. Ana lowered her gaze to Fareeha slowly. "You didn't hear that," she said to her daughter, who stared back up at her. "Mama didn't hear that either."
Ana glanced through the doorway at the swear jar in the living room. "Yeah, that doesn't count, does it? Oh come on now," she said when Fareeha gurgled. "We can pretend I never said that. Not like mama will know if we don't tell." Ana wiped up the mess on the counter and threw the towel into the sink.
"Come on, habibti. It's just a slip!" Ana continued, when Fareeha continued looking straight at her. "No, we won't be lying. We'd just be…acting. Like we don't know anything."
Fareeha blinked her guileless, dark brown eyes.
"Oh, fine. You're too good at this, you know?" Ana grinned, pinching her chubby cheek gently.
Fareeha's lips twitched into a smile.
When Kamilah returned late that night, both her wife and daughter were fast asleep in the living room – Ana on the couch, and Fareeha in the baby rocker next to her. At the touch on her cheek, Ana stirred and blinked blearily up at her wife, who knelt beside her.
"Hey," she tried to say, but it came out as a throaty rumble. But it seemed Kamilah got the drift, and kissed her on the cheek. Ana rubbed at her eyes, pushing herself up as Kamilah bent down to Fareeha, rubbing her tummy gently. "Just got back?" Ana asked, noticing Kamilah's fatigues as she hugged her wife about the shoulders.
"Yup." Kamilah swayed the rocker when Fareeha fidgeted in her sleep.
"How was work?"
"How else can it be," Kamilah sighed and sat on the couch with her. "I don't want to go back there."
"Something happen?" Ana asked.
"The batch I trained a few months back? The one with the idiot who tried to shoot with the safety on?" Kamilah continued when she nodded, "They're gone. Only a handful left, but the rest…" She waved a hand tiredly. "Gone."
"I'm sorry."
Kamilah took a deep breath and exhaled through her mouth. She sat up straight, dragging a hand down her face. Then she glanced at Ana, whose stomach growled audibly. "Haven't you eaten?"
"I was waiting for you, duh."
An amused huff. Kamilah leaned over to peck her on the lips. "Touching, but bad for your stomach."
"Oh? And when was the last time you ate?" Ana's smile grew smug when Kamilah faltered, obviously not having a good answer to her question.
Kamilah avoided her victorious gaze, looking everywhere else until her eyes landed on something behind Ana's shoulder. Then her lips curved into a smile to match her wife's.
"What have we here," Kamilah drawled as she reached past Ana, and took the swear jar from the end table.
Ana sucked a breath through her teeth as Kamilah shook the jar, making the six coins rattle accusingly within the glass. "I can explain…"
"I'm sure you can."
"I spilt some juice today."
"Mm-hm."
"And I stubbed my toe."
"Right…"
"Fareeha bit me a little hard today."
"Did she?"
"Then I forgot your name for a while, and had to call you 'Bitch'–" Ana caught herself and groaned out loud, face falling forward into her hands. She grumbled when Kamilah shook the jar in her face, and slapped it aside. "Fuck your fucking jar."
"That's three pounds, darling."
"Fuck you."
"Four pounds. At this rate, I think you'll finance our next trip to Switzerland by yourself."
"I hate you."
"If you say so, my dear."
In the week leading up to Fareeha's first month, Ana had accumulated enough coins in the jar to buy a pair of baby socks with hippo faces stitched on the front. The simple gift was a stand-in for the celebration they chose to postpone, waiting for a time when their family could gather back home. It seemed to be an indefinite wait for now, but it gave them something to look forward to – a goal of sorts, to return home and greet the little one in person. The mothers had a little fun themselves in the meantime, dressing Fareeha up in a dino onesie and making what passed for dinosaur sounds, probably confusing their child in the process. Perhaps it was for the better that Fareeha wouldn't remember this, Ana mused to herself, watching the girl stare back at Kamilah with wide eyes.
As days passed, Fareeha's growth started to become more noticeable. She seemed more alert than in her first month of being a sleepy bundle, and was more interested in the world around her. Fareeha's eyes were better able to focus on objects held close to her; and though she could only keep that focus for just a few prolonged seconds, Ana found herself holding her breath as Fareeha held her gaze and flashed another fleeting, reflexive smile.
The girl's arms, which mostly stayed curled up close to her body before, started stretching out experimentally. She couldn't reach far yet, but Fareeha could unbend her arms a little, and partially open her fists. Ana liked offering her little finger to Fareeha each time she noticed the baby's 'exercise' sessions, and Fareeha's fingers would always clamp around hers instinctively, not letting go until Ana pulled away. She had tried giving Fareeha a few toys to hold, but after the girl accidentally dropped a plastic rattle onto her chest and cried, Ana learnt to give her only soft plushies to hold. The floppy finger puppets wouldn't do – they'd slip out of Fareeha's weak grasp and leave her looking around with a baffled expression.
It didn't take long for Fareeha to recognise her parents. Or familiar faces, at least. If Ana held her face close for long enough, Fareeha's hands would reach towards her, bumping clumsily against Ana's chin. She would then reward Fareeha with kisses on her curled fingers. The child did seem to recognise Ana faster than she did Kamilah, which was understandable since Ana had spent the most time with her recently. But given enough time, Fareeha would react to Kamilah as well, making a soft smile appear on her mother's lips when she gurgled and waved her arms in Kamilah's direction. That seemed to be enough for her mama – more than enough, actually. The first time Fareeha had cooed and reached up for her, Kamilah's face scrunched up a little before she broke out in a grin. She hugged the child close for the rest of the night, only letting Fareeha go when she needed to be fed again.
With Fareeha more awake and aware, Ana decided to give her a little more 'tummy time' – putting the child on her stomach so she could train those baby muscles and learn to lift her head by herself. Ana would lie on her stomach with Fareeha as well, watching as her baby fidgeted in place and tried to move. She would lift her own head at regular intervals, and croon encouragements to Fareeha, 'See? It's easy. Up. And down. And up!'
At first, Fareeha didn't like the tummy overtime and didn't hesitate to voice her discomfort. Ana would pick her up whenever she cried, before trying again later. Soon, Ana found that having distractions during these sessions helped to keep Fareeha's attention occupied. She would lay a row of colourful toys before Fareeha, whose gaze would follow them as Ana moved the toys around, trying to entice Fareeha into reaching for them. It made for some good family time too, something that helped Kamilah relax each night she came home. The women would play with the toys together, sometimes making up stories on the fly to add a dash of fun. Ana received a knock on her head though, when she told Kamilah's kitty plush to ride Fart, Ana's purple dragon. 'It's totally innocent!' was Ana's defense, but she couldn't stop giggling as Kamilah rolled her eyes.
"How is 'Hey cutie, wanna ride me?' innocent at all?" Kamilah asked.
"Hey, I'm just saying your kitty can mount my–" Ana burst into muffled laughter when Kamilah's palm covered her mouth. She yanked the hand away, but an audible 'ah' distracted her before she could make another dirty quip.
Fareeha gazed up at her mothers from where she lay, hands moving over the covers. She let out another 'ah', and the women crawled closer, rolling Fareeha onto her back when she wriggled in place. They imitated each sound Fareeha made, and spoke to her slowly until the child grew tired, blinking her eyes sleepily.
"Aw," Ana said, smoothing her fingers over Fareeha's soft hair. "We're not that boring, are we?"
"Maybe she's just tired of seeing your face," Kamilah deadpanned, and picked Fareeha up.
"What, like how I'm tired of your shit?"
"Swear."
"It's not even a–!"
"Swear."
"Ugh!"
Soon, Fareeha wasn't the only one with an exercise routine. After the doctor had given Ana the green light to start working out, she plunged back into eagerly. Even if she had to leave the heavy lifting alone for a while longer, it was good to finally work on her body again. She had lost the hardness in her muscles, but she was determined to return to her pre-baby glory. Ana focused mainly on her pelvic floor exercises first, then threw in planks, push-ups and sit-ups for some variety. Kamilah joined her as promised, but refused to turn the exercises into a contest, insisting that Ana shouldn't push herself too far yet. Though she did find some amusement in Ana's pelvic exercises, by straddling Ana as she raised her hips into the air. 'Weight training', Kamilah called it. But it felt more like 'focus training' to Ana, who just couldn't take her eyes off Kamilah's playful smile. Just as well – it helped to keep her mind off the burn in her muscles, and let Ana push her limits that little bit further.
When Kamilah was away in the day, Fareeha filled her shoes as Ana's exercise partner. Usually, Ana squeezed in some exercise while Fareeha was asleep, so she wouldn't be sweating and sore when her baby needed attention. But if Fareeha was awake, Ana liked putting her in a sling and carrying her while doing squats. Fareeha seemed to enjoy the up-down motion immensely, sometimes even flexing her arms and fingers as if to join in her mother's exercise as well.
So Ana decided to use Fareeha's tummy time as a chance to work out together. While Fareeha remained on her belly, Ana lay on the soft carpet next to her, doing light crunches while cooing to her daughter. She would flip over onto her stomach when her reps were done, mirroring Fareeha's posture and grinning at the child. One afternoon, she stopped dead in her crunches when she saw Fareeha's head lift from the ground. Not that high just yet, but she was able to keep in that position for quite a while, and Ana felt a surge of pride for her daughter.
"You did it, habibti!" Ana gushed to Fareeha, who gave her a wide toothless smile.
With Fareeha growing stronger and more active, Ana started going on daily walks with her daughter, so they both could get some fresh air together. When Kamilah heard of it, she wanted to join in as well, and so started their nighttime walks around the neighbourhood.
"Oh no. Fareeha, no," Ana said when Fareeha stuck the head of the toy snake into her mouth. She tugged at the snake gently, until she pried it out of Fareeha's hands. "It's dirty. You dropped it to the floor just now, remember?"
Fareeha didn't seem interested in listening, and stuck her fingers into her mouth. Ana sighed, turning around when Kamilah came through the main door with the stroller. "Pass me the pacifier, babe."
Kamilah dropped said yellow pacifier onto her palm. Fareeha whined when Ana coaxed her fingers out of her mouth, then replaced them with the pacifier. She sucked on the pacifier contentedly, curling her arms towards her chest as her eyelids drooped to half-mast. Ana lowered her into the stroller, and paused before pulling out the sun shade. Fareeha didn't need that protection from the moonlight, and she should get a chance to appreciate the night sky. However much her baby eyes could see, anyway.
"Think she's going to fall asleep soon," Kamilah said with a smile, stroking Fareeha's cheek gently. The baby turned towards her hand and blinked lazily.
"Eh, she sleeps all the time anyway." Ana carried the stroller down the steps, then let Kamilah push it along. They strolled down the sidewalk, following the usual route they took when Ana was still pregnant.
A small smile grew on Ana's lips as she gazed down at Fareeha, who had seemed so far away while she was still growing in Ana's belly. Her little smiles and gurgles were more than worth all the pains Ana had to go through. She didn't regret it, even if she did moan and gripe for most of those nine months, and shook the house with the occasional hormonal outburst. When a neighbour jokingly asked when she would have another, Ana merely said they didn't plan to have more. Her body and heart couldn't take even the idea of having to go through all of that again. Kamilah had laughed when Ana told her of the conversation, and agreed with her wife's sentiment as well.
Besides, they were happy enough with Fareeha. More than happy.
They strolled into the playground, following the walking path until they decided to rest on a bench near a streetlight. Fareeha had fallen asleep by then, with her pacifier still firmly lodged in her mouth. Kamilah pulled out the stroller's shade to cover Fareeha from the light's glare, then leaned back as Ana circled an arm around her shoulders.
"Tired?" Ana asked when Kamilah rested their heads together.
"Mm."
"We could've stayed home, you know."
"No, I wanted to walk a little."
Ana hummed, and gave her a light squeeze. Kamilah had been rather worn out for the past days, but she still tended to Fareeha whenever she could. Ana even had to push her back into bed when Fareeha cried at night, reminding Kamilah that she needed the sleep. Her mind was often on heavier things, Ana could tell. But Fareeha always managed to make her smile that little bit brighter. That still didn't stop Ana from worrying over her, though.
"You've been pretty quiet since you got home," Ana said.
"Mm."
"Wanna do the talky with mommy?"
Kamilah snorted, then moved back to fix her with an incredulous gaze. "Really?"
"Hey, since we already did the walky, might as well do the talky too." Ana cackled when Kamilah shoved her to the side, but was quick to slap a hand over her own mouth. She peered into the stroller, where Fareeha stirred and went still again.
"I don't need the talky," Kamilah said, giving her a small smile. "Just the mommy."
"But mommy comes with the talky too. Don't you want to use the full package?"
"I'd rather not, no."
"Really." Ana leaned in. "Not even the…full package?" She grinned when an elbow dug into her side.
"You're horrible."
"Utterly incorrigible?" Ana supplied helpfully, getting an affirmative nod in reply.
"But you still make me happy, for some reason."
Ana opened her mouth, but the wit evaporated from her tongue under Kamilah's tender gaze. She grasped for words in a mind gone blank and tried to string a coherent sentence together, no matter how simple.
"You make me happy too."
Other than making Ana happy, Kamilah was capable of making her scour the house for every piece of dirty clothing and toss it into the washer. It was her monthly routine, and that's why Ana carried a basket full of freshly-dried clothes – more than half of which was her own clothing. As she turned into the master bedroom, Ana set the heavy load down and made her usual promise to never gather such a large pile of dirty clothing again.
No doubt she would make the same promise next month too.
"I'm done!" Ana announced, with hands on her hips. "Happy?"
Kamilah shushed her, moving over to where she stood by the doorway.
"I heard Fareeha cry just now. Is she–?" Ana raised her brows when Kamilah placed a hand on her chest and pushed her back. "What? I'll keep my voice down."
"I just put her to bed," Kamilah said quietly, still pushing Ana backwards until she was in the hallway.
"Milah…" Her unspoken question was answered when Kamilah hooked her fingers onto Ana's collar, and yanked her in for a kiss. They were still moving backwards, Ana's shoulder bumping into the doorframe of the guest room before they entered it proper. Ana cupped Kamilah's cheek as the hand on her chest slid slowly down. She tensed a little and started to pulled away, then Ana noticed Fareeha's toy caterpillar on the dresser behind Kamilah.
"Here? Really?" Ana asked as her wife pressed up against her. "It's the nursery."
"I want the bed, Ana. And I'm not having sex beside Fareeha's crib."
Ana's legs hit the bed, and she fell back obediently at the push against her shoulders. She shimmied further into the bed as Kamilah crawled after her, dipping in to meet her lips again and again. Ana groaned when Kamilah caught her in a hard kiss, clutching onto her wife's thighs as she was pushed down against the covers. A bite on her lip, a grind between her legs, and Ana's need burst to life after months of restraint. How long had it been? 2, 3, maybe 4 months? It didn't matter. Ana just knew it had been much too long, and the scrape of Kamilah's nails along her thigh spoke of a similar sentiment in her partner.
Her hands roamed Kamilah's body, reaching beneath her clothes to run along warm skin and feel the subtle flex of muscles. But even more invigorating still, was the burn of Kamilah's lips over her body, the sound of her name murmured against her skin. Ana could barely breathe under Kamilah's touches, could think of nothing but a deeper, more carnal need–
Until Kamilah tugged the hem of her shirt up.
Ana grabbed onto her hand and stilled, feeling a tinge of embarrassment when she realised why she had done so. Kamilah stopped and looked at her curiously.
"What's wrong?" Kamilah asked.
"Nothing," Ana said slowly, but she wasn't fooling her wife. Kamilah watched Ana rest a hand over her stomach, covering it unconsciously.
"Ana," she sighed.
"I'm still working on it…"
"I know, darling. I can tell. Look." She pried Ana's hand away. "You're already toned."
"Yeah, but there's still flab," Ana mumbled.
"But you're toned! See, there's already definition."
Ana refrained from sucking her stomach in when Kamilah touched her, fingertips running over her stretch marks which still lingered. Knowing Kamilah would have a good answer for each of her grumbles, she settled for giving a very eloquent whine.
"Ana, I love you for you. Not your muscles. You're beautiful to me however you look."
She pouted. "You're just saying that."
"I mean it."
The pout remained. "You mean, you didn't like my muscles."
Kamilah sighed again, though for a very different reason this time. "Yes, I did. I loved your muscles. You have very sexy muscles. And I'm sure you'll get them back soon enough."
Ana couldn't stop the smile from ruining her pout. Her cheeks reddened slightly as she fought off the abashment from making such a silly fuss, and Kamilah helped by pressing a kiss to her lips.
"I love you, amar. You, and your muscles," she murmured, fingertips running through Ana's hair.
Laughing softly at how sincere her wife sounded, Ana locked her arms around Kamilah's neck, and pulled her down for another kiss. "You mean it?" Ana asked, and Kamilah nodded.
She took a quiet breath, gazing up at the soft smile on her wife's lips. "Show me."