Fareeha peered quietly up at the woman who carried her, round eyes searching for something familiar in this new face. She was curious, but still cautious. Not a peep came out of her mouth – a stark difference to her relentlessly energetic start to the morning, with constant coos and cries for her mothers' attention.
"Such a good little girl," Fatimah said, tapping Fareeha's nose. The baby blinked, her little fists jerking in response.
"Seems she's alright with you." Ana rested both hands on the dining table. "So, do you think it's okay if–?"
"Oh, of course! What a silly question!" Their neighbour laughed and patted her on the arm. "I'd be glad to take care of her."
"Well, I'd hate to put any more work on you."
Fatimah clicked her tongue. "Nonsense! It's not much work, trust me. Well…" She cocked her head. "It might be a little bit of work, but compared to what you do, this is nothing at all."
Ana sighed quietly, watching Fatimah sway with the child as Fareeha's hand reached up for the fringe of her hijab. With only one month left in her maternity, Ana started looking for a babysitter to watch over Fareeha, while both she and Kamilah were away. It was a mercifully short search – several housewives on base were offering inexpensive childcare services for soldiers and busy parents since the war began. Fatimah already had three under her care, and Ana didn't want to overburden her, even if she insisted it wasn't any trouble.
"Isn't it tiring?" Kamilah asked.
"Not so much, but it is a relief when their parents come to pick them up," Fatimah replied with a smile. "Besides, my children are pretty well-behaved…most of the time. And I'm sure Fareeha won't be a problem, ya?"
Fareeha yawned, having lost interest in the beige scarf. She turned her head, looking around until she spotted Kamilah, swinging a hand in her direction.
"When is your maternity leave ending?" Fatimah asked, handing the child over to Kamilah.
"In a month. Maybe two." Ana glanced at her wife, who tilted her head curiously. "But we might need you a little later."
"Of course. Just call on me whenever you need, yes?" She stood along with the women and walked them to the door. "I am ready, 24/7."
"Like a soldier," Ana chuckled.
Their neighbour squeezed them both in a quick hug, before they were free to make their way home. Ana took Fareeha in her arms, leaving Kamilah free to dig around in her pockets for their house keys. Rubbing Fareeha's stomach gently, she smiled when the child yawned again.
"I told you to sleep last night, habibti. But you just didn't want to listen, did you?" Ana said, holding onto Fareeha's fingers when they wandered up to her mouth again. "Now we're both going to sleep away the sunlight."
Kamilah snorted. "You're sleeping too?"
"I was on mommy duty last night, okay. Come to think of it, I'm on mommy duty every day." Ana leaned close to Kamilah for emphasis, and had her face pushed away as they entered their own home.
"Yes, yes. You're the best," Kamilah said drily, albeit with a slight curve on her lips as she followed Ana up the stairs. "No one is better at babies than you."
"That's right–"
"Takes one to know one, after all."
Ana stopped right before their bedroom door, shooting Kamilah a squint before she walked in. Fareeha appeared to have fallen asleep, but she stirred when Ana lowered her into the crib. Her eyes fluttered open briefly to watch the socks being pulled off her feet, before drifting back to sleep again. Ana ran her fingertips through the short tuft of hair, watching Fareeha's hands twitch before going still.
Taking a deep breath, Ana exhaled slowly and straightened herself, turning around to find Kamilah already changed into her shorts. "I wanna ask you something."
"Hm?"
"I'm thinking of extending my leave."
"Oh?"
"Yup." She looked back down at the crib. "I thought, maybe I should be with Fareeha a little longer. Do you think I should?"
"Of course. But I thought you were raring to get back to duty."
"Well…yeah, I am. But–" Ana sighed, waving a hand vaguely as Kamilah neared the crib. "I don't know. I just don't feel ready to leave Fareeha alone yet."
"What, don't you trust me?"
Ana clicked her tongue. "Of course I do. But I feel like I should be with her more. She needs me, doesn't she?"
"Then get the extension," Kamilah said, matter-of-fact. She cocked her head when Ana bit her lip. "Something wrong?"
"I want to get out there too."
"I know."
"It feels…irresponsible, to stay away for so long. But I don't want to leave her behind either. Or you, for that matter." Ana pinched her wife's chin, drawing a small smile from her.
"If you want to go, then go. I'll still be here for her."
"That sounds so…selfish." Ana leaned on the side of the crib, gazing at Fareeha.
"You're far from that, Ana."
She tilted her head, and reached down to touch Fareeha's arm. The baby was sound asleep and didn't notice her hand being held by her mother.
"What about you, Fareeha? Do you think I should go?"
"Really?" Kamilah asked incredulously. "You're asking the baby?"
"What? She'd know if she wants me to go."
"Ana, the only place she wants you to go, is to her mouth. With your tit."
Her hand flew up to her mouth to muffle the loud snort. "Well," Ana drawled when she was done snickering. "At least she takes after you." She grinned when she received a pinch on the bum.
"Better that she does," Kamilah said with a wry smile. She circled an arm around Ana's back and tugged her close. "So she can make decisions faster than her mommy."
Ana gave a drawn-out sigh. "Milah…"
"Look. I won't lie – I'd like it better if you stayed home longer. But if you do decide to go anyway, I'll still support you."
"I know you will."
"But I get to be best mom next month."
Ana laughed under her breath, and pressed a kiss to Kamilah's temple. "Don't forget best wife too."
Though Kamilah didn't press the issue, Ana still came to a decision by herself fairly quickly. She'd always hated long periods of indecisiveness and – more importantly – there was Fareeha. There was something about facing her daughter day after day – tending to her fusses, coaxing a smile and laugh, waiting as she fell asleep on Ana's shoulder – that made her seem so much more important than everything else. More so than the world, even.
So she chose her daughter. Chose to hold in her hands a precious life she had brought into this world, rather than an instrument to extinguish another. For just a little longer.
There was a hint of relief in Kamilah's expression when she learnt that Ana – assisted by her doctor from the IVF lab – had filled out the papers. Then she chuckled when informed that she would still be 'best mom' the next month anyway. Kamilah was promised a batch of cupcakes as tribute, but for now, Ana was still the one to hold the title. And she would be the one to hold the fort at home when a bombshell landed at their very doorsteps; a bombshell in the shape of her sister, who gave them a forewarning in the form of a text just two days ago: [BEST AUNT IS COMING TO SEE FAREEHA]
Safiya arrived just before noon with a duffle bag slung over one shoulder, a paper bag in one hand, and a loud exclaim that died on her tongue when Ana slapped her mouth lightly.
"Keep your big mouth shut," Ana warned. "I don't want you startling her."
"Whoa, what have we here? A protective little mama. How cute," Safiya cooed, pinching her cheek as if she were the baby. She reached into the paper bag and fished out an octopus plush with rainbow-coloured tentacles, offering it to Ana. "Here, you want one–?"
Ana smacked her on the back, and she burst into loud cackles as she was yanked through the door. Letting a smile spread on her lips from the infectious laughter, Ana led her sister into the living room, where Fareeha lay in her baby rocker as usual. Safiya dropped her bags to the floor and made a beeline for her niece, reaching down to scoop the child up so gently, even Ana was a little surprised.
"Hey, Fareeha," she crooned. "I've been waiting so long to see you."
Fareeha seemed to warm up quickly under Safiya's bright grin, lips twitching to mirror her aunt's expression as she let out a burble.
"I know, you're really pretty too!" Safiya replied, smacking a kiss on the child's forehead.
"I'm quite sure she said you look like an alien specimen," Ana said.
"A pretty alien specimen, thank you very much," she clarified, then turned her gaze down to admire the baby more. "This is amazing. She looks just like you in your baby photos."
"I know. I'm very good at making babies."
"Making clones, more like," she laughed and wrapped Ana in a one-armed hug, kissing her on the cheek. "You look well."
"And you look a little thinner," Ana said as Safiya released her to tickle Fareeha's stomach. She noted the new, short scars between Safiya's knuckles, and the diagonal cut across the back of her wrist.
"Yeah, well. I'm trying out a new look." Safiya set Fareeha back into the rocker, and sat in front of it with Ana. As she set the octopus beside Fareeha and took out a toy lion, Ana peeked in to find a sizeable collection of baby toys and clothes.
"Holy sh–" She caught herself. "This is…a lot. You know babies grow fast, right?"
"Duh. That's why we got them a little bigger. She can wear them in the future if it doesn't fit now." After putting the lion beside Fareeha as well, Safiya took out a t-shirt with a cartoon cow print. "My favourite niece is going to be the cutest baby ever."
"She already is the cutest baby ever."
Safiya hummed and looked back at Fareeha, who was struggling to get a good grip on the octopus's round head. She picked up the toy and placed it between the child's hands, which grasped onto the tentacles immediately. Fareeha stared at the octopus, then broke out in bubbly little giggles.
"You're right," Safiya sighed contentedly. "She is the cutest."
Her sister showed none of her usual inclination to wander out of the house, and was instead happy enough to stay at home, helping to care for Fareeha whenever she could. Ana suspected that she was tired – she didn't even try to poke Ana into one of their loudmouthed bickers, happy enough to have long conversations to make up for the past year of being apart. It was calming to have her sister by her side like this, taking the time to lay back and soak in a moment's peace.
The serenity was broken in the evening though, when Safiya swooped in on Kamilah the instant she returned home. Kamilah, already used to her sister-in-law's greetings, just squeezed her back with a smile. Dinner went by in a flash – with Fareeha crying for some milk as well – and they huddled together in the nursery upstairs. While Fareeha lay in her play gym, trying to grab the toys hanging from the arches above her, the three women sat on the soft rug beside her, keeping one eye on the child and another on the mobile game they were playing together.
"So how long are you staying for?" Kamilah asked, destroying one of Ana's towers with her ballista.
"2 weeks. Then it's back to Asyut, then…who knows where."
"You haven't said what you're doing here."
"Mission planning. We're pooling our intel together, see what we can make out of this mess." Safiya shrugged. "I had to wrangle for this assignment, you know? Just to come over and see you."
"Consider me touched," Ana said as she lobbed a magic bomb at Kamilah's troops. "How's Zahra?"
"She's fine. Been flying a lot, but she makes do. Wish we could be together more often though," she sighed. "All that transport she does, and she never gets to fly me even once. Can you fucking believe it–, what?" Safiya asked when Ana sucked in a breath through her teeth.
"You swore," Kamilah explained. "But I'll let you off this time. Anymore, and you get the swear jar too."
"What?" Safiya laughed, clapping a hand on her knee as she looked to Ana. "Is that why you've been half-swearing the entire day? You can't swear properly anymore?"
"Shut up," Ana muttered under her breath. "I'm trying, okay?"
"Oh yeah, I can tell."
She growled quietly, then pouted when Kamilah took out her wizard's tower. Ana sent her troops rushing for Kamilah's base, then looked up when Fareeha gave a distressed wail. In her efforts to reach for the pink ice cream cone to her left, Fareeha had managed to turn herself onto her front, but was stuck when she couldn't roll herself back. Her whines quickly gave way to cries, and Ana moved first, rolling her carefully onto her back. She patted and sang to Fareeha, who remained on the cusp of a full-blown cry, hiccupping until her eyes focused on her mother. Ana smiled, kissing her little hands before placing the ice cream toy between them.
"Someone's becoming an expert mama," Safiya commented as she straightened herself.
"I've had plenty of practice," Ana said proudly, holding her chin high before gasping at her phone screen. Her kingdom had been utterly decimated, along with Kamilah's. "What the fu…" She dragged the vowel out, meeting Kamilah's eyes as she finished the word. "…fun. What the fun, Safiya."
Her sister cackled. "You two made it so easy."
Safiya couldn't cackle for much longer during her stay, as she had become the swear jar's best donor in the days to come. Just like Ana, the swears kept flying out of her mouth before she developed a filter, from losing one too many coins to the damned jar. Then came the half-finished swears that tactfully ended in harmless variations, until they devised a tactic to save them from bankruptcy – that was to completely replace swear words with innocuous ones. 'What the fart' was their favourite, and 'how the hummus' was a close second. 'You piece of kale' was specially reserved for Kamilah, though Fareeha still remained their 'sweet little bean'.
Said little bean took no time at all opening up to Safiya, who spent much of her off-duty hours with her niece, and was now greeted by Fareeha with the same delight she saved for her mothers. The girl didn't mind being in Safiya's presence, and would calm down quickly from her fusses while being carried by her aunt. In fact, Safiya had discovered a new method of soothing an agitated Fareeha – by sitting next to the child and plucking the strings of her old acoustic guitar. As rusty at the instrument as Safiya was, Fareeha didn't seem to mind, and became attentive while listening to the music.
Safiya joined in their play sessions too, with all the eagerness of a bouncy toddler. She held her toy unicorn gleefully, playing along in the storytelling with their dragon and kitty plushies – with surprisingly little dirty jokes, to Kamilah's relief. Fareeha liked grabbing the horn of the unicorn, but they had to keep a close eye on her after she poked it into her nose and worked herself into dry tears again.
Even without the girl's mothers, Safiya liked to play with Fareeha and the unicorn by themselves, the woman giggling along with the child's burbles. It became a routine, something that Safiya obviously looked forward to each night.
But when Ana glanced back at the bed, where Safiya had fallen onto with her face against the covers, she didn't think her sister had much energy left for play.
"Remember to give me your will before you die," Ana said, guiding Fareeha's legs into the onesie.
Safiya gave a muffled groan and rolled onto her back, resting an arm over her forehead. "Fuck off."
"Milah isn't here, so I'll let that one slide–"
"I heard that!"
"How'd she hear that from the study–?" Safiya muttered.
"She's freaky like that. Isn't that right, Fareeha?" Ana said, holding Fareeha's gaze as she pulled the sleeves over her arms. Snapping the buttons on the onesie, she rubbed the baby's stomach – their established signal that it was time for bed. It didn't take long for Fareeha's eyes to droop, and Ana left her alone to grab some rest.
She moved over to the bed and flung herself on top of her sister – not a very wise decision in retrospect, but Safiya's winded exclamation didn't rouse Fareeha, so all was well. Ana chortled when she was shoved to the side, and remained lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling while Safiya caught her breath.
"Tired?" Ana asked.
"Yeah."
"Then go to sleep. On your own bed."
"Don't feel like it."
"What, do you need me to put you to sleep too?"
Safiya turned her head and inched forward, whispering in Ana's ear, "Fuck off." They waited a moment for Kamilah's reproach, then shared matching smirks when it didn't come.
"So? What's up?"
"Stuff."
"Really? I couldn't have guessed." Ana grinned when Safiya's elbow knocked into her side. "Work stuff?"
"Yeah. We've been here for a week and it feels like we're getting nowhere. We want to hit the omnium, but it's fu-farting impenetrable. Ugh." She rubbed her eyes. "I don't even feel like thinking about it right now."
"Then don't. You're off-duty. Rest."
Safiya heaved a sigh, covering her face with both hands before dragging them down. "You know, I've been having this weird feeling… That if mama's still alive, she would've figured something out by now. Kicked their fucking asses to hell and back."
"I bet if she was here, she would've yelled at them until they crawled back to the factory in shame," she chuckled with her sister.
"Yeah. 'What do you think you're doing up past your bedtime? Go to bed this instant!'"
"'No backtalk, or I'm grounding you for another week!'"
"'What are you doing with that gun? Put it back before you embarrass yourself.'" Safiya's laughter grew louder with Ana's.
"'You want to fight? Good. Go. But don't come crying to me when you get a hole in your chassis.'"
Safiya smacked her thigh in mirth. "That's from the time you picked a fight at school, right? They sent you home, then you went back the next day and kicked that dude's ass anyway."
"Yeah," Ana said, thinking back to the look of disappointment on her mother's face. It was more potent than any reprimand she could ever receive. "Mama was always more bark than bite though. Didn't even ground me when I got suspended."
"That's because you'd already broken your stupid leg. Figure it's punishment enough. But yeah. She's more bark."
Ana glanced at her. "Why, do you miss her?"
"Yeah. Sometimes I do. What?" Safiya added when Ana's look grew incredulous. "I know I fought with her a lot, but I still loved her, okay?"
"Honestly, it was hard to tell. But yeah, I get you," she said, drumming her fingers on her stomach. "Sometimes I wish we had more time with her."
"Mm." Safiya let out a breath. "You think Fareeha will fight with you when she grows up?"
Ana huffed. "I hope not."
"You fought with mama a bit too."
"Yeah. But that doesn't mean I want my own kid to argue with me." Ana shrugged, thinking it over. "Then again, I'd be surprised if Fareeha doesn't. I'll just deal with it when the time comes, I guess."
"I'm sure you will."
Safiya closed her eyes, and they lapsed into silence for a while. "Next time, we should go up to the roof."
"Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow."
Between their rooftop visits, baby playtime and nightly heart-to-hearts, the remaining week passed by fairly quickly, and soon it was time for Safiya to leave again. But not before Fareeha treated her aunt to her very first squeal of laughter, her volume taking the women by surprise. Safiya, who had been tickling Fareeha's chin with the rainbow limbs of the octopus plush, paused and stared as if afraid she had broken the baby. But when Fareeha continued giggling and flailing her arms towards the octopus, they continued their little game of catch, occasionally tickling the girl for more laughs.
Safiya had hugged Fareeha to her chest before she left, wearing a small smile when Fareeha knocked a fist into her nose in farewell. She made a solemn vow to not break any more of her limbs, to take care of her wife and herself, then made her sisters promise the same before she left to catch her flight home. Ana bit her lip, watching Kamilah drive off with Safiya towards the airfield. She glanced down at Fareeha, whose eyes were still searching for the women who had just left. Stomach tying into knots, she forced her lips into a smile and tapped Fareeha's nose, pulling the child's gaze towards her.
"I'm still here, habibti," she murmured.
Fareeha blinked, gurgling softly at her mother's voice.
After that, Ana started working harder on her body, determined to bring it back to its previous level of fitness. But even so, Fareeha remained the primary focus of her time and energy. She took solace in watching her child grow, finding it easier to breathe in Fareeha's presence. A natural effect perhaps, of looking after a baby with no concept of fear or worry – just an innocent curiosity from the moment she opened her eyes, and the ability to find endless joy in seeing the familiar faces of her mothers.
After her first excitable moment with the toy, Fareeha became more generous with her laughter, and it was common to hear her delighted squeals about the house whenever Ana raised her to the air. There were many things that made her terribly happy – the toy lion that she could hold while lying in her rocker, the pastel-coloured plane which Ana 'flew' around her, and loud raspberries on her stomach were her favourites.
She also liked being carried around the house by Kamilah, who would hold her face-forward so the child could see where they were going. Fareeha giggled whenever she spotted something amusing – be it their photos on the wall, or the mirror in their bedroom – and Kamilah would pause to let her touch the object, getting a feel of its texture before moving on.
Ana smiled when she saw the pair in the hallway, Fareeha's face lighting up when they drew close.
"Yes, that's mommy," Kamilah said, holding the child out towards her. Ana bent down, and Fareeha's hand landed right on her nose. "Squeeze it, Fareeha. I'm sure it'll honk."
"Very funny." Ana held still as Fareeha patted repeatedly about her face, then reached forward to take the girl into her arms.
"Who called just now?" Kamilah asked, walking down the stairs with Ana in tow. "I heard your phone ring."
"Papa. He's just checking in to see how we're doing."
"How is he?"
"Said he's fine. Sounds exhausted though."
"Did he say why?"
"No," Ana sighed. "I just hope he isn't overworking himself."
"I wouldn't be surprised if he is. At least he's not on the frontlines."
"Yeah, I guess." Ana fell heavily into the sofa, looking down when Fareeha laughed from the downward motion. A wan smile tugged at the corners of her lips, and she patted the child gently. She gave another unconscious sigh, staring blankly down at Fareeha as her mind wandered far from home, until a touch on her jaw distracted her. Ana turned her head, and received a soft peck on her lips.
"Don't think so hard, hm?" Kamilah massaged the tense muscles in the back of her neck. "They'll be fine."
Ana took a breath, but could piece no words together to describe her worry. She gazed at her wife's soft countenance and exhaled slowly, feeling the tension leave her shoulders as she forced herself to relax. Closing her eyes for a moment, Ana tried to clear her mind, finding some peace in the quiet.
"Milah?"
"Hm?"
"…I think I need some story time."
Kamilah chuckled. "I'll go get the toys."