Author's Note: I am so sorry for the long absence. Life got in the way. Events, work, etc. I don't want to go into detail about those things.
Bored321, thank you for your constructive criticisms. I appreciate them. I just wanted to comment on your review for Chapter 15. I acknowledge that Bruce was acting idiotic, but that was the entire point of the chapter and some of these stories in this fic. On Archive, Smile-I'mTheEndOfAllThatYouSee said something similar about the Sportsmaster characterization and I replied with, and I quote:
"Sometimes, I like to have the characters act in a way that is similar to the cliches to make it more obvious and show how badly they'll mess up. If each chapter was spent having characters talking about how much of a bad idea - roll credits - each plot would be, then it would be pretty boring. It just doesn't have much entertainment value if you have characters - whom we refer to as Fixer Sues on TV Tropes - explain why something is bad and stupid and have others agree automatically."
I made Batman an "unthinking fop" on purpose, because I wanted Dick to call him out on it and to go in further detail what type of consequences could occur from that behavior. That being said, I appreciate your review on it and understand. I just wanted to explore that possibility further in a story rather than just say it's stupid.
Whether or not I explore that one-shot further is still to be determined, since I don't want it to fall into similar cliches in the fandom.
Last thing before the story: 91 reviews in 18 chapters? YES! After this chapter, Bad Idea will officially be my most popular work in views and reviews. It's high time We Love Our Two Dads was a thing of the past (I still appreciate the attention it got when I started off, thanks to everyone who review it!)
This chapter focuses on the "Joker Tortures the Team" cliche. Enjoy!
"Team. Go." Aqualad commanded. The remaining seven: Robin, Superboy, Kid Flash, Artemis, Zatanna, Miss Martian, and Rocket dispatched themselves, going in pairs of two, one to act as defense while the other acted as offense.
And so; Robin and Rocket, Miss Martian and Artemis, Superboy and Zatanna, and Aqualad and Kid Flash snuck into the warehouse in Gotham, where their target was. There were rumors that the Joker had a new ally. Whether or not this was true and whether or not the ally was a familiar enemy or a new force to be reckoned with was the basis for the mission. Batman and Robin managed to collect intel that pinpointed where the Joker would be and that his new ally would be there too. Identifying and analyzing the target was essential.
Batman had stressed many times during the briefing that the Joker was beyond dangerous.
"If he's so dangerous, then why haven't you handled him yet?" Artemis had asked.
"That's not important –" Batman began.
Rocket cut in. "And why hasn't he been given the death penalty?"
Batman glared at her. "That would be extreme –"
"Yeah, if it were someone else." Rocket countered. "I mean, he's killed like what, eight-hundred thousand people in total so far?"
"Eight-hundred and forty-two thousand, three-hundred and fifty-two." Robin correctly quietly. Everyone stared at him. "What?"
"Are you agreeing with us?" Rocket asked incredulously.
"Maybe…"
"Yeah, I don't understand why the Joker's still alive after everything he's done." Kid Flash added. "Don't terrorists get a 'Shoot to Kill' order if the body counts high enough?"
"That's enough!" Batman snapped before giving everyone in front of him the Bat-Glare.
"Doesn't automatically make us wrong, you know." Robin muttered angrily.
"Alright, briefing is over." Black Canary stepped in with a smile on her face. "Team, you know what to do. And as for you –"
She turned to Batman.
"I think we need to have a little chat about the points the Team just brought up."
Batman began walking away. "That's nice, but I have a lot to do and –"
Black Canary grabbed him by the Bat-Ear and began pulling him in her direction. "Cancel everything for today and reschedule. You're the leader of the Justice League, after all, it shouldn't be that hard."
Even Aqualad had a difficult time dissuading himself of what the others had mentioned. Letting the Joker live? It didn't make much sense. Criminals in Atlantis in that similar extreme were punished to the fullest that the law could fulfill: Death or exile.
They were too close for verbal communication now, Aqualad nodded to Miss Martian, who mentally linked everyone up, allowing Aqualad to give orders without giving away their position.
Alright, Robin. Hack the security frame. Artemis, locate guards if any and dispatch them non-lethally. Kid Flash, check the perimeter for any openings that we could use and Zatana, help Kid Flash-
NO!
Aqualad flinched at the loud thought coming from Kid Flash. One downside to using mind-links was that you were in-tune with the emotions of others within the connection. He could feel the fear radiating off the young Speedster, so different from the aura of confidence and cockiness that he displayed. Artemis sent out a mental image of an embrace, possibly meant for Kid Flash if the decrease in fear and panic was an indicator.
I understand your reluctance, Kid. Aqualad channeled his thoughts calmly. But there are going to be times where we have to work with those we would rather avoid.
Why can't Rocket help me, then? Kid Flash let loose a flash of anger, with a tinge of satisfaction when everyone he was targeting flinched.
What are you suggesting?! Rocket snapped.
N-nothing! Wally said.
I'll go with you, KF. Robin said. I could use someone fast.
Um…no thanks. Wally said sheepishly. You're our hacker and I can't do much against these psychos in your city
And he needs me as a guard. Rocket added. My bubbles are indestructible, remember? Bird-Boy'll be safe and sound.
Aqualad could sense discomfort from Robin's perspective in the mind-link. He could only get glimpses of what the boy was feeling. If he wanted to send a mental image of an embrace to Kid Flash like Artemis did, he was too reluctant to do so.
Zatanna was different, she was radiating with guilt and sorrow in the mind-link, a feeling that has grown worse since Kid Flash refused to work with her. As team leader, it was his duty to make sure the mission was accomplished and conflict be avoided. But there were some cases, he felt, that were personal and meant to be dealt with without intervention. But should there be any conflict that affected the outcome of the mission much like the incident with Red Tornado's disappearance and the revelation of a potential mole, Aqualad was ready to step it and yank the guilty parties by their ears.
Robin and Kid Flash were as close as they could come without being related. Whatever was going on between them, Aqualad was certain that they would resolve the issue in time. He was not that confident about Zatanna, however. Kid Flash had started putting in extra effort to maintain as much space as possible from her, even if it meant leaving the room. Artemis was a help in this matter, she often acted as a buffer, even going as far as to sit in-between Kid Flash and Zatanna if there was no other option available-
Are you done monologuing to yourself? Rocket's voice echoed in his head. Aqualad felt his heart racing for a moment, he was getting distracted.
What makes you think I was doing that? Aqualad asked.
Superboy answered. You were standing in the same spot for over a minute and we can sense your worry.
We could also hear you. Artemis said briskly.
Forgive me, team. Aqualad responded. Simply reflecting on other matters.
Hey, if you're done gossiping and pondering and pouting, we could use some help over here! Artemis sounded aggravated, her mind now polluted with frustration and
Kaldur, stop monologuing and trying to sound poetic! It's making me sick! Robin snapped. What is this, a British book?
Guys… Zatanna said cautiously.
Kaldur became irritated. I am simply trying to think.
Robin countered. Well, think more normal.
I am sorry, but I am unable to change my inner-dialect that easily.
I'd rather hear about your inner-dialect than your inner goddess. Artemis piped in.
Guys… Zatanna said a little louder.
What's that? M'gann directed her question at Artemis.
From what I heard, Artemis began, it's just some woman trying to sound poetic about her-
GUYS! Zatanna shouted.
Everyone stopped thinking-
You're still thinking! M'gann said.
ENOUGH! Aqualad raised his mental voice. Zatanna, what is it?
Are Superboy and Miss Martian on point?
Yes, they are, Zatanna, thank you for reminding me.
Also, what do I do if some woman dressed in a jester outfit stares at me for a long period of time?
Don't move, she can't see you if you don't move. Kid Flash said sarcastically.
Superboy sighed. Wally, that's meant for dinosaurs and that theory was proven false-
Actually, I think it's working. Zatanna said. She's looking around like I just vanished.
Wow. Robin said in a dull voice. I cannot believe that Harley Quinn could have fallen this far from grace.
Harley Who, now?
Harley Quinn, aka Harleen Quinzel. Her villain name is a pseudonym that she took from the term, Harlequin. Robin explained.
Does she have red hair?
No, but she's not a natural blonde either.
Robin. Zatanna said. I said she was dressed in a jester's outfit. I know my clown costumes-
I bet you do. Kid Flash muttered.
Zatanna ignored him and continued. I know my clown costumes and-
Her connection was suddenly broken, but not before a wave of pain shook the rest of the Team through their mental-link.
Z! Robin shouted. She must have been ambushed!
We all came to that same conclusion, Einstein. Rocket snapped. Now hurry up with that hacking and Kal, get someone to find her!
That was the last thing everyone else heard from her as they felt the mental link connecting them to her become disconnected. Robin followed a moment later.
Miss Martian, locate the attackers! Aqualad ordered.
Instead of having another person become disconnected, Aqualad felt something hit him on the head, pain washing over his body but not to the point of unconsciousness. He struggled to get up, but he felt several needles injected into his body, his movements becoming sluggish and undefined. The voices in his head were dim and incomprehensible, like he was underwater and they were on the surface. Why did villains always seem to get the drop on them when they least expect it?
Another blow to the head, and Aqualad was down.
Miss Martian opened her eyes, feeling somewhat lightheaded before her vision adjusted to the dim lighting. It wasn't much, but her head was strapped to the table, so she couldn't see much. She felt straps around her body and tentatively tested them, satisfied with the sound of creaking metal.
Is everyone alright? She called out through the mind-link.
No. Robin's voice, he sounded like he's been through this scenario one too many times and was sick of it. My head's spinning and I feel numb.
I'm already free. Conner sounded more annoyed than worried. Miss Martian smiled when she saw him looking down on her and began pulling off the straps before a telekinetic blast from Miss Martian pushed her bindings off their hinges.
She got up and saw that the rest of the Team was strapped on metal tables like she was. It reminded her of the ones used for operations in those boring hospital dramas she saw. Aqualad looked like he was in a daze, while Rocket and Zatanna had just woken up, the latter had a gag around her mouth while the former had her belt taken from her. Together, Miss Martian and Superboy were able to free everyone from their restraints. Kid Flash looked he was the most stable one after Superboy and Miss Martian herself, supporting Robin and Zatanna as they leaned on his shoulders.
Wally… Artemis said as Miss Martian helped her up. Her voice sounded groggy. Are you okay?
Yeah, but why does it look like a place out of a fantasy I dreamed of last night? Wally really needed to keep those thoughts to himself…somehow…
TMI, dude. TMI. Robin sighed.
I'm going to ignore that and keep the mind-link up. Miss Martian said. Who knows whose listening?
How bad is this on a scale of 1 to 10, Robin? Artemis asked in the same groggy voice, with a hint of anticipation in it.
Considering how Superboy got out already, we can rule out Kryptonite. Robin said. And Miss M didn't have electrical currents run through her body, so I guess this would be a 6. A 3 if we can all get out as easily.
Okay, so what's going to happen to us if we can't get out? Kid Flash asked.
The Joker is sadistic, so my guess is torture straight from the Saw franchise. Robin said dryly. God, this is pathetic, even by his standards. I was expecting him to be looming over us menacingly, trying to make us crack while slicing us up without dismembering us while he says-
"Mistah G, are you ready?" A shrill voice speaking in a heavy Brooklyn accent said behind the door to Miss Martian's left.
"Not yet, Harley 2, just shut up and let me get my tools ready!" A high-pitched voice that sounded male shouted back.
Not what I meant, but…wait…that's not Harley. Miss Martian looked over to Robin, his eyes widening over his domino mask. Miss M! SB! KF! Hide!
You're going to take them on your own?! Artemis asked in disbelief.
Yes, I am going to take on two psychos without my utility belt in a sluggish state and hope for the best. Robin said sarcastically. NO! I'm not crazy, Artemis…okay, well, maybe I am, but I'm not stupid. Of course, I'm going to hide! Make sure KF doesn't do anything stupid, though, he's probably running low now.
Aqualad was then thrown over Superboy's shoulder like Black Canary taught them to do if a teammate was out of commission and needed to be transported. It would take at least an hour before the sedatives wore off on everyone, and possibly a bit longer for Zatanna to recharge and risk a healing spell. One look into Aqualad's eyes told Miss Martian enough; he had to stay awake no matter what. It was a miracle he hadn't slipped into a coma. The idea that their leader had been given a concussion was terrifying, whatever energy Miss Martian wasn't spending on supporting Artemis and maintaining the mind-link was spent making sure Aqualad didn't slip back into unconsciousness.
The door creaked open.
"Leacnoc su." Zatanna whispered and a shroud of nothingness surrounded the Team, their skin and clothing reflecting the surface and wall décor pretty well. It wasn't perfect, but they were now akin to chameleons for a short time. All they needed to do was take down the Joker. Then again, considering how much energy it required, they might only have at least five minutes before it wore off and exposed them.
The door leading to their exit was thrown open in a dramatic effect; a tall man strutted in. His chalk-white skin, red lips, and green hair made Miss Martian shudder. As far as she knew, the only thing that was actually applied manually was the red covering the Joker's lips. Behind him was a girl with red hair that trailed down to right above her waist. In stark contrast to the Joker, whose skin was already naturally – or unnaturally – white, there were areas on her face that revealed a soft-pinkish color underneath that she kept on trying to cover up with the powder she was applying at the moment.
That's definitely not Harley. Robin said. And its definitely not Poison Ivy. Who is that?
I think the bigger question to ask is how do we get out of here? Artemis said in a frustrated tone. We're right in front of the biggest maniac in the city with no escape and-
BAM!
While Robin was mentally swearing at Superboy for making the hole in the wall, the Joker and the red-haired girl looked in shock at the sudden noise. He took one look at the empty tables and then at the area where the hole appeared while the red-haired girl scratched her head.
"Where did they go? I know they were all right here!" The girl said. "Mistah G, this ain't my fault!"
The Joker looked at her funny. He suddenly smiled and said. "Harley 2, do you not see the gaping hole in the wall?"
"I had them all strapped down like you wanted me to –"
"– and did you try to restrain the Super Kid with the same kind of equipment as everyone else?"
"They were drugged up, they couldn't have gotten out! I don't understand!"
"HARLEY 2!"
"What?!" Harley 2 shouted back. She ended up being backhanded and fell to the floor, clutching her swollen lip. Miss Martian silently winced.
"Shut up and tell me what you did to them." The Joker whispered dangerously.
Harley 2 held up her hand with the palm extended and spoke. "I gassed the magic girl, then Bird Boy and his girlfriend. I got the drop on Fish Kid and hit him on the head with a hammer. I got the Speedy kid-
Kid Flash, you idiot!
"– and gassed everyone else like you told me to, Boss."
With each person mentioned, she closed a finger at a time into her palm. The Joker sighed and pulled out a walkie talkie. He clicked a button and spoke into it.
"Rocco, gather the men and find the brats. They escaped. Blame the new girl."
"W-what?" Harley 2 looked startled and began backing away from the Joker. "But I caught them."
"And you left them unguarded. And you didn't use Kryptonite on the Superbrat like I told you to. And you used the same amount of sedatives for each person instead of drugging them until they were loopy." The Joker advanced towards he threateningly. "And worst of all, you wrote down a list of tortures that they were to go through that I did NOT APPROVE OF!"
Harley 2 blinked. "What."
The Joker pulled out a sheet of paper from his purple tweed jacket and read aloud. "Number 1: Make Robin listen to High School Muscial the Soundtract. Number 2: Beat Robin over the head with a crowbar. Number 3: Cut up Robin without dismembering him. Number 4: Sexually abuse Robin until he sobbed like a baby and had DaddyBats swoop in for the rescue. Harley 2, this list is detailing things to do to Robin and not the rest of his brat friends!"
"But, I thought you loved torture. That's why I agreed to be your replacement while the Harley went on vacation." Harley 2 failed to see the deadly glint in the Joker's eyes.
The Team slowly made their way out of the gaping hole in the while, knowing that they only had minutes before the camouflage spell wore off. Robin was giving off a lot of anger and indignation that he was to be subjected to those tortures, his anger was infecting the mind-link like termites in wood.
"There are a few things wrong with what you are suggesting, Harley 2." The Joker held up one hand. "First of all, not funny. Second of all, your obsession with Wonder Boy is really unhealthy and not in an amusing manner. Third of all, are you on crack?. Fourth of all, you are not expecting any of the super-powered teens to retaliate. And fifth of all –"
BAM!
Harley 2 slumped to the ground as blood came from her forehead.
"YOU'RE FIRED! That's the last time I hire a girl named Mary off Craigslist!"
Sometime later, the Team had returned to the Cave – Robin and Rocket recovered their respective belts – and were being debriefed on what they had just seen.
"Long story short, Harley's on vacation." Robin concluded. "And apparently, every girl that the Joker tries to hire to fill the role has this weird obsession over me."
Batman sighed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm glad the Joker killed someone. How could someone like that be so…"
"Into BDSM shit out of a bad erotica book?" Artemis offered. When Kid Flash looked at her, she explained. "Some of my friends are into that stuff."
"No offense to your friends, Arty, but they're sick." Robin said in an aggravated voice.
"I expect a detailed report of the mission itself handed in by tomorrow. Aqualad will be fine, but he needs some time to recover. Dismissed." And with that, Batman walked off.
Zatanna lingered in the back while Robin and Kid Flash talked.
"Thanks for pulling my weight back there, KF." Robin said sheepishly.
"You'd do the same for me, bro." Kid Flash grinned.
"So…are we okay?"
Kid Flash stared at him. "Okay?"
"Wally…" Robin began slowly, but Kid Flash held up his hand.
"I'm not mad at you, dude. You didn't know."
"You're not even a little hurt?" Robin asked in surprise. "I know I'd be."
Kid Flash shrugged. "A little bit. But Black Canary says I shouldn't hold a grudge. It's not healthy and it wouldn't make me feel better. The best thing to do would be to move on and try fixing things when I was ready."
"Don't you want to get a little payback?" Robin asked, making a small gesture with his hand.
"If I told you, then you'd just plan ahead." Kid Flash smirked. "I'll just leave it at that and call it a night."
Robin nodded and headed towards the Zeta tube.
Recognize: Robin. B02.
"Wally!" Zatanna called out as Kid Flash made his way to the Zeta tube. Kid Flash turned around and looked at her. "Do you have a moment?"
"My folks are waiting for me and after tonight, I think they might be reluctant to let me leave home." Kid Flash said carelessly.
"Wally, I'm sorry!"
Kid Flash flinched.
Zatanna continued. "I get it, you're still mad, I just want to let you know I didn't realize how wrong it was. I'm sorry about the Wonder Woman outfit, I'm sorry about the Voodoo doll, I'm sorry about Halloween. You can get even with me however you like, just name it and I'll take it!"
Kid Flash didn't say anything, Zatanna could only guess what was going through his head. Then he spoke.
"I'm seeing Black Canary tomorrow around 4. Meet me there."
Zatanna nodded and sighed with relief as Kid Flash vanished into the Zeta tube in a flash of light.
Baby steps, Z. Zatanna thought. Baby steps.
"Puddin', I'm back!" Harley called out in the warehouse, smiling when she saw her two hyenas rushing towards her. "Aw, did you miss Momma? Momma missed you!"
She smiled as the hyenas licked at her outstretched palms before reeling back in disgust. "What have you two been eating?! You know you're on a diet!"
"I tried feeding them the new intern, but they wouldn't budge." The Joker came in wiping his hands on a handkerchief. "So, I set them loose against some cats."
Harley crossed her arms. "Again, Puddn'? We can't keep going through this every time I need some 'me-time.' It's just leaving a big mess."
"True." The Joker said. "But this one deserved it."
"And what did she do to deserve it?" Harley asked with a raised eyebrow.
"She tried to make me fulfill a fanfiction wish-list."
Author's Note: I said I would make Robin and Zatanna more remorseful and remorseful they are at last.
I took a jab at Mary Sue characters and those who believe that the key to a great story is to put the Boy Wonder though as much hell as possible, as well.
Harley 2 taking down the entire Team? That would be the only possible explanation since she has the powers of fandom logic...before real logic hit her in the face like the bullet that killed her. I know the Joker is a criminal mastermind, but I doubt he would be able to take down the Team all by himself. He could handle Superboy, Robin and Artemis, but the others would be able to overpower him with their powers and sheer numbers.
I had to add a part where the Joker contacted his men to look for the Team, because I was thinking "Wouldn't the viewers be wondering why he isn't looking for them?"
Why does the fandom love torturing Robin in ways that make me think only a few of us are here to tell actual stories? The Joker is sadistic, but he is not that monstrous...unless you believe that he did something to Barbara in The Killing Joke (which he didn't, according to Alan Moore.) He does those things for laughs, and the Joker has some standards.
I had this idea in my mind for several months now, and it started with the Joker giving his five reasons (the fifth being that she was fired). It was never written down, but I had it to memory.
Last thing before I go: I'm trying to work on a page for Bad Idea on TVTropes, but I am facing some difficulties with it. Anyone willing to help? Making pages is so different from writing examples.
Thanks for reading; feel free to suggest and give constructive criticism, I will take it. Next update will be a week or two from now.
In the writing world, I will see you!