Chapter 7

"The heart wants what the heart wants." - Babs Duffy.

Knowing that she has no other choice Olivia let Alex help her up. As soon as she is on her feet the Detective turns around to walk away only to be stopped by Alex putting her hand on Olivia's arm.

"Liv wait. Don't walk away, please." Alex begs softly.

Olivia stood still but she doesn't turn around. The Detective hangs her head answering Alex.

"Alex don't make it harder than it already is, please. Besides the fact that I'm in no condition to run or walk away, I can't go anywhere and I have no intention to leave. I know I should have kept my big mouth but I didn't. I'm sorry. I only want to go to your guest room if that's alright with you of course. If you want me to leave because of what I said, I understand it. You can drive me back to the City or I'll call someone to pick me up. Again I'm sorry Alex." Olivia says softly.

This was not going the direction Alex wants. Knowing the Detective very well, Alex knows that Olivia isn't running away or shutting her down, yet, but she needs to be careful to prevent it. So letting Olivia go for the moment and thinking about how to talk about this without making the brunette running away seems the best option for now.

"I don't want you to leave, Olivia. The opposite, I would like you to stay. You can go anywhere you want to go as long as it is the cabin. I'll stay here unless you want me to be close enough for you to call if you need me. I have one question to ask before you go and yes or no for an answer is alright if that's all you can say now. Do you mean what you said?" Alex asks tentatively.

"You can stay here I think I'll lay down for a while, but it's your cabin so feel free to come inside whenever you want to. I don't want to keep you away from it. As fucked up and bad as it may be or looks like, the answers to your question is yes." Olivia answers before she slowly walks away.

As Olivia walks away Alex sits down on the lounging chair again, still shocked but more surprised if she is being honest with herself. And if she is completely honest, she is happy that the brunette blurred it out unintentionally. The only thing she needs to do is to make the best and most important closing statement of her life. That is easier said than done. Alex knows that she only has one shot, one chance to say the right things. And as complicated that normally would be now with everything that's going on and is on Olivia's mind it's the hardest thing the blonde ADA ever needed to do. Alex is sitting in the chair for an hour when she decides it's time for the moment of truth. She gets up and walks back to the cabin. Taking a deep breath before she walks inside. Once inside Alex walks through the living room to the hallway and to the guest room and knocks softly on the door before she opens it. When she looks inside, Alex sees that the room is empty, Olivia isn't there. For a moment Alex starts to panic but she remembers that Olivia had said that she wasn't gonna run. Alex closes the door and then walks to her own bedroom. For reasons she can't explain logically, she has a feeling that the brunette is in there. She knocks on the door before she opens it and when she sees Olivia lying on her bed holding her pillow to her chest she gets a warm feeling embracing her like a warm blanket. It feels so right for Olivia being in her bedroom. Alex clears her throat to get the Detectives attention. The moment Olivia looks at her she can see that the brunette has been beating herself up for the past hour.

"May I come inside, Liv?" Alex asks softly.

"Of course it's your bedroom. I'm sorry, Lex. For what I've said and for going to your bedroom. I just needed to feel you around me even when I needed time to think if that makes sense." Olivia answers.

Alex steps inside and closes the door behind her out of a habit and she points at the bed.

" It does. May I sit down? I think we need to talk." Alex asks.

Olivia swallows the lump in her throat and nods. Alex walks around the bed and slowly sits down next to the Detective.

"Is it alright for me to start this talk and you respond to what I'll say?" Alex asks.

"Yes," Olivia answers timidly.

"Liv, you have nothing to worry about. If it's up to me this not a bad news conversation. I know you've been beating yourself up for the past hour and that wasn't necessary, isn't necessary. That being said, yes I was shocked when you said that you want children with me in the future. But after I got over the initial shock I was relieved maybe even hopeful because since you said this I think it's safe to assume that you started falling in love with me or maybe already are in love with me. At least that's what I hope you are. Because I happen to be head over heels in love with you. I have been in love with for a long time, Liv." Alex finishes softly.

Olivia looks at Alex, shocked. The table's certainly turned. Not in a million years the Detective would have thought that the smart and beautiful ADA could be in love with her. But wait, there is a rather big problem now. At least that's what Olivia thinks. Although only Olivia knows that Alex isn't heterosexual, this is something else. Even though the Detective doesn't know what to do or is having doubts about her own body and isn't ready to admit that, surely the blonde attorney is in love with Olivia as the woman they thought she was till yesterday.

"You are right, I'm in love with you too, Lex. But things have changed. I'm not the person anymore we thought I was physically I mean. I have testicles and even though I don't know what I'll do that doesn't change the fact that I have them." Olivia says.

"You listen to me Detective, listen well because I only will say this once. I'm in love with WHO you are, not with WHAT you are. I meant what I said yesterday. To me, you're still the same person as you were before. And I support you in whatever decision you make. I will still be in love with you. Even if it turns out that you want to change your gender. Yes, it won't be easy, especially for you, but if you are willing to give this, us, a chance I know we'll deal with it no matter how hard it will get. If you change your mind about having children biological and you want to have them with me, in the future, you'll make me the happiest woman on this planet. Having children in the future, biological or not, will make me the happiest woman in the world. And I mean everything I just said. I want to be in a relationship with you. I don't want to scare you or make you run away but to make it clear I have to take the risk. I want the whole picture Liv, I want everything with you eventually. I know, your world is turned upside down but I will be there for you and if you want to wait to start a relationship, if you want that with me, I'm willing to wait until you are ready for that and to support you as your friend till then. Don't confuse that with not wanting a relationship with you because that's not what I mean. I do want a relationship with you but only if you want to start that now too, if not I'll wait for you. I want to do it right this time." Alex says.

Olivia looks with watery eyes into Alex's stormy blue ones and sees in her eyes that Alex meant everything she just said. The detective turns her head away and thinks about what the younger blonde said. Of course Alex wants an answer immediately but she remains silent and waits patiently, knowing that Olivia needs to think about her words before answering back. The only thing Alex hopes is that the words she has spoken are enough. After two long minutes for the ADA Olivia turns back her head and looks straight into Alex's eyes.

"That was one hell of a closing statement, Counselor. Seriously, I'm unsure about a lot of things but the one thing I'm sure about is that I want a relationship with you too Alex. I don't want to wait till I figured everything else out. I know that you will be there for me and support me but I want you to do that being my girlfriend and not as my friend. You're not the only one that has been in love for a long time. To be honest, I've been in love with you since a couple of months after we met for the first time. I want everything with you when the time is right. You have slowly convinced me that my genes didn't make me who I am today, so to speak. And I'm not sure about what I want to do but I'm not so scared anymore knowing that you want to be with me no matter what I decide or what will happen. So I think it's time to ask you the next questions. Alexandra Cabot do you want to be my girlfriend? And do you want to go on a date with me as soon as I'm physically able to take you out on a date?" Olivia asks shyly.

"Yes, Olivia Benson, I want to be to your girlfriend, there's nothing I want more right now than to be your girlfriend. And yes I would love to go on a date with you when it's possible. I don't know about you, Detective but my cards are on the table. I'm all in. How about you?" Alex asks, smiling widely.

"I call, Counselor. I call." Olivia smiles back.