Edit: I fixed the scene breaks so it isn't so confusing. For some reason, the app just won't keep the damned things.
Disclaimer: Did we ever see the Team go public? Good, that would defeat the purpose of being covert and means that all rights to Young Justice belong to DC Comics and Cartoon Network.
Beast Boy, Kid Flash, Artemis, Rocket, Miss Martian, Zatanna, and Superboy were standing before Batman in the Cave, in the designated debriefing area. No one asked why the remaining two members were not present. They weren't needed.
Somewhere in Atlantis, Aqualad rubbed the area over his heart, wondering why he felt a pang of loneliness and neglect when he was among his king and friends.
Back at Wayne Manor, Dick Grayson sighed in relief with the knowledge that for once, the attention wouldn't be on him.
"Explain this," Batman turned to the screen and said, "Playback recording."
The screen lit up and several people winced as they saw the recording was from a news channel, Channel Five, with a man with light-brown wavy hair and a cold stare. G. Gordon Godfrey. He started gaining attention a few weeks back as a loudmouth, trash-talking, mud-slinging, hero shamer. Batman always looked like he was going to have a fit whenever Godfrey brought up Gotham's crime rate and the failure of the police – and Batman – to detain its insane criminals in Arkham Asylum.
In a little box on the right-hand corner was a bird's eye view outside of a bank.
Everyone recognized themselves from earlier, rushing in as if they were storming a castle.
Godfrey didn't say anything – or maybe the recording started right after he finished ranting about something – and let the video feed play out.
The recording cut to a different camera within the bank, showing Livewire holding ten people hostage while a bag of money was being filled for her. Within moments, she was surrounded by the others from outside and a fight ensued.
Livewire was captured, but the destruction on the bank was another issue.
Godfrey chose to end the feed the moment police started coming in. He looked at the screen with a permanent look of distain, "Young heroes trying to perform the job of the police? Well, congrats, kiddies, you caught the washed-out radio diva, but you can add more damage of public property to the list of crimes you'll never have to answer to."
"Oh yeah, like the police could have handled a living lightning bolt." Kid Flash muttered under his breath.
"Oh, I know what you're all thinking," Godfrey said with a huff, "Superman or Wonder Woman would have done no better. Here's the thing, though. Where are they? This is the third time this month that we've witnessed a teenager wearing the S like it were casual clothing, and yet, looks like he could bound over a building in one jump. Were these teenage sidekicks having a get-together at the same time a bank robbery occurred?"
"End playback," Batman said. He looked at the Team, "Well?"
"Um…" Miss Martian looked hesitant while Rocket crossed her arms and huffed with agitation.
"IT WAS KID FLASH'S IDEA!" Beast Boy shrieked. "HE WAS THE ONE WHO SAID WE SHOULD DO STUFF IN BROAD DAYLIGHT JUST FOR THE HECK OF IT AND THESE REPORTERS STARTED SWARMING US AND I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT WAS POSSIBLE, I MEAN, IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN A FEW MINUTES AND WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO LEAVE WHEN ALL OF THESE PEOPLE SUDDENLY SURROUNDED US –"
"Beast Boy…" Batman began.
"– AND NONE OF US KNEW WHAT TO DO BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY LIGHTS AND I WANTED TO CRUSH SOMEONE AS A T-REX BUT M'GANN SAID THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BAD IDEA 'CAUSE YOU GUYS HAVE A NO KILLING RULE AND THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN PROPERTY DAMAGE –"
"Beast Boy –" Batman attempted to speak again, but Beast Boy was still too loud to hear himself while his face turned a little yellow – why it was turning yellow from asphyxiation instead of something not resembling a lily or daisy was another mystery for the World's Greatest Detective to solve – and still tried to pull himself and the Team out of the hole that he just kept digging deeper.
"AND PLEASE DON'T CASTRATE ME, I'M TOO YOUNG TO EVEN THINK ABOUT SEX AND I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY WINKY –"
"GARFIELD!" Everyone sans Batman screamed at the top of their lungs. Beast Boy flinched and realized all eyes were on him now. His face would have turned a dark green, but he needed to take a few deep breaths first.
"Breathe…" Batman said calmly, but it was clear he was ready to walk out of the room in frustration.
Beast Boy took a deep breath.
And screamed upon the exhale.
"Eb tnelis tsaeb yob." Zatanna chanted.
"Well, that does solve the 'making Garfield zip it' problem," Artemis stared at Beast Boy with his mouth still open in a silent scream, "buuut it doesn't fix the 'making sure he doesn't die of asphyxiation' or 'Batman preparing to castrate us' problems."
"Do. You. Have. Any. Idea –" Batman began.
"Stop punctuating everything and get to the 'I'm going to make you kids suffer' part." Superboy crossed his arms with a glare. He earned death glares from the others now and scoffed with a half-grin. "You want to mess with a half-Kryptonian, be my guest."
"OH, OH!" Kid Flash jumped up and down excitedly. "I'LL BE YOUR GUEST!"
Superboy glared. "Start singing that song and I'll set Wolf loose against you."
"AHEM!" Everyone turned to look at Batman.
"You exposed yourselves to the public and now they're going to start asking themselves why. You are supposed to be covert; do you have any idea what our enemies might be thinking about this revelation right now?!"
"Meow."
"I agree, Teekl, I don't give a shit about what that Godfrey guy said."
"Meow."
"Don't worry, we'll kill the friends and family of those super-kids in time…I'm just not in the mood."
"Meow?"
"Not tonight, I have a headache…"
"It appears that the group of sidekicks have become overnight celebrities by fighting in public." Ra's al Ghul addressed the silhouetted screens – why would they need silhouettes, everyone knew one another – after a report from Ubu…and then proceeding to chop off Ubu IV's head out of frustration.
"Should we even care?" Queen Bee's screen asked.
"Of course, not. Why should we?" Ra's rolled his eyes and scoffed.
"Mercy, get me a phone. I want to order Chinese tonight."
"– and that's what they're probably thinking or doing right now," Garfield concluded with a smile. Batman's left eye twitched. Garfield frowned, "What? Not everyone thinks like you do…"
Author's Note: Okay, this is more crack-fic/parody than my usual stuff. Little time to concentrate on writing and even less time to think about a new chapter. I know you guys love the story-based chapters, but they are so hard to write in a short amount of time in college and in an environment where you are bombarded with noise.
Also, what is the best time and day to post new chapters?
Klarion and his bestiality are thing of nightmares...
I'm sorry to say that the updates for a few months will be shorter than usual, back to basics, since I need to prioritize without disappearing. As always, suggestions are welcome because there are too many Robin-based fics and everyone needs some love.
So, if you have ideas for clichés that can be accomplished in a short chapter, be sure to PM or reply in the reviews. If you have a story idea based on a cliché that you think deserves a good length, just do the same and I will be happy to work with you on the idea as a team. You guys make this fic possible with your ideas, after all, I guess it should be fair to consider this a massive collaboration fic.
Stay warm if you have snow, otherwise, in the writing world, I will see you!