Catherine spent the first few days of the journey in complete solitude in her chambers refusing to talk with Henry only allowing Lady de Salinas to take Mary up to the deck so she could get a bit of sun and fresh air. Henry knew he had fucked up to a new level because she had never secluded herself like that before almost refusing all the food anyone brought her. The only one that was allowed in her room was Lady de Salinas but not even her had managed to break her away from her prayers.
She hadn't got dressed since the first night they had spent in the ship passing all her time in her nightgown and robe, her rosary in her hands at all times. She felt as if she were in the middle of a war between her duties as Queen and Empress and her duties as a wife and mother. She had spent her entire life pleasing Henry, keeping quiet about every single thing he did, she had been loyal and loved him unconditionally despite all the pain he had inflicted her but still, he had thought about leaving her. She thought she had been a good wife. Her prayers brought her some comfort but no real help. She had hoped her family would help her, give her the answers she needed but there was silence, always silence. She was now sitting on the edge of her bed looking out the window into the sea, the white foam mesmerising as the ship moved through the waters. There was a knock on the door, but she didn't move from her spot, her eyes still fixed on the window. The door creaked slightly as Henry pushed it open with his back, his hands busy with a tray filled with food.
-I've brought you something to eat Catherine. – she didn't answer or looked at him, so he walked closer to the table that was on the other side of the room and placed it there before turning back to look at her. – Lady de Salinas says you haven't been eating much and I'm worried you might be unconsciously hurting our baby.
-Would you cry if I lost it?
-Catherine, is the baby okay? – kneeling beside her he tried to take one of her hands, but she pulled away looking at him for the first time in days.
-Get out.
-Catherine, are you okay? Is the baby alright?
-The baby is fine, now go.
-We need to talk. You've been in here for days and I still don't understand why.
-Are you kidding me? You really don't know what you've done? Don't make me laugh Henry, you always know what you are doing or saying.
-Believe, this time I don't know. Was it because of what I said about our Henry? I'm sorry, okay?
-You are a liar, a cheat, a heartless monster.
-Catherine!
-A vicious prick, - she stood up from the bed, slowly, walking in his direction, her bare feet making a sticky sound against the salty wooden floor. Henry was crawling on the floor, away from her. – a self-absorbed bastard. I've been keeping quiet for years when you were behaving like a disgusting human-like worm and still I, who loved you to no end, wasn't enough for your stupidly huge ego. You thought and probably prepared to file for a divorce! A divorce Henry! I who gave up everything I could have been for you, I who never contradicted you or gave my opinion because I knew it wouldn't be appreciated, I who gave birth to your children, went through the loss of your brother, parents, and our babies! I who married you because you swept me off my feet and who has stayed by your side all these years! You were willing to send me away to marry that bitch!
-Catherine, you've never acted like this before.
-Well, it's about dammed time I did! I would have kept quiet if it had been just one more affair, but a divorce Henry? That's a new level of lowness for you. You know I will never accept it and as Catholics, you should know we can't get divorced. On what bases would you have contacted Rome?
-It was just a thought Catherine, nothing else. – he had hit one of the legs of the table, his eyes watching Catherine's face turn red as her anger flared out of her being.
-On what bases Henry?!
-There was an error in our marriage license that made it illegal! But it was just a thought I swear it!
-An error. You know that wouldn't have been enough for Rome. Don't lie to me Henry or I swear to everything I'll make your life a living hell.
-It was Anne's idea! She said that we could mention Arthur and how you really did consummate the marriage.
-That is the most disgusting thing you could have said. You know how sick your brother was, how can you tell me this. I came to your bed as pure as I was when I was born!
-I know, but Anne bewitched me! She made me think you would never give a son and that she would, that you might be having affairs and that Mary maybe wasn't even mine.
-How dare you?! HOW DARE YOU?! I'm not a whore, unlike her! I have never laid with anyone that wasn't you!
-She's poisoned my mind, I love you, Catherine, I swear I do!
She was breathing heavily, her face losing that red tint it had acquired in the last few minutes. Henry was breathing rather heavily himself, his body shaking on the floor. She looked down at him before turning around and beginning to pray, her rosary moving in between her soft hands as tears fell down her cheeks. Her voice was shaky, hoarse, and quiet, her sobs breaking in between her words. Henry managed to stand up, his heart still beating a bit faster than usual, and walked to her and reached out to touch her. At first, he took his hand back but ended up placing it on her shoulder.
-Catherine?
-What did I do wrong? Wasn't I a good wife? – her sobs made it difficult for her to talk, the words coming out strangled.
-You didn't do anything wrong. You were the perfect wife.
-Then why are you doing this to me?
-I don't know. But I want us to go back to the beginning. I want everything to be well between us again just as much as you do.
-I don't know if I can do this. I'm in too much pain to even think of… I just want to be alone.
-Catherine, please, come out of the room. People are worried that you might be sick.
-The way I feel is close enough.
-Please, don't do it for me, I don't deserve it, but do it for Mary. It's her first trip and she's hardly up on the deck and when she is Lady de Salinas is the one with her.
-Is she having fun?
-I think she might be, but you should go up with her. Will you get dressed and get out of here?
-Ask Maria to come in. Just don't expect me to do much.
-I won't be around you if you don't want me to. I'll give you all the time you need to sort yourself out.
-Mary is your daughter as well, and if you want to be with her, I won't say no.
-I won't push you into anything so I'll be in the back, watching you in case you need anything okay?
She nodded but before he could move away, she took one of his hands and whispered a soft thank you. It was just a second when everything was fine when everything felt fine, but it was just one second. She knew deep down that he meant all the things he had said but still she didn't want to get hurt even more, although she was starting to find it a bit difficult for things to turn even worse. He felt like kissing her hand but knew that this wasn't the time and so he just smiled slightly and left her to be. On his way to the upper deck, he met Lady de Salinas who to Henry's demise didn't have Mary with her.
-Lady de Salinas, where is Mary?
-Thomas More has her, your Majesty. He wanted to show her around the ship, and I didn't see any problem with it. Is there something wrong?
-No, nothing, I just got worried. Catherine has requested your presence. We've just been talking, and she has agreed to leave her room and go up to the deck with Mary.
-I'll go right away your Majesty.
She bowed and almost ran to Catherine's room. When she opened the door, she saw her roaming through her dresses with a very sad look on her face, her rosary still in her hands. She really didn't want to go outside but knew better than to isolate herself. With quiet footsteps, Maria put one of her hands on the wardrobe door. Catherine saw it and turned to find her beside her, her hands falling to her sides.
-I've always thought that this pale purple dress looks beautiful on you your Majesty.
-I want the black one.
-Your Majesty, please, not today. Try my suggestion, it might cheer you up a bit.
-Alright. I don't have the strength to fight.
In the next twenty minutes, Catherine was dress insisting that she could not forgo her corset as Maria had insisted. She brushed the Queen's raven locks before braiding some creating a sort of like diadem. She knew Catherine was not in the mood for accessories or jewellery and so she showed her a pearl tiara and asked her if she wanted to wear it to which surprisingly, she answered yes. Once it was in place Maria headed for the door while Catherine picked her pink velvet robe from her wardrobe. The wooden hall had many doors that she guessed held other rooms, maybe even Thomas'. She hadn't seen him since that argument with the ambassador. She picked up her skirt so she wouldn't step on the hem as she walked up the stairs. The fresh salty air hit her right on the face, the sun bathing her pale skin. The deck held a slippery look to it because of the humidity and the waves that splashed against the sides of the ship. She looked around observing how the men worked, some of them attending to ropes while others cleaned and moped the wooden floors. Lady de Salinas was heading for the back of the ship to what is called the Quarter deck and without questions, Catherine followed her. There, sitting at a table, was Thomas with Mary in his arms, Henry a few feet away staring at the sea. The crewman bowed when the Queen walked pass them returning to their duties immediately after.
-Your Majesty! – Thomas stood up as he saw her coming up the stairs, a smile on his lips. It was wonderful to see her out and about after the two days she had spent secluded. He was worried it might have been because of her argument with the ambassador, that's why he had stated he would be spending the entire journey in his rooms, but Thomas suspected it was also due to seasickness. Many people were in their rooms because of it but not Catherine, she looked tired and sad but definitely not sick. – I'm very glad you've decided you join us. I hope you are feeling well.
-I am Mr. more, thank you. – he kissed her hand before giving Mary back to her.
The little girl laughed, grabbing one of her locks. Henry for the first time in many years saw a genuine smile on his wife's face. It made her look like an angel, like a rose that blooms in adversity. That was his Catherine, burning in the fires of pain, lies and hurt and then coming out stronger, smarter, and even more ravishing than before, like a phoenix. She quickly put the mask of politeness and sat at the table with Thomas, engaging in a little conversation with a smile on her lips, but Henry knew better and could see how her eyes were screaming in pain and sadness.
-And Mary has already visited the Captain's chambers, with his permission, of course. One of the men wanted to show her the top but it was too dangerous and Lady de Salinas said no.
-Did she like it?
-Oh, very much. She also likes to look at the waves, she laughs when the water splashes and a few drops get to her.
-You like the sea darling? – Catherine smiled down at her baby daughter. She laughed when Mary pointed up to the sky where a bird was flying, screaming, and mumbling happily. Henry watched everything from afar his heart aching to be part of it, but he felt as if Thomas had occupied his place in his wife's life, and to his surprise, he didn't blame her. He was gentle and compassionate, he listened and brought comfort to her soul, something he hadn't been able to do in years. – Mr. More, I've been meaning to apologise.
-Apologise your Majesty?
-Yes, for my outburst the other day. I lost my temper with the ambassador and I might have given you the wrong impression. I worry about my people and I don't want them to be against me. It scares me.
-There's no need for you to apologise. He had lied to you and your reaction was completely understandable your Majesty.
-Thank you, Thomas. For understanding me and for being so nice to Mary. I'm sure she's given Henry a hard time in the past few days and you helping him, and Lady de Salinas I'm sure has been a great relief.
-He's my friend and I wanted to help. Between you and me, - he leaned over the table so he could whisper, and Henry wouldn't be able to hear what they were talking about. – why have you locked yourself away for the past two days?
-Henry thought about divorcing me.
-He wouldn't!
-He did. He says that Anne bewitched him and that he loves me, that it was only a thought, but he already had prepared what he would have sent to Rome.
-Some rumours and whispers say that Anne might be… she might not be normal.
-Whatever do you mean?
-I heard that in France she's known for having got involved with men and shortly after they disappeared or left. There are rumours that she might be something unholy.
-You mean… a witch?
-Could be. It would explain many things including Henry's behaviour.
-Henry has always been like this, chasing skirts and what's underneath them.
-But he's never thought about leaving you before. A divorce is something very complicated and risky. He wouldn't be that stupid and reckless.
-Then you mean that she might have spelled him? Do you think he might be dangerous? – she looked up watching Henry's back.
-He sent her away, he told me, so I think he's fine. Maybe she didn't spend enough time with him to fully control him.
-A witch… Good Heavens. I don't want her to return to court, what if she tries to hurt Mary?
-She's far away, you are all safe.
-Thomas, stay here on the deck. – Henry was walking backwards his eyes fixed on the sky. The winds had picked up, the boat rocking from side to side. Suddenly a very loud noise like an explosion enfolded them, Mary jumping in her mother's arms, starting to cry.
-What's going on? Henry?
-Catherine, go down to your room with Mary.
-What's going on? – Catherine stood up bouncing Mary as she tried to calm her down. Henry grabbed her arm and guided her to the stairs, his other hand on the small of her back. Another explosion-like sound filled the air around them, the ship rocking roughly, the waves getting bigger. – Henry, is this a storm?
-Stay in your room with Mary and don't come out.
-What about you? – dark clouds covered the sky, a soft rain starting to fall. Lady de Salinas took her to the other set of stairs closing the door so the rain wouldn't get inside. – Henry!
-His Majesty will stay with Mr. More and help the crewman.
-No, tell him to come down here.
-I'm afraid I can't do that, your Majesty. My job is to keep you safe.
-But… - Maria pushed her inside her room closing the room. The thunders became louder and so did Mary's cries. She tried to rock her gently, but the thunders made it almost impossible for Mary to quiet down. The ship rocked even more roughly making it hard for Catherine to stand. Voices came from the outside, but she could not make out to whom they belonged to. Suddenly a scream reached her ears. Quickly she pushed Mary into Maria's arms, and after kissing her baby's head she rushed out of the room and up to the main deck not paying any attention to Maria's screams and pleads. The rain felt cold against her exposed flesh her eyes roaming the floor in search of her husband. She found him attending to the main mast, a rope in his hands, Thomas pulling with him.
-Henry! – her voice made him turn and look at her, his eyes wide.
-What the hell are you doing out?! Go back, Catherine!
-Not without you!
-I have to help them! Go back!
A wave broke over the deck washing over everyone. Catherine coughed and stood up, her clothes wet and heavy, the floor covered in a thin layer of water making her shoes slide over the wood. Henry quickly stood up and pulled on the rope along with Thomas. Catherine took her robe off and threw it down the stairs into the hall along with her pearl tiara before running to pull on the rope as well. They managed to tie it before another wave hit them but this time, they stood their ground, the captain barking orders while steering the ship all the time.
-Catherine, you are pregnant go back!
-No! I'm not going anywhere without you!
-The sails! Store the back sails! – the captain yelled over the sound of the thunders.
Catherine was about to run to the back when Henry grabbed her wrist making her stop and tied a rope around her waist tightly. Another wave broke over the deck sending Henry backwards over the floor, Catherine landing on her hands and knees. She quickly stood up and made her way to help Henry up.
-Go to the back and help with the sails Catherine! Leave me!
He stood up on his own while Catherine went to the back grabbing a rope and pulling as hard as she could. Another thunder broke the air making her jump and lose her footing. The next thing she knew was that she was underwater. Another wave had broken on the deck, submerging her for several seconds. She coughed, water coming out of her mouth as she tried to stand up. Then she heard it; one of the crewmen had yelled man overboard. She hurried to the banister to see who had been but saw no one in the water. Almost jumping down the stairs she went to the main deck and checked again.
-Henry! – he was swimming roughly against the waves trying to reach the hull, but another stream caused him to submerge again. – HENRY! Give me a rope!
-Your Majesty!
-Give me a rope! Now! – one of the boys tied one of the ends and gave the other one to her. Without thinking she jumped overboard, the rope that Henry had tied around her waist would allow them to pull her back into the ship once she had him with her.
The water was freezing against her skin like daggers that were ripping her skin off, but she had to get to him. She swam to the surface taking a few deep breathes before diving again. She looked around the water, the wind above her head causing her to move roughly as she swam. Then she saw him trying to reach the surface a few feet away. She went up to take a few deep breaths before she paddled in his direction. He saw her and cursed but swam in her direction as well.
-Henry! – she threw her arms around his neck, tears falling down her cheeks. He hugged her back, his face hiding in the small of her neck. - Are you okay?
-Catherine! – he placed his hands on each side of her face and kissed her. He was terrified of losing her, but she was so stubborn, and even after the arguments they had had and the things he had done she had jumped into the sea to save him. She kissed him back with as much passion as she could muster before breaking it so they could breathe. – Are you okay Catherine?
-I'm fine. Here, tie this around your…
Another wave washed over them sending them several meters underwater. She paddled around trying to find him and saw that he was just a few feet away working on his rope. She felt heavy, very heavy, her arms and legs numb from the cold. She was so tired and wanted to close her eyes, take a nap. Maybe she could sleep for a few minutes. Yes, for a few minutes. She was cold but there was this light not so far away. She wanted to go there but she was frozen, could not move. Why couldn't she? her arms and legs weren't tied but she felt as if she were a rock, heavy underneath the crispy clean water of a lake. Henry was there, coming out of the light but he was so far away, and she was getting even colder. Why wasn't he running towards her, he was fading and so was the light. She looked down and saw that she was soaking wet, freezing. "Catherine". Where did that voice come from? "Catherine". There it was again but this time it was louder. Suddenly she felt the urge to cough, a great pressure invading her lungs. Water came out of her mouth, air filling her insides.
-Oh God, Catherine! – she opened her eyes, getting up into a sitting position. The storm was behind them, now it was just raining, the waves soft against the hull. She coughed a bit more Henry taking her in his arms, rocking her gently.
-What… What happened?
-Oh Catherine, you almost drowned. I managed to get you to the surface in time, and they pulled us up. Why did you jump?
-You were in danger. I didn't think, I just did it.
-You saved my life. – she rested her head against his chest, closing her eyes for a minute, her breathing unsteady and heavy.
-You are my husband and I love you. I couldn't let you die. I just couldn't.
-I love you so much. I thought I had lost you. – was he crying? Oh, Lord, he was. She kneeled and hugged him his arms around her torso as if he were afraid, she might disappear. He cried hiding his face on her neck, Catherine trying to reassure him that she was there and that she was fine. He raised his head after a few minutes, drying his face with his damp sleeve. – Don't you ever do that again; do you hear me? I'm not going to lose you, Mary needs you, I need you, our baby needs you.
-Alright. I won't jump into the sea to save you again, I promise.
-Do really mean it?
-I promise Henry. I promise. – she smiled and gave him a short kiss on the lips before she hugged him again.
He stood up and took Catherine in his arms, the rain becoming softer, almost like a shower, but the sky still held a dark tint to it. He carried her down the stairs and to the other end of the hall. With his back, he pushed the door open. Maria rushed to them, Mary laying on her cot, cooing lightly.
-Your Majesty! What happened? Is she alright?
-Everything is fine Lady de Salinas. There was a problem up on the deck and she solved it. She needs to rest now, so you can leave, I'll stay with them.
-Of course, your Majesty. I'll go and see if Mr. More and the other men need help.
Bowing her head, she closed the door. Henry placed Catherine at the foot of the bed and helped her take her shoes and stockings off. The dress was soaking wet and felt very heavy and cold against her skin. Henry helped her up and undid her corset, Catherine peeling the gown off her body as he walked to the wardrobe and took some linen cloths out so Catherine could dry herself. She took her chemise off standing naked in the room. Henry handed her a smaller cloth as he wrapped the bigger one around her back and shoulders.
-Are you cold? – he rubbed her rear as she worked on her legs.
-Yes, but I think I'm getting warmer.
-I'll get you a dry chemise. – she finished drying her body and started working on her hair, unbraiding it and drying it with the cloth. He took them off her hands and handed her the dry attire. He hadn't seen her fully naked in a long time and even though she had a bit of a belly, something he expected after four pregnancies, her thighs were bigger and her breasts fuller she still looked ravishing to him, like a nymph, her raven locks contrasting with her pale skin. She saw how he was looking at her, lusting after her, roaming her body up and down but he didn't make any moves, and she really appreciated it. She was too tired and didn't feel like doing anything, at least not at that moment. She put the chemise on and sat at the edge of the bed.
-Go and change Henry, you must be cold as well.
-I'll get a dry pair of hose and a shirt and I'll be right back. Will you be okay on your own?
-Yes, I'm fine, really. Go.
He left the room after having picked up her wet clothes. Catherine walked over to the cot and looked down to see Mary almost asleep. She had risked her life and her baby's, she knew it had been a very foolish thing to do, but at that moment she hadn't thought about anything but saving him. Every argument, every infidelity, every bad word, and insult hadn't been important then, just that she had to save him. She caressed Mary's cheek, the soft skin of her daughter making her feel warmer, the events of the day forgotten. She had almost died today and still, she didn't regret any of the things she had done and she would gladly repeat them again. The door creaked and Henry came in barefooted with a white shirt and a pair of black like trousers. He walked over to the crib, staring at the sleeping form of his daughter as his wife caressed Mary's cheek.
-I know that what I did was stupid, but I had to.
-It was reckless, and you could have died, well, you almost did… but you saved me. Thank you.
-I couldn't let you drown. I hated the idea of losing you and I just jumped, but I'm fine and the baby is as well. Everything is over.
-At least Mary is asleep. The storm hasn't scared her too much. Do you think she'll be afraid of the sea?
-No. She's very young. She was mainly scared of the loud noises. Now that everything is quiet, she's fine, you can see it. - She rubbed her neck with her free hand, the tension that was leaving her body made her feel drained, exhausted. Henry grabbed her arms and carefully guided her to the bed, pulling the covers off the mattress letting Catherine fall on it, her eyes heavy. He was going to head for a chair when she took hold of his hand, pulling him down onto the bed with her. He laid beside her taking her in his arms, her head resting on his chest.
-I'm really sorry Catherine. I've been a complete idiot all these years, I've been acting like a bastard and I know I deserve all the insults and bad treatments in the world. I've hurt you and taken you for granted and while you were grieving, I was with another woman. I feel horrible about it and I want you to know that all that is over. Anne won't be coming back into our lives again, she's in the past. From now on it will be just you, Mary, our baby and I. You've risked your life for me even after all the things I've done and the amount of pain I've inflicted you and that made me realise how important you are and how much I love you. Everything will be different now, I promise. I love you.
Her breathing was slow and quiet, and he knew that she had fallen asleep. He caressed her raven locks before pulling the covers over them, closing his own eyes, and in her half-asleep state Catherine whispered a sweet "I love you too".