Farrah and Benedict's Balcony Talk:
"Ergh!" Benedict groaned as he sat up and looked at the clock on his nightstand. 1:48 a.m.
"Ergh!" he collapsed back on his bed. He'd been tossing and turning all night and he hadn't been able to fall asleep.
He knew he needed rest. He knew he had a big day tomorrow. That celebration ball was going to go on all night. He may have been able to withstand one night with little to no sleep, but not two in a row.
He flipped over and laid on his side. Then on his back. Then his stomach. Then his other side. Then back on his back.
"Ugh!" He kicked his blankets off and sat up on his bed.
No matter what he did, everytime he closed his eyes he saw him. His father. Charging him. Attacking him. Trying to kill him. Agai! And then he fell. He fell from hundreds of stories, crashing to his death.
Because of him.
Benedict was the one who pushed Mace out of the building.
He was the one who pushed his father to his death.
But he had to. That next attack Mace was prepping for was meant for Farrah.
Benedict remembered the night his father went crazy on him and his family. He remembered the pain, the agony. The weeks of excruciating burning, stinging, itching. The appointments with the healers, the operations to replace his skin. He still carried the scars of that night, from his neck to, to his arms, to his torso, to his thighs. And the attack he endured that night was only a fraction of what Mace was planning for Farrah. That wasn't a shot to injure.
It was a kill shot.
There was no way Benedict could let anything happen to Farrah. He would never be able to live with himself if he did.
So he pushed his father out the window.
He killed his father.
But he had to. Mace would have killed Farrah and probably him if he didn't.
He had no choice.
He knew that, mentally at least.
But emotionally he was still a wreck.
Benedict had never wanted to kill anyone, much less his own father.
But was Mace really his father? Sure, he gave him life, but beyond that? Still, that didn't mean Benedict wanted to kill him.
But he had no choice.
He had no choice.
It wasn't his fault.
So why was he still feeling guilty?
Benedict sighed as he stood up and walked out his room. He shuffled through the hallway, to the living area, and out on the balcony. Leaning against the railing he took in a deep breath. Fresh air was helping. Just a little bit, but a little was better than nothing.
It also helped that this balcony held a special memory for him.
His first kiss.
His first kiss with Farrah, no less, the most amazing person he'd ever met. A small smile tugged at his lips as he thought of his girlfriend.
Man, that was weird to say!
Girlfriend.
He actually had a girlfriend.
And not just any girlfriend, no, he had FARRAH as his girlfriend!
Which gave him a bit of a crazy idea. He glanced over at the balcony next to his. It was the Dreyar's, as their hotel suite was next to the Orlando's. And if their suite was set up the same way his was then Farrah's bedroom would be right next to the balcony.
No, no. That was crazy. And stupid. And selfish. She needed her sleep as much as anyone. Besides, he didn't want to get her in trouble.
Still, it would really help to have someone to talk to right now. He didn't want to wake his mother. Mace was as much of a sore spot for her as it was him, if not more so. Besides, he hadn't told her exactly what happened that night.
He hadn't told her it was him who killed Mace.
But Farrah had been there. She knew what happened.
She was the only other person who knew what happened.
The only one he could talk to about this.
And he REALLY needed someone to talk to.
"Ugh, this is stupid," he grumbled before turning to the Dreyar's balcony and calling out. "Farrah? Farrah?"
He waited, and when there was no answer, sighed and turned to head back inside. "Who am I kidding? She's asleep."
"Not anymore," a groggy voice answered.
Benedict turned around to find Farrah stumbling onto her family's balcony.
"Oh, hi, eh…" Benedict rubbed sheepishly at the back of his neck. "Guess I woke you up, huh?"
"Uh-huh," Farrah looked a bit annoyed, but her face quickly changed when she noticed something about Benedict. "Hey, you okay?"
"Well…" Benedict sighed.
"What's wrong?" Farrah asked, walking to the railing separating their two balconies.
"I can't sleep," Benedict answered. "I...I don't really feel that great, honestly. Ever since my dad...well…"
"Yeah…" Farrah sighed.
"Yeah…" Benedict wrapped his arms around himself. "I guess I just wanted someone to talk to and to...I don't know...sit up with me until I calmed down."
He hung his head, feeling his cheeks growing warmer. "You don't have to if you don't want to, but-"
"Yes," Farrah cut him off.
"Huh?" Benedict raised his gaze, finding Farrah smiling at him.
"Of course I'll stay out here with you."
"Thanks," Benedict sighed in relief, coming over to the railing separating them and leaning against it.
Farrah wrapped her arms around him, hugging him as closely as she could with the railing in her way. Benedict immediately felt his body relaxing as he hugged her back.
"I'm sorry you're not feeling well," Farrah whispered.
"Thanks," Benedict answered.
They just stood there for a little while, hugging each other, before Farrah pulled back so she could see his face.
"So, what do you want to talk about?"
"I don't even know where to start," Benedict scoffed, turning his back to her momentarily, running his fingers through his head. "I'm not even sure what I'm feeling. Or how I want to feel. Or how I'm supposed to react. I mean, he was my dad! I should feel some sort of way about him dying but...I don't know if I do. He wasn't even in my life for five years. Not really, anyways. I mean, in a way he was. The thought of him was. His presence was. In the back of my mind I always knew he was still out there, fuming, planning. I always knew there was a chance he'd come back and try to take us. And two nights ago he did! He finally came back and tried to finish what he started. And now he's...gone...for good...and a part of me feels…"
Benedict let his arms drop to his side. "...free. I feel...free. Because now I never have to worry about him hurting me or anyone I love ever again."
"Well, you should, shouldn't you?" Farrah asked.
Benedict turned to her, a look on his face that begged her to explain.
"I mean, he hurt you," Farrah continued. "He hurt you, and your mom, and your sisters. Even after he was arrested and put away he tormented you. He sent your mom so many threatening letters that she literally went insane and you had to pick up the pieces just so your family could have something to eat and a roof over their heads. Now you never have to worry about that happening anymore."
"But he was my dad," Benedict said. "I mean, I see you and your dad, and the other kids and their's, and I see how much you guys love your fathers. And I know that's how it's supposed to be. That if one of you were to lose your dads you would be crushed, but I'm not. And I don't know if I should be sad and feel guilty that I don't feel that way, or if the way I'm feeling, feeling free is the right way-"
"That is the right way," Farrah nodded her head.
"Really? Because it doesn't feel like it's the right way. I mean I know that I feel free, at least...I think I do. But, the way I'm feeling doesn't feel...right. It feels wrong. And I'm just confused!"
"Hey, hey, Benedict, look at me," Farrah said.
Benedict turned to her and found a gentle but stern look on her face.
"Mace may have been your father, but he was not your dad," Farrah said firmly. "A dad wouldn't have done the things he did to you. He was your abuser. Plain and simple. And it is okay to feel free because you know he can't hurt you anymore."
"But he's dead…" Benedict whispered. "He's not just gone he's...dead…" Benedict's bottom lip began to tremble. "And I killed him."
"You had no choice," Farrah said. "He would have killed us if you didn't."
"I know that," Benedict said as something began to slowly dawn on him. "And he knew that."
Benedict stumbled back as if he had been hit.
Farrah's brow furrowed in worry. "Ben-"
"He knew that. He knew that!" Benedict began to laugh a sad, slightly deranged chuckled as he began to pace. "He knew from last time that I wasn't going to let him hurt anyone I cared about. He knew I'd take the final blow if it meant protecting someone else because I did it last time. And he saw it!"
"It?" Farrah asked.
"How I feel about you!" Benedict answered, stopping his pacing only momentarily to point at Farrah. "He called you my girlfriend! He knew...He knew I wasn't going to let him hurt you. But he tried it anyway! He still tried it knowing I wouldn't let him! He forced me to kill him!"
"Ben-"
"Why'd he have to do that!?" Benedict shouted, tears pouring down his face as he tugged at his hair and began pacing again. "Even at the very end he couldn't go out without getting one last laugh in on me! He just had to hurt me one last time before he-'
"Sh!" Farrah whispered, as she jumped over the railing, ran over to his side, and pulled him into a tight hug. "Sh, it's okay Benedict. It's all over now."
Benedict sniffled as he buried his face in her shoulder.
"It's over now," Farrah repeated. "And he's gone for good. He can never hurt you again. Who cares how it happened?"
"I care," Benedict sobbed. "I didn't want to kill him. I didn't want to kill anyone! Especially not my own father."
"I know," Farrah whispered, running a hand over his hair. "But it's not your fault. Like you said, he forced you to. Anyone in your position would have done the same."
Benedict sniffled, tightening his arms around her.
"He had chances to stop, to stand down. And he didn't. This is all his fault, not yours."
"I know that, in my head, but-"
"But in your heart you're still confused?" Farrah finished for him.
"Yeah," Benedict sighed.
"Well, that makes sense. I don't know who wouldn't be after everything you've been through."
"But I don't want to feel this way," Benedict said. "I'm tired of being confused. I'm tired of feeling guilty for things that I know mentally aren't my fault, but I just can't get them sorted in my heart. I'm just...well, yeah, just tired! And I'm tired of being tired. I just want to be happy. Is that too much to ask?"
"No," Farrah answered, pulling back to wipe his tears away. "You deserve to be happy. And you deserve a way better life then the one you've been given."
Benedict sniffled as Farrah continued wiping his tears away and cupped his face in her hands.
"But, hey," she continued. "Maybe we can start making that happen."
A small smile tugged at the corners of Benedict's mouth.
"I mean, I hope I can make you happy at least," Farrah said shyly, a small blush appearing on her face.
"You do," Benedict answered.
Farrah gasped as she turned back to him.
Benedict ducked his head, a blush forming on his face. "I mean, these past five years haven't been easy on me or my family. But when I think back on some of the happier moments from that time they all have one thing in common. And that is that somehow you're in every one of them."
It was now Farrah's turn to get teary eyed.
"I just…" Benedict rubbed at the back of his neck. "Kinda worry that it might be too much for you."
"What?" Farrah asked.
"Just...this," Benedict shrugged. "Me and my issues."
Farrah shook her head. "No. It's not. I mean, you say I've helped you, but you help me too."
"Really, how?"
"Well, as you know, I can be a little crazy-"
"No, really?" Benedict said in a sarcastic voice, causing Farrah to playfully punch him in the shoulder, making him laugh.
"Yeah, I am, and sometimes I get myself into situations that are too much to handle, or go off and try to do something on my own that in reality is too big for me to handle on my own. And you've always been the one to help me get out of those situations, or to tell me that I don't have to do everything on my own."
"Really?" Benedict asked.
Farrah nodded. "I was the oldest of the kids in Fairy Tail until you showed up. And before then I kinda had to be a big sister to everyone and take care of them. But now that you're here I don't have to do that by myself anymore. And...it's kinda nice to have someone I can turn to who is my age and who understands me."
Benedict smiled at her. "I'm happy to hear that."
"Aw, I make you happy when I'm not even trying to?" Farrah asked in a teasing voice.
Benedict rolled his eyes, though there was a smile on his face. "Yes, even when you drive me crazy."
"You know you like the adventure I bring with me."
"'Adventure' is a nice word for it."
"Would 'chaos' be more accurate, you grump?"
"Yes. Yes it would."
"But you still love it."
"Yeah, yeah, don't rub it in."
"Too late."
"Well, darn."
Both teenagers laughed.
"Feeling better?" Farrah asked as the laughter died down, a concerned look on her face.
"Yeah," Benedict answered. "That helped a lot. Thank you."
"Anytime," Farrah smiled. "Though, you should probably get some sleep."
"What's that? You're being the responsible one for a change?"
"I can be plenty responsible when I want to be!" Farrah crossed her arms, making Benedict laugh. "And besides, what kind of girlfriend would I be if I wasn't worried about my boyfriend's health?"
Benedict's smile widened. "Really, thank you. For everything."
Farrah smiled back. "You're welcome."
She turned to the balcony and hopped over the rail.
"Wait!" Benedict called.
"What?" Farrah turned back towards him.
"Well...uh…" Benedict's face grew red. "Would it be alright if...I, uh...got a good night kiss?"
Farrah smiled, skipping back to the railing and leaning over. Benedict also leaned over his side of the railing, sharing a quick peck on the lips with his girlfriend.
"Goodnight," Farrah whispered.
"Goodnight," Benedict smiled back before they both went back to their rooms. Benedict closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep, a smile still on his lips.