A/N Finally chapter with a more normal length for me. I'm hope you all enjoy it. Oh and I have a little surprise for y'all...
Chapter 19
"If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile." - Lynda Barry.
The next morning Alex and Olivia are still tired by the time they get up. Just like the night before Olivia was plagued with nightmares. Alex and Abby were woken up twice by Olivia's screams but Abby stayed in the spare room. Alex was with Olivia and the Texan knew that Olivia didn't want Abby see her like that. If her help was needed Alex would come and ask for it. Abby had fallen back to sleep after the second time and slept the rest of the night but Olivia and Alex hadn't. Olivia didn't want to sleep anymore afraid of getting more nightmares and Alex wanted to be there for her girlfriend and stayed awake with her. It's 8 am and Alex and Olivia are preparing breakfast together. They would wake Abby when breakfast was almost ready if the brunette wasn't awake and up by then.
"I think I'm gonna tell Abby about the surgery this morning. I left her in the dark yesterday when we talked and I think it's only fair towards her if she knows it, now that I've told you and we talked about it. I have to tell her and a few others it eventually. Maybe telling her here would help me calm down my nerves. What do you think, Alex?" Olivia asks.
"I think you should do it when you're ready for it. Here it's just the three of us and maybe that is easier for you. I'll support you whenever you want to tell her. But you don't know how she's gonna react. True Abs is pretty open minded and I don't think she's gonna react badly but we can't know that for sure. Maybe you should wait till after the trials. There's enough time afterwards. I'm not saying that's what you need to do, it's just a suggestion." Alex answers.
"I know there's plenty of time after the trials but I don't want to think about them. I know I have been testifying for more than enough trials. This is different though. I want to keep it out of my mind for as long as possible. Even though we finished prepping for it yesterday I don't think I'll be ready for it this time. It doesn't matter if we don't get a speedy trial. There is so much going on, so much going through my mind and I want at least try to find some peace. Telling Abby it now might give me that after we're done. I don't have to worry about it anymore. And like you I don't think Abby is one of the people who might react badly or will react badly. So maybe I can sort of practice on how to tell it and deal with the reaction on her." Olivia says.
"Alright, let's keep this weekend trial free. After we know if we get a speedy trial or not we can keep ourselves busy with your testimony. We know then how much time we have to get you as ready as possible for it. I'm sure Abby has no problems with this since you're done prepping. Go on and tell her it, I'll have your back no matter what." Alex says.
"Tell me what?" Abby asks walking into the kitchen.
The brunette only got the last part of the conversation so she doesn't know what the younger ADA and Detective are talking about.
"Good morning Tex. You know normally people first say good morning before asking a question when the get up. And to answer your question, we'll talk about that later. Breakfast is almost ready." Olivia answers.
"Good morning, Counselor." Alex says, pouring a cup of coffee for Abby and places it in front of her.
"Thanks. Good morning to the both of ya. Alright I'll wait." Abby says and takes a sip of her coffee.
When breakfast is ready they go and sit at the dinner table and having small talk while they're eating. Alex invited Abby to stay for the weekend after looking at Olivia for her agreement. Abby took the offer and was happy to stay and spending some time with her friends. After they were done eating Alex told Olivia to go lay down on the couch while the two ADA's would clean up. At first Olivia protested of course but Alex told her that she needed to rest and to take that rest. She had been up since they got out of bed and the blonde wouldn't take no for an answer. She knows that every day Olivia got better physically it would be a bigger challenge to get the Detective doing what she should do. Not wanting to get into a fight at this point, Olivia agrees. 10 minutes later the kitchen is clean and Alex and Abby walk over to Olivia with a fresh cup of coffee. Abby sits down in the chair across the couch and Alex pulls up Olivia's feet for a moment and sits down before she puts the Detective's feet on her lap. Olivia looks at Alex who nods at her and squeezes one of Olivia's feet to encourage her. The Detective takes a deep breath before she looks at Abby.
"There is something I need to tell you and I don't know how you're gonna react on it." Olivia says.
"You didn't kill someone did ya?" Abby jokes.
"No I didn't. And I'm serious Carmichael." Olivia answers.
"Since you didn't kill anyone I shouldn't be to worried, Liv. What ever it is, I'm sure we'll be ok. I know you talked about with Alex yesterday and she's still here so I don't think I'll leave when I know it." Abby says.
"Yeah well it's her cabin but I get your point. What I'm about to tell you, I would appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself. Besides Alex only Liz knows a part. Not even Cragen knows it." Olivia says.
"Got ya. I won't say a thing. Now stop beating around the bush and tell me what it is. I know you're nervous but it's just me." Abby says.
"Keep your pants on Abs. This not easy for me to tell. For us. You know what they did in the hospital what you don't know is what they discovered. It turns out I not only had the female parts inside my body, I also have testicles. Normally the surgeon would have removed them too but he should have done the surgery on a woman who wanted a sex changing surgery. Of course I freaked out but not for the reason you probably think. I freaked out for the fact that I didn't know it. Nobody ever told me and I don't know if my mother knew it or not, either way she never told me. Normally you aren't born with a complete female body and testicles, most of the times you are born without a uterus or without ovaries or without both. Obviously that wasn't the case with me. This is the part that Liz knows. She needed to know it to keep it out of the trial would there have been one." Olivia says.
Abby was quiet for a few moments and thought about what Olivia had told her.
"I can understand why you freaked out, I would have freaked out too if I heard something like that. So I assume that this is what you talked about with Alex yesterday. Do you know what you're going to do?" Abby asks.
"Yes I know what I'm going to do. I did talk with Alex but I talked with her about what I'm going to do. I always felt like something was wrong with me, with my body. And like I told you I freaked out when I heard that I have testicles, but I didn't freak out about the fact that I have them. And when they asked me what I wanted to do, get rid of them or not, I didn't know what I wanted. It confused me and scared me that I didn't say immediately to get rid of them. I truly didn't know what I wanted to do. I thought about it the past days and I thought about a case Alex and I had years back. And suddenly it all made sense to me. I know what was wrong with me all those years, why I hated my own body and why I didn't want to get a surgery to get my testicles removed immediately. That's why I needed to talk with Alex even though she already made it clear that what ever I would decide about them she would support me and respect my choice. She told me that it didn't matter to her and that I still was the same person to her. But you see, I'm not the same person I was. Yes on the inside I'm still the same, sort of, but on the outside I won't be the same anymore. That's why I was so scared to lose Alex, I am scared to lose you. When everything is behind me and I recovered from it, at least for a part, I want to have a sex changing surgery. I'm going to have a sex changing surgery. It's a long process and it won't be easy for Alex and myself but it's what I need to do. I was born with the wrong body, Abby." Olivia finishes.
"I know I should be shocked right now but I'm not. Surprised? Maybe. To be honest I'm more shocked hearing you have testicles. I guess I feel the same about this as Alex does, you're still the same person to me now that I know what you're going to do. You may change on the outside but you're still the same person on the inside. And I finally have the brother I never had. I know this is a big deal for you but this is how I see it. And I'll be there for you, for the both of you. In fact, everyone that will treat you badly, is going to get their ass kicked by me. Nobody can hurt my bro because of this and get away with it." Abby says.
Olivia burst out in laughter. Yes a part of it is because she was nervous, but she already can see Abby kicking someone's ass, probably literally if they act really bad. Alex smiles at Abby, the Texan just said all the right things and she knows that Olivia is relieved with the brunette's reaction. She knows that there are other people who might not be so relaxed about it as Abby is, but this just what Olivia needed. After a minute or so the Detective calms down and smiles at Abby. A million questions about how things work exactly are in the back of Abby's mind but one question is popping up and she wants to know the answer.
"There are lot of questions I have about how things work, but ya probably don't know it yourself for now. There is one thing I do want to know now. What are you going to do with your name? Obviously you are going to change it but into what?" Abby asks.
Alex raises an eyebrow and looks at Olivia. This is a very interesting question. They didn't talk about it and she wants to know it too.
"I'm gonna keep my last name as it is of course. I thought about and I'm gonna change my first name in John and my middle name in Doe." Olivia says with a straight face.
Alex and Abby are looking at Olivia like she truly had gone nuts. For a second they thought that Olivia was joking but their eyebrows are going straight into their hairlines and their jaws drop on the floor when they see the serious look and straight face of the Detective. Seeing their reaction Olivia can't keep her face straight anymore and a big smile breaks through on her face.
"You seriously didn't think I would do something stupid like that, do you?" Olivia asks with a shit eating grin on her face.
"Could have fooled me with that look. You looked so seriously that I thought you actually meant it." Abby answers.
"That was so not funny, Detective. Now quit joking and tell us what you really chose." Alex says, slapping Olivia on her leg.
"Ow, that's assaulting an officer of the law, Counselor." Olivia says.
"Your a big guy, get over it, Detective. Now tell us what you chose." Alex wines.
Hearing Alex calling her a guy makes Olivia smile like an idiot. The smile couldn't get any bigger without going to hurt. Changing it so easily and accepting it makes Olivia fall in love with the blonde attorney even more. Shaking her head Olivia gets serious again.
"I actually like my first name so I'm not gonna change it a lot. My first name is going to be Oliver." Olivia says.
Alex smiles at Olivia hearing the first name. Even if it's not much of a change it seems to fit the strong Detective. Abby nods approvingly.
"I can't think of a name more fittingly than this. So does that mean that I still can call you, Liv?" Abby asks.
Olivia shakes her head.
"No you have to figure out a new nickname. That privilege is only given to Alex, if she wants it." Olivia answers.
"I still can call you Liv? Are you sure you don't want me to call you something else?" Alex asks touched.
"Yes, Lex. I love it when you call me Liv or Detective. When you're not mad at me that is. So I'm sure. You are the only one that still can call me Liv." Olivia answers.
"Wow. Thank you. This means a lot to me. What's your middle name gonna be?" Alex asks.
"Don't get to cheesy Benson. You've got balls now." Abby winks.
"You're just being jealous at Alex, Carmichael." Olivia counters.
After replying the Texan Olivia turns her head to look at Alex.
"My middle name needs an explanation. It's Alexander." Olivia says softly.
If Alex thought she was touched before she now knows for sure she is, without knowing why Olivia chose this middle name. Cerulean eyes turns into watery stormy blue ones and Alex's voice fails to work. Abby looks at her friends and sees the emotions on both their faces. Sensing that Alex isn't able to talk at this moment let alone to ask something, the brunette speaks up again.
"I could guess why you chose Alexander as your middle name but I'd rather hear your own reasons why you did it. So why did you choose this name?" Abby smiles.
Olivia doesn't see Abby's smile, the Detective only has eyes for the emotional blonde. After clearing her throat Olivia gives the answer to Abby's question, still looking at Alex.
"One of the two reasons I chose this name is because of Alex's father. From the first time I met him he was warm and kind to me. As the years past by he gave me the feeling that to him I belonged to his family. He's the father figure I've never had. But the most important and main reason is sitting in front of me. Since I'm a guy my last name may never change in the future. We aren't there yet, not even close for now but when we are and we decide to go traditional with my last name for me, my last name will be Benson and I wanted to be connected with our names too somehow. To have something of Alex's name in mine too. So we will always be joined together with our hearts, souls and our names. That's why my middle name is going to be Alexander. And I will be Oliver Alexander Benson." Olivia finishes softly.
Without thinking about the Detective's injuries, without thinking at all, Alex gets up and launches herself at Olivia. Barely giving the brunette the time to open her arms and catch the younger blonde.
"God, do I love you. I love you so much." Alex whispers before capturing Olivia's lips with her own.
A/N 2 So what do y'all think about our Detective's new names? And the reasons why these names are chosen? Nice surprise huh. I think it is. After everything that happened and the rough couple of days I thought we all and mostly they deserved some happiness.