Trauma Part Two: Kintsugi

Lucy opened the door to the hotel suite, head hung. She took a breath as she braced herself for whatever she might find.

Thankfully there were no more tears or screams to meet her. Nashi was asleep, curled up on the couch, her head in Natsu's lap as he stared blankly at the ceiling. He turned his head towards her when he heard the door close, though. There was no light behind his eyes, just gloom.

"Hey," he said numbly.

"Hey," she replied, kicking off her shoes.

"So?" Natsu asked.

"Laxus and Mirajane said they'd take care of Layla, Igneel, Kyri, and Luna tonight," Lucy answered. "On one condition."

"What's that?" Natsu asked.

"Mira wants to talk to Nashi when we get back to Magnolia."

"What for?"

"She says she wants to try and help her," Lucy explained.

"Yeah, well tell her to get in line," Natsu muttered.

"Natsu," Lucy sighed as she sat next to her husband.

Natsu just stared straight ahead, not looking at her, his jaw tight.

"You saw the same thing I did," Lucy said. "This isn't just a nightmare, or an insecurity, or a childhood fear. It's deeper than that. Whatever Nashi's going through...I don't know if you and I are equipped enough to help her through that."

"Luce-"

"I know you don't want to hear that-"

"Yeah, you're right, I don't. And I don't like the idea of just passing off to someone else and saying 'fix it.'"

"Well, do you know what to do for her?" Lucy asked, tears in her eyes. "Because I don't."
"And you think Mira will?"

"Nat-" Lucy groaned and covered her face in her hands. She sighed, lifted her face, then said. "Can we go somewhere else, I don't want to have this talk while she's in the room."

Natsu gently lifted Nashi's head, scooting out from under her, and followed Lucy onto the balcony, closing the door behind them.

"I know you don't like asking for help," Lucy said. "But Mira's been a guildmaster's wife for seven years, and she was taking care of everyone in Fairy Tail for over a decade before then. She's helped other wizards with similar issues. Look at the Orlandos!"

"Don't you think that might be overreacting?" Natsu asked.

"I don't know," Lucy shrugged. "We don't know what she went through while in the void."

"Right, so what if it was nothing? What if nothing horrible happened to her there?"

"You saw that vision, something happened," Lucy insisted, voice and face firm despite the tears in her eyes. "Something has happened to her, Natsu, whether it was while she was in the void or before then, something has happened to her and if she's going to get better we have to get to the bottom of it."

"And you don't think we can?" Natsu asked. "You think we have to depend on Mirajane for that?"

"I don't know, Natsu. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I don't know what's going on with our daughter-"

"So we'll figure it out."

"No, Natsu!" Lucy tugged at her hair in frustration. "This may not be something we can figure out."

"What are you talking about, we always figure it out."

"But what if we can't?" Lucy asked. "What if this is bigger than both of us?"

"What makes you think it is?"

"You saw her!" Lucy exclaimed. "She couldn't even hear us! She could barely breathe! She was seeing things that weren't even there! That doesn't just happen! She's hurt, and I don't know if it's a hurt we can heal on our own."

Natsu stared at his wife, brow furrowed. He then took a deep breath, set his hands on his hips, and stared at the ground. "So what do you think is wrong with her?"

"Have you not been listening to me? I don't-"

"C'mon, Luce, you're smart. Even if you don't know for sure you've got a pretty good idea of what it is, so just say it."
Lucy paused, swallowed, and shook her head. "I don't know."

"Yes you do."

Lucy closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and looked up at the stars to try and keep herself from crying. "I...I can't know for certain, but...it sounds like some of the conditions I've read about before...in books about-"

"Lucy, stop stalling and just say it!"

Lucy closed her eyes and sighed. "PTSD."

Natsu turned his back to Lucy, setting his hands behind his head as he heaved several heavy breaths. Lucy wiped at her face, taking deep breaths as well, trying to keep herself together.

"So, uh…" Natsu finally asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Um...how long does it take? Y'know, for um, for someone to get over that."

"They don't," Lucy said blankly.

Natsu turned to her, a look of horror on his face. "No. No. No, no, no, that can't be right."

"Natsu…"

"That can't be right, she can't be stuck with that!"

"Natsu…"

"You're telling me she's gonna have to live with that for the rest of her life?"

"I don't know!" Lucy screamed. "I don't know! Okay, Natsu! I don't even know if she has PTSD, that's just what it looks like. But it could be something else! It could be something better, or worse, or completely different I just...I don't know! I don't know! I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know!" Lucy put both hands to her face and began shaking her head.

"Okay, okay," Natsu said, reaching for her and pulling her into a hug. "Okay, I'm sorry."

"Me too," Lucy whispered, clinging to his shirt.

Natsu tucked her head under his chin, holding her close. "What else did Mira say?"

"She wants Nashi to start writing down what she sees when these...episodes happen."

"Okay," Natsu muttered. "Not sure how that's gonna help, but-"

He suddenly stopped talking and tensed up.

"What?" Lucy asked.

He suddenly let go of her and darted back into living room.

Lucy followed after him.

Nashi was curled up in a tight ball, gasping for breath, trembling, her limbs tangled in her quilt. Lucy gasped as Natsu knelt next to the couch, setting a hand on Nashi's back.

"Nashi, Nashi," he called softly.

Lucy ran to her husband's side. She reached to touch her daughter when Nashi's eyes suddenly popped open and she jolted up, wildly looking around, gasping for air.

"Nashi, hey," Natsu said, setting his hand on the side of her face. "Hey, it's okay."

Nashi turned and looked at him, a look of bewilderment in her eyes.

"It's okay, it was just a dream," Natsu said.

Nashi's body began to relax, though she still had a look of terror on her face. She took two more deep breaths then covered her face with both hands. Lucy's heart ached as she sat on the couch next to her daughter.

"It's alright, baby, come here," she said, putting an arm around Nashi's shoulders. Nashi leaned against her, but didn't take her hands from her face as she sniffled.

"It's alright, kiddo," Natsu said as he sat on Nashi's other side, setting a hand on her shoulder.

A silence fell over them as Nashi sniffled and trembled. She finally took her hands away from her face and began wiping her tears away.

"You wanna talk about it?" Natsu asked.

Nashi shook her head.

"That's okay, but here's the deal," Lucy said softly, turning Nashi towards her. "I talked to Laxus and Mirajane, and Mirajane said she's going to try to help you, but in order for her to do that…"

Lucy pulled a small notebook out of her pocket and handed it to Nashi.

"...she wants you to write down what you're seeing for her."

Nashi looked up at her mother, fear in her eyes. "No, I don't want to-"

"Nashi, it's Mira," Lucy said softly. "If there's anyone you can trust in this situation, it's her."

The fear began to diminish slightly, but it was still there.

"Nashi, listen," Lucy said softly. "We want to help you. We want to help you get through whatever this is you're going through. But we won't force you to talk. However, someone has to know exactly what's going on so we can get to the heart of this. So, your father and I won't read this until you're ready for us to. But you have to tell someone."

Nashi thought for a moment, biting her lip. Then she slowly reached out and took the notebook.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Two days later Fairy Tail returned to Magnolia, and Nashi found herself standing outside a door in the guild hall. She stared at the ground, twiddling her hands. She was scared. She didn't want to go in there. She had no idea what she would be walking into, but what did she have to lose?

"Go on, honey," Lucy said softly from where she and Natsu were standing behind her.

Slowly she pushed the door open. Nashi glanced back at her parents and then, head hung, hands shaking, shuffled in the room. She stared at her feet as the door behind her.

"Hi, Nashi," a soft voice called.

Nashi slowly looked up. Mirajane was seated at a table. A teapot and two mugs were set out on the table, along with a box of some sort, a small pot, a set of paintbrushes, and a stack of cards. Hanging above the table was a pink vase, dangling from a thin, rope-like holder connected to the ceiling.

Mirajane poured a bit of tea into a cup and set in front of a chair across from her.

"Come sit down," Mirajane said softly.

Nashi slowly made her way to the table, sat down, and took a mug in her hands, though she didn't drink.

"How are you, Nashi?" Mirajane asked.

Nashi shrugged. "Okay."

"Are you?"

Nashi looked up. Mirajane wore a soft, sad smile on her lips.

"Are you really okay?"

Nashi set the mug back on the table, folded her hands in her lap, and stared at them.

"Are you okay, Nashi?" Mirajane asked once more, voice ever as soft.

Nashi shook her head.

"No, you're not, are you?" Mirajane nodded, her comforting smile never leaving her face.

Nashi sniffled, and quickly wiped at a tear on her face.

"Oh, sweetie," Mirajane crooned, setting a hand on Nashi's shoulder.

Nashi sniffled again, shaking her head slightly. "I'm-"

"No," Mirajane shook her head, pulling Nashi into a soft hug. "Not right now, no. We'll talk in a minute. Right now, you cry."

Nashi's shoulders began to heave as sobs escaped her.

"That's it," Mirajane softly encouraged, running a hand over her hair. "That's it, get it all out."

Nashi cried for a while longer. Mirajane rocking back and forth and stroking her hair.

After a few minutes Nashi pulled away, wiping at her face.

"There we go, take a drink, clear it all out," Mirajane said, placing the mug of tea back in Nashi's hands.

Nashi took a small sip between gasps. Then she managed a longer one. Then she finally gulped down a big swallow.

"There we go," Mirajane nodded. "You're doing great."

"I'm not even doing anything," Nashi grumbled. "I don't even know what's wrong with me."

"Well, I might have an idea," Mirajane said, reaching into her pocket.

"PTSD?" Nashi asked blankly.

"Let's not get hung up on names and labels just yet, okay?" Mirajane asked.

Nashi shrugged in response as Mirajane pulled the journal Lucy had given Nashi after her nightmare at the hotel.

"Now, I asked your mom to give this to you two days ago so you could write down everything that was going through your mind during your episodes. And in those two short days you nearly filled this thing up!" Mirajane exclaimed. "So we've got a lot we need to talk about."

"You're telling me?" Nashi muttered.

"I know," Mirajane nodded. "I know you know that. But before we do that, let's play a game," Mirajane pointed to the vase hanging above the table. "I want you to pretend that vase is you."

Nashi arched an eyebrow at Mirajane. Mirajane giggled.

"I know, it sounds silly, just bear with me."

"Okay…" Nashi responded, a confused tone in her voice.

"Alright, so," Mirajane took the box off the table and set it in her lap. "This vase is you. And you have just been born. Your first year of life goes by pretty uneventfully. Your second year of life, same thing, pretty uneventful. Third year of life, uh-oh, what's this?"

Mirajane reached into the box and pulled out a metal ball. She passed it to Nashi.

"What's that say?" Mirajane asked.

Nashi looked at the ball and found a message in black paint. Nashi's brow furrowed when she recognized it as something she'd written in the notebook.

"What's that say?" Mirajane asked again.

Nashi took a deep breath as she read: "Some guys in weird animal masks tried to kidnap me for ransom."

"Okay," Mirajane nodded. "So we've got a big, pretty traumatic event in your third year of life. Go ahead and put that in the vase."

Nashi reached up, dropping the ball into the vase.

"But that wasn't all that happened that day, was it?" Mirajane asked, passing Nashi another ball.

Nashi looked at it, read it to herself, then ran a hand over her forehead.

"What's that one say?" Mirajane asked.

Nashi took a deep breath and read: "One of them threw a rock at me and busted my head open."

"Okay, put that one in the vase too."

Nashi did as she was told.

"Now, look at that vase," Mirajane pointed at the vase in question. "Can you tell that it has a weight that it's carrying around inside it?"

Nashi shook her head "no."

"Do you think that weight is really heavy?"

Nashi shook her head "no" again.

"Do you think it's going to hurt the vase?"

Once more, Nashi shook her head.

"But it's still there, right?"

Nashi frowned, but nodded.

"Alright, let's keep going," Mirajane looked back into her box. "Fourth year of life, you got your little sister! Big event, but a happy one, so no weight there. Fifth year of life, you get your little brother. Then your sixth year of life happens, and…"

Mirajane handed Nashi another weight.

Nashi's breath shook slightly as she read it to herself.

"What's that one say?" Mirajane asked.

Nashi swallowed, then read. "Twilight Ogre tried to kidnap me."

"Okay," Mirajane nodded. "So we've got another traumatic event. Go ahead and put it in there."

Nashi did as she was told and slowly sat back down.

"Seven years old," Mirjane said, pulling out another ball to pass to Nashi.

"I saw a train crash."

"Put it in."

Nashi dropped it into the vase.

"And what else happened that year?" Mirajane asked as she dropped another ball into Nashi's hand.

"I nearly died trying to warn the station the bridge was down."

"And what else?"

Mirajane set another ball into Nashi's other hand.

Nashi sniffled, closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Read it Nashi," Mirajane said softly.

"I don't want to," Nashi muttered.

"Read it. You have to acknowledge what happened," Mirajane said in a firm but soft voice.

Nashi opened her eyes and, in a strained voice, said: "A man died that night. We couldn't get to him in time."

"Okay, put them in there."

Nashi dropped both balls into the vase.

"But that's not all, something else happened that year," Mirajane gave Nashi another ball.

Nashi read it and sighed. "Persephone got sick and almost died."

"Alright, put it in there."

Nashi did as she was told.

"Can you see the weight that the vase is carrying?" Mirajane asked as Nashi sat back down.

Nashi shook her head.

"But do you think the vase can feel it?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think it bothers it?"

"Maybe. A little bit," Nashi shrugged.

"A little bit, hm?" Mirajane nodded. "Well let's keep going."

Nashi twiddled her thumbs, head hung as she waited.

"Eight years old, and we start getting a recurring trauma," Mirajane held up a ball.

Nashi sniffled, wiping at her nose.

"What's that say?" Mirajane asked as she set it in Nashi's hand.

Nashi held it to her face and read. "One of the rich ladies in town started harassing me."

"Okay, drop it in, and let's go to nine years old."

Nashi groaned as she sat back down.

"Yeah," Mirajane sighed. "This was a big year. First thing first."

Nashi took another ball from Mirajane and read: "Aunt Yukino was poisoned by Elena."

"Uh-huh, and then," Mirajane handed her another ball.

Nashi took a deep, shaky breath. "Elena tried to poison my mom while she was pregnant with Kyri."

"And then?" Mirajane handed her yet another ball.

"Aunt Wendy and Isla were attacked."

"And then?"

"Aunt Juvia got stabbed and poisoned."

"And then?"

"Meeko was nearly kidnapped."

"And then?"

"I had to fight one of Elena's clones."

"And then?"

"I fought Elena and she almost killed me."

"And then?"

"Hezim tried to arrest me."

"Look at that!" Mirajane exclaimed, pointing to Nashi's lap. "That's eight different traumas in one year. That's a lot!"

"I guess," Nashi whispered.

"Guessed?" Mirajane set a hand under Nashi's chin, tilting her face towards her. "Nashi, that's a lot. You went through a lot that year. Okay?"

Nashi nodded.

"And to top all off," Mirajane dropped another ball into Nashi's lap.

"I'm still getting harassed," Nashi muttered.

"Go ahead and put them in the vase."

Nashi dropped the balls in one at a time then sat back down.

"Now, can we see the weight that this vase is carrying?"

"No," Nashi answered.

"We still can't see it, but it's there, right?"

"Mm-hmm," Nashi nodded, eyes starting to get weepy again.

"You think the vase feels it? Does it bother it?"

"Mm-hmm," Nashi nodded again.

"Yeah, it's starting to get really heavy, isn't it?" Mirajane nodded sadly. "And we've still got three more years to go."

Nashi sniffled.

"Let's keep going. Ten years old, Kyri and Luna are born. That's good, you finally catch a break. But guess what?"

Nashi didn't even read the ball, she just dropped it in the vase and muttered: "I'm still getting harassed."

"And," Mirajane handed her another ball.

Nashi glanced at it, reading it, and then muttering: "Persephone got an eating disorder" as she dropped it into the vase. She glanced inside and said:

"It's almost full."

"But we're still not done," Mirjane sighed as she reached into the box. "Eleven years old."

Nashi took the ball and read: "Gramps died."

"Yeah," Mirajane nodded. "That hurt all of us. And then."

Nashi sniffled as she read the next ball Mirajane handed her. "Luna got cursed."

"Yeah, that scared you, didn't it? And what else did you find out through that?"

Mirajane handed Nashi another ball.

"Luna was the baby Elena gave birth to."

"So now you're permanently connected to Elena. The woman who tried to kill you and your mother, right?"

Nashi nodded.

"And, once more…"

"I'm still getting harassed."

"Alright, put them in there."

Nashi took a shaky breath as she did what she was told.

"And now we got to this year," Mirajane sighed. "And you had another very traumatic year this year." She began passing the balls to Nashi. Nashi sighed deeply, trying to keep herself from crying as she read them all.

"My parents just disappeared. Elena came back. Elena tried to kill me and Layla. Elena tried to come for Luna. One of Elena's kids attacked me, Layla, and Luna. Elena's guild tried to kidnap me. I had to jump into the void. I got attacked by Lami. I got attacked by Hades. I got attacked by Jose. I saw…"

Nashi's voice broke off as a shuddering cry escaped her throat.

"Take a deep breath, you can do it," Mirajane said softly.

"I saw...another version of myself kill...killing everyone I love."

"Yeah. That was horrible. That was really horrible, wasn't it?"

"Mm-hmm," Nashi nodded, wiping at her face.

"And we're still not done," Mirajane handed another ball to Nashi.

"I couldn't save Elena's kids. They disappeared."

"And finally, the last two…"

Nashi read over the last two balls. "I ran into Hezim again. And I'm still getting harassed."

"So, in just one year, you've had one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen! Thirteen different traumatic events this year. Twelve of them in the span of a week!"

Nashi nodded slowly as she stared at the pile of balls in her lap.

"Alright, see if you can fit them into that vase."

Nashi stood, numbly dropping each ball into the vase. As the thirteenth ball clattered inside the ceramic dish, the rope holding it up snapped. The vase fell to the table, and shattered, dozens of metal balls rolling and bouncing all over the room. Nashi jumped, stared, then sat down, covered her face in her hands and began to cry.

"There, there," Mirajane crooned as she scooted closer to Nashi, rubbing her back. "It's okay."

Nashi took in a deep, shaky breath. Then another. Then she removed her hands from her face and wiped at her eyes.

"There," Mirajane said softly, pulling a handkerchief out of her pocket and passing it to Nashi. "But do you see what's happened?"

Nashi nodded slowly as she took the handkerchief from Mirajane and wiped her nose.

"Since you were three years old you have been collecting and carrying all this emotional and mental weight, and it's finally gotten to the point that it's too heavy for you to carry it anymore. It's too much. I mean, look at this."

Mirajane motioned to the sea of metal on the table. Brushing at them, trying to clear them. "Look at this, this is ridiculous, no one should be carrying all of this with them wherever they go."

Nashi sniffled.

"Do you agree?" Mirajane asked.

Nashi nodded slowly, a small, shaking sob escaping her lips.

"Yeah," Mirajane brushed Nashi's hair out of her face. "This is too much. But the thing I want you to notice, is look how many weights it took before this vase finally cracked. How much you were able to take before you broke down. You are so, so strong, Nashi."

Nashi hung her head, shaking it.

"You are," Mirajane assured her, tucking a hand under her chin and lifting her face towards her. "You're so strong. You've been through so much. You should be proud of yourself."

"But I'm a mess!" Nashi cried.

"Because you've been strong for too long," Mirajane said. "You've been carrying too much for too long. When I heard what happened at the ball, and then when I read this," Mirajane held up Nashi notebook. "I didn't ask myself 'Why is Nashi having these episodes, or fits, or panic attacks, or flashbacks, or whatever you want to call them. I didn't ask myself why. I asked myself why not? You said you're a mess, but of course you are. Anyone would be if they'd been carrying so much baggage with them for their whole lives. But now we've got to fix it, so…"

Mirajane raced for the pot and opened it. Inside was a gold, paint like mixture.

"Let's start putting vase back together," she said as she passed a paintbrush to Nashi. Nashi took it and watched as Mirajane dipped another paintbrush into the pot, picked up a piece of the broken vase, and spread it over the crack.

"Just put this gold paste one like this, and then hold the pieces together for about ten seconds," Mirjane demonstrated. Nashi watched intently, then picked up two more pieces and did as Mirajane showed her. The two worked quietly for a little while, until Nashi really began to get the hang of it. Once Mirajane was sure she knew what she was doing, she set her paintbrush down, then picked up the stack of cards.

"While you're working, I want to talk about something else."

"Okay," Nashi said as she picked up another piece of the vase.

"See, I've talked to Cato a lot about what happened while we were gone, and he said you were quite the little protector, so…"

Mirajane held up a card with the name "Layla" written across it.

"Did you protect her?" Mirajane asked.

"Yeah, she's my sister," Nashi said with a shrug.

"You did, so I guess you protected him to, right?" Mirajane said as she set Layla's card down and held up another one with the name "Igneel" on it.

"Yeah."

"And her?" Mirajane held a card up with Kyri's name on it.

"Yeah."

"And her?" Mirajane held up Luna's card.

"Yeah."

Mirajane held up several more cards, with the names Cato, Persephone, Koree, Roman, and Storm written on them. To each of them Nashi answered "Yeah."

"Good, good," Mirajane nodded. "And what about her?"

Nashi stopped her work, face falling slightly as Mirajane held up a card with "Nashi" written on it.

"Did you protect her?" Mirajane asked.

Nashi hung her head as she shook it "no."

"No?" Mirajane nodded. "No, you didn't. See, I didn't even hold up these names."

Mirajane laid out six cards with the names of Carmen, Tate, Tierra, Georgiana, Collin, and Malla written on them.

Nashi let out a shuddering breath.

"See, you can't save them yet because," Mirjane held up the card with Nashi's name written on it. "You've got to save her first, right?"

"I guess," Nashi muttered.

"You do," Mirajane assured her. "You've got to save her first. Because you can't save anyone until you get yourself taken care of."

Nashi thought for a moment, then nodded.

"Yeah, so let's finish putting you back together," Mirjane set the cards aside and began helping Nashi put the vase back together.

"Let me ask you something else, Nashi," Mirjane said as she pushed two pieces together. "Could that vase have removed those weights from itself?"

"No," Nashi answered.

"So someone would have had to help it take the weight out, right?"

"Yeah."

"But how would they know? Like you said, we couldn't see the weight inside the vase?"

Nashi stopped working and just thought.

"Remember when I held those names up and asked you if you'd protected them?" Mirajane asked.

"Yeah…"

"Let me reverse that, did they protect you?"

Nashi shrugged. "They tried."

"Did you let them?"

Nashi shrugged again. "I don't know…"

"Hm. I think you're more focused on being a protector than you are on being protected," Mirajane said. "And, there is something to be admired in that. It's great that you want to keep your loved ones safe. But it's just as important that you keep yourself safe. And you can do that by opening up to others. Letting them know you need help, so you don't have to carry this weight everywhere all by yourself. You understand?"

Nashi nodded.

"Good."

Mirajane and Nashi worked a bit longer until the vase was finally put back together.

"There," Mirajane said with a satisfied smile. "Y'know, I think it's even more beautiful now than it was to begin with."

Nashi smiled as she looked at the vase, veins of gold climbing in shimmering brilliance through the pink porcelain.

"Yeah, it kinda is."

"And you know what else?" Mirajane asked.

"What?"

"It's stronger than it was to begin with as well."

Nashi stared at the vase a bit longer, then stood, ran to Mirajane, and wrapped her arms around her neck.

"Thank you."