Author's note: Hi all, apologies for the huge gap between chapters, but I decided to pack my laptop away this summer and just chill. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and as always it would be so lovely to hear what you think! I really do appreciate it, and it really motivates me to keep going, knowing that you want to read more. I hope everyone is having a great summer! Bella x
Part 4: Of all the gin joints in all the towns
She'd heard snippets over the years. It was unavoidable having spent the past seven years working at a rival law firm. Every so often, one of the partners or lawyers would end up with a case against the up-and-coming Harvey Specter. She'd heard the stories that accompanied the battle that ensued. As the years ticked by she'd deduced that he'd turned out exactly as she'd always suspected he would; still handsome and arrogant, an eternal bachelor, and still obsessed with winning.
Nonetheless, in all the years they'd orbited the same circles, they'd never once bumped into each other. She imagines this has part been the consequence of intention, but also a consequence of them having very different roles within the same professional space.
They hadn't spoken and they hadn't text. She'd reached out to him a month after she'd first left the firm. When he hadn't replied, she'd phoned him a week later and left a message. When he didn't pick up and she never heard back, it was clear that whatever they had been to each other, was over.
Her new job at Zane, Rand & Kaldor had offered her the 'fresh start' she'd craved and needed after everything that had transpired with Harvey. She'd seized the opportunity with both hands and hit the ground running. She never looked back - at least professionally.
What she'd thought was going to be yet another secretarial job to pay the bills, had quickly allowed her to become one of Robert Zane's key people. And as with Harvey, she found herself caught up in the intrigue and thriving on the fast pace. Soon thoughts of auditions faded and she swiftly climbed the ranks.
She truly loved the firm and working for Robert. That was until she didn't love it anymore. But as the saying goes, when one door closes, another one opens.
And so here she is, watching the elevator climb floor after floor, until it reaches the numbers 50. She's always had self confidence. She believes in her own abilities. There's no imposter syndrome here. But there's a part of her that still can't quite believe it. The first ever COO at Hardman, Darby & Scott.
The last time she entered these premises she was a secretary to an associate. Now she is the Chief Operating Officer. She would technically be Harvey's superior, sitting on the 50th floor. It was a number and a floor that had previously been cloaked in mystic and ambition.
But now it's where both her and Harvey will reside. In offices located side-by-side, with a wall and seven years of silence dividing them.
"You son of a bitch!" She says marching after him into his office. What used to be her office.
"Shouldn't you be with the others? Meeting your new boss?" Daniel says while smirking at her from behind his desk.
"You think you're so clever. You think you've already won." Jessica says with a calmness that doesn't match her words.
"Look around Jessica. . . we did win." He says leaning back in his chair.
"What happened to you?" She says through narrowed eyes ripe with disappointment and disgust.
"It's just business, and it's time you realised that." She simply shakes her head and turns to leave the room. "That's it? That's all you came in here for? No threats, no master plan from you and the pretty boy sidekick?" She slowly turns on her heel to face him from the doorway.
"The thing with men like you Daniel is that you have no spine. That means eventually when it's time to go, you have to crawl out of the door like the bottom feeder that you are."
She sees a group of people walk past the window to the conference room. She quickly scans them all, trying to glean snippets of information and observe body language before the meeting starts. She sees familiar faces in among them. And then her eyes find THE familiar face.
She doesn't have time to take him in in detail, and she quickly averts her eyes. But the air is briefly knocked from her lungs. There's no time for reminiscing or regrets. No time to dwell on how he's still irritatingly handsome and walks in a way that still makes her want to smooth the shoulders of his jacket. So she takes in a couple of deep breaths, channelling every skill she's ever learned in yoga to calm her anxiety. In through the nose, out through the mouth. She repeats this several times until her pounding heart and the blood pumping in her ears, calms to a gentle humming in the background.
The senior partners file into the room and sit around the table. The group is led by Louis, who walks towards her with a toothy grin fixed in place. His arms stretch wider the closer he gets to her. He hugs her tightly as though they were long lost best friends. But from what she remembers Louis was always over the top, fond of her, and short of colleagues that were civil to him. She imagines this hasn't changed over time. Nonetheless, she is relieved that there is a friendly and familiar face among the room.
"I'm so glad you're back. We need to have lunch, I've got tickets for the new showing of . . . "
"Louis." Another of the partners interjects, cutting his latest monologue short.
"Yes, sorry." Louis says giving Donna a shy and slightly embarrassed smile. She answers it with a warm smile of her own, and squeezes his forearm.
"It's good to see you too Louis." With that Louis takes the seat next to her.
When she sits back down, she takes a moment to glance around the table. She takes everyone in for a moment. She recognises some that have clearly climbed the ranks since they were associates with Harvey. Others are completely new. Eventually her eyes meet his. The raised pulse she'd managed to settle earlier, once again picks up speed. He's sat as far away from her as possible. His body language telling her and everyone else in the room that he'd rather be anywhere else but here.
His jaw is clenched and his eyes are filled with an anger and defensiveness that's still recognisable all these years later. In the past that anger was normally directed at others, that is until their very last conversation. He's older, but god he looks good. Maybe more so than when she last laid eyes on him. Less boyish charm, more raw masculinity. The deepened lines around his eyes, the sharpened jaw, and the perfect cut of a 10, 000 dollar suit, have only served to make him more handsome. She gives him a tight smile, but he doesn't even blink to acknowledge that once upon a time they were as close as two people could possibly be, without being that; except for just one night when that's exactly what they were.
She decides to jumps right into the meeting, determined to make a good impression and to get this over as soon as possible. She wants to roll up her sleeves and get started on the job she's been hired to do.
"I won't keep you long. I just wanted to take the opportunity to introduce myself. I'm Donna Paulsen. I've come from Zane, Rand & Kaldor, where I was logistics and Human Resources manager. I will be the new COO here at Hardman, Darby & Scott."
"Excuse me." Harvey's mentor walks through the door, interrupting her introduction. She notices that the slightly older woman is just as elegant and commanding as she ever was. But it's hard not to notice that she looks world weary, that she looks like she's been pushed to the limit in the weeks and months that have proceeded her arrival.
"I know that this is a new process and structure compared to what you are familiar with. It will be a learning curve for all of us, but I'm confident we can make this work. I'm aware that a lot of changes have taken place lately, particularly regarding staff. Therefore, it's my job to ensure that things run smoothly from hereon in." Harvey gives an audible sigh before he sinks lower into his chair. If he was attempting to channel his 15 year old self then he was succeeding. He looked like a schoolboy called to the principles office. A child belligerently refusing to take his telling off with humility.
Nonethless, he's not the first man to do this in her presence, and he won't be the last, so she carries on regardless. "In front of you are the foreseen departmental changes overview. Included are the new reporting structures, billable structures, and the new budgets for each department. Please take a couple of days to get familiar with them, and if you have any questions my door is always open."
She looks around the room and smiles warmly at her new colleagues. It's a smile that attempts to reassure everyone that she is not there to turn their lives upside down. She can already spot those that will spend the next few weeks kissing ass, and those that are going to prove a challenge; unlikely to listen to or respect a word she says.
"Unless, anyone has anything to add or any questions . . . it's been a pleasure meeting you all, and I look forward to working with you." Everyone gets up from the table, including Harvey, who sets his eyes determinedly on the door. She looks back to where he was sitting, he's the only one that hasn't bothered to pick up the folder with all the documents she's told them to read. She lets out a long breath, a breath she's been holding since she woke up this morning.
It's going to be a long week, she thinks to herself.
"So I hear we have a hot new COO." Mike declares while bargaining into Harvey's office.
"Excuse me?" Harvey says, his head popping up to met Mike's gaze. It holds an aggression that Mike's become familiar with ever since everything went south a couple of months ago.
"I said I heard we had . . ."
"No I heard what you said, I'm just wondering why you don't have any work to do or when knocking on the door became optional?"
"I'm just gathering intelligence, I thought you'd be pleased." Mike says.
"You could certainly do with gathering some intelligence . . " Harvey says sarcastically before returning his gaze to the page in front of him.
"So what's the deal?" There was a lot that Harvey liked about the kid. But his inability to know when to read the room and shut the fuck up wasn't necessarily one of them.
"Hardman is just looking for another way to screw us all and push us out the door." Harvey says with a huff, before pushing off his desk and leaning back in his chair. He looks out the door of his office to see if anyone is about; any Hardman spies or an unwanted presence. The paranoia had well and truly set in of late, it had in all of them.
"I hear she used to work here a few years back." Harvey's gaze instantly snaps back to Mike's.
"Can you stop gossiping like a little girl and go finish the Pritchard briefs." He says teetering on the edge of losing his temper.
"Done." Mike fire back.
"And the Thierry due diligence?" Harvey says listing all the things he'd tasked his associate to deal with this week.
"Finished last night." Mike says while leaning smugly back in the chair opposite him. The kid was annoying and not even a real lawyer, but he was smart, and he admired his ability to take his shit and still keep pushing. All the other associates ran scared the moment he looked their way.
"Don't worry, I'll have everyone send up their work seeing as you have so much free time. Now get out my office and leave me in peace." Harvey says raising an eyebrow in his direction and offering a condescending smile.
"I know you secretly enjoy these chats." Mike says getting up out of his seat.
"Much like I secretly enjoy root canal surgery." Harvey says before adding "Mike . . . be extra careful. I honestly don't know who we can trust anymore."
Mike just nods, before walking out of the office.
"Donna Paulsen." The redhead looks up at the sound of her name and footsteps entering her office.
"Dana Scott." She says standing up to greet the named partner with a smile and the shake of a hand.
"Call me Scottie." The petit brunette casts an eye over the red head in front of her.
She's everything Scottie thought she would be. She's tall and commanding and stood in towering heels. She's dressed in this season's Dior. She has a presence and a power that she thinks she'll like and admire. She's not classically beautiful, but she's incredibly striking. She has a quality that not many women possess. She thinks Donna Paulsen will be a person to be reckoned with. She's worked for Cameron Dennis, Harvey Specter and Robert Zane and still survived to tell the tale. Her CV could just say those three names and they would be all the reference she would ever need in this town.
"I just wanted to come and welcome you in person. You've certainly come at an interesting time." Dana says as they both take a seat opposite each other at Donna's desk.
"Clearly." The redhead replies, giving nothing away.
"So you used to work for Harvey?" Donna thinks it's a fair enough question. Dana Scott is a named partner and will have seen her CV and been part of the decision making process for her being hired. But something about the way she says her former boss's name gives her away. It's the anticipation in her eyes for the answer that makes her think this is a professional question with a personal agenda.
"Yes. I was his secretary for a short while when he first came back to the firm. Before that, I worked for him for two years in the DA's Office". Donna answers honestly. Full disclosure. There's no point in trying to edit the facts or the past, when the woman in front of her already clearly knows.
"Why did you leave him?" It's a blunt question, but not one laced with accusation. Although the use of the word 'him' over 'the firm' is telling.
"Believe it or not, I had aspirations of being an actress." The redhead laughs, slightly embarrassed. Despite her passion for acting and the fact she still dabbles in amateur dramatics if she has the time; she feels that the statement is whimsical and almost childish in a way that isn't compatible with her current occupation."But I found I liked working in law more. I learned an incredible amount from Robert." She thinks the woman sat opposite her seems satisfied with the answer, although she suspects her curiosity will also lead her to ask Harvey the same question she just asked her.
"Well I have no doubt you'll be asset to the firm. Good luck."
"Thank you." And with that Dana gets up and leaves the room. Donna watches the woman walk down the corridor in the direction of what she now knows to be Harvey's office.
After a couple of beats, Donna lightly shakes her head while she looks around her new office. Some things never change, she thinks to herself. Harvey never was any good at separating business and pleasure.
Donna doesn't know why, but she's woken up dreading going into work. It's not a feeling she was expecting, but it's the one that's settled in the pit of her stomach.
She knew she was walking into a difficult situation when she took the job. She knew that things would be tense, and that she would be sifting through the aftermath of a coup, along with everyone's residual paranoia and defensiveness. It's not the same firm she left behind all those years ago.
But beyond that, if she was being really honest with herself, what was actually bothering her most was her "unfinished business" with Harvey. She knows it's stupid, that for all intents and purposes what happened between them happened a lifetime ago, that everyone has moved on. She certainly hadn't been expecting him to roll out the red carpet for her. She knew he'd likely be a little pissed that he didn't know she was coming back, simply because he didn't like being out of the loop. But his muted and hostile response yesterday, means that they haven't had an opportunity to even exchange simple greetings yet. It fills her with an anticipation and an apprehension that's hard to shake off. She'd been hoping to get that initial interaction and awkwardness out of the way on her first day.
But she's got a job to do, one that has little to do with him any more. So she needs to pull herself together. She just needs to stay professional, do the best she can, and hopefully the rest will take care of itself. She's there to smooth over the rough edges of the firm's latest transition and impress the named partners. This she can do.
She needs to make this work.
He hadn't slept at all the night before. It's been a three coffees morning.
He finds that he increasingly has trouble sleeping. Even on the nights he spends with Scottie, long after she's drifted off to sleep, he's left lying awake for hours by her side. He turns things over and over in his mind.
He thinks about where it all went wrong. He thinks about what they all could have done differently. He thinks about what role he played in how the chips fell. He thinks about how they can turn it around; IF they can turn it around.
He makes lists of people who owe him favours, and cases he could use to his advantage. He makes lists of people he trusts and lists of those he doesn't. The woman who lies next to him most nights, changes lists depending on what's happened that day, and what level his paranoia is at.
The fundamental problem is that despite all of his efforts, his hard work and sleepless nights, he doesn't know how to dig them out of their current hole. He doesn't know how to get Jessica her firm back. He feels like he's letting her down. Before he can dwell further, a familiar voice snaps him out of his thoughts.
"You didn't come over last night?" She says catching up with him at the bagel stand.
"I had work to do."
"Doesn't normally stop you from waking me up at one in the morning to say hi." She says raising a suggestive eyebrow. But she's met with a clenched jaw and an irritation in his eyes. It tells her everything she needs to know about his mood today.
"Did you know?" He snaps back at her. It's then that she notices the dark shadows under his eyes. "Did you know this was happening, that they were bringing someone in to keep an eye on all of us?"
"Oh come on Harvey. That's not what this is. You're beginning to sound paranoid." She may care for him, and he may be a good time and a good lay, but she's getting pretty sick of his relentless quest to find fault in her professional motives.
"That's not you denying it Scottie. So you knew?" He says stepping a little closer to her so that no one can over hear them.
"As named partner, did I know we were getting a new COO? Yes Harvey, I knew." She says in a patronising tone.
"And you didn't think to tell me?" He snaps back at her, his forehead scrunched up in disbelief.
"Did I think to tell a Senior Partner something confidential because I happen to be sleeping with him? Draw your own conclusions." Her rhetorical question and condescending response only makes him more agitated. "I don't have to tell you everything Harvey." Scottie says backing away from him. He grabs his coffee before following after her. Her frustration quickly escalating to match his. She knows he's looking for a fight to release some of his pent up tension. "Really? You're pissed at me for not telling you stuff?" She throw at him with accusation.
"What's that meant to mean?" He says.
"You know what I'm talking about. You've in a pissy mood because Donna Paulsen arrived."
"Seriously?" He says starting to storm off towards the firm.
"I'm sorry," she shouts after him. "Is the pot calling the kettle black? I know she was your assistant, yet you have never once mentioned her."
"She was my assistant nearly ten years ago." He fires back.
"Then why are you so pissed she's back?"
"I'm pissed because my old assistant from years ago, suddenly got hired to be the firm's new COO, and you didn't tell me about it!"
"Was she another example of you taking your work home with you?" Harvey just scoffs and shakes his head at her. But he doesn't answer. "Where you sleeping her? Is that why she left?" Scottie says, clearly not willing to let this go.
"No. I wasn't." It's a truth of sorts he thinks. They weren't sleeping together. They slept together one time while they weren't working together anymore. "That's not what this is about and you know it. Why didn't you tell me she was coming to the firm?" He presses back.
"Because!" She shout too loudly for a public place." We both know your loyalties lie with Jessica, not me! Your loyalties have never been with me because you don't trust me!"
"If that's what you think, then what the hell are we even doing here." He shakes his head gesturing between the two of them. Before she even has the chance to answer, he's turned around and walked off.
He's attracted to her, they have fun, and she's the closest thing he's has to a steady presence in his life for the past 20 years. But does he trust her? No.
"How are you doing?" She says in greeting, not waiting to be offered a drink before she heads over to his decanter and pours herself a generous amount of Scotch before joining his on the sofa.
"You know. . . " It's been his go to answer to that question a lot lately.
"You?" He says turning his eyes to face his former boss and mentor.
"I did some digging around." She answers, getting straight to the point.
"You mean you spoke to Zane?" Harvey quickly concludes. Jessica may not have the same history as Harvey with their new COO, but they think alike, they strategise alike, their suspicions and paranoia's tend to run in parallel. And just like him, she doesn't believe in coincidences.
"Maybe." She means yes.
"And?"
"And. . . he wasn't giving much away, just that his loss was very much our gain. And from a man who's never said well done to his own kids, it's pretty high praise." She says taking another sip from her drink.
"So why did she leave?" Harvey says, trying to see if there's anything more he should know.
"That's something I've yet to figure out."
"Should we be worried?" He says, his brow furrowing, causing the lines around his forehead and his eyes to deepen, and betray the years that have passed since the woman in question was last in his life.
"About Donna? no. . . more generally? yes." Their eyes meet and they don't need to say a word to each other to know, the road ahead is going to be long, and dangerous, and tiring.
You gave my case to Louis?" He says storming into Daniel's office. Daniel takes his time lifting his gaze to meet Harvey's.
"Well we both know you can't be trusted not to fuck it up. And seeing as the last time we trusted you to deal with something, the woman ended up going to jail for murder, it's probably best you stick to helping people out with parking fines and getting planning permission for their new pool house."
"You son of a . " Harvey says his fists clenching at his side.
"Tut, tut, tut, Harvey. Is that any way to speak to you boss."
"You're many things Daniel, but you're not my boss. Don't you get it? Respect is earned not given. And your name being on that wall changes nothing. I'll find out what you've done, and I'll bury you."
"May I suggest that you concentrate less on screwing me over, and more on salvaging your damaged reputation and pitiful record of wins of late." Harvey shakes his head. Despite the many other things he'd like to say to Daniel, at this moment, he knows he's fighting a losing battle. He knows that every time he lashes out, he's only supplying Daniel with more ammunition to use against him.
It's clear to Hardman that Harvey doesn't intend on answering back as he watches him turn on his heels to leave the room.
"Don't forget to keep your hands off the pretty redhead this time. Much like this firm, she's mine now, not yours." Daniel doesn't need Harvey to say a word or to turn around to know that he's hit the bullseye.
It's been a long day. Hell, it's been a long few years.
Donna being back at the firm, well, it's the straw that's breaking the camel's back.
Truth be told, he's been using an inordinate amount of self-control and discipline, to keep his mind busy with his professional rather than personal predicaments. It would only take a momentary slip for him to fall down the rabbit hole that is Donna and their past. He's got far too much on his plate right now to even think about picking at that thread.
As though he'd breathed life into the saying, speak of the devil and she shall appear, he hears a once familiar set of footsteps reach his ears.
"I was wondering when you'd come by." He says not even bothering to look at her. The frustration that edges on anger in his voice still evident.
"Harvey . . I wanted to explain." She says, her voice tired and tentative. He knows she's only here to try and settle any potential tension between them from festering. He thinks her tentative words and mannerisms show that she still has the ability to read him. She knows she's another curve ball in a long line of curve balls he's had to deal with lately, and that he's reaching the end of his patience and his sanity.
"Donna, we don't owe each other anything, including explanations. You took a job with Hardman, you're back, the end."
"Harvey . . I just thought that maybe . ." Before she even has the chance to explain, he cuts her off. He doesn't want to hear her out, that much is clear.
"You were my secretary for a couple of years. I got a new one when you left. Let's not make this into more than it is."
"Then why do you seem upset that I'm back? Why has it been two days and you've not even managed to say hello."
"Because I'm busy . ." She tilts her head at him slightly, a gesture that says we may not have been in each others lives for a long time, but I'm not buying that bullshit answer. "And because you're with them now." He says revealing the truth. "If there's one thing you should remember about me, it's that I'm not in the business of giving my trust and loyalty away for free like candy at a kid's birthday party."
"Have I ever given you any reason not to trust me?" She says, her eyes large and hurt.
"You left, didn't you." He thinks he shouldn't have said that. That it reveals too much of the hurt she once bestowed upon him. "Donna we don't know each other any more. You've come back at one of the most difficult times this firm has ever gone through. So don't be surprised if I'm a little wary of what's going on around here, and your place in all of that."
"I wanted to tell you I was coming back, but I couldn't. You know how these things work." He just scoffs at her.
"Yes, I do." He laughs mockingly.
"I hope we can work together Harvey. I have no agenda. I just want to do my job and help get the firm on track. I just want to help."
"Well I don't need any help, but thanks for the offer."
"OK. Well have a good night." She moves to turn around and go back to her office.
He senses rather than hears the additional presence in his office. He turns his eyes away from Donna and towards the unwelcome addition.
"What the hell do you want?" he says almost snarling.
"From you? Nothing." The man says in his characteristically cocky British accent. "I'm here looking for Donna." Harvey's eyes flicker to look at the woman in question that's still stood in his office. The other man shifts his gaze to the same spot. "Well hello . . " He says looking Donna up and down. It's unprofessional, but it manages to just about stay on the side of chancer and charmer rather than predator and sleaze.
"Donna Paulsen." She sasys stretching out her hand as a form of introduction. She tries her best to ignore her British colleague's flirtatious tone, and her previous boss's penetrating gaze.
"Stephen Huntley. I work for Edward Darby, I imagine we'll be working closely together from now on." Harvey doesn't like the way Stephen's looking at Donna or the way he says the words 'closely together'. It stirs something inside him that he hasn't felt since the night she walked out the door on a date she didn't tell him about.
"Harvey, a pleasure as always." Huntley shoots at him sarcastically. Harvey rolls his eyes and stiffens his shoulders in response.
"Donna, how about a drink in my office? I can run you through everything." Huntley's hand lingers but doesn't quite touch her lower back as he guides her out of the room and down the corridor.
The sight of her walking out of his office, to have a drink with another man, especially that man, effects him in just the same way it did all those years ago. It's unexpected and it unsettles him. It's like a punch in the gut.
Suddenly them being partners at work and her being the object of his forbidden affections at night, doesn't feel like 7 years ago, it feel like it was yesterday.
It's a thought that terrifies him.
To be continued. . . . . . . .