Hello, my name is Steven Winter, and I've never readin in a dairy before. How the hell do you even start one of these things anyways? I guess it doesn't mean all too much. I know it's the type of thing that goes through someone's head, but for me it's unknown. I'll start with introductions.

As I said before, this is the first time I've written in a journal. But how I found it is a pretty interesting story: I'm currently a private serving in the military in this South African Civil War that's happening, me and my platoon's mission is to regroup with some other military operatives and groups to try and take some town called "Upington." We're meeting them in the morning tomorrow, thus we needed a place to stay. So we came across a home in the middle of nowhere and found that it was empty. Nobody was even there or for that matter has even come back yet. I went into one of the rooms and found this black journal and a black pen on top of the bed; no names, no writing, nothing is this journal (Until I wrote in it at least.) I'm currently sitting on the bed looking out of this window, it's a full moon out tonight. Everyone else is a sleep, I'm on top of this bed. I'm not under the blankets because I'm still waiting for the owners.

So about me personally? Well, I'm 24 year old and I just got out of college, I'm planning on being a history teacher. Gees can't wait to tell the kids the part in history where America lost big time. However, I was drafted into this stupid Civil War that is no where near where North America is. I blame Nixon for this shit. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate the guy, but I don't love him. I do think he handled that Hawaii Missile Crisis well, but I feel like something is up with that guy like he's a crook or something. Now Kennedy, in my opinion, I think could be a better president than Nixon. I can say he's better than Joseph Kennedy, at least I think.

That's probably just me picking sides because my family were a bunch of democrats before the party changes, iconically they hate the NPP (and so do I, I guess…). But my girlfriend on the other hand, is an NPP supporter, but mostly the far left part of it. I don't know, I've never liked talking about politics, it's the death of somebody. I think I'm personally in the middle or something, I'm an opened person.

I wish I could go home, I'm not fit to kill people, it's just not what I was made for. One of my victims was this young, blonde, blue eyes fascist boy on the ground, crying in the mud screaming some random crap in German. I was aiming my m14 at his head, and I pulled the trigger. This all happened yesterday and I can't stop thinking about it. At first I didn't really care, but today I can't stop thinking about it. He was just some kid, and I ended his existence. My dad fought in the war against the Germans in Britain, he was one lucky son of bitch to make it out of there in one piece. He told me how it "put the Alamo to shame," they would take out one soldier or tank and then five more would take their place. I've started wondering if my dad thought the same way when he fought the Germans. I've never seen him so sad before after hearing the news of me being drafted. Fuck me… I'm not gonna make it out of this am I? Wait I just noticed something, there is a nail going through the wall, how am I just Now nOticing this? I don't get why it's there, maybe to hang a frame or something. I just feel under pressured after being drafted, I'm starting to think its paranoia or something..

You know, I don't think I'm a good person. It's not just the German kid, it's how I treated my family I was never thankful for what I had back in Missouri. I had a loving family who cared about me and would take a bullet for me but I was the opposite. I'm selfish. I'm scared. I'm doubtful.

This crazy world is just too frustrating, how the hell did we lose the Second World War so easily? This world is so god damn strange. We were an empire in the early 1900s and a total superpower, and now look at us: scared cowards who are a shadow of our former selves. I'm starting to think I'm losing it to be honest. It's hot as hell here and I miss my friends. And I mean the friends that had their heads blown off like that kid I killed. I think I'm horrible for not being fast enough to save them and not being as loving to my family. Damn, my head hurts and I can't think straight. I can't even write in this book without breaking a tear. Whatever happens to me, maybe it is for the best. I just hope I can write in this journal some more, but if I don't come back then you know what happened to me. Mom, Dad, and Jamin, I'm sorry for not being the perfect family member in the world, and I just want to say that "I am SORRY."

My platoon is gonna move out tomorrow, let's just hope this will be the eve of destruction for the German war machine. The sooner we get a turning point, the sooner we can all go home and keep on living. You know what? Let's go win this war so we can all go home. I personally just want to see the family that's waiting for me at least one last time. Whatever those damn Fascists have in store for me, I'll be ready for them!

Author's Notes:

The source material for this fanfiction is from the Hearts of Iron 4 mod, The New Order: Last Days of Europe. This is an unofficial and, of course, fan made story for the mod. You can download it on the steam workshop right now; as of recently, they released the mod with major countries having focus trees. This was a fun and interesting fanfiction to write. Now possibly my most known fanfiction is called, "Missing in Action," a Half-life fanfiction that is written by me. If you liked this fanfiction, you can check out that piece of work and see if you'll like it. Now if you have any problems with my story and want to write a review, then by all means you can; It can be constructive, positive, or even negative. I am an open minded person who can take criticism and am fine with it. Overall, I hope you enjoyed this fan short story and have a nice day. Also I have a YouTube Channel called "Elephants Doing Crack," it's the strangest channel that you can find.