It was like…learning to walk, all over again.
Kamilah had spent most of her life with Ana. Even if not in person, then in heart. There was comfort in knowing there was a woman on the other side of the world who loved her beyond measure, and perhaps that was why Kamilah had never truly felt Fareeha's sense of estrangement in full. Kamilah had devoted all of herself to the woman she loved most, and this was cause of her downfall, perhaps. Without the one anchor to which her life was tied, every step she took now was unsteady, threatening to send her crashing to the ground. She was left without that one pillar she could always count on for support, and the knowledge of being loved.
She couldn't help but think, in her slow steps to recovery. Had she relied so much on Ana before? Maybe. Maybe a little too much. But who could fault her for that? Ana had been the one to rekindle her interest in life, in living, and Kamilah had always assumed that Ana would be there. An everlasting presence in her life who'd pick her up whenever she fell, hold her, caress her, and chase the pain away. Even in recent years, when Ana had been the most scarce, Kamilah still believed.
But now she was alone, and had to learn to walk on her own two feet for the first time again. Not relying on Ana's comforting presence, not on her daughter, not on her family – but herself. Justherself, for herself. But who was she, when she was not Kamilah the runaway, the medic, the wife, the mother? Did all these roles make up the different facets of her, or were they just parts she could play to ignore who she really was, deep inside?
It was difficult, and so painful to ascertain. Because Kamilah had decided to find the answer by removing her only other in this life, the second half of her soul. She wanted to tear Ana from her conscious, but it still hurt so goddamned much to even think, to accept that she was without Ana. That she had to live without Ana for the rest of her life, to live only with a ghost and the regrets of 'should've been's. Kamilah wanted to walk on her own, yes, but the desire to crumple into herself and wish for an end to the pain still gripped her often, in such a cage of pain that she would lapse once more into a blank, emotionless state.
Kamilah lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, feeling the very placidity start to descend upon her again. But she screwed her eyes shut, taking deep breaths to fight the emptiness away. It could take her later, in the dark of night when she was alone. But not now.
Fareeha had just returned home from the army base this afternoon, and was currently in the kitchen, preparing dinner. Kamilah could smell the aroma wafting up to the bedroom, and her heart felt lighter just clinging onto this fragrance. Pride for her daughter buoyed her heart, and Kamilah opened her eyes with renewed determination.
Kamilah pushed herself up, and swung her legs down from the bed. She stood, steadier today thanks to a deeper well of energy, and took slow steps out of the bedroom.
She was learning to walk, all over again. But the ground felt more solid with each step she took, and her world was no longer so fogged by grief that she saw no road ahead of her. Kamilah could make out the murky path beneath her feet, at least, and she followed it gladly – even if it led to a seemingly mundane location, like the kitchen of her own home.
Fareeha was just finishing up her cooking – she'd prepared two grilled fish each, a modest serving of vegetables, and was humming over a small dish of steamed egg. It was practically an opulent feast for Kamilah's diminished appetite – and Fareeha was well-aware of that too. One plate on the dining table barely had two scoops of rice in it, probably to make space for the richer dishes in Kamilah's stomach.
Fareeha reached for the dish of egg with a towel-covered hand, but paused when she noticed Kamilah standing beside her, and shooed her mother away from the stove. She had this well in hand, she insisted, and waved her mother away to the table. Kamilah made no protest, and went to seat in her chair – and wasn't kept waiting long before Fareeha came out, and scooped half of the egg onto Kamilah's filled plate.
"I can't finish this," Kamilah said, as Fareeha set the empty dish aside.
"You can, just not in one seating. Leftovers are a thing, remember?" Fareeha tossed her a crooked smirk, as Kamilah rolled her eyes.
Together, they dug into the meal – Fareeha with much more gusto than Kamilah, who only ate small scoops of food and chewed slowly. After knocking back a good portion of tea, Fareeha cleared her throat and said, "I wanna talk about something."
Kamilah's heart came to a stop, fearing for a moment that it would be more bad news. But then Fareeha continued, not noticing her minute panic.
"I've decided to leave the army," Fareeha said, unable to hide the heaviness in her voice. "And join that security firm my friend is in."
"But…I thought–?" Kamilah began, and didn't have to finish her question.
"I hate to admit it, but I think you were right," Fareeha sighed. "I was only in there because I wanted to join Overwatch. Been hanging in there only because of it. But now that it's gone…I suppose there's no point in staying any longer.
Fareeha poked at her food with a fork in that same way she'd always had, whenever she was down. And the sight made Kamilah wonder if there was more to Fareeha's story – Ana's legacy was still strong in the Egyptian Army, even during Overwatch's decline and the growing resentment against the Captain in her homeland. Did Fareeha want to escape that as well?
"And well," Fareeha went on, blissfully unaware of her mother's musings. "I'd have a more regular schedule. It'll free me up, so I can spend more time with you."
Kamilah felt a pang deep in her chest. "You don't have to…"
"Nonsense," Fareeha crooned. "Nothing's better than being with my mom."
Kamilah snorted involuntarily, and Fareeha grinned when a small smile graced her face. Watching her daughter dig into her meal, Kamilah felt…better, in that very moment. Fareeha was finally leaving the army, perhaps breaking away to be her own person, instead of following in the footsteps of her…
Her thoughts came to an abrupt halt, heart twisting for a brief but painful moment. But she refused to venture further down that line, and threw the thought away. Kamilah glanced back at her daughter, and took a sip of her tea.
It may be a little early to tell, but…they might be getting ready to move on.
After months of traveling in disguise around the world, checking on abandoned safehouses and slowly draining the shadow funds Overwatch had left behind, Ana was finally back on her home turf. Egypt. She knew this country like the back of her hand, and though she could hardly reveal her own identity, sneaking about like a fugitive in her own home, Ana still drew an immeasurable amount of comfort standing on its soil. If there was any place perfect for Captain Amari to be a ghost, Egypt would be it. She could blend into its shadows so well, that no one would even suspect she was there.
Her first few days back home were, well, not spent returning to her actual home. Instead, she headed out of Cairo, to its neighbouring city of Giza. With little effort, Ana made it to the abandoned ruins of the Necropolis – which she'd used as a secret base many times in her career, and would now be her sanctuary. A fitting place for a ghost to live, she thought with a wry smile, before it faded as she took stock of her chosen hideout.
The Necropolis was empty. Unsurprising, but very troublesome for Ana, who needed high-tech equipment to make her new life in the shadows work. So she didn't waste any time in building the place up. First she scouted the underground market which she'd monitored during her time in Overwatch, and acquired a few seemingly mundane equipment for her base. One of which was a discrete, slightly rickety little car which she used to ferry bits and pieces of workstations from the Overwatch safehouses, dismantling them to fit into her transport, before reassembling them back in the base. It took many days of patient driving and hauling, but Ana eventually had a weapons workbench built up in a corner of her den, and several lockers which kept her combat suits and firearms safe.
Then her mission computer was set up – with many screens which were still dark at the moment. Ana would take her time with this one, planning to cruise around Giza on her second-hand bike, and marking out specific locations which her underground contacts would give her security feeds over. But the surveillance tech could wait – for now, Ana spent her days poring over the documents she'd carried all the way from Zurich. Both old and new case files which hadn't been tackled by Overwatch, either due to a lack of time, or their relative unimportance when compared to other pressing matters.
It mattered little now – these files would be tackled, one by one. All would be served justice, which struck from the shadows.
Ana straightened up from her desk, yawning so widely that her body felt loose, tension released in the simple motion. She sighed, recognising that she was tired. An all-too-familiar sensation, after spending years of reliving it night after night. Funny how some things stayed with her, even after she'd 'left' Overwatch.
Shaking her head, Ana rose from her chair and stretched her arms over her head, getting a few satisfying cracks from her spine. She rolled her shoulders, and strolled slowly towards the stairs, which she climbed to the top of the Necropolis – her favourite spot of the whole ruin. It offered her a perfect view of the city – which she couldn't bring into sharper focus without her cybernetic eye, sadly, but she was satisfied gazing at it like any other person for now.
A chilly breeze swept across the ruins, and Ana brushed back the bangs which had flown into her face. She stared out into the sea of lights which was the city at night, mind wandering peacefully, until her eye landed on the single pyramid in the distance – the Temple of Anubis. Ground zero of the Anubis A.I.'s demise so many years ago, during the Omnic Crisis. All that effort and sacrifice to destroy the violent intelligence, and Ana had just tracked down rumours of the A.I. being reconstructed within the very facility. The knowledge was disturbing, sure. But Ana…wasn't quite troubled over this fact at the moment.
Last week, Ana had spent a good number of nights scouting and mapping out the Anubis facility. It was all going smoothly, with Ana keying into her wrist device important details of the area, and adjusting the map's alignments to match actual buildings, when a single incident stopped Ana in her tracks.
She'd been following one particular group of guards around the facility – armoured in those special flightsuits which all the guards wore. But this one was assigned the most exhaustive route in the facility, and Ana had been tracking them for two nights, noting the various doors and pathways they took. One night, the group had been more animated than usual, then their leader had lifted their yellow-beak visor – revealing the face of Ana's very own daughter.
Fareeha's face, grinning in the distance, had floored Ana completely. She was left staring through her scope stupidly for much too long, before she lowered the rifle and dropped it to the concrete floor of the rooftop, heart pounding painfully in her chest. She hadn't planned to lay eyes on her own family so soon – if she ever would – and this single sight of Fareeha had shaken Ana to the very core, dredging up every regret and desire to be with her family once more. Fareeha was so close, too close, and Ana had been tempted to break cover…
But she didn't. Her scouting mission ended early that night, and Ana had flown back to the Necropolis with all haste, her mind still spinning from the encounter. It took nearly an hour for Ana to stop pacing restlessly in her den, and sit down to review what she'd seen. As far as Ana knew, the Temple was under the protection of a private security firm. Fareeha was wearing one of the prototype suits created by the firm. Was Fareeha now in their employ? This could only mean that she'd finally left the army, after spending so many years resisting the pressures of leaving.
While Ana was happy to know this, she couldn't help but wonder why. Was it because of Ana? Was her own legacy too deeply-embedded within the Egyptian Army for Fareeha to bear, after her death? Or had she sullied the Amari name within the military, forcing Fareeha to escape intense scrutiny? Or was it because of Kamilah, who'd secretly wished for Fareeha to leave the army as well? Had Kamilah talked Fareeha into a career change? Or…did she need Fareeha to be close at hand?
Worry for Kamilah rose to the surface again, threatening to turn her stomach. Kamilah – was her wife alright? Did Ana's 'death' hit her hard, maybe cause a relapse? It…most probably did. Ana knew Kamilah all too well, and she'd been aware that Kamilah was on and off antidepressants for the last few years. She hadn't quite relied on it, but now… Damn it all. Ana was a part of Kamilah's heart, as Kamilah was of her own, and to rip it away… Ana could barely stand the pain she felt at their current separation. It must be hitting much harder for her wife.
Ana turned her gaze in the direction of Cairo, beyond the city lines of Giza. Instead of torturing herself with all these questions…should she take a look for herself, at least?
Today had been one of the better days, in Kamilah's opinion. She'd risen from bed when the sun still shone bright – even if she did fall back onto the mattress soon after breakfast. She'd taken her lunch in the living room, with the television playing a rerun of her favourite old sci-fi show, smiling briefly at light-hearted scenes even though she couldn't quite engross herself in its entirety. And she was standing at the fridge, staring into its chilled shelves as she considered making a soup for the night, when her daughter returned in a state which threated to ruin her better day.
"Mama?"
Kamilah turned, worry spiking in her veins at the unsteady voice of her daughter. Then her eyes grew round, when she noticed the bruises and scratches on Fareeha's cheek, the single rip in her jacket, and the rolled-up sleeve which exposed a long, bleeding gash on her forearm.
"What happened?" Kamilah gasped, as an old energy surged within her.
Without thinking, Kamilah flew forward, and grabbed her daughter by the wrist, guiding her to sit on a stool by the kitchen counter. Then she went to the cabinet and flung a wooden door open, bringing down the medkit which hadn't seen use in a long time.
"Uh, don't get mad," Fareeha began sheepishly as Kamilah set the medkit on the counter, opening it. "But I kinda…took on two robbers by myself."
"You got into a fight?"
"Yeah," Fareeha said slowly through her teeth, grimacing at Kamilah's squint. "Maybe…I shouldn't mention that they had knives? And I kinda slammed into their motorbike before they could take off. So…" She waved her bloodied arm, then added quickly, "But they were hurting someone! And you know I can't let this happen right under my nose without helping."
Kamilah snorted. "Of course you couldn't. Nothing will stop you from doing what's right, just like your mother–" She froze, holding a piece of gauze over Fareeha's wound. The edges of her world started to crumble, threatening to fall as thick debris to crush her under its weight, but she took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly. She glanced up at Fareeha, who wore a sheepish smile and a worried quality in her eyes, and Kamilah's heart ached.
Ana… She could still see Ana in her daughter. The similarity was there – the smile, the uncertainty – and Kamilah wished that it would just…go.
Lowering her eyes, Kamilah dabbed the gauze at Fareeha's wound, her daughter holding well under the sting of the alcohol swab.
"Maybe I should get hurt more often," Fareeha joked, tone purposefully light to ride over the awkward tension. "You look happier like this."
Kamilah narrowed her eyes. "Don't you even try, Fareeha Amari."
Fareeha giggled, and held still as Kamilah cleaned and bandaged her wound, then dabbed ointment over the bruises and cuts on her face. She grinned when Kamilah pinched her chin. "Thanks, mama."
Fareeha leaned forward, and wrapped her in a hug. Whether she did it out of gratitude, or out of a need to make her mother happy, or to show that all was well despite Kamilah's blunder, her mother didn't know. But Kamilah relaxed in her daughter's arms, and hugged her daughter back, resting her head on a broad shoulder. Without her knowledge, a faint smile sat on her lips.
She wanted to walk on her own, yes. But…some support wouldn't hurt, now and again.
Being back in her old neighbourhood made Ana want to fly away. Far away from this place, far from the emotional turmoil it would bring. If that one encounter with Fareeha from afar was enough to scramble Ana's heart and mind, then being this close to where she should've returned long ago, would be…unbelievably trying. But she was here now, and Ana decided to make the best use of this opportunity she'd taken.
She found a good vantage point of the residential neighbourhood – which wasn't easy, as it was mostly comprised of houses which didn't exceed the height of three levels. But recent suburban development worked well in Ana's favour; there were a few new apartment buildings built nearby, and she'd rented small flat in one cozy little high-rise. With the help of her spotter's scope, she could take in the view of most happenings within the area. But Ana paid little attention to the rest. Most of her time was spent watching one house in particular, and sometimes the house across the road from it.
So far, she'd only seen Fareeha traveling to and from work at regular hours. Fareeha had stayed out for a couple of days once – during which Ana had grown worried – before gliding back home on her own hoverbike without fuss. Often, Ana would spot Safiya and Zahra visiting the house too, her sister with a full head of grey hair, while Zahra had dyed hers to a light brown. Their regular visits set Ana's heart at ease – it meant that Kamilah wasn't left all alone while Fareeha was busy, and had family to keep her company, preventing her from falling into less happy thoughts alone, as she was prone to.
And Kamilah… Ana had not once seen her wife step out of the house, and could only get lucky glimpses of Kamilah through the windows, whenever she made her way around the house. Even this provided scarce opportunity for Ana, since Kamilah didn't seem motivated to move around much, and would only retrace her steps through certain portions of the house, which rarely gave Ana a clear line of sight. Even so, Ana was glad that Kamilah was moving around – it meant her wife was recovering from recent grief, and could find the energy in herself to live life as usual. Kamilah was strong, so damned strong as she never believed she was, and Ana was proud of her for soldiering on.
The days passed with relative peace in this manner, each sunset seeing Ana's heart soothed from watching her family, going on about their normal lives. But one night, Ana was given an unprecedented opportunity – the garage's door had opened, and Fareeha walked out to the car, leaning against it while waiting patiently. Sure enough, Kamilah appeared soon after, and was ushered into the passenger seat by their daughter.
Ana tensed – torn by a moment of indecision. Her family was heading out. Should she stay, and be safe from any impulse to reveal herself to them? Or should she follow, and…
The tail lights of the car came alight with red, and Ana's heart reached a decision of its own accord. She threw her scope aside and drew the window shut, then flew out of her apartment, towards the parking lot in the basement. Ana jumped onto her bike and slid out of the lot, making her way carefully towards the road which the family always took to the city centre. She slid to a stop by the kerb, waiting, and her gamble paid off when she spotted the family car rolling down the road.
Ana gave it a head start, then tailed behind the car with practiced precision. Fareeha drove at a leisurely pace, and didn't seem to grow suspicious about the bike which wove in and out of traffic behind them. The car kept a steady speed, and finally came to a stop in the parking lot of the central park. Ana dallied by the pavement opposite the lot, watching her family alight from the car, Fareeha retrieving a small white box from the boot, before she dared enter the lot herself.
She followed her family from a distance, then activated the discrete device on her chest harness, hidden beneath a thick, comfortable jacket. Ana's figure turned invisible, and she dared venture close enough that she could read her family's expressions, where they were seated at a picnic table. While Fareeha fiddled with the box she placed on the table, Ana climbed up a nearby tree, and perched on its lowest bough before turning back to her family.
When Fareeha opened the box to reveal a small cake fit for two, Ana's heart sank. She reviewed the days in her head, and realised what today's date was – Kamilah's birthday. She'd forgotten…
Ana watched with a hollow heart as Fareeha lit a candle on the cake. Fareeha said something and grinned, which made Kamilah smile faintly, and shake her head. Then Fareeha nodded at the cake, gesturing towards the candle, her message clear: 'Make a wish'.
Ana stared at Kamilah's face, which was thinner than she remembered, given a subdued air by the warm, flickering light of the candle's flame. Kamilah stared at the candle for a long while, her expression so blank that Ana felt an urge to hold her wife in her arms, just to share some warmth which had always made Kamilah curl up tighter against her.
Heart aching from forced inaction and regret, Ana stayed on her perch in the tree, and watched Kamilah sigh with a slight droop in her shoulders. But she took a breath and blew the candle out – bringing a smile to Fareeha's face, relieving the girl's worried expression. Kamilah closed her eyes briefly as Fareeha squeezed her in a one-armed hug, then waited as her daughter cut the cake in two halves.
Ana sighed, and leaned back against the thick trunk of the tree. She dearly wanted to leave, pushed by a feeling that she didn't deserve to be here, to watch her family share a happy moment together, after everything she'd put them through. But Ana clung onto a sliver of that selfish desire to be close, and stayed in the tree while Kamilah and Fareeha ate their cake – Kamilah doing so much slower than Fareeha, but eventually finishing her portion with Fareeha's encouragement.
Ana smiled when Kamilah did the same, while Fareeha clapped for her empty plate. Then they placed their utensils in the box and stood, making their way back to the parking lot. Ana hopped off the tree when they were far enough, and followed them back to the car, watching Kamilah open the door to the passenger seat. But before she climbed in, Kamilah paused and turned around, gaze wandering in Ana's general direction.
Even though she knew Kamilah couldn't see her, Ana froze. Her heart stopped as her wife's eyes seemed to make contact with hers, and she dared let out a breath only when Kamilah turned back to the car.
Ana stood in place as the car's engine rumbled, and watched with a deep, helpless ache in her chest as the car pulled out of the parking lot, and out of sight. She wanted to be with them again, damn it all. She needed to. She needed to take the weight of being caretaker off Fareeha's shoulders. She needed to cup Kamilah's face in her hands again, and give only love and safety to her wife.
One day, she promised herself. One day.